#volitional

delirious dysania and jaunty jokes

how exhausting it is too morph constantly.

mind-numbing internal mayhem 

meets

the illusion of safety 

through performing what you want to see.

what you want to see.

what a collab.

I receive adulation,

but when the curtain closes, I am with me,

 and I stare.

ineffable imagination

Hope is the thing with feathers.

Cyanotype making has become a very meditative thing and exciting thing for me. I didn’t realize how much I would fall in love with the process until I was reintroduced to it! It is so simple yet holds so much meaning, and I fell in love with the performative nature of the process. 

For my flag, I wanted to create something that could act as a grounding tool during dissociative episodes. I have PTSD and struggle with dissociation often around this time of year, and I noticed while sitting out in the sunshine, meditating, and tending to this material that it really grounded me in the present. I began timing my exposures, but then realized they came out more interesting when I intuitively timed them.

The final product was made through visualization, mindfulness, and photo magic. I sat outside after MANY failed attempts at having the text coming through, and I imagined myself rooting into the ground next to my fabric. I visualized the sun gleaming onto each letter and leaving a faint outline, gently pressing it’s image into the fabric. I visualized light hugging my material, and thought repeatedly:

“You are here. This is real. You are safe.”

Orbs gleamed from the reflection of the negative, and I just kept thinking about how magical the process is. I imagined love energy as blue light and imagined it pouring over the fabric. I imagined anyone passing by it feeling at peace and loved. When it felt right, like every letter in my mind was showing through, I went inside and rinsed it. No cap....it looked very closely to how I imagined it would!