#werewolf!ethan

Ethan would like to say that the screaming surprised him when it woke him from a dead sleep. That would be a lie though, since it had become an almost nightly feat as of late. So when he sat up upon hearing the muffled sobs and sound of shuffling across the dark cabin, he thought it would be like any other evening. That was until he heard the door slam shut, preceding a loud boom of thunder.

That was what had him on his feet, sliding on his slippers and rushing into the hallway in seconds. Will had emerged from his resting place on his old futon too, hair disheveled from sleep and looking at Ethan blearily.

“Did he..?”

“Yeah,” Ethan sighed, “I think he did.”

“Do you want me to go look for him?” The youngest werewolf looked exhausted, having been hunting all afternoon for the pack and for the vampires too. He was still wary around Ava and Estia but he supposed this agreement wasn’t too bad. At least if he was providing them with animal blood then it meant no wandering humans were at risk. Still, he wasn’t used to so much activity and hadn’t completely adjusted to the act of changing forms comfortably. Needless to say, the last thing Will wanted to do was go running after an upset Connor at midnight.

“No, I’ve got him,” Ethan shook his head and was already tugging on his boots, “He’ll be upset.”

Before Will could press the matter any more, Ethan had already slipped out into the storm. He didn’t bring an umbrella, though he did have the forethought to tuck Connor’s jacket under his arm since the other hadn’t bothered. He wasn’t sure which direction Connor had gone in and the rain interferes with his scent, so Ethan just started walking.

This was, unfortunately, more common as of late. Connor continued to have nightmares about his mother, ones he told Ethan about one night before Will had joined him. His mind often ran through the events of her murder, making him relive the trauma from his teenaged years every night. After his father’s death, at the hands of Connor himself, the nightmares got worse. He barely slept anymore and when he did he almost always woke up screaming.

Connor’s main issue was his coping mechanisms, or lack thereof. Ethan knew his dad had been abusive and would frequently punish Connor for showing any weakness. He knew that he grew up emotionally stunted, used to hiding his feelings and pushing everything down. Cornelius wanted a soldier, a strong heir to the clan; he didn’t have time for a soft son. It didn’t do Connor any good, especially not now.

He didn’t know how to cope, didn’t know how to express his emotions. He never had the chance to properly grieve for his mother and had to make the regretful decision to kill his own father. That was a series of events that would haunt the werewolf for the rest of his immortal life. It made Ethan worry.

Luckily it didn’t take too much walking before he spotted his friend. Connor was crouched on the ground by the riverbank, head in his hands. He wasn’t crying, not audibly, but Ethan could see his shoulders shaking. He was probably freezing, even though lycanthropy made their body temperatures run higher than normal; being out in a rainstorm shirtless is good for no one.

“Connor?”

“I’m fine, Ethan,” his mumbled reply sounded so dejected that it confirmed he was, in fact, not fine. Ethan didn’t say anything though, just came closer and wrapped his coat around Connor’s shoulders.

“You’ll catch your death out here.”

“That’s so dramatic,” Ethan could have swore he heard the eye roll from Connor, “I’ll live, unfortunately.”

“Hey, don’t,” Ethan didn’t like the sound of that. He knew they all had trauma and bad memories to work through, this wasn’t news. Yeah, life as a tiny pack of werewolves wasn’t easy and immortality was the opposite of comfortable. Still, Ethan wouldn’t let one of his pack suffer, especially not with whatever war was going on in Connor’s mind.

Somehow he managed to drag Connor to his feet, wincing at how bloodshot his golden eyes were. Connor hated appearing weak, immediately tried to shy away from him, but Ethan persisted. He wasn’t used to comfort, didn’t remember what it was like to be consoled or cared for. Even still, it didn’t take long before Ethan had coaxed Connor into a hug.

That was the breaking point, the moment where his façade shattered and the scared, abused boy came back to the surface. He hated this, hated that he so easily broke down, but it was what he really needed. Ethan just stood there, holding Connor as he sobbed into his shoulder. His whispered reassurances were barely audible over the rumbling thunder and the river beside them, but it was okay. Connor was just grateful to have him there, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

They stood like that for a while, until Connor’s arms had officially went numb. His tears did stop, save for some poorly stifled sniffles and sound that could only be classified as a whimper. It hurt Ethan to see him like this, the strong and ever confident man he had grown to admire since they met breaking down. He was broken, traumatized, and all Ethan could do was watch as his brain forced him to relive the worst parts of his life.

“You’re safe, Connor,” Ethan promised, “I’ve got you.”

“He-“

“I know. I’m sorry.”

The other man pulled back enough to meet his eyes and the pain that crossed his face was immense, “I- I don’t want to be a... a monster.”

“Hey,” warm hands found Connor’s cheeks, brushing away the tears and forcing eye contact, “You’re not a monster. You aren’t him.”

“But...” Connor exhaled shakily, “I- he said...”

“He was a liar and he hurt you. What happened was bad but you did what you thought was right. You probably saved a lot of lives that day, Connor, including your own. The fact that you even feel guilt for this means you aren’t a monster.”

“P-promise?”

Ethan nodded immediately, not giving him a chance to doubt his words. That alone helped Connor visibly relax, though he still looked like he wanted to run away and never stop.

“Let’s go home, okay?”

Connor wanted to protest, not wanting Will to see him like this. He wanted to keep some of his dignity, leave some semblance of his pride intact. Still, he was cold and so tired. He just wanted to sleep, though he knew the second he surrendered to the exhaustion that the dreams would be back.

“Tired...”

“I know,” Ethan agreed as he led him back down the forest path. He kept an arm around Connor’s waist, giving him a sense of stability because he knew everything was too much at that point. They walked in silence, both soaked from the rain and chilled to the bone. Ethan would light a fire when they got back, he promised, then Connor could rest.

Will wasn’t awake when they returned, knowing better than to pester Connor after a panic attack. While the other wolf trusted him, he didn’t like to show weakness around their newest friend and Will understood that. Their bond could strengthen eventually and maybe then Connor would let himself be more vulnerable, until then he could just let Ethan keep him safe.

It took a bit of coaxing to get Connor to sit down on the couch. He wanted to retreat to his room but Ethan wouldn’t let him, citing that he would only get sick if he went to bed so cold. So Connor ended up bundled in a blanket, looking rather poorly as he watched the other light the small wood stove across the room.

Maybe it was the warmth of the room when the fire started up. Maybe it was the exhaustion from his panic. Perhaps it was all of those things, plus the way Ethan sat down beside him and opened his arms without a word. Whatever the cause, Connor let himself lean into the comfort. No words to be had, that would be too embarrassing, they just sat in the silence.

The warmth was comforting, something that had been majorly missing from his life for years. It was weird but not in a bad way. For the first time, Connor felt safe, wrapped in a soft blanket and with his head on Ethan’s shoulder. Ethan didn’t mention it, just ran a hand up and down his arm in a soothing motion. Connor couldn’t help but melt into the touch because it was the most genuine affection he had felt in years. Even if he couldn’t express it properly, he was so grateful for this moment.