#whosthatredguy

Something about MLA0 that never fails to get me is how both Shaun and Michael were fucked over by physical and/or mental disability, but they rarely ever talk to each other about it, probably because of mutual guilt, right? Michael has a hard time talking about his mental health issues with Shaun, both because in the beginning she isn't exactly understanding- we see how flippant both her and Eric are in the beginning of the series, but also because... if what Shaun was saying about the leg and arm breaking was true, how could he not feel incredibly guilty? And honestly, even without that, people with mental illness are so often made to feel guilty, like they're burdens on their friends and family... Eric probably only solidified that and then Shaun buried it 6 feet deep and pushed it in further. Sure, she was scared. Sure, she was deflecting and in denial. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though, now does it? Even when Shaun was getting better and more understanding, Michael probably still found the idea of opening up to be scary, because what if she wasn't? And even if she was, what if his mere existence is suffocating her still? He'd agonize over this, I think.

And then for Shaun- the physical toll that it would take on a young, growing kid when both her leg and arm were broken, presumably in a really brutal way if going by Dylan's fic of it [Shaun's arm I think is described as being "shattered"], so... tons of physical therapy, probably a lot of pushing from her parents to get better quickly, so she "does." And that chronic pain goes unnoticed for god knows how long. Was she even aware that that's what it was? Probably not. Did she think she was just overreacting? Probably. And god, the memories that'd flood in every time she has a flare up, remembering that trauma that caused it in the first place.... And then there's the mental health aspect. I can't imagine someone like Shaun, who is already secretive and prone to complacency, would be self aware of her mental health issues. Even if she was, even in her tiny moments of brief realization, she'd shove it back down. I don't think she'd feel like she "deserves" to talk about it, especially in comparison to Michael who suffered so much more from the medical system and from everyone knowing he's mentally ill. So she just locks it all away, tells herself its fine, goes about her merry way, and slowly destroys herself because it's easier to comply and just be the way she was told to be than to even marginally consider talking to someone about it, if she'd even acknowledge it in the first place.