#which bless

So when someone said that there was nothing more to do than hide and ask merlin for stenght of whatever nonsense wizards did, she couldn’t find a proper way to express the amount of sheer scorn and slightly murderous urges that invaded her.

And James was great, he had grown into a fine man through the complete bull that was their Hogwarts years, she wouldn’t have married him otherwise, and he was pretty nice to look at, half blind and broom haired as he was. But there had been times, after the damned prophecy had come to mark and serve as an ultimatum, where she couldn’t help but feel frustrated with him.

Because they couldn’t seem to reach an understanding when it came to deal with this absolute nightmare and it was driving them both up the wall. She could tell. But she loved him. And he loved her. And that fact alone seemed to soothe something inside of her. Something erratic and wild. Always ready to pounce at the jugular. But James made it bearable while making her want to strangle him, that gorgeous fool .

God she loved him.

So she decided.

— not settled, never settled —

‘When this is over,’ she thought, ‘we will talk. We will sit down, even if I have to sit him down , and we will talk it out like proper functioning very much married adults.’

Because she would be damned if she let her marriage fall through because they didn’t communicate .

She had already lost a sister because of that.

She wouldn’t lose her husband, the father of her beautiful gorgeous babe because of such a dumb — painful — completely avoidable reason.

Except she had.

She had lost him.

And even if Harry had lived, even if she had managed to accomplish that little miracle,  she might as well have lost her child too for the good she could do for him like this.

Because no matter how much she screeched and begged and tried to tear the world apart to get to him she couldn’t even touch him.

Harry couldn’t even see her.

Because she was dead and he was still so full of life .

And she would thank every deity of every pantheon for keeping him that way even if it hurt him.

And she would curse every single one of their names too for allowing her to stay and be so helpless, so damn powerless in the face of his sadness.

Because she would give him the world if she could.

Because she had given him everything already.

And it still wasn’t enough .

It was her fault.

Somehow. No matter how much she thought circles around it there was always something. Something she could have done. Something she shouldn’t have. The maybes. The what if’s.

Maybe if she hadn’t given up on her sister she wouldn’t treat her own nephew like this. Maybe she wouldn’t have married such an awful man.

If she hadn’t left her behind.

If she had tried to help Sev.

If she had trusted Remus more.

If she had convinced James to make Sirius the keeper. To make someone else the keeper. anyone else-

If she had realized dumbledore was- that he was-

If she had searched harder. Fought harder. Loved harder. Been smarter-

If

If

If

There was always something. It never stopped. And she had years of silence to fill with no company to speak of. Because not even when Harry made it to hogwarts did it change. Because apparently not even the other ghosts could see her.

That had been the one time she had been glad that Harry couldn’t hear her.

Because the sound that had scaped her lips had been gut curling.

It had scared her.

She had been scared for a long time after that.

This time, though, it wasn’t only for Harry.

But then- then she heard it.

Because even if she couldn’t be heard she could still hear them . And boy did they love to talk .

‘Did you hear?’

‘-new blood. Powerful blood.’

‘Right of conquest, he won- ‘

‘There hasn’t been one in millennia.’

‘-different from the last one-?

‘No. Not this one- No. He cares. They said- they said he cares.’

‘When-? Where-?’

‘who are they-? Who is He?’

‘The king-‘

‘It’s Phantom’

“Phantom.” her lips tried the name tentatively even before she fully registered it. A ghost named phantom. Silly. It would have sounded silly. if the name hadn’t sounded like hope . Because-

The living couldn’t.

Ghosts couldn’t either.

But-

But .

A king?

maybe a king-?

A ghost king.

The ghost king.

‘They said he cares’

A strangled gasp left her and even if someone could have heard it they wouldn’t have found the source.

She was already gone.

She had never been one to sit idle after all.

And not even death could change that.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

NOTES

I didn’t check grammar apologies if it hurts ur eyes I’m half sleep and my brain hurts.

Hugs and cuddles to u all I guess

And purrs from kittens or barks from pups if u prefer

Lovely all

-.-.-.- In case any of u is wondering: no. I’m not planning to stop writing any of the other works I have posted, but I am hurting a little bit right now and I scattered myself over a lot of things and I can’t give u guys anything if I don’t have something for myself.

I’m honestly sorry for those of u that hoped that some of these fics would help u through something. I hope you are okay and find something to make u giggly and feel good and gooey soft. We are gonna be okay love ❤️