#void series

Tw: possible eating disorder, touch starvation, panic attack, what could be considered suicidal thoughts

After Ex got back from being in the void, his life fell into the same old routine.  Wake up.  Eat around half a bowl of soup.  He stole the wood to make the bowl, and reused the same bowl every day.  He washed it each time he emptied it.  Don’t ask how he washed it.

Harvest part of the nether wart farm.  Expand the farm, then replant.  Mine.  Then finish the soup for lunch.  Do some more mining.  Work on projects.  Ex already had an enormous empty area from mining each day.  He had been meaning to do something with it, but.  You know, the whole getting-banned-by-Xisuma thing.  And the not-Void.  He wasn’t really interested in doing much nowadays. 

Ex hadn’t felt much motivation to work on the base under lava.  He’d go and place a couple blocks, change how it’s supposed to look, fill in a wall, and then just stare at the ground listlessly as his thoughts wandered, getting progressively darker as time went on.  Then he’d leave, and try to fill the rest of his day with something more productive.

Maybe eat dinner.  Maybe not.  Ex hadn’t felt hungry lately.  Just numb.  He still ate, of course, but because it was necessary to keep his body up and running.  Everything seemed gray, or more accurately red, and lackluster.  If he ran the risk of sounding cliche, he would say all the light had gone out of his life.

The not-Void showed up for planning at the end of every week.  Once they had worked most of the kinks out of their plan the not-Void usually just updated him on how far along they were.  It was… complicated, at the least.  Ex didn’t particularly want to hurt anyone besides Xisuma and the Void, and if they just went straight after them then the Void would probably protect Xisuma.

Even with the not-Void’s short weekly visits time seemed fluid, seemed to blur and act strangely.  Every day started to seem like the next, and sometimes Ex wondered what was the point of it all.  He was contemplating this particular thought one day under the lava base, when he started to panic.

What if there really was no point?  Why was he doing this?  Why not just give up?  Ex’s chest tightened, and his breathing rapidly increased.  His thoughts were whirling, asking him questions he didn’t know the answer to.  Taunting him about how he was alone, how he had no-one to help in through his panic attack.

Incensed by that last thought, he started to do breathing exercises.  In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.  When Ex had suitably calmed down he managed a listless smile.  He didn’t need someone anyway, he had calmed himself down from the panic attack.  He didn’t need anyone.

…Maybe it’d be true if Ex kept pretending it was.  But he couldn’t pretend away how his voice went hoarse from not talking, or how his skin crawled, seeking human contact.  He couldn’t pretend away the phantom feeling of fingers on his skin, of hugs and handshakes that seemed nothing more than mere ghosts in the face of the emptiness of the Nether.

…Sometimes Ex thought the loneliness would kill him.  Maybe he would slowly grow crazy, unable to handle the lack of human interaction.  Humans, even void people, are, after all, social creatures.  Solitary confinement is considered a punishment, even if not inhumane.  Maybe he would just wither away.  Seems fitting.

No.  Ex needed to stop thinking like that.  Every time he fell down the black hole of depression he reminded himself that Xisuma was still out there.  Xisuma was just going about his merry way, without facing the consequences of his actions.  Ex wouldn’t claim to be moral and just, but Xisuma hurt him.  Was hurting him.  So he wanted to make Xisuma hurt back.  He was kept going by spite, a need for revenge, and to stop the Void and Xisuma from hurting them -from hurting anyone- again.

Ah.  A chill swept through E, welcome in the burning heat of the Nether.  The not-Void was here.  He should really get his own name, it was debasing being defined by something he wasn’t.  Then again, Ex’s name was just Evil Xisuma.  Just an evil version of Xisuma.

Back to the matters at hand.  Was it Saturday already?  Ex hadn’t noticed.  Or cared.  He really hoped they got revenge soon.  He didn’t know how much longer he could last.  With that last thought, he got ready to hear whatever preparations the not-Void had made.

——————————————————————————————

Xisuma did not wake up from his nap refreshed and ready to go.  He woke up reluctantly,  victim to the chill in his bones- wait.  The Void.  He was back in space, not even taking a moment to admire the beauty of the stars.  What had happened?  Was Ex okay?

