yknow. I highly suspect I have dpdr
mainly because of the internet addiction I had since I was 7.
Like, okay, that may not be fully the cause but it mainly started out that way
I remember, vividly, walking into the kitchen, to the fridge, feeling like I was in one of my video games, and I remember telling my family members about it because I thought it was cool! It was a cool feeling!!
but now..?
Thanks to vyvanse and caffeine hypersensitivity, I wound up getting a derealization episode bad enough that it basically sealed my fate forever. I thought nothing was real, I knew I was being irrational but it felt like I was in a dream because of how present I was.
I was aware of myself, too aware of myself, and sure maybe it once again is just “too much internet” but god it was distressing. And now? Oh, now!
earlier today, I didn’t feel in control of myself. I knew it was me, it was my actions and my words that were being spoken..but I also felt like I was watching myself in spectator mode, interacting with the world.
i didn’t have a fix for it, grounding techniques DO NOT WORK for me, I’m forced to distract myself and sit it out. But for that hour or two, I was in purgatory. Hell, writing this is triggering it as well. Sigh.
Either way, I need to get it checked out because I really do think I might have it, the only thing that placates it is being online most of the day; otherwise nothing feels real, and I am not.
