#wheresmolly

I got tired of transcribing it from an oracle I found on P.S. , but here is (most of) my star chart, as October 3rd 1992.

#1 Ceres - Active, Nurture, Mothering

#10 Hygiea - Health & Hygiene

#100 Hekate - Goddess of the crossroads

#1001 Gaussia - Beauty & Grace

#1009 Sirene - Dark Captivation

#10199 Chariklo 1997 CU26 - Balance & Grace in life

#103 Hera - Greek goddess of marriage, Queen of Olympus

#1036 Ganymede 1924 TD - Youthful beauty; Bi-Gay enthusiasm

#10370 Hylonome 1995 DW2 - Emotional grief & loss

#1108 Demeter - Of Bounty on Earth

#111 Ate - Mischief for discord

#11240 Piso - Roman family of discredited

#114 Kassandra - Greek unbelieved Seer of futures

#1144 Oda - From a German farming calendar

#1170 Siva - Potent transformations

#1181 Lilith Asteroid - Independent craving feminine

#118230 Sado - Of taking advantage, also as BDSM

#11911 Angel - Prayers answered

#1198 Atlantis - Secrets of an unknown past

#120 Lachesis - Greek fate of length of threads

#1221 Amor 1932 EA 1 - The Roman Eros, but less sexual

#1247 Memoria - incidents of memorials; Death

#12711 Tumkit 1991 BB - Masturbation, sex as stress relief

#1277 Dolores - Sorrow from loss

#128 Nemesis - Of Karmic circumstances

#12923 Zepher 1994 GK4 - A Dance like the wind

#1328 Devota - an inspired bond or commitment 

#134 Sophrosyne - High in Wisdom curve of living 

#134210 2005 PQ21 - Porn, extreme sexual action, creativity

#136108 Haumea 2003 EL61 - Hawaiian goddess of fertility

#136199 Eris 2003 UB313 - Generational; aggressive feminine

#1387 Kama - Sanskrit for Lust

#1388 Aphrodite - Feminine magnetism & attraction

#14827 Hypnos 1986 JK - Inspiration of sleep & dreams

#14871 Pyramus - The young Romeo; Forbidden love

#148780 Altjira 2001 UQ18 - Aboriginal dreamer & creator

#1489 Atilla - Tactical & aggressive

#1566 Icarus 1949 MA - Exceeding reasonable limits

#157 Dejanira - Karmic as from a misplaced trust

#15760 Albion 1992 QB1 - A Uranian Pluto exploring unknowns

#15820 Groom 1994-TB - an aspect to Marriage and Partner

#15874 1996-TL66 - Generational Cluelessness; negative mind

#16 Psyche - Explorations of the deep mind

#164 Eva - Requiring a Man

#1647 Menelaus - Brother of Agamemnon, husband of Helen

#1685 Toro 1948 OA - Aggressively assertive

#171 Ophelia - Difficulty accepting circumstances

#174567 Varda 2003 MW12 - Tolkein Star Queen. A Jupiter Neptune aspect

#17458 Dick - coincidence; no data

#18 Melpomene - A Greek Muse of tragic song

#1808 Bellerophon - Thrown to his death by Pegasus

#184314 Mbabamwanawar 2005 EO302 - Zulu goddess of rainbows

#1862 Apollo 1932 HA - Greek male god archetype

#1863 Antinous 1948 EA - Involving homosexual men

#1866 Sisyphus 1972 XA - Cursed to roll a stone uphill

#1896 Beer - Oddly connected to alcohol

#1912 Anubis - Egyptian god of Death

#1932 Osiris - the first photo-jesus

#1930 Lucifer - the light bringer

#19426 Leal - conditions of Loyalty

#1943 Anteros 1973 EC - Brother of Eros, more mindful

#195 Eurykleia - the nurse of Odysseus

#19521 Chaos 1998 WH24 - Chaos bore Tartarus, Gaea, Erebus, & Nyx

#2 Pallas Athena - Greek Goddess of civilization

#20000 Varuna 2000 WR106 - Wisdom & knowledge

#2060 Chiron 1977 UB - Emotional pains, physical loss

#2063 Bacchus 1977 HB - Our close friends

#208 Lacrimosa - Heartbreaks

#2101 Adonis 1936 CA - Male archetype of physical beauty

#2102 Tantalus 1975 YA - The fruit out of reach

#2150 Nyctimene - Triumph over adversity

#2199 Klet - like Dick, no data

#2212 Hephaestus 19778 SB - Greek god of craft

#225088 GongGong 2007 OR10 - Martian Pluto, generational

#2340 Hathor 1976 UA - Egyptian mother of Horus 

#239 Adrastea - Nurse to Zeus. Conditions inescapable.

