#votesven

LIVE FROM THE FLOOR: IT’S AARON’S LIZARD EMPORIUM WITH DECISION 2016!

You’ve seen the frontrunners, now meet someone who can’t run at all: Sven.

Sven came ashore to plunder our collective booty, but when he saw the tyranny of a lizard-controlled government, he knew there was something he could do to help. He’s served as one of the few non-lizard members of congress for the past 18 years, and this year he’s running for election.

He threatens to “consume the competition” and to “ingest them using a raking motion with his fangs.” We wish him luck.