#aslh

So when someone said that there was nothing more to do than hide and ask merlin for stenght of whatever nonsense wizards did, she couldn’t find a proper way to express the amount of sheer scorn and slightly murderous urges that invaded her.

And James was great, he had grown into a fine man through the complete bull that was their Hogwarts years, she wouldn’t have married him otherwise, and he was pretty nice to look at, half blind and broom haired as he was. But there had been times, after the damned prophecy had come to mark and serve as an ultimatum, where she couldn’t help but feel frustrated with him.

Because they couldn’t seem to reach an understanding when it came to deal with this absolute nightmare and it was driving them both up the wall. She could tell. But she loved him. And he loved her. And that fact alone seemed to soothe something inside of her. Something erratic and wild. Always ready to pounce at the jugular. But James made it bearable while making her want to strangle him, that gorgeous fool .

God she loved him.

So she decided.

— not settled, never settled —

‘When this is over,’ she thought, ‘we will talk. We will sit down, even if I have to sit him down , and we will talk it out like proper functioning very much married adults.’

Because she would be damned if she let her marriage fall through because they didn’t communicate .

She had already lost a sister because of that.

She wouldn’t lose her husband, the father of her beautiful gorgeous babe because of such a dumb — painful — completely avoidable reason.

Except she had.

She had lost him.

And even if Harry had lived, even if she had managed to accomplish that little miracle,  she might as well have lost her child too for the good she could do for him like this.

Because no matter how much she screeched and begged and tried to tear the world apart to get to him she couldn’t even touch him.

Harry couldn’t even see her.

Because she was dead and he was still so full of life .

And she would thank every deity of every pantheon for keeping him that way even if it hurt him.

And she would curse every single one of their names too for allowing her to stay and be so helpless, so damn powerless in the face of his sadness.

Because she would give him the world if she could.

Because she had given him everything already.

And it still wasn’t enough .

It was her fault.

Somehow. No matter how much she thought circles around it there was always something. Something she could have done. Something she shouldn’t have. The maybes. The what if’s.

Maybe if she hadn’t given up on her sister she wouldn’t treat her own nephew like this. Maybe she wouldn’t have married such an awful man.

If she hadn’t left her behind.

If she had tried to help Sev.

If she had trusted Remus more.

If she had convinced James to make Sirius the keeper. To make someone else the keeper. anyone else-

If she had realized dumbledore was- that he was-

If she had searched harder. Fought harder. Loved harder. Been smarter-

If

If

If

There was always something. It never stopped. And she had years of silence to fill with no company to speak of. Because not even when Harry made it to hogwarts did it change. Because apparently not even the other ghosts could see her.

That had been the one time she had been glad that Harry couldn’t hear her.

Because the sound that had scaped her lips had been gut curling.

It had scared her.

She had been scared for a long time after that.

This time, though, it wasn’t only for Harry.

But then- then she heard it.

Because even if she couldn’t be heard she could still hear them . And boy did they love to talk .

‘Did you hear?’

‘-new blood. Powerful blood.’

‘Right of conquest, he won- ‘

‘There hasn’t been one in millennia.’

‘-different from the last one-?

‘No. Not this one- No. He cares. They said- they said he cares.’

‘When-? Where-?’

‘who are they-? Who is He?’

‘The king-‘

‘It’s Phantom’

“Phantom.” her lips tried the name tentatively even before she fully registered it. A ghost named phantom. Silly. It would have sounded silly. if the name hadn’t sounded like hope . Because-

The living couldn’t.

Ghosts couldn’t either.

But-

But .

A king?

maybe a king-?

A ghost king.

The ghost king.

‘They said he cares’

A strangled gasp left her and even if someone could have heard it they wouldn’t have found the source.

She was already gone.

She had never been one to sit idle after all.

And not even death could change that.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

NOTES

I didn’t check grammar apologies if it hurts ur eyes I’m half sleep and my brain hurts.

Hugs and cuddles to u all I guess

And purrs from kittens or barks from pups if u prefer

Lovely all

-.-.-.- In case any of u is wondering: no. I’m not planning to stop writing any of the other works I have posted, but I am hurting a little bit right now and I scattered myself over a lot of things and I can’t give u guys anything if I don’t have something for myself.

I’m honestly sorry for those of u that hoped that some of these fics would help u through something. I hope you are okay and find something to make u giggly and feel good and gooey soft. We are gonna be okay love ❤️

Who is your favorite character?

