#wardsarefunctioning

Here is a silly little request for the very dreamy and wonderful @wardsarefunctioning

Wow, that’s going to be delving back into the 70′s and 80′s! Here we go!

1. Final Countdown - Europe

2. Carry On, Wayward Son - Kansas

3. Don’t Stop Me Now - Queen

4. Paradise City - Guns’n’Roses

5. Back In Black - AC/DC

"I don't need a fucking map!" she insists, and stomps away through the brush.

With a weary sigh, Solas carefully folds the offending map up and tucks it into his pack. Then he follows the leader he never elected in the direction opposite that of Redcliffe.

21. Thigh-high stockings and garter belts

Thank you so much for the prompt! The list it came from ishere. If you were hoping for smut… I’m sorry, but it’s not where my brain went.Also, part of me was like, Fenris wouldn’t go along with this stupid plan. Andthe rest of me was like, Fenris married Hawke! Half of his life is just goingalong with stupid plans!

I couldn’t make this work with the timing of QVT, so we’regoing to pin this under multiverse theory, in a world in which Fenris and Hawkeskip the honeymoon, or maybe in which Lara manages to keep control over herapartment.

Read over on AO3

(QVT is a modern AU with a main pairing of  Solas x Lavellan and a side pairing of Fenris x Hawke)

~~

Hi Fenris! I receiveda package without a name on it, so I opened it. But… I don’t think it’s for me.Do you want to come get it?

That seemed normal enough, right? Lara’s thumb hovered overthe send button. Should she have offered to deliver it to him? No, that wouldonly make this so much worse. There wasn’t much she could do. The package wasopen, she couldn’t hide that she saw what was in it, so better just to pull thebandaid off and be done with it.

Maybe she should just leave it outside her door.

I am nearby right now.I will come take a look.

She couldn’t lock the door on the man who gave her a freeapartment.  So he liked wearing lingerie.Maybe he wasn’t shy about it. Lara could be mature about this. She waited,trying to find a natural position to sit in.

Fenris opened the door, swore to himself, shut it, thenknocked. He hadn’t been up since she moved in, and obviously wasn’t used toknocking on his own door. He blinked twice at her choice of wall decorations—plasticsheets covered in equations—and asked for the package.

“It’s over on thecounter,” she said, waving toward his old kitchenette. “I’ll just um, I’ll just…yeah.”

She tried to pretend she wasn’t watching him examine theshipping label. His brows furrowed, and he pulled out the offending products.

“I did not order these.”

Two garter belts hung from his fingers, soft lace danglingin the air. The matching stockings were still in their plastic wrap.

“Well I didn’t.”She was met with his calm, skeptical face, and felt a whole-body blush seepingthrough her skin. “And if I had, I definitely wouldn’t invite you over to come…look through them.”

He placed the garments back into the package and pulled outthe receipt. “Perhaps someone purchased them for you. A gift.”

Her face burned even harder. She couldn’t even begin toconsider that Solas would do this. They weren’t even… they’d barely even started… She crossed her arms over herchest.

“And maybe Hawke purchased them for you.”

“Hawke wouldn’t—”

He paused. Lara narrowed her eyes at him, daring him tofinish that sentence. Hawke wouldn’t forget his address? Hawke wouldn’t forgetto leave a note? Hawke wouldn’t buy him lingerie? They both knew she would.

Fenris rubbed a hand over his face. “What size are they?”

Both of them now held a garter each, looking at the labels. “It’sjust numbers,” Lara said, “Doesn’t mean anything to me.”

It was the same with the stockings. As Lara tried not to admirethe seam on the back, she had to admit that the buyer had good taste. Please, please don’t be Solas.

Fenris pulled out his phone and started texting Hawke. Therewas no amount of money in the world that could tempt her to ask Solas if he hadbought her underwear. Well, actually there were many sums she would acceptbecause money was useful, men were plentiful and dignity was fleeting, but it wasunlikely Fenris had any money to speak of.

She held a stocking up toward him to gauge the length. Hehad at least five inches on her, and while she had never worn this stylebefore, it looked too long. Upon catching his glare, she brought her hand backdown. “Maybe you should… try it on. See if it fits.”

“Me?” Fenris looked pointedly at the stockings in her handand back at Lara.

They stared at each other for what felt like hours, waitingfor the other to back down. “We’ll both try them on,” Lara finally huffed.

“What?”

“One pair each. That way we both can feel like idiots.”

“So just another day then.”

“Exactly.”

Fenris took the bathroom and Lara went to her bedroom. Shewas absolutely not about to try to figure out how a garter worked, so she puton the shortest shorts she owned and got to work rolling up the stockings. Asshe suspected, they were way too long.

“Fenris,” she called, walking into the hallway, “These aren’t—Oh.”

Hawke was standing in her living room. She gave Lara a onceover, biting her lip and stroking her chin. “That… is not quite how I imaginedthem looking. Tell me, do your shorts happen to say ‘physics’ on the ass, orsome other delightful expression?”

A clatter from the bathroom saved Lara from having torespond. Hawke threw open the door, and Fenris tumbled out. Hawke caught himbefore he slipped across the floor. Lara knew she shouldn’t look, but fuck did Fenris look good, even if hehad chosen to put the garter on over his briefs and then promptly fallen on hisass before he could attach the stockings.

