#wickednature

First illustration from my new project: llustrate various songs from the vines (my favorite music band, i love them so much ♥♥♥♥)

from the point of view of joanna king.

The disappointment plastered on my father’s face made me tremble under his gaze as I looked up at him with a tear stained face. With an angry voice, my mother had told him everything including what had happened at school. “I’m sorry,” I croaked as I clasped my hands together in a pleading manner, silently begging him to basically spare me.

from the point of view of joanna king.

The light of day had come too soon for my body and once I realized that I had to get up for school, I felt even worse. The high from yesterday still had me sluggish, but luckily, Joel and I hadn’t been caught. Everything was cleaned up and well hidden from our parents by the time they had got home and we had both took it upon ourselves to go to bed early so we could sleep our high off. My alarm clock continued to buzz in my ears before I finally reached a lazy arm over and shut it off. Thank God it was Friday. My throat felt extremely dry as I sat up and all I could think about was water and water only. I wasted no time in going to my personal bathroom, cutting on the sink, and splashing a handful of water into my mouth, soothing my throat instantly. The only thing I hated about smoking weed was the fact that it gave me cotton mouth and slight confusion the next day, whereas Joel never got any side effects. He could pop up the next day as if he was perfectly fine. “Joanna! You’re going to be late!” I heard my mother yell from the other side of my bedroom door, knocking a couple of times also. I cringed as she spoke my full name. I hated the name because of how old it sounded, but then again, I had been named after my great grandmother.  “I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes!” I yelled back, clutching the porcelain sink between my fingers as I stared into the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot red and my hair was all over the place. I heaved a sigh as I traced my cheeks with my fingers, my skin feeling all rough. I took my focus off my appearance momentarily as I reached for my toothbrush and ran water over it before preparing it for use.  I had to tell myself to speed up the process because I didn’t have much time to spare. Joel was probably already dressed and I knew he would leave without because he had done it before. He was always moving one step forward to try and impress my parents; he had to because of all his faults in the past. In their eyes, I was so perfect that I didn’t have to change a thing. I hurried through a shower and also hurried through doing my hair. A messy bun would have to work for today and a simple collar shirt and dress pants would have to suffice for my attired. I attended a private school anyway…there wasn’t much we could wear without being scrutinized.  Placing my clip on earring on my ear, I stared at my reflection one final time. A red mark that I hadn’t noticed before was on my neck and I knew that it was a hickey. My hands shot to my neck in shock and I rubbed the spot, instantly feeling it’s soreness. There was only one person who I could have gotten this from and it wasn’t on my neck yesterday morning. My cheeks flushed red with embarrassment as I quickly made my way over to Joel’s room, covering my neck in the process. My mother could have been lurking anywhere for all I knew. I found him on his bed with his book bag on his back, watching some sports television as he waited for me. He only looked my way when he heard his bedroom door being closed. “Finally, the princess is ready!” he teased before he stood up and turned off the television. He started towards his door but I stopped him dead in his tracks, my hand rested on his chest. “Did you do this?” I hissed in a whisper as I removed my hand from my neck and pointed to the obvious, sexual mark. His eyes bulged and he reached out to touch it. I snatched away from him. “Shit, Joey! We gotta hide it,” he said in a panic. So he had done it and I had allowed him to. This had to stop eventually…were we that high? “No shit, Sherlock!” I cussed back, just as nervous as him. “Give me one of your jackets or something! The one that zips all the way up to the chin,” I demanded of him and he didn’t disagree at all as he went to his closet and retrieved one of his many Nike jackets. He helped me slip it onto my body and I zipped it all the way up to my chin, shielding the mark. “How am I gonna hide this from mom and dad? I can’t wear this coat forever.” “Can’t you put makeup on it?” he suggested, lowering his voice some. “I don’t even own makeup. Mom would die before she even let me…”  He sucked his teeth, feeling defeated. “Fuck…just wear the coat all day for now. And then we’ll think of something to tell them later, aight?” I nodded, deciding that there was nothing else we could do right now. I was already having enough problems with ridding my mind of the images of Joel sucking on my neck. “Yeah, sure.” I said nothing else about it as I opened