THAT IS THE MEANEST QUESTION YOU COULD EVER ASK DID YOU KNOW THIS. This varies a lot depending on the day but usually... tied Chiyo/Tatsumaru. I love them both so much. I think Ryouji's my favorite to write, though. If ASLH were someone else's story, I think my favorite would undeniably be Chiyo, because I'm nearly always biased towards protagonists.

What’s been the most enjoyable part of the story process? Why?

Honestly? Getting to see how people react to it. It's the validation luv. Maybe it's selfish, but I really do like seeing how people are affected by my work LOL.

who is on what side of the pineapple on pizza discourse?

Likes it: Amal, Kanemori, Claude, Aster Neutral: Tristan, Tatsumaru, Sentarou Hates it: Ryouji, Chiyo, Ririka, Brendan Doesn't like pizza: Tiana, Hirono, Alexei, Tsukino, Iris Ryouji, Chiyo, and Ririka make fun of Amal.

For the trials of aslh, which trial has been your favorite so far? In terms of planning the case itself, plot beats, character developments, anything really. But which one still makes you lose it when you think about it.

That's a tough one, I don't like writing trials. I liked the structure of ch3, though. The way that the trial stops being "who killed Amal" and instead becomes "who is Aster". The Tatsu POV. The story title drop. And the way the execution just wrecks everything, immediately? Yeah, vibes.

I also feel like ch4's trial deserves a special mention because of how I wrote it while I was sick with the flu, and yet if you ask me that was still probably the most emotionally intense trial- wait I forgot ch2- and ch5- y'know what, forget it. At least it's on par!

If you could change anything about aslh on any level, what would it be & why?

In general, I think it needed more planning. I'm a very on-the-fly planner and writer, but there were a lot of unknowns I didn't consider until late-game that made it hard to bring up and resolve cleanly. It could also probably have used a little bit more clarity with regards to the lore - things like "how does the memory replacement work" weren't decided until super late in the project. I didn't have a backstory for Tatsu until I wrote ch2 or ch3, so before that point their scars were much less extensive and I think they were cut-shaped instead of burns? That was kind of important for at least continuity's sake, and it irks me.

Also, Hirono deserved better. I didn't plan out her arc as extensively as the others (she was, pre-story, the last survivor to be locked and she had traded with Kanemori), so she sort of stagnated in the story. Which wasn't a bad thing, because not everyone's going to get shoved off a balcony or watch their friend get shot, but it kind of sucks that the most "defining" moment she had was that Ririka and Iris died, neither of which she actually witnessed, or the name confession in ch4 trial which kind of got brushed over. Like all the rest of the survivors have Big Defining Moments, except her.

To be honest, ASLH is the first huge writing project I've ever completed, so there's a lot of things I could have done better. But it was also the first huge writing project I've ever completed, so I'm cutting myself some slack there.

What's your philosophy, or even your strategy when it comes to character design? What do you go for first or emphasize, where do you think you could experiment more?

Most of my designs are based around a core "ooh I want to try this thing". Sometimes I take character inspirations, sometimes it's a cool garment, sometimes I'm just redesigning characters. I mostly emphasize clothing, patterns, and colors, but I also reuse a lot of the same clothing styles and patterns. I could definitely experiment more with shape language and silhouette - usually, that's like the last thing I think about, but one of the more important things to have in an ensemble cast. Mostly, though, I just like drawing clothes.

What do you think is the crowning moment of aslh? Like if someone asked you what would be a moment that gets to the heart of the story the most. What would it be?

DEFINITELY the ch5 execution. Like, the emotional resonance? The narration shift? The drama of it all? Peak ASLHcore.

what factored most into your decision-making progress? why did you decide this death order and this mastermind(s)?

My decision making process is entirely me sitting in a fugue state mumbling out details that I need to fix and then sporadically sitting bolt upright and screaming a parallel or tangent I've pieced together.

The mastermind question is easier to put together - I'd always had in mind that this was going to be a revenge game, and that one mastermind was so difficult to take seriously it wasn't even funny and that the other decided to bail halfway through. So I built the characters around that. The points I usually pay attention to with fangan planning (these days) are: ch1 is to establish the status quo and tone of the story, ch3 is to overturn the status quo, and ch5 forces ch6 to happen. So the ch3 case revolved around Sen dying, and then I was like "how can I fuck up the status quo more" and killed Amal and Aster too.

