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My dad is weird, part one: lollipops.
Me & Dad, watching tv: *guy on tv has a lollipop in his mouth* Dad: Those things are so stupid. Me: What things? Dad: The lollipops. Me: …Why? Dad: I mean, why would you wanna put candy on a stick, I think having it poking outta my mouth is annoying. Me: …Dad, you used to smoke. Dad: …I did.
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Weekend iz for fancy dinner 🍽️
Gng WHAT is wrong with my dad beu 😞
my dad (who is probably not an ex-assassin) disappeared last week. He said he was going on a ‘trip’ but wouldn’t say where, just, “not far.” Since he left he’s been completely off the grid and we have no idea when he’ll be back. Soon though, we hope. I miss him and I don’t want to have to feed his cat all summer.
I’ve read enough spy stories to know he’s on a secret quest, probably fighting space aliens for a shady international organization that he’ll never be allowed to tell us about.
Or he’s at the Best Western downtown reading 5 novels a day and eating entire packs of oreos by the pool.
One of those.
My dad is so weird
It is dark here like need a flashlight dark and my dad is mowing the damn lawn like the fuck
Now that you know what the future holds, Invi, what does your heart say?
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Went shopping w/ dad today, imma tell what stood out to me
- a guy that looked like Charlie day carrying a single carton of milk.
- smelled mold and floor cleaner at the same time in Meijer.
- also smelled very strong pretzel smell @ Walmart.
- ate rlly good raspberry sorbet.
- checked the time (3:33).
- 3 young siblings called me old (Im a teenager???).
- all the mangos @ the store were wrinkly or way to soft.
- saw a woman carrying her baby and a hot pink cooler in a Walmart.
- dad meowed.
my dad just sent me this fucking image ?
I’m crine son😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
also I picked up a brown katydid today!! very cute guy
Yk me and my dad don’t get along very often but sometimes his idiocy is pretty funny. I love the guy but what are you saying man.
“The government is full of nazis because if you have a DUI you can’t buy alcohol”
“When those people with bull rings (aka septum piercings) get seizures it’s because your nerves are trying to grow through the metal and it shocks your brain”
“It’s the republicans who hate all the people, they’re ruining this country!” (Says the republican all because they started charging a $2 tax on two or more packs of cigarettes)
