#webcomic meta

**SPOILERS FOR I DON’T WANT TO BE THIS KIND OF HERO**

While I was reading idwtkoh, I was bothered that Baekmorae didn’t seem to acknowledge he didn’t have a concrete realistic plan to get Raptor back. He was clearly intelligent enough to know she would not go from hate to love (or maybe he thought she would? Considering he toed that line himself with his relationship with the Doctor. Respect for him as a person, and hate about what he was doing and making Baekmorae do).

Raptor also has a lover in Haze that Morae recognises is too important to her to ever kill. So why, despite Raptor’s clear dislike of Beakmorae, would he continue to try and make her love him? Why would he think she ever would when he continued to do evil and cruel things?

In the flashback Raptor basically said to Baekmorae that the happiness he felt killing someone was something he shouldn’t be ashamed of or die for (she didn’t mean killing in general of course, she meant killing someone who abused you specifically). Alongside internalising the immortal mindset from number 2 that it’s a right and an instinct for creatures to want a prosperous life, and that it’s natural for creatures to kill each other for their own survival (which just explains how they see humans as simple creatures that can’t be morally faulted for all wrongdoings, and is why they won’t necessarily hate a human who kills people). He mixed those and believed it’s natural to kill others for the sake of his own pleasure and desires. However, ultimately the immortals are selfless in complete contrast to Baekmorae. 

So to explain my theory as to why he may act this way toward Raptor despite her clear permanent hate:

It also bothered me that Baekmorae went from a nice caring person who could barely stand the thought of people being hurt. The kind of person that wishes to 'punish' himself by sleeping in that room to lay witness to it because of his immense guilt....and then...just becoming someone who would happily kill all people other than the doctor who caused that guilt so quickly??

Baekmorae is someone who will just do what others tell him to. Specifically, what the people he respects will tell him to do. Even though his friends and basically siblings walked away after finding out about the experiments, he respected the doctor and number 2 more as people he should follow. He had the choice to leave, to report them, to fight for those tortured people. But he didn’t. He stayed. For the people he respected. He decided that was more important. If Number 2 told him to leave he would have. You could argue he lived with no will of his own. No 'selfishness'. 

And therefore, when Raptor came around and said, 'you can live for yourself, you can feel happiness and live despite doing bad things', he felt he could finally live 'selfishly'. He threw away any part of himself that was selfless and caused him pain in his trauma, his good natured heart, his love for children, his desire to teach the next generation, his guilt of others being hurt.  He has no mid-ground. He is other doing everything for others while sacrificing his own happiness, or everything for himself while sacrificing the happiness of others.

But is that completely true? What did he actually want and mattered most to him before he became a researcher? Probably to have respect from his teacher and the doctor. He wanted to be a teacher himself and liked children, so you could argue he gave that up selflessly for the sake of the doctor. But really it's more he had a greater desire to please the people he looked up to. He was still following his desires technically even if he thought he was being ‘selfless’. it just came at the sacrifice of his nature as a good person and his sanity. Maybe a part of the reason he stayed as a researcher was because he felt the actions of the doctor and number 2 were his responsibility because he continued to respect them despite their horrid actions. 

What is most interesting to me is that he hasn't changed in many ways despite it looking like he did a 180. His insanity and mind break led him to throwing away his past self to live selfishly in the way Raptor specifically told him to. And that's the catch isn't it? 

He is STILL DOING WHAT PEOPLE TELL HIM TO. 

He still isn't making decisions and acting based on what he wants necessarily. He still, still, will only live the way specific others tell him to. 

So if he doesn't have Raptor anymore, if he has to accept she hates him and won't ever come back, that he does not have her approval (the approval of someone he respects, which mind you, seems to be his biggest desire that has led to him throwing away important parts of himself. First teaching, second his empathy), 

Then what is he living for? 

During the time of the main story he cannot go back to teaching, he cannot go back to the doctor or his teacher which he killed. So other than raptor he has nothing else. What selfish desires could he actually strive for because she was his only purpose for becoming the way he is anyway. She was the one that helped him let go of his guilt as a researcher. If he doesn't have her to use as an excuse would all that guilt come back? Would it be worse because he didn't even save them, he killed them?

He has reached a point of no return. To protect himself from despair he must love her. He must get her back. Even if there is not chance at all. 

And therefore, he is blinded to his own reality. Not accidentally, or by force. He has chosen to blind himself from that truth. 

The truth that he is a husk that made many mistakes and threw out his individual motivators to do what others told him, who made that same mistake again to kill tortured lab rats because someone told him to chase that pleasure. Who tells himself he is selfishly going after his desires. 