his door and went back to my room to get my book bag. I glanced at myself in the mirror and noticed how ridiculous I looked in his jacket that was too big for my body. It would have to work for now. I tried my best to escape past my parents and out the backdoor before they could say anything, but my father had caught sight of me. “Joanna, don’t you know it’s too hot for that jacket? Why are you wearing Joel’s jacket anyway?” he asked, his body leaning over the counter as he sipped on his coffee and read the morning paper. Joel slipped right out of the door, finding a way to get out of it. “It gets really cold in some of my classrooms and I promised myself that I would bring a jacket today. I wanted to wear Joel’s,” I told him, holding as much confidence in my voice as possible. He raised an eyebrow, causing my nervousness to return. “If you say so…have a good day at school. Did you already say your morning prayer with your brother?” “Yes, as always. You have a good day too.” I gave him a small smile before I rushed out the back door. I couldn’t stand lying to my father. I hadn’t even thought about Jesus when I woke up this morning. The mark on my neck seemed to be more important. I was lucky enough to get past my mother; she would have had a debate about the jacket. Joel had already had the car started when I walked outside and I regretted my choice of attire, seeing how blazing it was today. I got in the car and sat back with a huff. “Everything will work out aight, Joey. Don’t stress it.” Joel’s attempt at cheering me up wasn’t working at all. “You’re not the one with the hickey. Of course everything is going to be alright,” I snapped back. “You don’t think I feel guilty for giving it to you?” he shot back, furiously backing out into the street and into the road, speeding down the street with the tires skidding against it. “Maybe we shouldn’t get fucking high anymore. The sexual stuff between us only happens when we smoke.” He was definitely angry, but I could see that he was more so angry at himself than at me. “No, we can still smoke. We just have to…tone it down some?” I shrugged, not wanting to even think about the possibility of us never having weed again. There was no way he could take the one thing that kept me sane away from me. I could see his jaw tensing from the corner of my eye and I hoped that he wouldn’t blow up at me. Joel was generally a nice, gentle guy, but sometimes the episodes of anger he had scared me. “We don’t need it, Joey. It just causes us trouble if anything.” “We can start smoking separately then…away from each other,” I told him, looking for any options that would keep the weed around. My fingers nervously tapped against my thigh, afraid of what was going through his mind. He knew I needed this. “We’ll see,” Joel simply replied before he cut on the radio and turned it all the way up, probably blasting it to tune me out. His answer wasn’t a refusal, but it wasn’t exactly the answer I had been looking for. There was nothing more I could say, so I decided to just shut my mouth. The radio had started to annoy me and I was thankful once we had finally pulled up to school. Joel parked in the usual spot before shutting the engine off, his jaw still tensed. He reached his long arms into the backseat and grabbed his book bag, never once looking in my direction. He got out and immediately began walking towards the school. All I could do was sit in the car and stare at the back of his head, wondering what his problem was. Why did he want to do the right thing all the time? The late bell sounded just as I was getting out of the car, causing me to quicken my steps towards the back entrance of the school. I had gym as a first period class, so I wouldn’t have to do any hard thinking this morning; I had too much on my mind to do so. The smell of strong body perfume was the first thing that greeted me as I entered the girl’s locker room. There were a group of girls all crowded around the mirror, either re-applying makeup or doing their hair. Gym class was supposed to be the class you got sweaty in, but these girls were more focused with beautifying themselves for the guys in class. As for me, I really didn’t care how I looked; I was just here to get a passing grade. I sighed as I opened my gym locker, unintentionally getting the attention of most of the girls. A few of them spoke and I spoke back, but the others just gave me nasty stares. They didn’t like me because of my church girl stereotype, but they put up with me because I was related to Joel. Everyone loved Joel. “Hey Lauren,” I spoke softly as one of the girls came up beside me at her locker. Lauren wasn’t exactly someone I would call a friend, but she talked to me the most in school. She was the type of person who made friends with anyone, no matter who they were.  “Hey, Barbie,” Lauren said in return with a smirk and I shook my head, laughing a little. Lauren swore up and down that I was the human version of a Barbie doll. I gave her a small grin before reaching inside of my locker to get my stuff. I knew I only had a small amount of time to change into my gym clothes, so I hurried with unzipping that heavy jacket, basically forgetting why I had it on in the first place. “Looks like the church girl isn’t so holy after all,” she said, rather loudly, and I looked over her with confusion written all over my face. “What?” I replied curiously, my hand still attached to the zipper on my coat. “Where’d you get the hickey from?” Lauren asked with a smirk, pointing to my neck. I gasped and rushed to zip up my jacket and by this time, a crowd was starting to form around the two of us. “Who have you been fucking, Joey? Does Joel know?” one of the girls prodded in a teasing voice and my cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. How could I have been so stupid? I had made a promise to Joel to keep that jacket zipped up all day. “I haven’t been fucking anyone,” I retorted, turning my face away from their eyes and just about stuffing my head into my locker. I just wanted to believe that this wasn’t happening. By the end of the day, there was going to be a rumor swarming around about me, I was sure of it. If only they knew who I got it from…the thought of it alone was enough to make my stomach hurt. “Well how did you get that mark on your neck?” Lauren inquired even further, staring at me with the pair of sneaky, green eyes she had. I bit my lip and tried to concentrate solely on just getting out the stuff I needed for class. “I wore one of my mom’s necklaces to church and I got an allergic reaction from it. My skin is super sensitive,” I told them with a shrug, closing my locker door shut with a sharp slam. My level of annoyance was high and I was bound to punch someone in the face. With my head held low, avoiding all eye contact, I rushed myself into the bathroom and in one of the stalls. I nervously ran my fingers over my hair, my back pressed up against the door. “See, I knew she wasn’t perfect. I wonder who got her to finally open those legs?” I heard a voice whisper and I shut my eyes, praying that they would all just walk out of the locker room and leave me to dress alone. I couldn’t stand being talked about in this way. I was a pure girl, at least in my mind. There was childish snickering and then another voice. “Well whoever it was must have wore her ass out ‘cause she looks a hot ass mess today.” I recognized the voice as being Lauren’s and I angrily bit down on my lip. She was just as immature as the rest of them. I slid my body down against the door and clamped my hands over my ears, not wanting be put through the torture at all. I didn’t think I was overreacting or being a drama queen, it was just that I had never been talked about in a way like this. And to make everything worse, I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. What would I say to them? The only thing I could do was be a civilized Christian girl and let God handle them. My mother always told me that I shouldn’t fight back with words. Silence was the best treatment for a bully…well, that’s what she thought.  I don’t know how long I was on that floor, but soon I could no longer hear any more voices. The only movement in the locker room was coming from my own body and I broke the silence by heaving a loud sigh of relief. Calmness flooded my body as I dressed myself in my gym clothes, racing against the clock so I wouldn’t make a bigger scene by coming out late. I only dressed my bottom half in the uniform gym shorts and as for my top half, I kept Joel’s jacket on. There was no way I could let the guys in the class see my new mark of sin. The things they would say…it made me cringe just thinking about it. “Joanna, it shouldn’t take you thirty minutes to get dressed. I’m deducting ten points from your grade,” the stern voice of my gym teacher, Mr. Johnston, came barreling through my ears. I panicked on the inside as he spoke these words, seeing that I would no longer have that perfect grade. My parents expected straight A’s from me and Joel and I knew this would affect my grade more than I wanted it to. I took a seat on the bleachers away from everyone else and I was surprised to see that they were all indulged in their own conversations; none of them looked my way. “You need to remove your jacket also. I don’t think it’s part of the uniform.” His voice had said and I immediately broke into a nervous sweat. “I’m cold,” I told him simply, giving him full eye contact, trying my best to be sincere. He shook his head. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to take it off. It’s the school’s policy, not mine.” “No,” I said in return and just like that, everyone was looking in my direction. They were probably surprised that I had talked back to a teacher because I was even surprised at myself. “Excuse me?” I shook my head and sighed. “I don’t want to take my jacket off.” I shrugged. The look on his face was more than shock and something like disbelief. He probably couldn’t believe that I was acting in such a manner and on the inside, I was ashamed of myself. The look of shock on his face then disappeared and anger replaced it. “You just talked yourself into a one way ticket to Choice, Ms. King,” he replied with so much attitude that it embarrassed me. Today wasn’t my day at all and I just wanted to go home. Choice wasn’t a place I wanted to be, but it looked like I didn’t have any other options. It was either go there or be suspended and I definitely didn’t want that. With red cheeks and a nervous feeling in my stomach, I got up from the bleachers and headed back towards the locker room, hearing laughing and whispering behind me. Everyone was probably so excited that the most perfect girl in the school had finally shown some kind of disrespectfulness. Now not only would everyone in school know about my hickey, but now, they would know about this to. I just hoped that everything would stay within the hallways of this school and not travel back to my parents. I snatched my clothes out of my locker furiously, not even realizing that I was crying until I managed to calm myself down. This wouldn’t have been so bad if I had just been a normal person that didn’t care about being disciplined. Why did I have to be put on this pedestal so much? My whole body felt hot as I dressed myself, trying my best to hurry so I wouldn’t make a bigger fool out of myself. All I wanted was to have Joel by my side, saying something funny to make me smile again, but then again he had been the cause of everything. I was angrier with him than with everyone else. After I was dressed and I made sure my face was free of all tears, I walked out of the locker room and right out of the gym, never looking up once to see everyone’s reactions. All of them could just go to Hell. It seemed as if I was taking a long walk to go and be judged by Jesus himself as I took the stroll to the Choice room. I sighed loudly once I was finally outside of the door, taking one deep breath before I made my entrance. The five different sets of eyes all locked on me, including the teacher at the front. This was my first time ever being in this room and I instantly hated the way it looked. The walls were painted a dull gray and the ceiling had pencils and spit balls hanging from it. Now I knew why they called this place ‘Choice’: it was up to you if you wanted to come to an awful place like this. “Can I help you?” the lady at the desk spoke from beside me. I didn’t know her name because I had never interacted with her, but I was pretty sure she knew who I was. She probably thought I was just here to deliver a message from a teacher or something. “Mr. Johnston sent me out of class…” I looked down towards the tile floor. Shock covered her face and I became embarrassed all over again. She straightened herself up and pointed towards an empty seat. “Well have a seat. No talking, no sleeping, and no texting,” she let me know and I nodded right before taking a seat up front, that way I would be closer to the door when this hour was up. “Wait until I tell everyone about this,” the guy sitting beside me said under his breath and I just wanted to melt into one big puddle in my seat.

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When the final bell had rung for school to get out, I was out of that school faster than everyone else and was waiting at the car for Joel. Things had gone a bit more smoothly after I had left Choice that morning, but I still just wanted to be at home and in my room. Luckily, it was Friday, meaning I had a whole weekend to be away from the nosey eyes of the people at school. I leaned up against the car and stared into space as I waited, feeling the heat of the February weather come through my jacket. No matter what month it was, California never seemed to let me down with its bright sun and hot weather. “I was looking for you,” I heard a male voice say and I snapped out of my thoughts to see Joel standing on the driver’s side of the car, dangling the car keys in his hand.  “Well here I am,” I said in return sarcastically, impatiently placing my hand on the car door, wishing he would just unlock it already. He did without another word and I got inside, feeling my sanity slowly coming back to me. As he started the engine, I could see him stealing glances at me, as if he was itching to ask me something. I was going to let him speak first. “So…” he started, his voice trailing off some before he came back to attention. “What’s this I hear about you showing everyone the hickey on your neck?” he asked before he licked his lips and looked at me again. My heart thudded in my chest. My body always overreacted to simple words. “I didn’t show anyone…” He shrugged. “Well the guys at lunch just seemed to know all about it. I knew you were gonna sit here and lie.” “I ain’t lying, Joel. I didn’t show anyone deliberately anyway…I was getting undressed in the locker room this morning and some of the girl’s saw it. I don’t know why they had to run their mouths though,” I said softly, hoping he would drop the subject soon. “Did you tell them who gave it to you?” he asked next, looking at me with pleading eyes, hoping that I didn’t spill the beans. I looked at him as if he were crazy. “Why the hell would I do something like that?”