The biggest factor in my decision making process is "what would be really cool". I tend to make a lot of decisions that fuck up the structure of what a fangan "should" be because I think it goes hard as hell when we throw out rules that the characters are unaware of anyway.

was there a draft of aslh that looks drastically different from what we ended up with?

Great question, and fuck you for reminding me!

ASLH actually started as a bullet point fangan called What Tempestuous Despair. It was a much more international cast until I was like "fangans are supposed to be mostly Japanese casts!" and changed a bunch of characters' nationalities, which in hindsight was dumb. Ririka, Kanemori, Tsukino, and Iris were victims of this. Also Amal was the protagonist and I am SO GLAD that didn't stick they are SO DIFFICULT to write the POV from.

I've spoken on a few occasions about how the cast itself changed, and I never got around to plotting out arcs (other than "Amal learns to trust people and allows themself to truly grieve Rin after holding everyone at length for so long"), but some assorted things:

The cast had a bunch of characters who were swapped out. Included in this tally are Rin Matsumoto (whose personality was recycled into Hisaichi, Ryouji's cousin, and their name was recycled into Shuichi's school friend), Leon Mercury Kahahawai (who’s in CYAH), Haywire Asturias, Puck Ganka (who’s also in CYAH), a few characters/designs who I ended up giving away... And also Hayato Kikuchi.

Iris was always a killer, because I really wanted her to have a downfall-that-wasn't-a-downfall-but-rather-a-reflection-of-the-true-self arc. This was always a lategame case so I'd have time to establish her as terrible. Originally, she killed Leon.

Tiana was also always a killer. I think he killed Hayato via electrocution, so as you can tell that's always been around in some form or another.

(Tristan killing Chiyo in ch5 in the current version, btw, was specifically to mirror Tiana's murder. While Tiana killed to get themself out of the KG, Tristan killed to get everyone else out.)

who was considered for mastermind throughout making aslh? what would their reasons have been?

The masterminds have never changed, except that the characters for them didn't exist back in WTD. But the personalities of the characters they replaced were about 1:1 anyway, so yeah basically they've never changed.

what is one thing you really loved about the beta and what is one thing you really hated about the beta

One thing I really loved about the beta was the ch3 case (which I've spoken about at length before), but other than that... honestly Tiana? Tiana's the one character that I had fully developed as of WTD, they just sprung into my head completely materialized. Their entire personality and design somehow stayed the same since conceptualization.

One thing I really hated? I would say "all of it", but specifically, we don't talk about white Tristan. That was so bad. I was trying so hard to design him so that he'd look nonthreatening and I was like "why is this so hard" and then I changed his ethnicity and I was like "oh right, white gamer boy characters just have cursed energies" and moved on with my life.

what would be an ideal day for tiana murdock. what would make them happy.

An ideal day is honestly one where they get a lot done. They're not one to relax or know what to do with free time, but they get a lot of satisfaction out of being productive, so if they manage to finish a lot of work and not end up exhausted? They're happy. They've probably gotta work on learning to enjoy their free time. They do like traveling, though, and- oh my god I should make them friends with Tsukino.

What would the cast's careers be if they lived to be adults?

Chiyo: Elementary school teacher and scifi author! Really wish I'd leaned more into the fact that she loves scifi, honestly. Amal: Journalist, probably, except they'd actually take classes in it this time instead of just writing op-eds constantly Tatsumaru: LIBRARIAN TATSU TRUE ENDING!!! Sentarou: Freelance pianist/composer. I have this whole headverse where he and Alexei are somehow friends with Claude, and together they plot to kill Enji Sekisada. Or Claude and Alexei plot to kill Enji and Sen sits there with his head in his hands. Iris: In universes where she's able to reconcile with academia, she works in ecology + chemistry. In universes where she doesn't, she's a florist. Aster: SERIOUSLY depends on the AU because every time I try to put Aster in a normal AU they're different. Jokes about becoming a flight attendant to travel with Tsukino. Claude: Secretary. No, seriously. May have something to do with killing Enji Sekisada. Hirono: Photojournalist! Photography reminds her of Ekuko. :') Alexei: Veterinary assistant for a specialized bird clinic Tsukino: Pilot, obviously Brendan: Mechanical engineer but sometime around age 30 has enough stress to just quit and become a college professor instead. Tiana: Museum docent, he's coworkers with Laurent Sinclair thanks Ryouji: He's... not sure. In normal AUs does take up food service for a while before getting uncomfortable with his family and quitting. In ASLH canon, he skips this step and goes into law with the intent of helping other killing game survivors sort out their lives. Tristan: Web designer, still makes a few games on the side with his friends. Mostly point and clicks because he ain't about this life Kanemori: Volleyball coach, because he knows a lot more about that than soccer honestly

what part of aslh was the hardest to write?