And it IS selfish. But in the same ways he acted ‘selfishly’ before. To get that approval from people he admires is above ALL ELSE. 

Dune's longest relationship was 3 months. I can infer SO much from that even though it's such a small factoid about him. Like how all the traits we know about him could lead to that.

Like maybe he's so controlling/naggy about the behaviour of his partner, 

pedantic about their word choice as he knows a lot about socio economic issues, 

too focused on work (evidenced by how much he studies from other super powered beings in order to teach about supernatural powers despite not having those powers himself), 

too tired from his insomnia and trauma of loosing his co-worker, 

too wrapped in his own head for various reasons (like depression, his past, etc.), 

too boring as he is not the type to go on dates or do special things maybe??

JUST SO MANY THINGS I CAN THINK ABOUT.

Idk guys, this stuff is important to me, what would it be like to date him? (i'm not just thinking about it cause i want to date him fuck you, IT’S A CHARACTER STUDY I PROMISE 😭 (but also yes I do want to date him FUCK Y’ALL let me LIVE)).

Unironically though I think Dune and I would get along most out of all the characters from this webtoon. I feel like I'm also trying to be empathetic to people by thinking of how societal factors could affect them to act in certain ways. And I will educate someone quickly if they say something that is a harmful idea without realising. I also know I have a hard time conveying myself so people who don’t know me as well could misinterpret the way I say it as judging them, being a smart ass, and/or being boring and a bit annoying to be around.

Like yeah he gets avoided by workers at spoon because his role is to nag them so they are doing their jobs properly. So it's possible that other than the people especially close to him (like Dana from knowing him since highschool or Naga who came to spend time and respect him as a teacher) most people at Spoon may avoid him socially as a friend as well even off duty. 

Because we know he'll casually educate people in everyday life like he does with Naga about the snake idol, so if he has a reputation for being boring and nagging I can imagine people rolling their eyes at him if he starts talking about that stuff :(

Even though he's actually just passionate about it! And wants to talk about it! So people are more empathetic in general! And being their best selves!!

Which would just make me sad if people had that eye-roll attitude about him. I can imagine it would makes you so self-conscious when people have that attitude towards you that they will dismiss anything you say or laugh behind your back that your being dull. 

God i was already thinking Naga could have ADHD cause he has trouble being observant of his environment, misses social cues sometimes as a result, and can't focus more than one thing at once without heaps of practice with his powers.

THEN he says every night he can't sleep unless he tosses and turns for a few hours, which is also very ADHD. It would make sense he sleeps during school a lot as well because he could have excessive daytime sleepiness and/strong sleep inertia (difficulty shaking off drowsiness).

It makes it especially impressive when he trains with water bora that he does learn how to focus on multiple things at once with his powers without looking at them! (which would be hard to do with very poor working memory to remember what is there when you look away, which could be evidence he doesn't have ADHD. But I'll just assume someone with ADHD could achieve certain things with practice lol. I'll be optimistic for the sake of myself).

This reading would make the fact that he has to keep his emotions in check especially interesting because people with ADHD have emotional dysregulation, which means he's emotionally sensitive and will feel things very strongly and get frustrated easily. How Naga would deal with that would be an interesting thought experiment as well because everyone experiences ADHD differently.

Like some people show little emotions as they repressed it based on judging comments from others about why they are so upset/loud, etc. So even if Naga isn't a perfect example, I can still imagine he could have ADHD and still not show emotions heaps as his parent's/dad especially really drilled it into his head that he could hurt people.

(btw this is from chapter 39, a chapter I have MANY opinions on)

Plus, inattentive type ADHD does not have visible hyperactivity because the hyperactivity is in their thoughts. Which actually would make them appear very slow in their movements and how long it takes to do things. I kind of like the idea that Naga is pretty slow to do things and seems very in his own head at times. I can imagine Dune would have got him a lot with the water gun during training when he zones the hell out because he saw a bug on a tree and it reminded him of something else so his mind just races.

A lot of ADHD people have a lot of anxiety around doing well in school and therefore end up being highly motivated to learn. However, to analyse Naga's situation at school, a lot of ADHD people have that difficulty with processing words written or verbally, inability to choose when to focus and stop focusing, plus a lot of other symptoms that are invisible to outsiders. So undiagnosed ADHD kids get told it's a moral failing they don't engage in class because 'listening in class is easy if you want to', but it's actually actively hard for them. This can lead to what looks like lack of motivation to do well in school. I feel this could explain Naga's attitude towards just wanting to sleep and not try that hard in class.

Shodan*