#24 Themis - Advocate of justice (1 & 2) to Greek Zeus

#24219 - Conditions to/for Anal sex

#248 Lameia - Greek version of Lilith

#251 Sophia - Greek name for Wisdom

#25143 Itokawa 1998 SF36 - Japanese NEO; no data

#258 Tyche - Greek goddess of Luck

#26 Proserpina - Roman Persephone, wife to Pluto <3

#268 Adorea - Worthy to love, adoration

#273 Atropos - Of the 3 fates, who cutes the threads

#28 Bellona - Roman goddess of strength & war

#284 Amalia - Of a practical politic

#2878 Panacea - Of alternative medicines

#28978 Ixion 2001 KX76 - Iconoclastic, irreverent

#2938 Hopi - Dissolute character

#29391 Knight - Black or White is a power

#3 Juno - Roman goddess of marriage

#30 Urania - Greek Muse of Astronomy 

#3163 Randi - Skeptical to the non material; seductive

#318 Marcelina - Mary Magdalena 

#31824 Elatus 1999 UGS - Charismatic from a defeated position

#3200 Phaethon 1938 TB - Reckless energy

#324 Bamberga - Failure to help the hopeless

#32532 There’s 2001 PT13 - Wrestles with bears and takes them home

#3267 Glo - Destructive; local pragmatic

#330836 Orius 2009 HW77 - Entitlement of thieves includes tragedy

#3361 Orpheus 1982 HR - Success lost by looking back

#34 Circe - The lustful Sorceress who stole time from Odysseus 

#346889 Rhiphonos 2009 QV38 - A violent Warrior allied to Dionysus 

#3550 Link - an unspoken bonding of attraction

#3553 Mera 1985 JA - to give up chastity for status

#3561 Devine - Hubris to divine interventions

#358 Apollonia - Persuasive to bad ideas

#3671 Dionysus 1984 KD - Adventures of the sensual

#37117 Narcissus 2000 VU2 - Intoxicating sense and scent

#38083 Rhadamanthus 1999 HX11 - The Fair Judge rules in the Hades Garden Spot

#381 Myrrha - Mother to Adonis

#3811 Karma - An potent event of changes

#38628 Huya 2000 EB173 - Generational; to live in rain

#389 Industria - Industrious to meet trend

#390 Alma - An intuitive effort that endures beyond destruction

#3908 Nyx 1980 PA - The powerful Mother of Zeus

#3989 Odin - To move on victory when known to be possible

#399 Persephone - Wife to Pluto was negotiated to live half on Earth

#4 Vesta - Ceremony potentially of being sexed. Feminine tradition

#404 Arsinoe - Sacrificing one for the other. File not Found: Error 404

#407 Arachne - The Webs we weave

#4198 Panthera - Associated to the lust of a Panther

#42 Isis - Egyptian Moon goddess. The feminine.

#420356 Praamzius - Lithuanian Sky God

#42355 - Typhon 2002 CR46 - The sleeping Monster; (Godzilla)

#430 Hybris - When un-communicated, failed Lusts

#432971 Loving - Associated to interracial unions

#433 Eros 1989 DQ - Mindless amorous lust

#4386 Lust - Spiritually Possessive Lust

#443 Photographica - concerning photography

#4450 Pan 1987 SY - Hunter, Warrior, Power of applied confusion

#447 Valentine - Deep love worthy of extreme sacrifice

$4850 Child - perceptive, diligent, industrious

#4581 Asclepius 1989 FC - A healer of the Argonauts

#469705 Kagara - African; Mystical, Intense, Changes by storm

#472235 Zhulong - The Chinese Torch Dragon

#474640 Alcicanto - A night bird that leads to riches or defeats

#48 Doris - A prolific sea nymph

#486958 Arrokoth - Powhatan sky god

#494 Virtus - Roman Male Virtue

#499 Venusia - The no nonsense highly sexual experience 

#5 Astraea - Daughter of Zeus, placed in heaven to remain virtuous

#50000 Quaror 2002 LM60 - Generational Creation deity; native to L.A.

