#vulcan-excellency

Arthur heard the door open and shut, hinges creaking faintly. He turned his head and was met with the sight of his least favorite neckerchief-wearing manservant.

“Ah, Merlin,” he said cheerfully. His voice was quiet and a little hoarse from disuse. “Come to feedme breakfast, have you?”

“Well, sire, that might be alittle strange, considering its nearly time for dinner.” The smirk was audiblein Merlin’s voice, though he didn’t turn around.

Arthur pouted. “That justwon’t do. I’ve just woken up, and now I want breakfast, and you, Merlin, are my manservant, so you’reobligated to get it for me.”

“I would disagree with you,”Merlin sighed, “but it would do me no good. One breakfast in bed, coming up.”

With that, Merlin droppedwhatever he was doing and started walking toward the door. But something inArthur suddenly started to panic—something in the back of his mind struggled totake control, and wriggling in the back of his throat was the overpowering urgeto scream, “Merlin, don’t go!”

But he didn’t. Arthur just layin bed and watched his manservant cross the room, as if in slow motion.Something in the way he moved, upright and proud, reminded him of before,something that wouldn’t quite come to light… He had been different then,still upright, but rather than proud he’d been alert, noble, ready. He was ablurred figure standing in the sun, hand outstretched, eyes flashing gold as hefaced a fearsome foe—

—eyes flashing gold as hiscool hand rested on Arthur’s chest, an inexplicable orb of light hoveringbehind him, hand cloaked in a warm, wet mist, and the sensation entered hiswound, spread through his bloodstream, relaxed him and carried him into warmdarkness—

“Merlin!”

The boy turned, and Arthurjust stared, mouth open. He couldn’t explain why he’d done it, why he’d saidanything. Now Merlin looked confused, and Arthur was sure that he looked messyand crazed and afraid. But here he was, and now that Arthur got a good look athim, he saw it even clearer than before; it was almost as though Merlin’s eyeswere glowing gold right that second, as though his hand were glowing with anunexplainable light, as though he were really, truly using…

“Magic?”

The word drifted out andstruck a wall of silence. Merlin’s expression hadn’t changed, but there wassomething in his eyes, something shocked and fearful.

“Merlin… Merlin, are you asorcerer?”

His manservant blinked, jawset; his gaze fell somewhere on the bed beside Arthur.

“Of course not, Arthur,” helaughed, obviously trying to come across light-hearted, but the sound was stiffand false. “Don’t be silly. Isn’t it your theory that I would be too stupid toeven know how to use magic?”

Silence reigned for a moment,but Arthur was not a patient man; he struggled to pull the blankets offhimself, and winced as he lifted himself from the mattress and onto the floor.

“Merlin.” His voice was low, stern.“Don’t lie to me.”

The smile fell from Merlin’sface, but he said nothing. He wouldn’t look at Arthur.

Reaching him, the Prince laida firm hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Merlin, please,” he whispered, and he knewhis eyes were sad as they searched for Merlin’s, seeking his attention, seekingan answer. His manservant was tense beneath his touch.

It was true, then.

Without thinking, Arthurtightened his grip on Merlin’s shoulder. “How could you keep something likethis from me?” he spat. “I am your lord,your Prince, and you’ve been lying to me this whole time?”

“That’s exactly it,” Merlinmurmured, and finally, his eyes rose up to meet Arthur’s. Arthur was swept upin waves of deep blue, full of fear and bitterness and grief. “You’re thePrince, Arthur. How could I tell you?” He shrugged Arthur’s hand away. “Howcould I tell you, knowing who your father is? Knowing what he would do if hefound out?”

It hit like a cold daggerdriving deep into his heart. Merlin was right to be fearful. If the King foundout, what he would do… Arthur didn’t like to think about it. About what wouldhappen, or about what already had.

Arthur took a step back. Hiseyes fell to the floor.

“I…” He stopped, unsure whathe wanted to say. “I know…what my father would do. What the King would do.But Merlin… I’m not him. I don’t know what I feel right now, I don’t knowwhat I would do, but… You’ve never tried to hurt me, and it would have beenfar easier to carry out whatever evil plot my father might suspect of youearlier rather than later… I don’t believe that you can persecute someonesimply for being something. I…”

Arthur fell silent. “Ijust…wish you could have trusted me.”

[[REVISED]]

The faint creaking of hinges drew Arthur’s attention to the door. He turned to look, and there was Merlin.

“Ah, Merlin,” Arthur chirruped. His voice was quiet and a little hoarse, but no less cheerful for it. “Come to feedme breakfast, have you?”

“Well, sire, that might be alittle strange, considering it’s nearly time for dinner.” Merlin didn’t turn around, but Arthur could hear his smirk.

He pouted. “That won’t do. I’ve just woken up, and now I want breakfast, and you, Merlin, are my manservant, so it’s your job to give me what I want.”

“I would disagree with you,”Merlin sighed, “but it wouldn’t to me any good, would it?”

