#whycantitbeme

Dear Mark,

It’s December 28, 12:46 a.m.

It hurts. I haven’t felt this kind of pain since last year, and I’m confused because love isn’t supposed to feel like this.

I know I said you could take your time, but honestly, that was a lie. I’m trying to be patient, but my heart is aching so badly. I hope you don’t take too long.

I want you. I want you so much. Pero ayoko ng may kahati. Gusto kong mahalin nang buo, yung ako lang, walang kahati, walang tanong.

Natatakot ako. Kahit ginagawa kong biro, kahit mukhang okay lang ako, I am scared.

I’m not confident in myself. She’s been with you for five years. She knows you deeply. You have cats together. You live in the same place. She’s been with you in every trip, every chapter.

Where do I fit in?

We’ve only known each other for a few months. I know you, but what if not enough? I’m scared of cats. I live here in Laguna. Our world has only reached as far as Santolan station.

Nalilito ako kung bakit pinapatagal mo pa.

Para hindi siya masaktan?

Pero ako, hindi ba ako nasasaktan?

Masakit gumising araw-araw na nasa survival mode. Checking if I’m still here. If you’ve changed your Spotify photo again. If you’ve blocked me again.

Nakakatakot.