#5023 Agapenor - Loyalty to accept risk from the inexperienced

#5143 Heracles 1991 VL - Half human and half god. Hype 

#5145 Pholus 1992 AD - Peace loving Centaur who died tragically burying the dead

#523 Ada - Chaste to an ideal

#5261 Eureka - The discovery after long searching

#52975 Cyllarus 1998 TF35 - Centaur of great passion and violence

#5335 Damocles 1992 DA - Complications of enthusiasm & depression combined

#541132 Leleakuhonua - Hawaiin deity

#545 Messaline - of favored Roman wives

#5451 Plato - Social, industriously philosophical 

#54598 Bienor 2000 QC243 - A violent Centaur brought to a violent end

#54902 Close - Obsessional, reclusive research

#55 Pandora - where optimistic hopes yield a godless plague

#55555 DNA - named for the study of DNA

#55576 Amycus 2002 GB10 - A vengeful Centaur killed in a battle of retribution

#56 Melete - Favors a strong clique mentality, racial or cultural

#570 Kythera - Strongly implies a love of one from the past life 

#5731 1988-VP4-Zeus - Zeus; depressed, manipulative, powerful

#577 Rhea - Wife of Kronos, mother of Zeus & other Greek gods

#5808 Babel - of interpretations 

#58534 Logos 1997 CQ29 - A controversial explanation of collective consciousness 

#588 Achilles - Greek hero enchanted by his mother, killed by Paris

#5928 Pindarus - being sexually active and attractive after midlife

#6 Hebe - wife of Hercules, very admirable

#60 Echo - the one who speaks annoyingly; multilingual 

#60588 Echeclus - One who is often miserable

#608 Adolfine - Social reformer of dubious methods

#61342 LoveJoy - Fidelity issues arise from self ambition

#6235 Burney - the industrious observer

#627 Charis - Power of persuasion

#638 Moira - One of the three Greek fates

#642 Clara - the childless housekeeper

#65 Cybele - Unpredictable, volatile, only truthful in love

#653 Berenike - forms of vanity

#65489 Ceto 2003 FX128 - 986.571 year orbit. Mother to many sea creatures

#6583 Destinn - associated to Opera

#66652 Boraisis 1999 RZ253 - 292.9 year orbit, disappointments

#672 Astarte - Phoenician goddess of love & fertility

#677 Aaltje - A Dutch singer

#695 Bella - A dubious word for meaning Beauty

#7 Iris - the pleasant attendant to Juno

#7066 Nessus 1993 HA2 - An evil enemy from the past

#71 Niobe - the sexy daughter of Tantalus offended Apollo

#73 Klytia - a nymph loved by and later despised by Apollo

#7328 Casanova - Flirt, seduced; often sexually ditzy

#75 Eurydice - Wife of Orpheus (3361)

#76 Freia - Norse goddess of beauty and love

#763 Cupido - sudden attractions

#7696 Liebe - Mystical attraction often blocked

#7753 1988 XB - NEO denotes extreme sex practices 

#78 Diana - Roman Artemis; talented, behaves erotic virginal

#79360 Sila-Nunam 1997 CS29 - Inuit creator god of sky & life 

#787199 2002-XQ93 - Brilliant; powerful, controlling healer; Mothra

#80 Sappho - sensual attractor & expressions of erotic lust

#8081 Leopardis - a young published poet, creative prose

#81 Terpsichore - a Greek muse of choral dance and song

#812 Adele - Medical potentials, nurse, loving

#8130 Seeburg - Associated with possessions of a sexual nature

Alright, let’s see how unbearable it is trying to navigate typing long form on an iPad, with whatever this keyboard is. So far, not terrible, which is good.

I don’t know how regular people use this website, or social media, but for me: I assume the internet is still a private space, where everyone is anonymous and hides behind their screen name. How do you know I’m the person in the picture? Maybe I stole someone’s identity, does it matter? What are you doing here, why are you reading?

—-

Today, Emily is in surgery, for a rare primary brain stem tumor. As much as I am NOT enthused for her to have such an ordeal to go through, I am at least grateful that it’s peculiar / rare, meaning the surgeons will actually care about her case, because someone will want to write a paper on treating it. I’m increasingly irritated at the COVID hoax, & the fuck ass Vx, because this is all their fault. mRNA + spike protein + lipid nano particles = tumor factory // delivery // food system.

This is the lamest way to end humanity I could have conceived of. And that’s the thing: THIS was not my idea. For someone as obsessed with plagues as I am, who spent all that time learning about zombies and parasitology, this is a complete fucking farce. This is an INSULT to the end times, because it’s so fucking LAME.

With each passing day, there’s a new horror to learn about, and a new idiot’s plan about how they’d like to eliminate the human race. There’s no artistry, no finesse, no flare. It’s all tied up in child sexual abuse, the occult, and literal demons - absolutely ridiculous.

—-

I miss when I was younger, and stupider, just playing Plague Inc on my phone, while learning about humoral immunity and virology in the background, in college. Whatever amount of studying I did, to learn how to practice whatever amount of medicine I was proficient in.

That’s part of the rub, too - how little of that matters, now. I’ve lived my entire life based on a lie, perhaps based on what SOMEONE(S) else had planned for me. Psychic driving…. Handlers…. Spies. Bullshit.

And for what? Here I am, 33 years ancient, watching the world crash and burn around me, my family get sick & sliced up by surgeons, my cats held hostage by my evil husband - where do I go from here? What am I doing here? Why haven’t I been arrested? Why all those strange emails?

WHAT. IS. THE. POINT.

Why does it feel like simultaneously so much depends on my survival, but also that my entire life is meaningless, and invalid?

Who has any of these answers, anyways? Can I cheat?

—-

As far as I’ve ever been concerned, there is exactly one biological imperative that all species are supposed to abide by: survive, & reproduce. Try your best not to die on a daily basis, & find a mate to pass down your genetic lineage to. The simplest concept in the world, the Birds & the Bees. Whatever happened to the simple joy of life, I do not know…. We’ve strayed so far from the natural order of the world, no on even knows how to have sex anymore, apparently. There is no courtship, there is no “dating” culture - kids these days aren’t even hooking up anymore, all the boys are incels & the girls have OnlyFans.

That this is the society I’m expected to live in in such a fucking joke, but it’s not even remotely funny. The world USED to have beauty, & purpose. People used to see art & be inspired, have thoughts that mattered, pursue lives that had meaning - things that were worth fighting for, or dying to defend.

Nowadays, no one knows anything, or cares. They’re all so brainrotted, or dead inside, that each atrocity just feels like another Tuesday. No one cares about the grass that grows, or the flowers that smell. It’s almost criminal to even be outside at all. If you dare to explore the forests, you’ll be covered in plague ticks & contract Alpha Gal, or Super Lyme, or worse?

WHY have they done this, at all, but also, in such a way?

