#why indeed

thanks for the tag @witchbitchadam and @dauntless-deer! here's something from the next chapter of unknown (aka the amnesia!adam fic)

"Here." Ronan stood in front of him with a steaming mug of some kind of tea.

"What is it?"

Ronan blinked, grimaced, seemed to remember that Adam couldn't. "You normally do decaf when you can't sleep."

His initial reaction was to refuse it. Adam didn't ask for anything, he didn't need anything, and if he did he could have figured it out himself. But then, Ronan was trying and Adam still felt guilty and exhausted. He looked at the other mug Ronan held with a pile of marshmallows on top, overflowing from the rim.

"Or you can have my cocoa. Fuck me, I guess," Ronan said, but his lips curled in what might be the start of a smile.

Adam wrapped both hands around the warm mug and settled back in the chair. He watched Ronan make a face, having trouble swallowing Adam's usual midnight drink of choice. "Is it that bad?"

Ronan coughed once, sighed, put the mug down. "No."

"You can have the cocoa."

"Burnt my tongue."

"Oh."

Awkward. Adam started down at his own mug, watched the marshmallows slowly melt into the thick chocolate. Eventually he took a sip and burned his tongue, too.

Ronan abandoned his tea to cool on the coffee table and lounged on the couch, assuming his position from earlier. Still not hovering, not prying. Adam wondered if Ronan also had a million questions swirling around in his head. Adam wondered if Ronan was always this gentle. Adam wondered how long it would take to get his memory back. Adam wondered how many more questions he could ask Ronan without upsetting him.

"Are we close with Gansey?" That seemed like a neutral enough question to start with.

"Yeah." Ronan sighed, pushed a pillow behind his head so he was propped up, so he could look at Adam, but he didn't say more.

"Who else was here?"

Who else do I need to apologize to when I get my memories back?

Who else do you have if I never get my memories back?

"Do you remember Blue?" Adam shook his head and Ronan swallowed, hesitated, then nodded. "You dated her in high school."

Adam tried to remember high school, tried to remember Aglionby. It was all fuzzy. He couldn't even put a face to Blue. Was she one of the twins talking to Declan? The woman who hugged him, Gansey had called her Jane.

"She's with Gansey. You've known her almost as long." Ronan seemed to gather Adam's confusion. "Gansey calls her Jane."

"Why?"

Ronan shrugged. "Hetero shit, I don't know, man."

First as Yok in Not Me ↳ Episode 4 

You truly love each other so you might have been truly happy -- not one couple in a century has that chance no matter what the storybooks say and so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.