The holidays are busy times for family, friends and co-workers, so I was pretty happy that the wife and I were able to get a little exploration to meet our Brazilian acquaintance, the DJ.   We had hoped to see his set a month ago in November, but I had a work event and my wife is not the one to go solo with a new man.  So I was happy that she agreed to go see him spin his music.  I wasn’t sure he would remember us, but he did and was happy to see us again.  That made my wife’s night and our week as she was a little more confident and sexy than usual.  So much fun.  

It seems so long ago.  We then slipped back into the holiday routine of family and friends.  A family trip.  Delayed flight.  Back at home.  

My wife and I went out Saturday night with a guy I met at the climbing gym.   He’s a bit younger, cutting edge with a mohawkish haircut and tattoos. Kinda looks like a Viking.  Despite his looks, he’s very easygoing.  I knew my wife would like hanging out with him.  Smart, fit, attractive.

The fun part of this lifestyle is that you never really know who might be interested.  I know my wife would like him.  He’s respectful and easy-going.  He’s currently single and looking to have fun.  I figured he would like my wife.  She’s attractive, fun and able to connect with people. 

Dinner was very chill, my wife was sure to pay him attention.  A little flirting, soft touches.  It’s partly her nature to begin with, but if she likes a man she’s happy to show it.   And she did.

Previously, she would have her guard up and wonder what would be appropriate.   Now, she’s more than happy to encourage respectful men she finds attractive.  She knows that I like it when she does.  She likes the attention and banter.  And guys enjoy getting the attention from a married woman.  It all works. 

Meeting our latest prospect has gotten me thinking about what we look for in a third or other couples.  It’s pretty simple.  Can the person actually participate in a triad or quad relationship?   In the case of meeting a man, it’s do they actually get the dynamics of being part of a triad.   It’s very much a 3-way dynamic.   The other man needs to understand that and get excited by that.  

First the person needs to separate love from play or sex.  My wife and I are looking for extra play partners for her, not romantic partners.  I believe it’s easier for men to do this than women.  Yet talking with women, I know that’s not true.  Whatever the case, the person needs to be able to separate that this is a play or sexual experience and not a romantic experience at least for us at this point in time. 

Second, the person needs to acknowledge they are participating with a couple, not a single woman.  That’s a skill that many don’t have as most think of a relationship involving two people only.  The other man needs to understand that my wife will include me in their play.  That might be in person or sharing the information. They need to be comfortable with that and excited by that. 

Third, they need to understand when to step away.  Participating with a couple means, our relationship is our priority.  The extra relationships are a fun experience, but not our highest priority.  That requires a person who is very secure and not looking to fill a gap, a wounded soul and not needing attention every weekend.  Perhaps my wife will be in touch during the time apart or not.   

My wife and I went to a friend's Day of the Dead party.  We met a nice man who sparked some interest from my wife.  He’s good looking, Brazilian, but not Latin,  shifting between unaccented English and Portuguese.  He's a part-time DJ, not sure what else he does, but we all got along and his set and the venue sounded fun.  I could tell my wife found him attractive. 

He offered to give me his contact information, but I had left my phone at home. It had gotten wet, which is a story for another time.  It was cute as my wife got his number. 

During the party, my wife spent a moment taking in the view.  I went over to her.  I could feel something, it was our new friend eyeing my wife.  I was not perturbed, nor excited.  Just aware.  Aware of the potential.  My wife likes to dance, she was intrigued by the man.   I’m sure she'll get an invite.  

It’s been a while.  A lot has gone on in the world.  Yet one thing continues, more people are engaging in open relationships of some sort. 

Look at what the 18-29 year olds are doing. 47% say their relationship is not monogamous.  15%  rate their relationship as somewhere in between monogamish.  12% say they are completely not monogamous.   17% are not sure of their relationship status.  That’s interesting to me because when I was dating it was a pretty clear line one discussed.   Perhaps that is because they haven’t discussed it.   Or perhaps they don’t really care. 

