#whiterosemarie

I parked my car at home close to 5:00pm. This is my car after 6 hours of sitting still in my driveway.

We've been up all night digging lines and soaking everything we can with water. We're very usually conservative with our water usage due to being on a well. But now none of that matters. We do what we have to.

It hasn't rained since beginning of June, end of May. Everything right now is fuel. The winds are our enemy as it pulls the ashes throughout the state...some of which start new fires.

The view outside my windows right now at 6:30 am is a sickly orangeish red. I can't capture it in the dark of my room to show y'all but...don't like that.

Today will be a hard one for Oregonians. It's to reach 104F today with low humidity and winds again.

Hey guys. So, one of my close friends Kamela, @kayyvenom has suffered a brain annuerym. She is getting better in the hospital, it's been a very rough week definitely for the family and for all of us connected to her. It'll be a while coming though for full recovery and that means more time spent in the hospital, therapy, and other needs being met. That means there's going to be a lot of costs as well. There is currently a gofundme, but I felt I had to do something special as well. One of Kamela's favorite projects of mine was my Tarot Card Project I believe. She really wanted one for herself, and so I thought about it and realized that I could also help raise funds for Kamela's recovery through my art.

So here's the pitch: For every trading card sized or full sized Tarot Card I sell, I will keep only a small part of the proceeds and send the rest to the family. For a 2.5x3.5 card, I will keep only a dollar, and for a 2.5x5 card I will keep only $2. If you're feeling really patient and want a deck: For Major Arcana only, I'll keep only $10; for a Full Deck, I'll keep only $15. The other special part of this deal, is that those items will also be offered for cheaper for a time but also will have a special Pay What You Want rate as well. So, here it is:

Singles: 2.5x3.5 Card: $2 minimum, pay what you want. 2.5x5 Card: $3 minimum, pay what you want. Decks: Major Arcana (Small): $15 minimum, pay what you want. Major Arcana (Large): $20 minimum, pay what you want. Full Deck (Small): $25 minimum, pay what you want. Full Deck (Large): $30 minimum, pay what you want.

Please message me if you're interested.

I mean, she also said that I've been through a lot in my life, more than most have, more than anyone should and that it is OK to not have normal responses cause compounding trauma for a lifetime since childhood usually leads to the brain not developing those connections early on. I hadn't honestly even considered that my mental state is possibly from a lack of development. I just figured maybe I wasn't trying hard enough even though I try really hard to like...cope, be "normal, function.

She also said that it's amazing that I don't feel anger. Which I so rarely do. I actually can't cope with being angry the few times I have been. Usually, when people hurt me, I get sad not angry. Oh, she also said I'm humble, gentle, and special. That felt good.

But about that self confidence thing...how does one even start to develop that this late in the game? I mean...I lost mine extremely early in life. I was a cocky little shit as a kid until the trauma started so I haven't really had that since I was like...8 years old? 7? Like...how?? Does?? Because, really, that is the root, isn't it? Internally, I struggle. Like...I dance but mentally I say "I'm not a dancer," my dance tribe say that I'm their good friend but in my head I'm like "oh man I wish I was friends...," I do art, but I don't share it anymore and even have stopped a lot due to feeling inadequate?, I write but I keep it locked in private afraid of even one criticism, and I don't reach out to loved ones because I feel that they're better off if I don't? Oh, and, every job I've held, I always feel overwhelmed because I feel I'll never be able to do it.

Next week, April 7th, I will be participating in the livestreaming charity event called Hope From Home. You may have already heard about this event from well known streamers such as jacksepticeye. While I am new to streaming, having only done art in the olden days and only recently began game streaming this week, I plan to be taking part and would like your support in the effort.

So, April 7th, you can join me in a few places. I'll be primarily streaming through Twitch (username: WhiteRoseMarie93). At times I'll be joined by my partner and his partner in stream. At this time, we're working on a schedule for what will be being played. Linked below is our page for donations and a survey link.

Here's how you can help: Boost creators that are streaming, attend streams, stream yourself, donate, or tune in for the many activities happening.

Hope From Home is a charity event fundraising for the COVID19 Solidarity Relief Fund, United Way, and Red Nose Day in order to tackle what we're all facing: COVID19 and its effects.

Daldra. A water genasi head hunter and sorceress. White hair, hazel eyes, and a tint of blue to her skin and tribal markings from a place she once called home. Deadly with a crossbow and her dual daggers, but lord help you if there's water near by. A past that motivates her. Something both light and dark in her actions.