#watermelon thoughts

If I turned into a watermelon, I could sit in the fridge now.

No mother has ever felt as I have right now in this very moment. I swear, to my lord and savior Jesus Christ, that I am the only mother in the world who's son is homosexual. He is abnormal, not real a fake. What have you done with my son! Claws and spikes have been forming on him recently which is how I know he is gay. Normal, straight boys do not have spikes growing out of their backs. Familys have up and left the neighborhood because of my gay son. He is evil, the devil touched his willy when he was a younglin and now he is gay! My son, why me? Local animals have gone missing too, my son is probably scaring them away too with his blatant gayness! My little girl, my daughter, cries every night because she wakes up with 1 less finger. I yell at my son, he probably shoved it up his gay ass! Al of my daughters fingers are almost gone, but if I looked up my sons ass I'd probably find them! He can't wait for dinner either, he eats the meat without it being cooked! see, he is gay! He craved raw meat, like a penis! Why do I have the only gay son in the world! Oh me!

I Fucking swear to god I will murder a bitch if they get their grimy little asshole hands on my pizza. I made this fucking pizza with my bare hands my blood and my sweat and my tears were combined into a fleshy and bloody looking mass of delicious pizza. I am truly a master chef because I, the pizza man, created this pizza and gave birth to it, like a mother goose, screaming uncontrollably into my own ass and forming my pizza-like son into the man he was meant to be. He was meant for great things, I sent him to the best private school in the country. My son, a pizza, was to learn with the best of the best. Teachers from all around the world. But now, I see that my son is not safe. These heathens, these godDAMN SLIMY DICKFINGERED BITCHES are gonna eat my pizza. My beloved son. I can't leave my apartment ONCE to grab a goddamn packet of batteries for my potato-like TV remote because apparently I'm the only human in the entire city to host a party for the 'big game'. I don't fucking care about sports. You know what I care about? My pizza!