The last time I lived in this particular room was the summer before I started college. In major and minor ways, a time of enormous change, but also anticipation. Mostly anticipation. Of the me I was becoming, the me I wanted to be. The world in which I'd live and the other people who would populate this place.
It’s taken me a while to rediscover that sense that I am still a work in progress and despite once feeling I'd failed myself, I now see I just got a little lost. I've realized the first step to reorienting myself was to accept that we are all that we permit ourselves to be; that deeply connecting with other humans on this voyage is integral to our outcome. But, now I’m no longer the girl I was; I’m a woman with grown up responsibilities, who carries a larger burden on this road. Who can still carry desire in my heart but must accept the larger picture of my life and the consequence of choices made and dividends paid.
I still believe in dreams, tho, and when they come to me in the night during the deep and restorative sleep I’ve been afforded these past few, I’ve learned to pay heed and try in some way to understand their message.
As I prepare to depart this room and “safe house” once again on the brink of a new, adult voyage into learning and becoming, I dreamt this video last night, which is much more beautiful than I remembered and whose leaves are an augury of swiftly-approaching autumn. I’m not religious but I am most certainly spiritual, and with talk about “coming from love” in abundance over this last week, the portent doesn’t seem to require much consideration. “Love come down upon us till you flow like water, burning with the hope of insight . . ” and, “we are but your children, finding our way around indecision. .” the meaning is as clear as this gloriously sunny transitional weather day.
(Dedicated with gratitude and love to AS & Duckie)