“How’s Ex?  What’s the False Void doing?  Can I unban Ex yet?”  Xisuma asked hurriedly.  If the Void could be sheepish, that was what this felt like.  A chill went down his spine.  It felt like there was a block of solid ice in the pit of his stomach.

“Void,”  Xisuma said carefully, “what happened to Ex?”  As the seconds ticked by, unbearably slowly, the sinking feeling intensified.  Whatever had happened, was bad.  Xisuma started mentally preparing for the worst.

“The False Void took your brother.  It’s energy was too much like mine, and Evil Xisuma’s energy too much like yours.  The false Void slipped through my defences undetected, and slipped back out with your brother.   It was fast.  Your brother must have agreed to go, or else I would have sensed it.  Your energies are similar enough for any resistance to have been noticed by me.  You should prepare.”  The Void warned Xisuma.

Xisuma just floated there, stunned.  At least Ex wasn’t hurt, or DEAD, at least as far as he knew.  But Xisuma was in big trouble.  His brother had been -not kidnapped, the Void said he had gone willingly- freed.  Ex had been freed.

But what would Ex do next?  What did he think was going on?  Did he understand?  Xisuma loved him, and loved the server.  He didn’t want to have to fight Ex to save the server.  Did Ex still want revenge?

And if Ex did want revenge, would he go for it?  Xisuma liked to think he had changed, but.  If it came down to it.  What would Ex do?  Xisuma didn’t know him that well, which made him a bit of a wild card.  He couldn’t just ask himself “What would I do?”  Because Ex wasn’t him, and he didn’t know what was going on.

It doesn’t even take a week for Joe and Xisuma to meet.  The first thing out of Joe’s mouth was,

“What happened to Evil Xisuma?”

and Xisuma freezes.  He tries to play it off with a simple confused look.  Joe narrows his eyes.  Xisuma shrugs.  Joe gives him a glare.  Xisuma sighs and replies,

“How did you know?”  dejectedly.

“I have access to the admin chat, in case you’ve forgotten,”  Joe answers cooly.

“and I want answers.”

“Well you better sit down, because this’ll take a while.  I’m paraphrasing here.  You know Ex?”

“Obviously.”

“Well the Void has like, whatever Ex is, but for the Void.”  As Xisuma says this, Joe quirks an eyebrow.  Xisuma shrugs helplessly and splays his hands in the air.

“And he was going after Ex, to like, recruit him or something.  I banned him -It wasn’t going to be long, just enough to get him safe from the False Void- but the False Void got to him, and let him out.  We’re not sure if Ex is working with the False Void or not yet.”  Xisuma finishes, saying it all in a single breath.

“That’s a lot to unpack.”  Joe comments dryly.  “You know where he is?”

“Probably in the Nether, if he’s on this server.  Why?”  Xisuma answers.

“I shall look for him.”  Joe replies.  Then he leaves.  Xisuma lets him go.

Joe spent some time almost every day in the Nether.  Try as he might, however, he could not find Ex.  But that was okay.  Joe had a long, long time to find him.

@ihavenoconsistentname and @kool-aidd part 2!  Hope I actually write part 3!

Tw for hypothermia, frostbite, temporary muteness [only kind of.]

Ex was cold.   Freezing cold.  He started shivering immediately.  He looked around the Void.  Millions, billions of stars twinkled around him. They glowed brightly, all at once, then faded out.  And it was dark.  He took a shaky breath, and let it out.  He couldn’t even see the fog.  Ex was in the void.  Where he went when Xisuma banned him.  Except it was never this cold.  ‘Oh, he must have perma-banned me.  It’s the only way I would have ended up like this.’ Ex thought dimly.  It hurt more than he thought it would.  And why wouldn’t it?  He’d never thought Xisuma would do this.  Do this to him.  His brother.  He felt something hard and cold on his cheek.  He lifted one trembling hand to his cheek and felt ice.  He was crying, and his tears had frozen to his cheeks.  He stopped shaking.  He felt limp, numb.  Hypothermia must have been setting in.  Then the frostbite started.  He started to feel like he was B U R N I N G.  He screamed , but there was no-one to hear.  He screamed, but this was space.  This was the Void.  He couldn’t make a single sound.  Ex didn’t know how long he was screaming, but eventually the pain vanished.  He idly wondered if he was dead.  After a few moments a voice spoke-