30-44 year olds are doing some similar things. 42% are doing something other than monogamy.  24% monogamish.  7% completely non-monogamous and 11% unsure.

It’s just something that is happening.  There’s an understanding between the couple that extra sexual relationships are acceptable. 

My wife and I had a fun time at a couple’s housewarming.  This couple is one my wife and I have on our “potential” radar.  We can't quite figure out their relationship status and we would like to play with them.  They just seem to do boundaries differently than the usual couple.  Extra flirty with us, lots of innuendo, ready for a good time, very separate social lives, her going out a lot and being cagey with who.  I put it to rest then something else comes up to get it on my radar. 

I was excited they invited us as I feared I had screwed up the relationship. After 2 years of smoke and wondering about whether their relationship status is open or not, I couldn’t leave well enough alone and eventually did ask my friend if they had an open relationship.  It was within context as the wife had gone out with a male friend to a concert.  There was something in the way she talked about him that said he was special.   So I asked.   How long they've been going out or something like that.  She had already told me they’ve known each other for 10 years, so  my question perhaps wasn’t clear.   Even though she’s a tattooed hipster,  making sexual jokes was not well received.  She felt threatened and wondered about my female relationships which I told her my wife is very supportive of.  I was going to tell her that I was supportive of my wife’s male friendships of all kinds as well, but it was getting tense.  We did talk about poly, she described those kinds of relationships as being illegal.   I hit a nerve for sure.   I’ve been working on rebuilding the relationship. So  I was happy they invited us. 

49% of adults have had a threesome according to Adameve.com in 2024.  That’s a pretty large percentage.  That makes having a threesome very mainstream.  Having a threesome is the most popular fantasy, the most popular request for sex advice.  Just keep that in mind when talking with your neighbors. 

And to be clear, the question is about threeway sex, not just making out.

A person reached out to tell me that I got it wrong, many women love being monogamous and exploring otherwise is dangerous.  So I thought it might be helpful to summarize some of the facts.  Yes monogamy is desired by many people, and it is the preferred relationship style for the majority.  However, most people fantasize and have desires about something other than monogamy.  And many people are not-monogamous

In regards to fantasies, the vast majority of men and women fantasize about group sex. 95% of men and 87% of women report having group sex fantasies.   It makes you realize that the people not having group sex fantasies are in the minority. 

Most men and women fantasize about being in an open relationship.  79% of men and 62% of women.  This generally goes higher if either individual is non-heterosexual.   That makes sense to me, it’s very arousing to imagine you have a loving stable relationship and a sexual relationship on the side. 

When it comes to cuckolding threesomes, again this is a very common fantasy for both men and women. It’s important to note, there are two types - exhibitionistic sex where you are the one engaged in sex and voyeuristic sex where you are watching your partner.  Men like both 50% fantasize about being watched by their partner and 52% fantasize about watching their partner.  For women it’s a little different, 40% of women fantasize about having their partner watch them and 26% of women fantasize about watching their partner.  Again this goes higher if the individuals are non-heterosexual.  

So in general most people fantasize about group sex, the majority fantasize about being in an open relationship and a large segment fantasize about cuckolding.   Many people share these fantasies with each other and it’s becoming more and more common for couples to be monogamish.  They are not monogamous, but they are not swingers.  Somewhere in between.  

@lustysexappeal made some comments which I want to address.

Cuckolding - She mentioned that the use of the cuckolding is probably misleading for many couples particularly if you're new to this. For my post, I changed the word from cuckolding to threesomes. Threesomes are essentially the most common fantasies for a couple. Furthermore, most couples aren't into the humiliation aspect often associated with the cuckold dynamic.

Younger People - She pointed out she was surprised that number of woman fantasizing about their husband with another woman is high, possibly due to younger people being open-minded. Most likely that's true. Other research shows the younger generations being more experimental with sex and with relationships.