#wheniamgone

I want you to remember me. I do not mean the kind of remembering that reflects forgetting, the kind that keeps the memories in the back of your mind for only brief reminiscing inside your own consciousness. I mean, remember me. Really remember me. 

When you find someone new, as you surely will, your heart will become lighter. I hope they are funny and sweet and respectful. I hope they love you even more than I ever could. I hope they look at you like you are the sun, moon, and stars, as you were for me. I hope that you find someone who melts the darkness in your heart and quiets the voices in your mind. I hope they help you to find peace within yourself. But, I want you to remember me. Remember the way I loved you and your love for me. I want you to tell them about me. Tell them about the good times we had and learn from the all the bad times. Tell them your first love story, all the ups and downs and its tragic end. Tell them all you learned from me and how it brought you to them. Remember me. 

When you have children, you will be a great parent. They will fill the hole in your heart with their laughter. They will take away the longing in your eyes and give you a purpose that can be felt through every fiber of your tragically temporary being. They will test your patience and worry you sick. They will make you proud and disappoint you. They will grow up as you grow older. They will ask questions and learn from your wisdom as well as their own mistakes. But, I want you to remember me. When they ask you about your first love, I want you to remember me. I want you to recount our love story to them. I want you to tell them what first love feels like and remember that it is like nothing else on this earth. I want you to tell them how we met and how we fell in love, but I also want you to warn them of how it ended. Let them know that, like most beautiful things in life, the first love is fleeting. Though it never fades, that kind of love is not meant to last a lifetime. Let them fall anyways. Let them feel the happiness we felt and be there when it comes to a painful end. Remember me. 

When you grow old, I will be but a distant thought in your aging mind. You will have a lifetime worth of memories stored in front of my own. Most of them will be joyful I hope. Your children will have grown and started their own lives. Your partner has tired with age, but the sight of them makes you as happy as the day you met. Your heart is healed and has filled with an unimaginable amount of warmth and love. You will hardly ever think of me now. You wonder where I am and if I am happy. I am. Somewhere, I think, I am happy. My soul has healed and I remember you every day. So, I ask that you remember me. Remember how I looked, my fingers interlaced in yours. Remember how our love somehow brought you here and that our fateful end was a necessary evil. As your mind begins to fade and your memories are lost to the great expansion of our universe, remember me. One day, somewhere, I think, we will meet again.