                                       H̵̱͊̓̀̈́̓̿ė̵̱͚̯̖̣̟̟̲̭͙͖̌̉̏͌̑̏̾̈́̕ĺ̷̮͎̬̬͉̌̏͜ļ̴̮̝̖̤̖̰̩̳̄̋͐̎͂͂͒̏̾̀͜ö̷̳͈͚́̀̈́̐̾̊̾̂̈́̊ ̵̥̭̳̘̪͈̖͐̃͗̈͆̂̀̐̀͒͘͜v̸̨̛̩̱͎̦́̽͑̈̋̈́͂͋̕̕͝͝ͅǫ̶̢̘͎̹͍͕̰͒̎̑͆̌i̵͍̠̫͔͕͒͂̈́͂d̷̛͎͖̻̬̮̮͉͉̬̜̻͉͒͒̄̽͗͘͝͝-̴̝̩͍̗̟̰̪͓̰̀c̴̛̥̱͇͍̼̲̟͚͈̬̳̻͙̆͜ͅh̴̥̟͍͎̲͎͖͌̇̂͐̀̕̕͜͝i̸̝͔̜͚̩̪̮̘̥̜͂̌̅͆̍̉͗́̿͝͠ͅl̸̡̢̝̞͈͖̫͎̠͔̖̤̄̾̌d̶̥͕͉̪̀̃̾́͛̋͝

-it e c h o e d and reverberated in his head.  He clawed at his ears but the voice had come from inside of his head.  He tried to tell the voice to stop, but he couldn’t speak this deep in the Void.  Though it could probably hear him anyway.  Then the pain vanished.  Ex took in deep breaths of the cold void air.

I apologize.  I am not used to speaking with people.  I am here to help you.  But we must talk quickly.  This is the Void’s sphere of influence.  I am riding on its power to sneak in undetected, as I have the same kind of power.  It will not last forever so I must free you soon.  No, I am not the Void.  When Xisuma fell into the void and created you, the Void split as well.  It was not an equal split, and I am left with less power than the Void.  I am like you.  I want to get rid of the Void.  It forced me away, deep down here, though I eventually escaped.  I heard that you had the same experience with your counterpart.  The fact alone that you are here proves that.  Regardless of whether or not you choose to help me get revenge, I will free you, but you are like me.  And I would want revenge.

Ex took a second processed this.  When he was created so was an alter void who was imprisoned by the Void, and Xisuma banned Ex, and the not-void wants to help Ex.  It all sunk in.  Then anger flared in his chest.  His lips twisted into a snarl as he considered the not-Void’s offer.  ‘Xisuma abandoned me!  He left me here!  And the Void did the same thing to not-Void!  They NEED to pay.’  “Yes, I want revenge as well.  But not on the whole server, only on Xisuma and the Void.”  Excellent.  The not-Void said.

And then Ex appeared back in the Nether, right where he left.  The anger in his chest died, replaced with sadness and despair.  Now, besides the not-Void, who would probably leave him as soon as it got revenge, Ex was truly alone.  Tears rolled down his face, evaporating as soon as they hit the ground.  Ex picked up his helmet, secured to his head.  He walked back to his base, curled up on a random spot on the floor, and went to sleep.

——————————————————————————————

Xisuma stared at the message on screen, and wondered why this was happening.  Obviously, It was because he died in the void as the admin of the world.  He didn’t regret it however.  If he had never fallen in the void then Ex would never have existed.  Neither would the false Void, though Xisuma didn’t know the false Void.  Things might be easier if he had never fallen into the void, but Xisuma would never regret bringing Ex into world, accident or not.

Still.  He had banned Ex.  That was basically taking him out of the world.  He could bring him back though.  Xisuma was second guessing himself.  No surprise there.  If the false Void was anything like the real one, then maybe it would find a loophole.  The Void might be extremely powerful, but power isn’t everything.  Intelligence and trickery could help the false Void get to Ex.

What if it got angry and hurt Ex…?  Maybe they didn’t talk that often, but Xisuma didn’t want Ex to get hurt.  Ex was his brother, for goodness sake!  Even if Ex kept trying to destroy the server, Xisuma still loved him.  Maybe he should talk to somebody about this.  Or maybe it would be over soon, and there’s absolutely no reason to get worked up!  Other than the fact that he, Xisuma, Perma-banned his own brother!  And he knew that being Perma-banned had to be unpleasant.  It wouldn’t be effective otherwise.  But there was no time to figure anything else out.

