#vosu

Vosu .Estònia.

Estònia .Agost 2021

The air was so thick. He lingered a bit too long for it to be a normal pause in a conversation. She ignored the tensions. Brushing it off as if it was nothing of significant. She walked away. His face fallen. He had missed his opportunity.  He did not want to get hurt. It was better to miss this opportunity than to be rejected. All his life, it was always the girls who fawned at him. He had never have to work this hard to get a girl attention. It was just too hard for him.

After two months usually they melted. They meet him halfway and yet this one does not even make eye contact. What did he do wrong?

A week has passed since she left the job and he found himself wandering aimlessly around the office kitchen. Still hoping she will come around the corner, and made a sarcastic comment that would make him smile. It should not be this hard he thought. She is just another girl after all. Why was he so cut up about it. He knew he had to make a decision. He needed to reach out to make that leap of faith. To risk it all.

He needed to offer his heart. And it would be visible for the whole world to see. He would need to be very vulnerable and risk it. A move he was not willing to make at all. He thought about it. The feeling of yearning and sense of lost seems to be more overwhelming than the idea of hope even with the possibility of rejection. He knew he was not acting normally. His friends could sense the feeling of being lost. They just looked on from the sidelines. Sensing a decision was in the process of being made. A big one.

He was lost. He admitted defeat.  He could not live without her. His world does not make sense anymore. It seems whatever concept of normal went out of the window the day he laid eyes on her.  She was his new normal. Everything seems clearer and sharper when she is around. She brought about clarity and purpose into his life. His mother suddenly called out of the blue asking how he was. He didn't sound well. Despondent was more like. Somehow out of tiredness he poured his heart to his mum. A move he had only made when he was still a little boy. The lady with the heart of gold sensed the situation her son is in. She knew that the boy she raised had become a man. His heart has belonged to another woman. She knew he had met his future wife. Her heart smiles and cries at the same time.  She took a deep breath. For the first time in a decade her voice became stern and strong.  She prepared her self to push his son away from her to the arm of his soulmate. It has to be her. She knew. It was her words that will make this happen.

“Son. I love you. But all your life you have it easy with women. And now the only time you have to do some work, you whinged about it? You have to decide now whether you want to be a man or stay where you are  and have all these meaningless sex with women. It is your decision. Don’t whinge about losing someone when you haven’t even tried to put any effort into it. “

His eyes widened. His sweet mother just scolded him. Her  favourite child. He was surprised.  It felt someone had thrown him a bucket of ice. She was right he thought. She was absolutely right. He had been expecting for her to come back. To be one who initiated contact. Who lead. His mother knew she was no longer needed said her love and hung up. She smiled somehow knowing she would meet this girl soon. The woman who made her boy a man. A man that she was very proud of.

After a rush goodbye. He sat in his cubicle staring blankly into the air. He knew what he had to do. This embarrassing hoops that he had never had to do before. The ritual of courting that he was blessed to skip because of his good looks. He had to go through the wall of approval from her female friends. He had to go up to one of them and ask for her number. Cringing he paced his breaths.  Why does she have to make it really hard, he thought.

He targeted the only female friend he thought would not embarrass him so blatantly.  

Hey, hope you had a great break. Have u had any contact with her at all by any chance?

He pressed sent. Not obvious at all he smirked. He cringed as the seconds turned into minutes and he did not see any reply. He couldn't do anything about it now. He glanced at the pile of papers on his left and decided might as well do a bit of work than going crazy about it.

Two hours passed and finally the email he was waiting for  came through.

Sorry, been very busy since I was away for so long. Yes, I talked to her a few days ago. She sounds good. What’s the matter?

Nothing. I forgot to tell her something last week. Do you have her number?

That does not sounds like nothing. But okay here it is …

Of course he knew by now, she would have known that he just asked for her number. Because  he knows girls code. Nothing is sacred. So he can’t bail now. Time to bite the bullet.

He looked at the clock. 3:16 pm today is the day his life will change either for the better or for worse. But it will change. He took a deep breath and sighed loudly in an empty room with a closed door.  He pressed call.  Two rings and …

“Hello “ her casual voice vibrated through his phone.

“Hello…How are you going?” His whole body calmed down and his world fell into clarity once more. He knew she was the one and he would not leave anything to chance anymore.

Read a snippet of of The Boy Billionaire  today and there was a section where he said he only focuses on building things and the people on facebook focuses on building things. All else is highly irrelevant or unimportant. 

When you feel annoyance you feel it now. You don't feel it later or because what life circumstances have brought you. It is just because you are annoyed, simply. You can have five hundreds hunky naked men with six packs that could beat Mr Universe's abs, fawning over you , and you would still feel annoyed. 

It is easy to say things like things are working out and universe got our back  when we are in a good mood. When we are in that place of just being and remembering.