“You can be stupid sometimes, so I’m just asking.” I sucked my teeth loudly. “Just drop the subject, Joel. I didn’t just come out and show people the mark, they just happened to see it. And that’s the end of it.” He blew out frustrated steam through his nose, but as I had requested, he dropped the subject and didn’t say another word. The ride home was in complete silence and I was just fine with that. It gave me time to think about how I could cover my mark up long enough for it to disappear on its own. There were probably also some home remedies I could do, but all of this depended on if my parents were home or not. If they weren’t, I could easily sneak into their room and steal some of my mother’s make up. We were about the same complexion. “Home sweet home,” Joel mumbled once he pulled into the driveway. My eyes darted around the area and I saw that my father’s car wasn’t present, but my mom’s was. My plan for snagging her makeup was out of the question so I would have to come up with something else. I got out and made sure my jacket was in place, leaving my bags in the car. I didn’t have any weekend homework, so it would just have to stay there. I cautiously entered the house through the back door, looking around for any signs of my mother. I didn’t see her downstairs, so I rushed upstairs, hearing Joel close behind me. I was almost to the top stair until I heard my mother’s voice from the living room. “Joanna Marie King, you better turn your little disrespectful behind right around and come back down these stairs,” she said with so much anger in her voice that it scared me. I stopped right in my tracks, allowing Joel to pass me, but he didn’t go to his room. Instead he stopped at the top of the stairs, curious to know what I had done so bad to make my mother look at me as if I was Satan himself. My hands trembled a bit as I slowly took one step at a time, moving closer and closer to her as the seconds passed. I had feeling that she had somehow been told of my day at school and I could feel my heart dropping to my stomach. “Yes?” I said to her, trying my best to keep my cool. We were now standing face to face and her hands were on her hips. “I got a call from Mr. Johnston today and he told me about how disrespectful you had been to him. Do you not know how embarrassing it is to get a call in the middle of a church meeting from a teacher talking badly about one of your children?” she spat, her eyes piercing the skin on my face. I didn’t know how embarrassing it was seeing that I didn’t have any children of my own, but I would sympathize with her as if I knew. “I’m sorry,” I said softly, unable to look her in the eyes anymore. “And all of this over a jacket!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. I heard slight movement coming from the stairs and I knew that Joel was still there. It made me feel a bit better. “I hope you haven’t been wearing that thing all day.” “I have…” I confessed. There was no point in lying to her. I was already in enough trouble with both her and Jesus. “I was cold all day,” I added, totally forgetting about the not lying part. She crossed her arms against her chest. “Well it’s not cold in this house, so I want you take it off right now. I don’t know why you’re wearing your brother’s jacket anyway. Your father has spent plenty of money so you could have your own.” She was right, I did have my own jackets, but none of them covered my neck like Joel’s. “But Mama-“ “I am your mother and you will obey me, Joanna. Take. It. Off,” she retorted through gritted teeth and my hands nervously shook towards the zipper of the jacket. I wanted Joel to say something, anything, to get me out of this situation, but no sounds came from his lips. I slowly unzipped the jacket in front of her and she watched me closely, probably wanting to know why I had really worn the jacket. She got her answer when her eyes went for my neck and I was fearful of what was going to come next. She stepped closer to me and grabbed me by the chin, yanking my head to the side. “This better not be what I think it is, little girl.” “It’s a scratch,” I lied instantly, closing my eyes shut. “YOU THINK I WAS BORN YESTERDAY?!” she shouted and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I whimpered under her grip and bit down on my lip, fighting back tears. “WHO DID THIS TO YOU? WHO HAVE YOU BEEN HAVING SEX WITH?!” “I haven’t been having sex with anyone, Mama, I promise!” My Southern accent always came out the most when I was afraid and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what I could say. I opened my eyes just as she was letting go of my face.