Alright.  Xisuma was just going to go to bed, and maybe when he woke up the problem would have solved itself.  These problems are the worst, because you can’t do anything about them in the moment.  You’re just powerless.

Hopefully the Void would stop the false Void and Xisuma could un-ban Ex or do something about it.  Then Xisuma would ask or beg Ex for forgiveness.  Even though it was the best solution they could find on such short notice, that didn’t mean Xisuma or Ex were going to like it.

Then Xisuma remembered it was like two in the afternoon.  Alright then, he turned back around and headed off to Tek to the Skies.  After that he would have a nap.  Things would be better when he woke up.  Or worse.  What if things got worse and he couldn’t do anything about it?!  See, this is why he needed a nap.  It’s hard to be positive when you’re tired and stressed out.

Xisuma got rockets in a daze, and headed to a place he wouldn’t be disturbed.  He really needed this nap.  Joe Hills ran to Tek to the Skies, panting and out of breath.  Once Joe  got there he looked around for Xisuma, but he had just missed him.  Joe nervously checked his special communicator.  It was displaying the admin chat.  The message was still there, glaring and bright.

Xisumavoid banned Evil Xisuma.

@ihavenoconsistentname and @kool-aidd sorry if you guys have seen this already I just noticed that tumblr messed up the font on this, and I’m fixing it.  A lot of it didn’t make sense without the font, so you couldn’t tell who was talking.

——————————————————————————————

Ex had thought that today would be a normal day.  He couldn’t have been more wrong.  It had started out as normal.  He had woken up on the floor, in his designated sleeping spot.  He slept on the floor because beds didn’t work in the Nether.  The floor wasn’t anywhere near as comfortable as a bed however, and he woke up with aches and pains all the time.  He was used to it however, and doing stretches helped.

There wasn’t really anywhere more comfortable than the floor to sleep without running the risk of mobs.  This was because all the floor in Ex’s house was made of nether brick.  The base itself looked small from the outside.  It was built into the side of a cliff, and expanded much farther than expected.  This might be because of all the free time Ex had.  He liked to maximize his time, and do as much as he possibly could.  It helped keep his mind off things.  Like how hot it was.  Or how lonely he was.  Or if his joints hurt.

‘I wonder how much of the pain is from sleeping in my armour?  It’s not like I have anything else to wear, and I need to wear my armour all the time.’  Ex considered.  Now that would be just perfect.  He couldn’t take his helmet off because the air in the Nether and the overworld had too much oxygen and dust particles. The Nether air was also quite bit poisonous.  Not enough to bother anyone who didn’t live in the Nether, but enough that he, who stayed in the Nether 24/7, had to wear his armour all the time or his skin would melt off.

That was not a pretty picture.  If melted skin and melted internal organs didn’t heal when you respawn then Ex could get stuck in an infinite loop of death.  He would probably die of like, axyphisation or too much oxygen, or dust filling his lungs first.  Either way, not a good idea, and certainly deadly.  That’s the price to pay for being banned from the overworld.

‘Sometimes I miss the overworld.  Actual sunlight, nature, and fresh air.  Even if there is too much oxygen to breathe without a helmet.  I also miss people, I’m lonely here all by myself…’  Ex’s eyes widened.  This was why he preferred to spend his time working.  Less totally false intrusive thoughts.

Ex got up, harvested part of his nether wart farm, as the whole thing was much too large to harvest in one go.  He checked his chest, noting that he needed more soul sand, and then replanted the part of the farm he harvested.  Ex then left to go mine some more.  He was building a base under the lava, and he needed to get nether bricks to make nether brick fences, which would keep the lava out.  The outer walls and possibly the ceiling were going to be made out of nether brick fences to display the lava outside better.

Ex lived alone, and no-one ever visited him, so he was very surprised and more than a little bit confused when he got a message.  It was on his standard communicator, which everyone got when they switched worlds.  Even people who weren’t strictly supposed to be on the server.  Even stranger, this was a private message.  Which meant that only Ex and the sender could see it.  Who would send him a message?  And a private one at that?