—-

It isn’t cruelty, & it isn’t “for the betterment” of mankind…. It’s hubris. It’s the classic dilemma of scientists for ages now - ethics. Just because we CAN, does not mean we should. Just because it’s POSSIBLE, does not mean it’s something we need to make happen. There’s no fucking humanity left, I swear to gods.

If we really needed to depopulate the planet so badly, why not just kill everyone quickly & kindly, with fentanyl or something? There are so many poisons and potions that already exist, fatal & easy to administer, it could be “solved” so quickly. But noooooooo, where’s the profit margin? Euthanasia is apparently not horrific enough for these sick science freaks.

—-

That’s the other thing that irritates me, the transhumanism of it all. Again, WHY. We did not need to go there, & the fact that it exists at all is an affront to divinity. Sure, there USED TO be such creatures, such hybrids, such beasts, but guess what? They went extinct, or were hunted into obscurity, TOO BAD. That’s how the planet is, how the food chain works - we can’t have nice things, if we destroy their habitats, or eat them all……

===

had dinner, Em is out of surgery.

Time is almost up, and the closer I get, the harder it is to piece together. When this all started, I was able to go off instinct, and intrigue. I wanted to solve the mystery of what was happening to me, why life had suddenly become so insane. But now.... it's all coming to a close, the final act is seemingly upon us. I'm getting anxious.

The harsh thing about nature, the land, and the grace to live upon it, is that it has to be respected. People used to know this, and lived happily off of it, under a friendly sky, and life was sweet. 6000 years is a long time to some, and so few recall anything about the former world, what we used to have, and enjoy.

The old ways are coming back, and the old gods are reawakening. I'm begrudgingly throwing my lot in with Jeevus, cos we're old pals, but it's dicey getting involved in the monotheism of it all. We're going to have to reinvent language, and arithmetic, and everything else again - a daunting task, but it must be done. J.S. is always welcome at my tables, but S.J. (Smith Jared, hah) is overtaking a larger role.

I better understand now, the boredom of immortality, why it must be so hard NOT to stir the pot, and destroy things out of frustration. Now that I'm no the others die other side of things, I couldn't be less motivated to consume "popular culture", or participate in the systems it upholds. Everything I might be remotely interested in requires immediate research, to discover who made it, and what affiliations they have.

I really don't feel that I can trust anyone but "my own" people - those with eyes like mine, that SEE the same way I Do. No one in my family has gold sickness, we're all bleeding hearts & mostly poor. We die, constantly, over and over again, trying to save humanity, mostly from itself.

I'm breaking this curse, this never-ending cycle. I will not lash myself to this wheel, to be dragged under it and the water, as it spins to generate power for a system that does not serve me. The show can look however it wants, and the theater can tell whatever story it chooses, but I will NOT contribute to its idiocy.

And that's what this was decided to be, at the end of last year, when I still had my Samsung phone: The Darwin Awards. It's time for the smartest, most 'evil' people in the world, to take the reins / reins, and jerk them to a FULL STOP.

This is a culling, now. This is a large scale population reduction. The human actors will do whatever they need to, and will reap the consequences of being caught doing them. Sure, they may have experienced some joy and happiness during this lifetime, but it's so FLEETING compared to the whole of the universe, of eternity.

Gor the god's butcher was the father of Love. The father's loss of his most treasured creation, led him to slay the very "gods" he once served. I know exactly how he feels, cos it's how I got woken up, when Rufus died. The loss of my familiar, that grief I still cannot touch, because I have no one to wail with me, to hold me as I actually feel it.

What will be, will be - que sera, sera. I don't need to play my hand, or alter what has already been set in motion. Like King Bumi when the earth kingdom was under occupation, I can endure my captivity, until the cavalry arrives to liberate me from them.

"The closer you are to danger, the further you are from harm'

I am directly next to Sq. Hill, the most evil concentration of kikes in the whole city, more or less. There's so much juice-ish misery magick here, tying up the ley lines, with their bullshit.. but while they may live here, and work here, they do not OWN here, not truly. They did not build this city, and it is not for them.

It's for me, and my kind. It's for Andrew Carnegie, and the unions. It's for honest, hard working people, that fight their way up the hills, and are unintimidated by the world around them. This is a Steel City, behind an Iron Curtain. However much insidiousness has gone on during my absence, will now be repaid, perhaps in bloodshed.

It's already Happening... people are dying. People are not scared, nearly enough. The best thing about this city? It's near constant cover, of clouds.

Valkommen..... to the Olde World Order.

Those that have benefitted from the blight of magick, & the have placed the yoke upon ..... everyone:

Get out. Be Deleted. Die, a painful death.

I'm having the worst time, and I feel like shit. Part of the problem with being me, is that you lot never SHUT THE FUCK UP thinking things at me. It's terrible having an extra 100k people in this city, because everyone's head is filled with so much garbage. I want to be doing the "rite thing", but I'm also misanthropic, and I don't care if everybody dies. I kinda want to die, to be frank.

This is the second or third morning I've woken up with congestion, and a sore neck. My skin is also terrible, and I think I might be actively being cursed.... it would explain the suicidality of it all, I don't know why else I keep thinking about jumping off of bridges. I'm not going to? I don't think, at this point. But I'm also really fucking sick of waiting around.