Deadly life. Always. I can crank the chapters out really fast, but I hate the case part of fangans and they're painful to plan.

For each case, what is your out of universe reason for wanting each person to die when? Like not counting the motives or anything, but why you wanted each person to die then?

- Brendan: He was the OC I had the longest. He had to die. Goodbye you little shit. - Kanemori: He was actually a survivor originally, and Hirono was the ch1 killer for the same "OC longevity" reason but then I realized I don't have anything for Kanemori to do. So... Sorry dude.

- Claude: Y'all ever notice how no one... EVER... puts plot relevant information in ch2s? Anyway. - Tiana: As discussed, they've always been a killer. Putting them as a killer here was a good balance - far enough from ch1 to build up their relationship with Tristan, but also not so far into the story that it conflicts with the general endgame fall-apart-ness.

- Amal, Sentarou, Aster: This case sprung into my head entirely materialized. Like, this was the one that BUILT the story, so it didn't change much. Mostly I just thought it'd be narratively fun to kill off the deuteragonist, the mastermind, AND the ??? in one go. I didn't plan for Chiyal to be a thing so when that became a thing this chapter got better/worse.

- Iris: I always wanted her to be a killer to really expose that "she's not a good person" stuff (she was more of a snake in WTD), but she didn't become a victim until when I was actually writing. She was supposed to have a trial and then I got sick of writing her. Whoops. - Ririka: I had arc ideas for everyone else, and it could have gone either way between Ryouji and Ririka getting that "close to my best friend who is now dead"... in the end it went down to gender balance in survivors. At the time it was Ryouji or Ririka + Kanemori + Tsukino + Tatsumaru, but then once Kanemori got swapped to Hirono just... yeahhh Ririka got stuck in ch4. Sorry. - Alexei: Special shoutout, he was supposed to die in ch4 as just an "oh no this is what happened, how sad" but then it was super narratively unsatisfying and now he's alive.

- Chiyo: For the sake of pain. But like, poignant, meaningful pain. I don't believe in making plot decisions just because they hurt, they've also got to mean something. Considering that a major theme of the story is "death before its time is a complete tragedy", and Chiyo's motifs include death... uh. Yeah... yeah. When it came time to ask myself who'd die in ch5 for this motive, well. I miss Chiyo. - Tristan: Meant to mirror Tiana's killing in ch2, as stated above, had the "selfish kill vs selfless kill" thing. Look if you're going to have a duo in a fangan and don't get to make cool dichotomy/theming what's the POINT. Ended up surviving because when there were only four survivors, there were... really no stakes for the ch6 trial.

- Tatsumaru: I just wanted them to be alive. I didn't know WHY, exactly... I just knew I needed them to live. So. I guess they're alive? Also I thought it'd be really interesting to have a killer protagonist, and a remorseful killer protagonist. - Ryouji: To be honest I didn't have a solid arc for him, aside from Ririka's death I'd decided I was going to figure it out as I went. And I guess I did? I love him. And not gonna lie, since Tatsu became the protagonist and Ryouji's still pissed at them, the perspective/dynamic became VERY INTERESTING. - Tsukino: Originally in beta!ASLH, her schtick was "gilded exterior with a heart of jerk with a hidden, smaller heart of gold" but that didn't transfer over to ASLH itself. Then when I realized "oh shit Tsukino wants to be a hero" it was all over. At first her arc was very "tone yourself down and stop rushing into things" which wasn't... ideal, I think you can still be enthusiastic and upbeat while being mindful and that was not how I had gone about it lol. Fun fact, Tsukino's survived every draft of ASLH, including the beta one - I think she and Amal were closer friends in that. - Hirono: See Kanemori, I just thought she had more survivor potential than him. The problem was that by the time I made the decision to swap them, everyone else was sort of locked by necessity, so Hirono became a survivor by default. Again, I didn't quite have an idea of what she was going to do other than get leeched off of by Iris. Ririka wasn't even part of it, we just had that cooking thing in 2-3 and Ririka was like "this is my problem now" and I was like "what?" so now we're here.

What's everyone's coffee/tea/other preferences?

