#vulnerable!sam

Chapter 11 is up. Here’s an excerpt.

"Sam?"

Name. Your name. Run leave go now - -

Hushed conversation, and then another voice, too close. A woman.

"Sam, hey, no - - I need you to try and keep your eyes open for me. Just for a sec, okay?"

Are his eyes closed?

A hand touching his arm, pressing on his shoulder gently. "Sam."

He becomes increasingly aware of the distant rattle of distress, and the memory of the torment that still awaits him  (not going anywhere Samuel, all we’ve got down here is time, thanks to you)  floods him with panic.  Stop no please go away please please.

The hand is still gripping his bicep, fingers moving like spiders on his skin, he’s trapped trapped trapped. His body reacts, muscles seizing, breathing growing rapid.

“Hey, hey. Sam, it’s okay. You’re in the hospital, you just had some tests done. Everything’s alright, you’re safe.”

He tries to speak, tries to tell them they’re wrong.

-------------------------

I also started an account on ff.net, for those who prefer it to AO3.

I went ahead and explored the way taking care of Sam in his vulnerable state affects Dean, Ellen and Bobby here. Next chapter will feature a lot more of Sam and his POV, but I don’t know, this just... happened.

Summary: Gen, h/c. A simple hunt leaves Sam in an altered state no one seems able to explain – at first. Pulling him out of it is not nearly as easy as it should be, especially since Dean is dealing with his own trauma.

Takes place after 8.01, in an AU (sort of. Mildly) where Bobby and Ellen are alive, but Cas didn’t make it out of Swan Song. This is not really Season-8-related though, it’s pretty standalone.

Warnings: Language, past violence, some grieving; possible triggers if you, like me, are dissociative. Also, some self-injury is mentioned, and although it’s in no way a dominant theme, it will be referred to again here and there.

Excerpt from chapter 8: She finds herself absurdly grateful when Sam slides back into blank apathy, because at least then she can tell herself he isn’t feeling anything as she walks him around the living room or in the yard like an ailing horse, gets him to sit out on the porch swing with her. As she presses a glass of cold water into his hand and wraps his lax fingers around it again and again, drink that, honey, come on. Talks to him without getting a response.

It’s rare that she and Sam are out here for long; he seems to get overwhelmed within minutes, even when it’s his idea, even when he’s doing fine. There’s something about being out here that gets to him. She can usually tell when he’s had too much; hard to miss the way he starts stalling, all his systems slowing down, the way his eyes go hazy and his pupils dilate. If they stay outside long enough for his speech to start slurring, it can take all day to bring him back.

She studies his face again, looking for signs she hopes she won't find yet. “You feel like going back inside?”

Sam doesn’t answer her, looking out and away at the road that leads to the yard.

“Sam,” she says, “Sam. Hey. You with me?”

I completely forgot to update here -- 3 more chapters since the last time I posted about this fic.

Summary: Gen, h/c. A simple hunt leaves Sam in an altered state no one seems able to explain – at first. Pulling him out of it is not nearly as easy as it should be.

Takes place after 8.01, in an AU (sort of. Mildly) where Bobby and Ellen are alive, but Cas didn’t make it out of Swan Song. This is not really Season-8-related though, it’s pretty standalone.

Warnings: Language, past violence, some grieving; possible triggers if you, like me, are dissociative. Also, some self-injury is mentioned, and although it’s in no way a dominant theme, it will be referred to again in later chapters.