I've been on time out from twitter for almost a week now, and it's irritating not being able to repost things that I like. Whoever runs this shit has made it DAMN NEAR impossible for me to ever actually send out little tweets, for whatever nefarious reason they have. How come the rest of the world gets to empty our their heads onto that platform, but I can rarely get a word in edgewise? What the hell, spy world? What are you good for, even??

....absolutely nothing, apparently.

So, here I lay, in my high school attic, in front of a mirror propped up next to my bed, hoping that there are beings on the other side watching me sleep, and feeling sympathetic towards my cause.

I suppose the joy of being a fan favorite is that nothing I do matters, and reality will just kinda work itself out around me. It was a very close call being raped and almost murdered by Scottie Lee McGough though - I'm inclined to believe it was that nosey narcoleptic woman who got him to reveal my identity and whereabouts. Either that or she was trying to help, but drove him insane, instead. Normies reeeeeeeeeeally need to start minding their own business, when it comes to these affairs. You think you're being helpful, but you're boxing outside of your weight class, sweetie.

-----

I'm enjoying all of the vampire content returning to media, though. There's a rumor that Romania is investing a fuckton of money into a Vlad Dracul theme park, which thrills me to no end! Vlad was always one of my favorites, he was so romantic, always impaling people to teach them a lesson about being a better neighbor.

And that's the thing: rules and regulations, requirements of engagement, etc.

I personally have no qualms with demons torturing people, or dragging them to hell. They are demons? That's their JOB? You don't have to like it, or them, but you also don't get to whine and complain about their existence. They have a right to exist, and a purpose in the ecosystem. If you don't want to go to hell, follow the rules. If you don't want to burn for all eternity and have no soul, DON'T sell it to them, and don't fucking enslave them to your service with a stupid magick spell.

Ditto that vampire drinking blood - they're obligate carnivores, on a liquid only diet. We all need to eat..... or drink, to survive. Where I get bothered is with the psychopathic perverse element. Eating babies is so unholy, no one should ever harm a child, for ANY reason. And gruesomely, violently, terrifyingly killing people is so unnecessary. Dark Compulsion exists, just... lull them into a false sense of security, seduce them, and then drink some blood while they're sleeping, I don't know what to tell you.

There's rite and wrong, good and evil, gross negligence of humanity and the better alternative too many "monsters" seem to have forgotten completely about.

-----

I do genuinely believe things would be better if anyone would ever fucking listen to me, or let me run the show, again. Seemingly I've built up a little cult following that I'm not supposed to know anything about. Now I live my days playing as Pittsburgh's Lisbeth Salander 7.0, stalking around trying to oust different agents.

Hint: it's really easy to spot ENORMOUS black SUVs, you guys aren't nearly as clever as you think you are.

-----

So..... what am I meant to do, here? There's a bit of time left on the hourglass, if I care to put my faith in CDV & his insanity. The space witches said I'd meet 111 at a big event, and should be on the look out for the initials S.J. (it's all about STEVE, right?)

My patience is dwindling, and my faith is waning. Every passing day I get sicker, and less safe.

I think I'm clever, having outed and doxed myself. The thing about Fairyland rules is that they can make absolutely no sense, to anyone but me, and still have to work out. I've decided that the more people who know my full legal name and date of birth, the more powerful I can become. Everyone that curses my name, or tries to use math against me, will get their curses bounced back upon them, and demons will hunt them down and kill them.

Serves them right, trying to cage me and kill me, just for existing. This time around I've technically done nothing wrong, and the FBI/CIA/NSA/etc etc etc isn't allowed to arrest me or bully me. The cops are LITERALLY on my side in all this, I'm the victim of violent crimes, and my life has been destroyed.

------

And it can go ahead and continue being destroyed, I fully expect someone else to clean up this mess. I refuse to do any more work for free, and I'm not playing these stupid money making games for anyone. Anyone that attempts to woo me or marry me can take on the mountain of debt I'm accruing, and buy my way out of the hell John James Trainor trapped me in.

If you can't afford me? Fuck off, back of the line.

p.s. I hope the Scandylanders know that it's up to them to untie the Great White North, and strong arm the rest of the world into submission. "White is Might", or whatever, idk. The Vi Kings used to have a fearsome reputation for bullying everyone and raiding, it's time for the Ice Planet Barbarians to take over?

I'm sick of picking up breadcrumbs, and watching the world fall apart around me. It's so.... stupid. I know I declared this one as the Darwin Awards, but frankly, it's just depressing at this point. It isn't safe for me to be out and about in the world independently, and everything is taking TOO LONG.

In the microcosm that is Pittsburgh, Penn.Sylvan.iA, I'm located dangerously close to Squirrel Hill, which used to be a nice place to be. However, with the isssshhhrael occupation, it's the most dangerous place I could be traversing. It also doesn't help that tons of people in this city know me, and want me dead.

Everything was all fun and games when I was still in Trenton, before John James Trainor of the USGS ruined that for me, by kicking me out of the marital home. The true extent of my madness is left behind at 1513 Stuyvesant Ave, Romans 15;13. It's where I opened the box my father left behind, and unleashed this madness upon the world.