Arthur grinned, guileless. “None at all.”

Merlin shook his head, but he was smiling. “One breakfast in bed, coming up.”

Merlin started for the door. But something inArthur protested, writhing and swelling in his stomach. His throat closed over a strangled yelp. Don’t go.

But Arthur just layin bed, silent, and watched his manservant cross the room. Time seemed to slow as he watched. Something in the way Merlin moved—the certainty weighing down his steps, the grace draped down his spine, the relief softening his shoulders, the pride lifting his eyes from the ground. It was familiar in a way Arthur couldn’t quite… But it had been different, he had been different, still standing tall and sure, but rather than proud and relieved he’d been alert and afraid. He was ablurred figure standing in the sun, hand outstretched, eyes flashing gold as hefaced a gruesome—

—eyes flashing gold. Eyes flashing gold as hiscool hand rested on Arthur’s chest, an inexplicable orb of light hoveringbehind him, hand cloaked in a warm, wet mist, and then—then the sparkling, wriggling thing entering Arthur’s wound, spreading its spindled fingers through his veins, pulling all his muscles taut and then releasing them in one huge, impossible breath, filling him with sunlight and then carrying him into the warm womb of the dark—

“Merlin!”

Merlin turned, and Arthurjust stared, mouth open. Now, looking Merlin straight in the eye, he saw it even clearer than before: it was as though Merlin’s eyeswere still undergoing that strange alchemic reaction, transmuted from the innocuous, refracting blue of smooth water on a clear day into the unsullied gold of a dragon’s hoard shining bright beneath the light of its fiery breath. It was as though his hand were still stretching toward Arthur, glowing with aninexplicable light; it was as though he were really, truly using…

“Magic?”

The word struck silence and dropped dead. Merlin’s expression hadn’t changed, but there wassomething in his eyes, something cracked open.

“Merlin…“ Arthur’s throat rasped with something else now. He cleared it, licked his lips, tried again. “Tell me it isn’t true.”

Merlin blinked, jawset; his gaze fell somewhere on the bed beside Arthur.

“Of course not, Arthur,” helaughed, clearly trying for lighthearted, but the sound was stiffand false. “Don’t be silly.”

Silence reigned for a moment,but Arthur was not a patient man; he struggled to throw the blankets off, and winced as he lifted himself up and onto the floor.

“Merlin.” His voice was low, dangerous. It rumbled in his chest like thunder. “Don’t lie to me.”

The weak smile slid from Merlin’sface, but he said nothing. He watched Arthur, the last of his shell falling away. He looked so afraid.

Arthur crossed the room, slow, stalking, like the good hunter his father taught him to be, and laida firm hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Merlin,” he murmured, and his softening voice betrayed him.

Merlin’s was tense beneath his touch. He didn’t say a word.

Rage flaring, Arthurtightened his grip until his knuckles turned white. “How could you keep something likethis from me?” he spat. “I am your lord,your Prince, and you’ve been lying to me this whole time?”

“Yes!” Finally, Merlin’s eyes rose to meet Arthur’s. Arthur was swept upin waves of deep blue, in great heaving currents of fear and bitterness and regret, an ocean of grief. “You’re thePrince, Arthur. How could I tell you?” 

Arthur’s hand had gone slack, and Merlin shrugged it away.

“Howcould I tell you this, knowing who your father is? Knowing what he would do if hefound out?”

Arthur watched Merlin swipe angrily at his eyes, the tears that had formed there. His chest felt full enough to burst.

“I wanted to,” Merlin choked. “God, I… So many times, Arthur, so many times, I thought, He’s my friend! He’s a good man! I can trust him! And I almost… but the truth is,” and he sneered, “the truth is, you could never bring yourself to defy your father. You’d do anything to make him proud of you. To make him love you. You refuse to see your own worth independent of your father’s approval because he taught you to be blind.”

Merlin’s hands had wound into fists, but they fell open, fell limp; his whole body sagged.

“So I needed you to be blind to me, too,” Merlin said, “because if you saw what I am, what I do to keep you safe… if you saw that I have magic, I couldn’t predict what you would do.”

Arthur stared. I have magic, he heard, over and over again. I have magic. He stared until his eyes began to sting, whether from shock or from shame or from his unwillingness to close them, to be blind again, he couldn’t say.

Finally, eyes watering, Arthur blinked. His gaze fell to the floor.

“I…” He stopped. Started again. “I know…what my father would do. What the King would do.But Merlin… I’m not him. And I don’t know… I don’t know what I feel right now, to be honest, but… but you are my friend. You are my friend, Merlin, and I am yours. You know me better than… and you’ve never tried to hurt me, though you could have if you wanted to, more easily than anyone… anyone else… Christ, Merlin, you’ve saved my life. You did it just now, and you’ve done it before, who knows how many times, and I couldn’t… couldn’t just…”

Arthur took a long, shaky breath.