“How does anyone walk in these?” he grumbled.

“They don’t, mostly. Are you done giving Lara a show? I don’twant her getting any ideas.” Hawke glanced at Lara, who was unabashedlyenjoying the view. “Well, any more ideas.I have a hard time believing you werethe one to suggest putting on my lingerie for what I can only imagine was somesort of practical joke?”

“That is exactly what happened,” Lara said, pink from headto toe and still staring at Fenris’s thighs. “And we succeeded at the joke andit’s over now so I’m going to take these off.”

From inside her room and beyond the pounding of her heartwithin her ears, Lara heard Hawke say, “Happy honeymoon, husband. I didn’treally intend for these to be a ‘his and hers’ matching set but I can’t say Ihate it.”

Fenris’s response was muffled, and then Hawke was laughing. Larafolded up the stockings neatly, added the garter belt to the pile, gathered allthe courage and poise she had left, and entered the living room.  

“Enjoy your honeymoon,” she said, unable to meet Hawke’seyes.

She turned on her heel to flee, when Hawke exclaimed, “Meteor!Of course that’s what they say. Because your ass is out of this world.”

“Fancy meeting you here,” said Dorian, perusing the shelves of the Skyhold library, “seeing as you’re never here.”

“I’m here because you’re here,” said Bull, cracking his knuckles, kind of riled, “and also because Solas is fucking pissing me off again.”

Dorian softened, gave him a warm look and said, “You’re adorable when you lose at Diamondback, amatus.”

Ahh thank you! I rewrote the very beginning as Solas POV, and it was super fun!

=

Solas doesn’t want totrek through Dirthamen’s abandoned stronghold, but here he is. He will upholdhis part of the bargain, even as he hopes they will face Corypheus sooner orlater. He will take the orb and leave. His mind is set about his plan, and thesooner he can move forward, the better.

They duck into the small room, and he can already tell thescout’s instincts was right. No matter how far removed they are from the People,something still lingers. There is an item, pulsing with powerful Elven magic. Hedoesn’t recognize it, but he does recognize the magic.

“Fascinating. I have not seen this kind of magic in a longtime…” He takes a step forward and reaches for it and suddenly magic travels uphis arm, is sizzling through the room. A mistake. He tries franticly to nullifyit, to counter it but to no avail. He hears shouting behind him and feels someone– Iwyn – grip his arm and then everything goes dark.

He immediately senses the change when he comes to. The airis charged with magic, it flows through him freely, jubilant. No veil.

The next thing he notices is Iwyn, who has landed on top ofhim. She is wearing her armor and all her gear, but she still smells likeherself, and for one dizzying moment it takes all five of his senses to processit. Then he sees the hallway above him, he hears the music and the Elvish flowthrough the hallway and he knows where he is. It should be impossible, but thisis real and not the fade and they have travelled back in time.

The both get upfrom the floor, and he looks to make sure where they are. June’s palace.

“Where are we?What happened?” Iwyn asks.

He notices that he is adequately dressed, and in the fashionas before the Great War. Iwyn is not, however, still wearing the Inquisitionleathers. He must have somehow replaced himself.

“I’m sorry – Imust act quickly.”

He has no time toexplain. He uses his magic to conjure up an appropriate dress for her,something that suits her. Something that does not diminish her power or grace.

Solas – what isgoing on?”

Her eyes are wideand earnest and he wish he had answers.

“I need to… Idon’t know for sure… I think we are – “

He is interruptedby June’s arrival. June was mostly forthright, and Solas mostly liked him. Inthe end, of course, he was as corrupt as the others.

“Lord Fen’Harel!I didn’t see you arrive. How long have you been hiding in the shadows?” Junesays.

There is no hidingnow, and he holds back a wince. His secret is exposed, and he has no idea howshe will react. He hopes it will not kill them.

“How would you know?” he says.

He has to say something, something his former self wouldsay.

June laughs.

“I am afraid I have not yet made your acquaintance, myLady.” June grabs Iwyn’s hand and kisses, finishing with a flourish and a bow.He holds on to her hand far too long. “A warrior? Are you here alone?”

“She is with me,”he says, and he pulls her close. For her own protection.

“Lady Iwyn, thisis Lord June. Lord June, please meet Lady Iwyn.”

“A pleasure tomeet you, Lady Iwyn. Let me know if the wolf’s challenges grow dull.”

He wants to stranglethe man. This is how the game is played, though.

“As I am pleasedto meet you, Lord June.” Iwyn says, perfectly poised.

She impresseshim, yet again. She does not flail, or stutter, or turn to him in surprise oranger. She has assessed the situation, and acts accordingly. It makes him loveher more.

June keepstalking, about the currently politics and he tries to gather as much informationas he can. Anything to help him pinpoint the time period would be useful. Hetries to be as evasive as possible, and fortunately it isn’t suspicious here.

Finally, Junesuggests they rejoin the party, and walks ahead of them to the main ball room.

Into the fray, wherehe wishes desperately he could protect her, and keep her to himself.

 =