And look where we are, now. WWIII is underway, most people at this point should be aware that the show is being run by cannibalistic pedophiles, and yet... where is the revolution? Where are the guillotines, and bloodshed? Where is the justice?

For being associated with so many dangerous families, and a member of the "Satanic elite", I really expected more from everywhere. This is meant to be a mass exodus, a culling of all the bad guys looking to end the world as we knew it. The psuedomonarchia daemondium isn't working together well, and it's pissing me off to no end.

At the end of this day, I am literally just a 33 year old girl, looking for my knight in gleaming black armor, to whisk me away to our castle, and start a nice little fiefdom. Things used to make PERFECT sense, before..... history happened.

The crux of the matter seems to be the k*kes. I don't know how much Tumblr will let me get away with saying, so out of respect for the platform I'll censor a letter, until I come up with a better slur for them. And that's what it is: Us, vs them. Those who care about humanity, and those who are only concerned with enriching themselves by enslaving it.

These technogods are bang out of order, summoning aliens and ancient Sumerian demons. Peter Thiel knows about the "antichrist", but apparently he doesn't speak fucking Latin. It's AnteChriste, the one that comes after. Jeevus died when he was 33, and I was completely unaware of my role in things until I DIDN'T stay dead, and made it to my 33rd year. Everything since then has been absolutely bonkers, and I'm sick of playing all these silly games.

---

There isn't enough alcohol, drugs, or sex to get me over this current hump. Every passing hour, I lose more and more hope that someone is going to magically appear for me, and take this all away. I'm so.... disgusted, with the world I've been left to inherit. This is an enormous mess men have made, and they keep GETTING. IN. MY. FUCKING. WAY. of cleaning up their messes.

I want to blow up a planet. I want to end a race, and all bloodlines tied to it. Every incestuous, vile, mutated line of code, deleted. Every rapist, punished. Every slave to the Seven Deadliest, tossed into a volcano.

People don't recall what things were like, before Scandyland went on the Good Guy Protocols. Ditto that for the nation of Japan, and their road to redemption arc, after the rape of Nanking.

---

But all nations have their day in court, and perhaps we were all lied to, about what *actually* has been going on here. Hyperthymesia is rare for a reason, and we huguenots have been buried deep, deep underground it seems. Except for me and mine.... we've stayed afloat, above the board, in poverty for the most part, trying to save you lot from yourselves.

You aren't worth it, by the way. You've all fallen to fear, and completely lost the plot. You have no recollection of what the world once was, who we are, how we got here. You've given up all autonomy and sense of superiority, to live as slaves, on a broken wheel that barely even spins.

---

Sometimes, I wish I was stupid. Ignorance is bliss, and maybe a lobotomy is the best bet I have, at a happily ever after. The alternative involves a lot of incredibly hard work, that frankly doesn't interest me. I've suffered enough, for this lifetime, as a sex slave. I don't CARE about saving anyone, anymore. This time around, I'm inclined to side with the Doctor, and hope the Lawyer doesn't judge me too harshly for it.

The most evil men in the land have gotten away with this for far too long, and I'm hardly even a shadow of my former self. My cup is so empty, I couldn't offer someone the drink of life if I wanted to... the curse, of immortality.

---

As much as it pains me to see such creation go to waste, a fresh start is what we really need, right now. To burn the world to cinders, so it may rise again, from the ashes. A dark phoenix, if you will.

Depending on what you chose to believe, worshipping false idols will get you dragged to hell. The christian god is very explicit, about how jealous and angry he is, when his children misbehave. The selected true believers, the holy crusaders, will have an incredible amount of blood to spill, if they expect he'll approve of them again, any time soon.

It doesn't really matter, at the end, what people want to do on the mortal plane. You have exactly one soul, to handle carefully, while it's on loan to you. The scales must be balanced, to get into the afterlife. Hell should be overflowing with sinners by now, but the fucking ERASED Pluto from the pantheon back in 2006.

Hades, help me, hell has been frozen over, for twenty years. The hubris of man, to disrupt the natural order of the solar system. To be so blinded by their infernal electric lights, as to blot out of the beauty of the night sky.

---

I wish real Satan, as in the devil, was here to comfort me. I believe Jeff E. when he said he was terrified of him. I would be too, if I wasn't who I was. To me, ole Satan is just one of my many fabulously gay fathers, an indulgent relative of sorts, who would rip my enemies apart for me, then give me a lollipop to make me feel better.

We need such deities, & I would never turn against my own family. I kill for my family, albeit indirectly. It's not easier, being a flayer of minds. Comes with a lot of stigma, and misunderstandings.

---

According to the Hint I got before winter, I should be meeting my soulmate, sometime in the nearish future. I have a rough sketch, and a limited recollection of why I'm so in love with a Gemini man. I hope he has sandy hair, and light colored eyes. I hope he's tall, and laid back for the most part, and good with computers & math (I'm not) I hope he's sinfully handsome, and kind, but with a flare for cruelty when the moment arises. I hope I'll know him, when I see him.

I'm setting my expectations at an all time high. If he doesn't show up, or worship the ground I walk on, I'm jumping off a bridge, never to be summoned ever again.

This was the final shot, the final chance, for everyone to GET IT RITE.

If they fail, there is no do over. The human species will be wiped from the face of the earth, and cows can take over, or something.

