[WAITRESS RANT - TABLE 42]: ON TO-GO/CARRY OUT/TAKE AWAY ORDERS
Hey, guys! Been a while since I wrote one of these, but Iâm still going strong in the industry. Iâm no longer a server as my primary position - Iâm the âto-go specialistâ or, the person who puts your shit together when you order something take away (or carry-out, or to-go, or whatever your region) five days and nights a week, because I always pull double shifts.
Iâve been working this for a year now, and Iâve got some quick thing I just want to let you know as we really start getting into January. Now youâll know how to treat a to-go specialist as a person, just in time for Valentineâs Day!
TL;DR: Always tip your to-go person. Be polite and speak clearly. Respect the time it takes to get all your things together and quality check. Donât order to-go 30 minutes before close. Donât cut off your server if theyâre speaking while youâre placing your order or cashing out. The more things you ask for extra, expect to pay for it. Thanking someone goes a long way.Â
Just to start this off: ALWAYS TIP YOUR TOGO PERSON FOR PUTTING IT TOGETHER.
Statistically speaking, people tip less often on to-go orders than at a table. Thatâs why some to-go specialists are luckily paid more in hourly than other servers in some places. This not the case in all places, however.Â
A togo tip is ALWAYS APPRECIATED, and it will help them make sure your order is correct more often than not. Iâve gotten to know some regular customers in my time, and I recognize certain orders and names when they come in. Servers always remember the shitty tippers and most alter their service accordingly. Anyone who consistently orders a lot of food and doesnât tip gets remembered twice as fast.
YOU ALSO DONâT HAVE TO TIP THE USUAL 20-15% ON TOGO, EVEN A DOLLAR IS ACCEPTABLE BECAUSE SO FEW PEOPLE ACTUALLY TIP AT ALL.
ALSO DONâT PLACE TOGO ORDERS THIRTY MINUTES BEFORE A PLACE CLOSES. The kitchen already put that stuff away, they already cleaned the grill, and you want this super complicated thing that now they have to take everything out again just to make this one thing after theyâve been dead for hours? What an asshole. Be considerate of the people making your food. If youâre still gonna do it, maybe you work late or you just really want a sandwich, at least tip.
Now that we got that out of the way...
PLACING AN ORDER TOGO - Want to make it easy on your server on the other end of the phone or looking at your order when it pops up on the monitor online? Iâm sure you do!Â
   If calling it in, be polite and speak clearly. The server is taking your call in the middle of the lunch rush in a loud kitchen. Give them clarity, and your order will be just fine.
   If placing an order online, have as few of modifications as possible - modifications are anything from âextra sauceâ to âno marinara sauce, sub salsa, no sour cream, light seasoning on the steakâ - your server is probably squinting at a screen above their natural eye level, and it is increasingly harder to read your mods the more you add. Theyâll do it, but donât be too upset if they missed one.
ON BIG ORDERS, TYPICALLY ANYTHING MORE THAN FOUR ENTREES: Some doctor offices and lawyer firms like to order several people all at once. Thatâs fine and all, just call it in at least an hour or two in advance, and give the server a little longer than the estimate to get it together.
   If they say 45 minutes, they really mean an hour. If they say 20 minutes, they really mean 30 minutes. Most of the time, theyâre secretly hoping youâre late to pick it up so they have more time to gather all the little things you need for seven people all asking for extra sauces, no bleu cheese, ranch instead of honey mustard. It can be a lot of things to remember and get right, so please have patience.
   WRITING NAMES ON THE BOXES TAKES TIME AND IT WILL MAKE YOUR ORDER TAKE LONGER AS A GENERAL RULE AS THEY MAKE SURE JANET KNOWS HER SALAD FROM MARTHAâS SALAD, EVEN IF THEY LITERALLY ORDERED THE SAME THING.
