#myungjun

He, however, did not plan to cry like it was the first day all over again and be offered a tissue by a kind Ajumma who was visiting her daughter. Or even bump into Minho from SHINee.

"Whatever you want to have if on me today." Minho smiled, gently taking Myungjun by the elbow and walked him towards the ordering counter. 

"You... You don't need to." Myungjun mumbled, dabbing away the forming tears. "I can get it myself, Hyung-nim."

Minho softly scoffed, waving Myungjun's hand away. "What sort of Hyung would I be if I made you pay on a day like today?" 

Myungjun couldn't argue with that, so he asked for a cookie and a hot chocolate from the lady behind the counter, Minho asking for the same.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" Minho teased, lightly shoulder bumping Myungjun as he paid.

Myungjun laughed softly, wiping his eyes again. "Thank you." he whispered. 

Minho nodded, gently leading Myungjun to a small table by the window, not too far from a small group of older women chatting pleasantly with each other.

The two sat down quietly, Myungjun looking down at the table as Minho lifted himself slightly to peer over the table to see why Myungjun was staring so intensely at it.

"You okay?" Minho asked softly, resting his chin on his hands as he leaned forward.

Myungjun inhaled shakily. "Yeah. Just... Hadn't expected this day to be so hard. I've not cried about him this much in a while" 

"That's understandable." Minho nodded, looking out towards the garden area. A few groups of people were jsut walking around. Some talking, some crying. It was a nice place, better then a traditional gravesite that Minho always hated. This felt like it was at least trying to bring hope and happiness to those who have lost their loved ones.

"How... How did you know I'd be here?" Myungjun asked softly. "I didn't even tell my members what I was doing today." 

Minho smiled softly, "Hyung intuition." He joked, then sighed. "Jinki-hyung had calculated it and asked if we would all go see a specific member and think about where would the most logical place be that each member would go. Like Taemin-ah, he decided to go for a drive around the neighbourhood of your old company building and was able to find Sanha. He's taking him to the mountain memorial site. Hyung is on his way to a cafe you guys always went to to talk to Jinwoo. Kibum-ah is meeting with Minhyuk, his bother and Sua-ah at his company building." 

"Ah." Minhyuk nodded in understanding. "I didn't think the other's would even think to find out when the 1000 days would happen." 

"Well-" Minho sighed softly, thinking for a moment before continuing. "I don't want to speak for your members since I don't know them that well, only in passing, but I know that remembering is good. Even if it's spending a few minutes on a special day to look through a photo album. Like for us, we post something on Jonghyun-ie's birthday and the day it happened on our social medias and with the 3000th day coming up, we might hang out, or do a phone call. It's something to acknowledge that we still care and love him, it's just not our everything anymore. Do you understand what I mean?" 

Myungjun nodded softly. "Yeah. I get that." He sighed softly, looking down at the table again. "I just don't want to be selfish, you know?" 

Minho blinked. "Selfish?" 

"Yeah." Myungjun nodded. "Like, talking about him to my members when I know they're still grieving in their own ways. Or talking about him with my friends. Or-" He gestured towards Minho. "Like now, talking about him with you when you lost your own member way before I did." 

Minho inhaled sharply, then sighed. "Myungjun-ah... You're not being selfish. You lost someone close to you, someone you cared about. When it happened to us- it was the first time in a very long time that someone as high-profile as Jonghyun had been to pass away in that sort of way. We had to set the benchmark almost to how what would happen if it happened again and it almost ruined us. None of us wanted to have a camera shoved in our faces at that moment, but we had no choice. Now we're able to talk whenever we want and there is no one saying that we're not doing grief right. It's the same for you." Minho reached for the younger's hands. "Even if it's just a text to say that you're having a hard time and like to talk, they can say no, but at least they know that you're feeling things. That is not selfish. It's self-preservation." 

Myungjun swallowed thickly, nodding softly. "I know. I just... Don't want to make anyone uncomfortable." 

"That's understandable. But-" Minho paused as their order was brought over, thanking the server before continuing. "They didn't know Moonbin in the same way as you did. You think of him as your dongesang, right?" 

Myungjun nodded softly, rubbing his thumb along his mug. "Yeah. My first star."

"Right. Yeah." Minho nodded, shifting a little in his chair. "Jinwoo-ah thought like a leader and that he had to protect all of you. Dongmin-ah thought of Moonbin as a literal soulmate, best friend type of thing. Minhyuk-ah... Binnie was a brother from another brother and to Sanha- ah, Moonbin was his hyung in his subunit and in life. Right?" 

Myungjun nodded softly. "Yeah." 

"So, no one had the exact same relationship with him as you did, Myungjun-ah." Minho smiled softly. "It's okay to grieve him in your own way. Just remember that you're not alone in it." 

Myungjun sniffled softly, wiping away his forming tears again. "Can I... Can I ask you something?" 

Minho nodded, sipping his hot chocolate with a small smile. "Sure." 

"Does it... Does it still hurt 8 years on?" Myungjun asked, looking up at his hyung. 

Minho shook his head, putting the mug down. "Not in the same sort of way as it did when it happened. I had a picture of all of us in my apartment and I had to move it for a while. Now I can look at it and remember the good times. It took a long time and a hell of a lot of therapy, but I can remember him and understand that there was nothing I could have done to help." He smiled softly, reaching over and wiping away Myungjun's tears. "You'll get there too. It just takes time." 

Myungjun smiled softly, nodding. "Thank you. For this. And for-" He gestured to the hot chocolate and cookies. "This too. I needed it today." 

Minho smiled softly. "No problem." He chuckled softly. "Just, remember that you're not alone in this. Okay?"