#vortexdonuts

"Down the Hole, and Into the Vortex"

I've never understood people who flock to a new restaurant during opening week. No matter how much preparation goes into a new venture, out of the gate, the odds for disappointment will never be higher. The wait and kitchen staff are completely untested under fire, the grasp on the menu is elementary at best, and on and on. I wait at least a month, and often times two, before I make my way to a new establishment to see what they are all about. But god damn people! You are some rabid, doughnut eatin' opinionators. Y'all up in the trees, screamin' at the top of your lungs, throwin' stones and hurlin' bile, over doughnuts. Naturally, I had to see what the hell was going on. So I went to HOLE. While the donuts and coffee we had there were tasty enough, the 3 doughnut concept and overall impression left me cold. I simply can't support a place that seems to be proudly emulating the worst of why I left Portland. So, that was a one and done. Some people were also up in arms about their hours (7-1 PM), but I'm sure the owners of Hole get there around 4 or 5 in the morning, prepping stuff, so by the time 1 PM rolls around, and you're coming up on your ninth hour, you're ready to call it a day. I certainly don't hold that against them.

Which leads us to Vortex. It just made sense to run over there and do a comparison while the other experience was still fresh in my mind. Honestly, I'm not exactly a donut connoisseur. To be quite frank, I'm not big on sweets in general. But lets be honest. Generally, donuts are pretty simple things. I think its fair to say that they can be broken down into two basic categories; good, or bad. With this in mind I parked the McTruck in one of the unkempt parking lots and stepped inside.

I made my way down to the end of the case, which is where the gluten free donuts were. They looked very sad. Like they had fallen asleep in the oven and forgotten to rise when the bell sounded. I don't know if that's what gluten free donuts are supposed to look like (anemic and underfed) but it made me glad that I don't bother with things like that. 

As I pondered and photographed the sad looking SOB's, a gal came around from the other side of the counter and described each of the donuts in the case to those of us in line, as only some of them had name badges. Now, these other donuts were a different matter. While they were a tad smaller than what you'd get from the Big Three (Dunkin Donuts, Krispy Kreme and Winchell's), they looked delicious and I was pleased as pie to find that they not only had bear claws, but 3 different versions of them; plain, glazed and glazed with spices. Even though the glazed with spices sounded enticing, I kept things old school and went with a regular glazed, along with a skewer of (3) chocolate holes with peanut butter drizzle. Oddly enough, while there are prices on the wall menu for the milk, coffee and other whistle wetters, there were none for the donuts. My total ended up being $3.32. As for the vibe of the joint, its your typical reclaimed everything vintage look. Pretty much what every newly opened hip spot in the country is doing. I like it, but for me the novelty has long since passed into indifference.

"I've got boxes THIS big, if you're that hungry bro."

Anyhow, I took the bag home and tossed the wares onto a plate. The bear claw was a winner. The apples actually tasted fresh and had a bit of snap to them while the dough was moist with just the right amount of rip. The holes, on the other hand, were a bit dry and didn't really WoW me at all in the flavor department. They tasted very "lite". I imagine once these guys get more experience under their belt and tweak the anomalies as they pop up, everything will be just peachy over at Vortex. They seem to have a pretty good idea what people are after in a donut shop and the prices seem to be in line with the average working stiff's pocket of change. Like I said before; its pretty rare that I get a craving for donuts. But when I do, these guy will probably be the ones getting my money.