#vtos

I miss doing bodywork oh so much. My body has been stuck in a thick sticky taut spiral that always feels its needs unwinding and when I do unwind it lasts maybe less than an hour. nerves are jolty and sharp and I quite honestly feel the static under and throughout my fascia. blood flow stagnant due to nerve and vein compression I would simply like to poke a tiny needle in my arm to release all the pressure that is TOS … one of the descriptions I tell others is that my arm constantly feels like it has a blood pressure cuff at the top of my arm, intermittently tightening and subtly loosening, but most always tight. I want to start a YouTube channel, Instagram, blog on my journey w TOS and my research I’ve done, my experience with being diagnosed, shit the journey itself to actually BE diagnosed, the surgeries, the procedures, the everything under the sun therapies / modalities I’ve tried, the corrupt healthcare systems, the over diagnosing and underdiagnosing and so many healthcare providers lack of the commitment to “do not harm” , the shifting of the body and mind and heart and soul, meds, herbs, the loneliness, the people who leave you bc they refuse to acknowledge and understand someone’s life changing w chronic pain, the one step forward ten steps back, the community and others also navigating this condition, the providers who see me and hear me and validate me, etc etc etc. I want to immerse myself in a medium that speaks about my chronic pain and this condition that is still so dismissed and pushed off. I want to make art or of something, the very condition that took my ability to make art and the mediums I used to use to make art. idk. rants. hoping this reaches someone I guess.