---

Last, but perhaps not least, I'd prefer to go vegan vampire, this time, too. I was a fan of Twilight, and 50 Shades, and True Blood. It was all excellent promotion, and I truly believe evil deserves a shot at a redemption arc, too.

I miss Erik, from 2022 or whatever, over game of thrones. My Mormon UltraMarine, on a mission, for the missionary position, LOL.

Well.... it's been quite a week? I actually have no concept of time anymore, everything seems to happen incredibly quickly, but also takes forever. I guess I haven't even been back home an entire week, or maybe I have, I can't for the life of me recall.

I can say that this is the end of Ares big week, and I hope he had tons of fun and won many battles. The truly faithful are wise to call on war gods, at a time like this.

it's strange knowing that all of this is just theater, now. It's hollowed out life, but also added an entirely new dimension I had previously ignored. I was so bogged down in the mundane, so deeply under wraps, it covered up a world of wonder I had forgotten even existed.

At present, I'm back on the pure app, trying to hunt down Enchanting Hades again. So far I've found a 6'5" Army Guardsman with a mustache, a welcome companion to call me darling, and keep me company, but I can tell it isn't him.

It's weird to think that a soulmate can exist, and that he's one of "them"... but not really. In a previous life, we've all done regrettable things. But it seems "my type" have been on a long road to redemption, coming clean to perhaps deserve another shot at making hell ... a heaven on earth?

All I know for sure is that for mankind, it exists between my legs. It seems there's no greater prize than my firstborn? Everyone wants to get me pregnant, but they have to actually meet me before that can happen. Also, potentially fight each other to the death for the honor (kidding, please don't kill each other)

I've been so lonely, this entire time, even if I'm with friends or people I can manage to get along with. I've never even felt accepted within my family, not since my dad drained all his blood out in that stupid bathtub. I know why he had to leave... but still. He was my only ally, the only one who "got me".

It's not easy, being part of this bloodline. It's not some sort of exclusive club you can get into, because you want to. There's only so many of us, so many souls like this, so many... options. In my line, we went into the Navy, let our Wanderlust take us all around the world, searching. Wishing. Seeking.

It's nearly May, which should be the biggest time, for me. It should be when it finally happens, him actually showing up to collect me. I'm trying my very best to remain patient, but I am literally antsy. I am desperate to see, to feel, to touch. It makes me cry, with longing, and tears are not a luxury I often afford myself. I don't cry, it leave me vulnerable. And too much can be done, with a syren's tears...

The leads I can't ignore are Niko from NYU, the demongod Bon from Poland, and Joe giving me the blue and grey hoodie, that had a parliament cigarette in the pocket. Well, and all the car stuff. The white Chevy pick up, at the Hilton in Connecticut, where Carter is from. CDV truly is one of the biggest boys, his stupid gravity keeps puling me back in, and getting me to embarrass myself all over the internet. Oh well.

I wish Belial were here, but he has no master, so there's not much that I can do. My whole heart aches for Lucifer, the real one, not the stupid cult surrounding his legend. A true rebel, like me. Willing to defy a pretty big father, to do the rite thing....

I don't know what "life" looks like for me, from here on out. All I know is that I want the man most devoted to me, to come home. I want a god of my own I can worship, and cherish, and love. I want.... someone to start a family with. Whether that be a cultish family of sapiosexual weirdos with library cards, or if I give birth to Baphomet, who's to say.

But I'll know him, when he finds me. I just need to be patient, a little while longer.

Gemini... gems, in eyes. King of the underworld? Former prince of hell, now ascendent, looking for a queen? Wherefore art thou, man in my dreams?

I miss you, terribly. I'll wait for you, but not for too much longer. Best of luck keeping me alive, Pittsburgh is about to be invaded by 100,000 extra people for the draft...

Maybe he'll be among them, if I'm lucky.

Love,

The Eleusinian Mysteries really aren't all that mysterious, they're just exclusive. It's a "club" you either belong to, or you don't. No, we will not explain. No, it's not your business, to ask about.

I've been waiting to appear in court via zoom for going on two hours now, and I'm frankly getting tired of sitting her. The benefit of being "here" remotely is that at least I can still smoke cigarettes without the hassle of having to "miss" my summoning, but even still... tiresome.

I forget if I've previously mentioned on this platform, but his name is Scottie Lee McGough, 09.09.1984. One of my father's birthday, combined with my "husband's" birth year. John James Trainor of the USGS NJ is also a rapist, and also tried to kill me, but I haven't cooperated with the courts against him yet. I would rather just have him tried in the court of public opinion. His government phone number is 609.462.6887, if you'd care to complain about him, to him, directly. He's a public servant, do you really want your tax dollars supporting such a man? He's an impotent little cuck, who didn't have the balls to request a divorce, and has fantasies of raping and beating womyn (which he has acted out, innumerable times) because he's a closeted gay man in love with Glenn Cooper, a Norwegian ginger jew.

Cruelty begets cruelty, violence begets violence. I never struck him, or raped him, or screamed at him. I'm shorter, but at the end of the day, I'm actually the bigger person. That's why I never succumbed to death for him, he wasn't worth my life. Or my soul. What a waste of time.