ASKING FOR DISCOUNTS - Got a coupon? Mention it at the beginning of your order. That might determine how they have to enter it into the computer, or have a manager discount it at a certain point. Mentioning it sooner makes it easier for them to react to and have it applied accordingly.
WHEN IT COMES TO FREE STUFF YOU DIDNâT INITIALLY ORDER AND THEN ADD ON AT THE END: Such as asking for a drink when you didnât order one and getting mad if they ring you up for it... please donât do that. Please. It is a horribly awkward situation for your togo server, as they donât want to ring you but they kind of have to and they donât want to face your wrath because you have to pay for something when they totally want to just give you the drink most of the time. Which leads us to...
IF YOU ASK FOR IT, EXPECT TO PAY FOR IT. Your to-go specialist isnât paid enough to deal with the ear chewings on inventory if their boss finds out they gave you extra rolls when you werenât charged for them. Those loaded mashed potatoes you ordered may not actually have loaded as an option for them in the computer, and they have to do some wonky computer trick that charges you 0.99 because you asked for it and they gave it to you.
   Sometimes only a certain amount of sauce comes with a thing, and if you ask for extra, you will get charged.
   If you ask for a sauce that doesnât normally come with the thing youâre ordering, you will be charged.Â
   Extra sauce is usually charged, and if a place doesnât charge you for extra consider it lucky.
CHARGING YOU FOR THINGS YOU ASK FOR IS BECAUSE OF MANAGEMENT, NOT BECAUSE THEY DONâT LIKE YOU OR BECAUSE THEY DONâT WANT TO GIVE YOU WHAT YOU ASKED FOR, JUST SO YOU KNOW. If someone you know thinks this way, please show them this content so they can read it from someone livinâ the life on the other side. I donât mind getting extra stuff for people, but it causes me anxiety when itâs a certain type of thing I have to put in the computer or the kitchen wonât handle it at all.
LET THE SERVER FINISH THEIR SPIEL. Hey, maybe someone never taught you right and you literally donât know any better, but just to let you know now: cutting people off when theyâre in the middle of speaking is rude and an awful thing to do to anyone!  This counts for to-go people too! Let them finish what theyâre saying! Yes, you may have heard it a thousand times. Yes, you may even know what theyâre going to say because youâre a regular and you know the script. Yes, they have to introduce themselves and the place youâre calling, and yes they have to rattle off to you to have a nice day and so on, but let them finish! It is so rude to have this conversation:
[AFTER THEY HAVE TOLD ME WHAT THEY WANTED]
ME: Alright, that will be about 15-20 minutes, and I will se --
RUDE MOTHERFUCKER: OKAY GREAT.
*CLICK*
and youâre me, and youâre just like, BRO I WASNâT FINISHED TALKING YOU PIECE OF WET FUCK and suddenly I am less motivated to make sure your order is correct or go the extra mile for you in any way because you were such a rude, inconsiderate phone call.
Sometimes you donât even get that much and they hang up on you before you can even tell them where to go to pick it up. Thatâs significant because some places have special pick-up counters or windows you have to navigate to deeper into the establishment.
THANK YOU IS A MAGICAL PHRASE. So many people are ungrateful assholes. Saying thank you to the to-go person is another small way to treat them as a person.
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So this lady had booked a table of 12 at the restaurant I work at, and as we confirmed the reservation she was asked âare there any special dietary requirements, or allergies we should be aware of so we can accommodate for youâ we also sent her copies of the menus so she could pass them out for her family to look at as we require pre orders for tables larger than ten.
She arrives (without the pre order we asked for but okay whatever) and tells us that her child is gluten intolerant, and needed a special menu (This is why we ask ahead of time so we can prepare one but again whatever I will get you a special menu) the menu has about 5 main dishes on it, but tells us her daughter (who is about seven years old) wont eat any of it, she didn't even show her daughter the menu by the way. So instead she orders her fish and chips. Fish and chips. A meal FULL of gluten, perhaps the meal with the most gluten in it on the menu. I asked her if she was sure and explained that it was definitely NOT gluten free, even offered to make her fish without the batter, but she refused saying her daughter would not eat it without the batter. Okay wtf.
