#wingsmelt

“i don’t — i DIDN’T. i haven’t given up, not on anything. well, okay, that’s not true. if we’re being honest i DID give up on trying to teach myself how to play piano because i’m just not as musically inclined as i thought that i was. but even THEN, i still know how to play twinkle, twinkle little star, and, like… thirty seconds of clair de lune. and i think life is a lot like that, sometimes, for me. i want to give up, i want to give up all the time. i’m sitting on the bench and no matter how many times i try to start over, i always end up pressing the wrong key and it makes the whole song sound AWFUL and… and i just want to give up on it for good, because who needs to play the stupid piano anyway? and so i’ll walk away. but every time i see a piano, i end up sitting down and playing the first thirty seconds that i do know, til i mess it all up again. but if i still play those thirty seconds, i haven’t really given up, right? maybe it feels like i have sometimes, or like i want to, but… but i DON’T, i promise i don’t.”

“julian edward bernard is, unquestionably, the love of my entire fucking life. and there are so many things about that, that TERRIFY me, but he doesn’t. i’m not scared of him. i’m scared of losing him, of hurting him, but i’m NEVER going to be scared of him. and, like — i want to protect a lot of people, but throughout all of this, there hasn’t been a single day where i wasn’t thinking about him first. the whole way i arranged my stupid fucking votes was to put HIM at the top and ME at the bottom, because there isn’t… there isn’t ANYTHING i wouldn’t do if it meant that nothing happened to him. and look at how that worked out. the one person who i needed to keep safe and he — to know that he’s hurting and it’s MY FAULT… but i love him, i do. so much. and i KNOW him. i know him better than i know myself some days. most days. i’ve loved him at his highest and… and i’ve loved him at his lowest, and i’ve loved him all the same everywhere in between. and i really like to think that… that we can’t just be as bad as the worst mistake we ever made. i’m SURE that jules isn’t. he’s good, and he’s warm, and he’s light, and… and he didn’t fly too close to the sun. he couldn’t have because he IS the sun. he’s my sun, and my moon, and every constellation in my night sky. he’s one of the only truly good things left in this world. i’m not going ANYWHERE, not now and not ever. and i can only hope that he feels the same way about me when the tables turn and he hears all the things that i’ve kept from him but… but i wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.”

“you know when you meet someone and it’s just like… some kind of imbalance in the universe corrects itself — like the planets realign, and the world stops turning for a split second, and, all of a sudden, everything just… feels RIGHT ? that’s how it felt when i first met jules and, honestly, there hasn’t been a single day since where he HASN’T made me feel like that. he’s so fucking SPECIAL, in a way that i regularly catch myself trying to figure out how exactly the universe came up with someone like him and how i got lucky enough to have him in my life. 

and i’m still trying to figure it out — especially the second part. i really never thought that there was even a CHANCE that he could ever love me in the same way that i loved him, and i was OKAY with that. but, for some crazy reason that i don’t understand quite yet, he did — he DOES — and sometimes it still feels like it’s all some dream that i could wake up from any minute. 

but it ISN’T, and i just… i couldn’t picture my life without him. i couldn’t picture MYSELF — who i’d be, where i’d be, what i’d do — without him. whenever i’m with him, i feel like i’m HOME. like i’m exactly where i need to be. even when things are shitty. no, ESPECIALLY when things are shitty. as long as i’m with him, it’s like nothing else matters. like everything is going to be okay. i don’t even know how to explain it, really, but the gist of it is that… he’s like my soulmate.”

🐰  – a goofy text

💖- have you ever been in love?

“Love? Never heard of it. Can you use it in a sentence? ”

name: julian

picture:

ringtone: default by iphone – ( instrumental )

Romantic attraction: none | very low | low | medium | high | very high | extremeSexual attraction: none | very low | low | medium | high | very high | extremeAesthetic attraction: none | very low | low | medium | high | very high | extreme Sensual attraction: none | very low | low | medium | high | very high | extreme