Me [on getting and then being married forever, after a conversation which ended in the frustrating, increasingly familiar conclusion that we are unfortunately not the same person]: I mean......it’s not too late. Ha ha.

Alex: [pause] Yeah. I know. It’s not.

Me: Of course I’m kidding. I mean I’m like, mostly kidding. OK, whether or not I’m kidding, it’s just a fact.

Alex: It is. Just LMK if you wanna call it off, k?

Me: I’m just scared because we can’t take it back, and we’re so different.

Alex: We’re SO different.

Me: Remember when we thought we were sooo similar?

Alex: Just because we shared the same food preferences.

Me: Hahaha, what dumbasses!

Alex: And we don’t even, really. It’s more like this [makes venn diagram with hands].

Me: At least the middle part exists.

Alex: Yeah.

Me: You drive me crazy sometimes.

Alex: I know, and you drive me crazy a lot.

Me: ...wait, I only said sometimes.

—-

Me: Whoa, [marriage] is scary.

Alex: I know.

Michelle: Wait, you’re not hurt that I said that?

Alex: No.

Michelle: Why not?