Coffee: Tiana, Tristan, Brendan Tea: RYOUJI, Tatsumaru, Chiyo, Iris Hot chocolate: Claude, Sentarou Soda: Amal, Ririka Soda but only fruit flavored: Tsukino Water, thanks: Aster, Kanemori, Hirono, Alexei

What was the hardest decision to make, writing wise, for aslh? Like you wanted the story to go one way, but you couldn't force it, or a scene you felt you needed but was difficult to decide upon, anything like that?

Hm... okay see the thing is I'm generally pretty good at writing on the fly so if I make decisions I CAN force them to happen, so there's really not too much that comes to mind. Mostly this happens with trials - I make outlines for my trials and drag my cast along with it. Except they tend to go off-topic, and then I have to drag them back on topic. And sometimes the points don't make sense when you go out of order so I have to ad lib stuff. Ch4 trial was the most off-script one, it was supposed to be a lot slower and made more sense but then the cast just went out of order and I was bonking my head against the wall trying to get it to make sense.

The only real thing I had consistent difficulty with is locations. I did not fucking plan any of this shit and hate making maps so much- oh my god I need to do the ch6 map still.

who would deliberately salt their coffee and who would accidentally do it

10. What is their favourite room to be in, in the house they live in?

his aunt has a room in their house dedicated entirely to her pet geckos. alexei fucking loves them so much. other than that technically “the roof”

11. Do they believe in luck?

absolutely not. he’s very much superstitious and believes everything happens for a reason, so luck is more of an extension of the universe’s will

19. What does their relationship with their family look like? Are they close? Distant? Ect.

absolutely fucking terrified of his mom, apathetic skewing slightly warm toward his dad, thinks his aunt is the coolest person ever and probably has a problem with unhealthy idolization. to be fair however i also think marya shirose is the coolest person ever and she isn’t even my aunt.

28. If they could have one wish, what would they wish for?

it’d be cool to have his left eye back. (and sen.) (although that would be a whole other can of worms.)

32. Do they get stressed out easily?

he doesn’t so much get “stressed out” as “become the physical manifestation of a pressure cooker”, which is to say “he acts only slightly more erratic until he explodes and never speaks to anyone ever again”. it’s more of a buildup thing that can be stopped early on if someone addresses it but if no one does. hoo boy

40. If I wanted to draw them, what would be distinct physical features that I would have to know to draw them correctly?

- he doesn’t have a left eye, which he either covers with an eye patch or fancy mask of some sort (not even necessarily his canon one if this is an out of mansion au). or if you are going for 100% chill day he might not cover it at all but it also freaks people out- bony as HELL. if he doesn’t look like he can be snapped in two by a slight wind that’s not my boy- i’ve decided he doesn’t have chest dysphoria and doesn’t bind so there’s that, i guess?- but also if you draw him with a massive chest i will give you the mcshooty, i said he is bony and you Will draw him accordingly

42. Do they live with anyone? If so, who?

his aunt marya!! they live in minato ward in tokyo. marya owns 3 leopard geckos as well, their names are hamlet (bc he’s an overdramatic bitch baby), ilya (because marya wanted to assert dominance over her brother/alexei’s dad), and spots (bc 11 year old alexei named it and he was not creative)

49. If they could have an extinct animal for a pet, what would they have?

passenger pigeon... he’s just mad they’re extinct honestly

53. What is something that they want but can’t have?

pet birds, because marya has enough trouble supporting the two of them + her lizards as is with an unstable income. one day. one day.

... or maybe he’ll just steal caliban one of these days. choose your own adventure!

73. What attracts them to another person?

what causes him to be initially interested in the other person is “they treat him as a human person and not just a strange cryptid fixture and actually want to get to know him on a deeper level”. attraction is like that but... like, the other person is able to acknowledge him as a person while also being able to appreciate the fact that he is kind of a cryptid fixture. his problem with other people is that they tend to interact with him on a surface level and that’s it, which annoys him but also he accepts for the most part bc that is indeed the unhinged energy he wants to exude.

on a slightly less deep level: someone who’s committed, dedicated, serious but capable of having fun, not necessarily affectionate all the time but it counts when it counts. he likes being able to make people happy but not in the same way hirono does; it’s less that he has a compulsive need to please and more that he just likes making people genuinely smile sometimes.

92. What was their childhood like?

well he’s trans, is terrified of his mom, goes suddenly and robotically polite when addressed in sharp tones (ESPECIALLY by tiana, although it’s not intentional on her part), and he’s missing an eye.

you do the math!

94. Do they take criticism well?