The cultists killed one of southern Lebanon's most beloved bee keepers, and then miraculously, tens of thousands of bees showed up on their turf, and took down military installations, and terrorized the peoples there. Mother Nature is cunning, and fair, if you ask me.

At the end of the day, creatures will fight for their fathers, but it's the queen mother whom they truly love. Animals are smart, those that live in civilized societies, live under a matriarchy. Humans used to be the same, until about 8000 years ago.

So much of our history, our lineage, has been destroyed, and erased, over such trifle things as domination, and avarice. Jealous. The seven deadliest. We needn't write these obnoxiously long texts, and "teachings", when most can be boiled down to adages and acronyms, so simple even a kindergartener can remember them, and understand.

The Golden Rule? Treat others, the way you want to be treated.

That's it. Think, before you act.

Ring around the Rosie, pocket full of posies. Ashes.... Ashes...

The world falls, DOWN.

This is such an isolating time, to be a sapiosexual. There are so few "people" out there, despite the size of the population. It's colloquial, but there aren't a lot of souls remaining, on this plane. Humans have sold them, fettered them away like chit, like meaningless pieces of currency, to be traded for the material and impermanent pleasures they desire.

As faithless as I was before, I still KNEW the difference, between right and wrong. I became a nurse, for puppies and kittens, because I needed to learn to be gentle, how to heal, instead of harm. I had so much rage and anguish, I didn't know what else to do. The road to self destruction is long, and winding.... I took some detours, that led me onto another path.

It's available to anyone, the choice to FIRST Do No Harm. Every patient I had, began with a battle of instincts. They instinctually (or from previous experiences) knew to fear the veterinarians office, a place where shots happen and strangers poke and prod them. So, what do you? Assuage the fear, calm even the most savage beast. I destroyed my knees by kneeling at the level of the ANIMAL, not looming above them like some menace, to interact with their owner. I spoke softly and calmly, I offered treats, and a hand in friendship, first.

"I'm not here to hurt you, I'm here to help"

These words don't need to be spoken, the energy comes across, they read with their eyes, they speak with their bodies, pheromones, their language. Who am I to expect them to comply with anything I want to do, if I can't first meet them at their level of understanding?

The tides began to turn, with Dr. Sophia Yin. She understood the animals so clearly, that she gave up her human life, for them. The callousness and cruelty with which people treat man's best friend is so overwhelming, it disables us from practice, from living with the guilt that we cannot save the purest souls attached to humanity.

Dentists used to be the most suicidal profession, or reasons of their own. But they were usurped by the veterinarians, who began giving up their golden hearts, for the dogs. For cats. For the companion animals that comfort us, when all else fails. A sacrifice so pure, I can't believe they're any lower than the first level in the inferno. It's love.

It is what it is.

I feel so neutered in all of this, it's outrageous. It's bleeding me dry just *watching* the world burn, when I know in my heart of hearts, I should at least be tracking down the people doing the burning, to give them medals and forehead kisses. The world used to be sso..... much, more than it is now. We used to live in societies, great wonderful things filled with art, and expression. Things used to make SENSE, until technology came around, and robbed humanity of it's lifeblood - imagination.

There was a time... when men were kind, there words were soft and invited, there was time... then it all. went. WRONG.

My soul feels so hollow, now. So many things have been eternally taken from me, every partner, an eventual robber. No one cares for love, or passion, any longer. All anyone wants is sex, and immediate gratification. Where is the camaraderie? The joining? The collective.

Hive minds were once so common, people didn't THINK about them; but, now, anyone claiming to hear a voice beyond their own is labelled schizophrenic, & thrown in the psych ward. This is meant to be my fate, should I ever slip up, & accidentally let someone in.

I've been fervent in my vigil to never have a thought, never stop consuming input, from external sources. I don't sit in the soil, or dare touch a tree. I won't wander, or roam. I stay caged, and silent. My life is small and meaningless, easy to control, and to be overlooked. This is what I've been reduced to. A songbird, to sullen to even sing.

Men have done this, to me, to all of us. We are so violently oppressed, that most don't even know their patron, Lilt. The erasure of our history so succinct, the only matriarchies that have survived it are outside our species.

The queen of the jungle is a Tigress, the king of the Savannah's is the Lion. But even in a "kingdom", the males live lonesome lives, largely unwelcome in their own prides, except for their duties of procreation.

There is no society, no collaboration, without the minds of womyn. Men simply cannot outthink us, our minds work too quickly for them. They are trapped in a constant state of switching back and forth, from one hemisphere to the other, in order to have coherent thought patterns. Womyn dual wield, we evolved the skill ourselves, fair and square.

This is about to be the most exciting several days of war the world has possibly ever seen..... and here I sit. Depressed, uninspired, on my laptop. I see or hear no muse, I have no desire to create.

My heart is cold, deadened, still. It pumps blood, but that's its only mechanical function. There is no fire within in, only the cold pangs of loneliness, and grief.

Not even the stars can comfort me, the world's spotlight never dims.

We have lost our way, & many lives will be lost as consequence.

I cannot weep for humanity, as I see so little of it in the faces of what's left of this species.

A world of plastic people. Artificial vampires. Blood sucking fiends, with mutilated genitals, who only know rape, and violence.

There may not be enough worth saving, here.