Right, he got a message.  Seeing the sender’s name was enough to make him wary.  Xisuma.  Ex liked Xisuma.   Despite having banned him, Xisuma let him stay in the Nether.  Even after he tried to destroy the server.  Multiple times.  Xisuma didn’t talk to him much normally, however.  Whenever they talked it was in person, anyway.  So when Ex opened the message, he opened it with trepidation.  It was two words long.

Xisumavoid whispered to Evil Xisuma:  I’m sorry.

Ex’s head shot up from where he had been staring at his communicator.  He looked around worriedly.  There was nothing besides the odd zombie pigman and a ghast or two in the immediate vicinity.  He didn’t see anything wrong…?  So what could Xisuma have been apologizing for?  What Xisuma do?

Maybe Xisuma sent it to the wrong person.  That had to be what had happened.  It was the most reasonable answer, at least.   Even though it was a private message, and would have been nearly impossible to mess up.  It still had to be a mistake, right?  ‘What did he do?  What did I do?  WHY IS THIS HAPPENING.’

Things had a bad habit of going terrible for Ex.  Ex chose to ignore this fact, and instead worked on calming his racing heart.  Everything was fine.  Everything was a-ok.  Besides being stuck in the Nether.  Things were fine.  At least, as fine as it could be for Ex.  Nothing bad was going to happen.

Then, suddenly, without a bang, without a pop, and without any kind of warning, Ex wasn’t in the Nether anymore.  What there was, however, was his helmet, sitting on the Nether floor, and a message in the admin chat.

Xisumavoid banned Evil Xisuma.

——————————————————————————————

Xisuma’s day had started normally.  Get up from AFK’ing at a farm, work on a project.  Maybe fix a glitch or two.  So when the void came to him, panicked, he had no idea what was going on.  Especially because the void never panicked.  He’d been walking through the shopping district, on his way to Tek to the Skies.  Then he’d felt the freezing cold that meant the void was summoning him.

Xisuma barely had the few seconds he needed to sit down.  He always passed out when the Void talked to him, and now was no different.   Xisuma met the Void in the strange dimension… mindscape?  They always ended up at.  Xisuma looked around at the place, as he always did.   The stars shone particularly bright, before fading out of existence, as they always did.  Somehow it stayed ethereal and beautiful each and every time he saw it.

“Why did you call me here?”  Xisuma called out, his voice immediately swallowed by space.  The false Void has come for your brother.  Ban him!  Permanently.  The Void spoke in his head.  “Wait, what?  False Void?  Ban Ex?”  Xisuma prodded nervously.  Ex was his favorite brother!  Well, he was his only brother, but he liked Ex!  He was never seriously trying to destroy the server!  Right?  Even if he was, he was downright terrible at it.  And what did the Void mean, False Void? And it was coming for his brother!  Then the Void spoke again.

I… for lack of a better word, was split.  When you fell in the void and spawned Evil Xisuma I, too, was split.  Not equally, less than half went to the false Void.  It wants to kill… dissolve? Me.  It wants me gone.  And if you and I are mirrored in the split, then Evil Xisuma and the false Void are also reflections.  The false Void believes that by working with your brother they can both enact revenge.  Thus, by perma-banning him you put him in my sphere of influence, so I can keep the false Void away from him.  Otherwise they will likely team up to destroy us and the server.

“Do you really think this is the only way?  I think Ex is over destroying the server.”  The false Void will likely imply a sense of comradery, or appeal to how they are alike each other.  He will see himself as he used to be, and want to help the false Void.  Ban him.  The false Void will be coming soon.  Very soon.

Xisuma woke up in the Overworld, nothing left of his visit with the Void but a lingering cold deep in his bones, and anxiety.  He looked around at the server.  He couldn’t let this be destroyed.  He opened his admin screens, invisible and intangible to anyone except him and other admins.  Xisuma sent Ex a message.

Xisumavoid whispered to Evil Xisuma:  I’m sorry.

There.  At least Ex would know he didn’t want to do this.  Xisuma took a deep breath, and perma-banned Ex.  Maybe this would blow over really quickly and he could un-ban Ex fast.  The only reason it needed to be a perma-ban was because Ex could eventually escape a normal ban.  He turned around and headed back home, glad for his helmet, as it meant no one could see his tears.  The only thing left was a message in the admin chat.

We were made from stardust. We were made from beauty and heat and light, but we were born from the void. Birthed from nothingness and still carrying it with us. We fill it with people and food and pleasure,