#weareshatterproof

2016 rewind - Shatterproof

I’ve never officially written a blog. I rant on Facebook here and there but a blog seemed a bit overwhelming to me. I think it’s time for me though. I’ve been encouraged by a couple of friends (you know who you are!) who have already been a part of our exhausting fight with the disease of addiction. I’ve finally decided to do this not so much so that others will read it, but more so that I will write it….a way to chronicle our family’s journey and hopefully learn something along the way. Most of my entries will center around addiction so if you have no interest in that, this will not be a blog for you!

Here goes nothing……

For those who don’t know me, my name is Shelley and my daughter is Marah. We are 2 of the millions of people battling addiction in the U.S. in some form or fashion. I am a mom - doing everything I can to help my child. Marah is a 24 yo crack addict - doing everything she can to beat this disease - a relentless, complex and polarizing disease. One that very few ever “beat.”

Our family has been battling the disease of addiction with my daughter for going on 8 years - crack specifically for 6 of those 8. She has been in 4-5 (easy to lose count) residential treatment programs. She has been in jail multiple times because of this addiction and recently had a short prison stay (she is now on parole).

Most recently, 2 weeks after prison release Marah relapsed and on April 30, 2016 she hit the streets of a bad part of Houston in search of crack cocaine and we didn’t see or hear from her for 2 months almost to the day. The Lord put an angel in her path that ultimately got her home to us and she chose a treatment center to attend. She entered a residential program for 25-ish days, then moved to a sober living facility and did Partial Hospitalization at the same treatment center for about 3 weeks and then moved right into an Intensive Outpatient Program at the same treatment center living in the same sober living house. She had just received her 60 day sober chip. And then it happened…..like it always does. The craving hit. 62-ish days in….she was gone. I’ll blog more about our personal experience in future posts but wanted to set the stage for our experience.

We have had a very long year specifically. During this year I have pored over books, Internet sites and articles, the NIDA website, on and on it goes. I wanted to learn everything I could about addiction. I wanted to understand my child and sympathize versus just screaming, crying, begging and pleading. I have learned a tremendous amount and am so grateful.

That said, there is so much debate about the disease of Substance Use Disorder (as it is now called in the DSM V). Is it a brain disease? Is it a learning disorder? Is it a moral failing and a lack of self-discipline / will?

It frustrates me that we can’t all get on the same page. Whether it’s the layman or the professional, it’s those who are set in their ways / beliefs - who are unwilling to be open to new research findings and change their paradigm and approach - that are destroying any chances of progress in addiction treatment and with addicts themselves.

I try not to get angry at the layperson who spews vile, hateful things on social media about addicts “choosing” to do what they do. The majority of people still believe that addiction is a moral failing. That addicts are weak. That they lack a desire to stop. That they have no self-discipline. It’s interesting to me that many who believe this have not lived through - FIRSTHAND - the utterly desperate experience of watching a loved one descend into the disease of addiction (or haven’t been an addict themselves).

If addiction has taught me anything at all it is that I have been a judgmental person my entire life. Oh how we think we KNOW things:

We know how WE would react if our child told us they were gay - UNTIL they show up in our living room with the news.

We know how WE would handle that screaming child in public - UNTIL we have a child with a sensory disorder who’s pulling your pants down in the shopping mall as he clings to a leg screaming he wants candy while others stare in horror.

We know that WE could never let a man hit us - UNTIL we inspect the finger marks on our arms after getting up out of the dirt of the driveway having been thrown down by an abusive husband or clean up that hamburger sliding down the wall after he’s thrown it because it was made incorrectly.

The list goes on. We always THINK we KNOW things. Until we are in the midst of it and we find out that we don’t know squat!! You talk about humbling.

As much as I hate addiction and what it’s done to our family, I must say I am grateful for how it has opened my eyes to the judgment and hypocrisy that lives in my heart. I am working every day to be more aware of my biases. When I throw a judging glance….do I really have ANY clue of the details behind a situation? I am learning to give others the benefit of the doubt and to live a life that loves others. I struggle. I’m not perfect. But thank God I’m willing to learn and change. Are you?

Josh Schoenig of Shatterproof

Denver Warped Tour 2015

Photos by Justin Urban of UrbanImpression

:) please do not repost or remove credit ~SW

Jeremy Marmor of Shatterproof

Denver Warped Tour 2015

Photos by Justin Urban of UrbanImpression

:) please do not repost or remove credit ~SW

Benji Spoliansky of Shatterproof

Denver Warped Tour 2015

Photos by Justin Urban of UrbanImpression

:) please do not repost or remove credit ~SW