#white guy dancing

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White Guy Dance Moves:

The Sprinkler:

Dominant hand behind the head

Arm in air

In a jerking motion bringing both arms together in a flapping motion as you spin in circles unit nouseous or booed off the floor

98% of spectators believe that the person performing this move is having some sort of seizure

The Microwave:

Imagine a microwave is in front of you

Open the door and place item inside

Enter cooking time enter your imaginary wrist watch

Open door and remove item

Eat item using quick scooping motions while hooping to one side of the room… don’t you feel so cool?

9 out of 10 white guys use this as their “go to” dance move

Sorting the Recycling:

Walk in place with both hands bent at 90-degrees angles from the elbow (as if holding two trash bags)

Stop and drop bags, bend over

White bobbing up and down, start sorting into proper receptacles

12% effective in attracting the opposite sex

The Baconator:

Lay on floor facing ceiling with arms at side

Moves hips from side to side

Shake legs up and down

Roll onto stomach and repeat steps

63% of those who perform this move wind up in the hospital with head-related injuries

The shoplifter:

With hands tucked under opposite armpits and walking in place, reach one arm out at a time (as if reaching for an item on the shelf)

Repeat as necessary

46% of those who perform this move are arrested for speculations of misdemeanor theft

The Elaine Benes:

Bend knees at a 45-degree angle

In one fluid motion, throw head back and to the left while jerking one arm

kick one foot out as if trying to dislocate a joint. Rinse and repeat

Statistically the least successful white guy dance move in history, with less than a 2% applause rate

The Epileptic:

Stand tall with arms at side

Beginning from the feet walk up a violent shake

Roll eye into back of head for added effect

30% of those performing this move end up in a coma

The Tap snap:

Bend arms at 90-degrees

Snap fingers to the beat of the song

Bab head to beat of song

15% of those who perform this move can actually keep a beat

Doing Ya Taxes:

Lick tips of the finger of right hand

Move fingers as if typing on calculators

Slick hair back with left hand

Drop to knees and throw hands in the air with head back and repeat

75% of those who perform this move have never actually done taxes

with right hand on top of left, move in and upward motion as if pulling on a piece of gum

The windmill:

Right hand in the hair, left hand at side

swing hands violently in a forward circular motion

Thrust hips back and forth while bending knees in at a 45-degree angle

3 out of 4 spectators are injured as a result of being too close to the performer

The Running man:

Stand with your feet together, arms relaxed by your sides

Lift and bend your right leg, forming a 90-degree angle then lift and bend your arms, elbows out to the sides with relaxed fists

Lower your right leg, sliding your left leg back and lifting the left heel, while leaning slightly forward and push your arms down

Repeat these hip steps over and over again

90% of those who perform this move know all the lyrics to vanilla ice’s “Ice Ice baby”

Toss the Dice:

with legs hip width apart, lean to one side and bend kneels at 45-degrees angle

Bend dominant arm at 90-degrees angle above head then clench a loose fist and shake

After 3 to 5 shakes, throw arm forward and unclench hand

Repeat by leaning other side and using other arm

My body is nice to me, But I’m not nice to my body. He holds me up. He carefully calculates how much of each nutrient I need And craves the foods that fulfill. He catalogs the amount of radiation I receive, daily, from the sun. He lifts things up and puts them back down. I push him to be stronger and to be a better shape. I want him to be tan And he could use less freckles. This butt is an odd shape for a man. And your neck is still there. No neck! Changed my mind there! More neck. Please. But what’s the worst thing that I do? I make it dance! If you could call it that Gyrations in impossible directions in unthinkable rhythms With feet moving heavily And always fingers snapping! But for all the bad I’ve done to him, he doesn’t seem to mind. Young body perhaps waits On a phrase he heard Once, long ago Revenge is a dish Best served old