After double checking that the mother was happy for us to serve her daughter a meal full of gluten even though she was gluten intolerant, I had to stand and watch a girl aged 7 eating something I knew was bad for her, because her mother couldnât be bothered dealing with her.
I bet if I accidentally served her something with gluten in it I would probably lose my job but it is fine for her to purposefully harm her child because she cant be bothered.
If you have ever thought âI wonder if servers really do that ?âÂ
Feel free to ask me any questions, I have seen pretty much everything you could think of and will be very honest, sometimes the jokes and stereotypes are true. I will start you off.Â
You have no idea how many unclean fingers touch your food before it gets to you.
Somebody ordered a medium glass of wine the other day, and then asked me to top it up a bit for them at the able, well no sir you canât order a specific measurement of wine and then ask for more for free, buy a large jesus !
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We judge you on your food/drink orders, even if it is something we will order ourselves we still judge the living hell out of you. For example,
- Rose wine with ice and lemonade.Â
(Cheep, classless, either middle aged woman or young girl who drank it for her first wine and thinks it is the only one she likes, wants to get drunk quickly but has absolutely no taste or clue about real wine, so wants something that tastes like slightly flavoured fizzy juice that will still get you fucked, probably also a vodka diet coke drinker.
And by the way, in this case,you really do not need to taste the wine before you accept the bottle, when you try, and especially if you are pretentious about it, we are laughing at you behind the bar.
 And we canât help it, really, we have been forced to sit through so may wine tasting sessions and read so many books teaching us about the appreciation of wine, that when we stride over to your table armed with endless knowledge of what wines come from where, how they where made, why they will be amazing with your meal, all the tiny ingredients that make it a truly special bottle and why it is definitely worth the ÂŁ86 price tag, and you order the Zinfandel rose with ice and lemonade ÂŁ11 a bottle, we canât help feeling a little deflated, it would be like being a lover of steak and seeing somebody order fillet well done, but donât even get me started on that one.
It is a lovely day, the birds are singing, you have a smile on your face as you walk over to the table and brightly ask them if they are ready to order, then your heart suddenly sinks and an overwhelming urge to scream overcomes you as they utter the words, âcould I have this... butâ, oh no, oh god, just donât do it please, please just take the dish as it comes.
Donât get me wrong, you are paying for this meal and of course i understand there may be an almost perfect dish that you would like to tweak just slightly, and I am more than happy with that, you want mash instead of chips, no problem. BUT, when you look at the menu and decide you donât like anything on there because you really wanted a pasta bake (and that is some how my fault) and ask me if the chef could just whip you one up anyway or substitute so much of your dish that suddenly, the marinaded pork chop with gratin potato and tender stem broccoli becomes chicken chow main, you cross the line and become a giant pain in my ass.
âLet me just go ask the chef for youâ
Chefs are scary and it is not worth my life to go in there and ask a stupid question that I already know the answer to.
So I tell you i will ask the chef and walk away hiding for five minuets, then I will come back to your table with sad, apologetic eyes and tell you how sorry I am that I canât fulfil your request and offer you something that is actually on our freaking menu.
Either that or I spend the remaining four hours of my sift getting snide comments from chefs who just screamed at me in front of a kitchen full of my co-workers, all looking at me fully of pity because they know they have been on the receiving end of a chefs wrath and it is not pretty. So no, I wont âjust ask the chefâ if he will whip up a pasta bake because you donât feel like much else on the menu, please remember there are other customers that need catering for, the chef and I are very busy and if you really want that pasta bake so much, I suggest you walk to the italian down the road.
When you over hear customers at work talking about shit they have no idea about and you really want to correct them but have your waitress face on and all you can do is ... :D would you like more water ? *implodes inwardly*
