The last piece of humanity he had encountered in Colorado territory was in a small town called “Ford” about 4 days ago. He had stocked up on supplies, but things were dwindling now. He couldn’t last all of this way to Wyoming without some kind of other provisions. He refused to give up, not when he was so close. The people of Ford had told him there was another small settlement on his way north, but he had yet to find it. 

Except, navigating the lush landscape of the spring of the land, he spotted a well, and took that as a good sign. Wells meant easily accessible water, water meant people. Maybe, if he were lucky, they would give him food and housing. 

Or, they would shoot him dead and take his horse and what little possessions he had. 

Joel had to take a chance- he was running out of food, and probably stunk to high heaven, but that was an afterthought. Food and water was the main concern now. He was reaching the border to Wyoming, he had to be. That’s what every person he had encountered told him- just a few more days, just a few more days. 

He slid off of his horse and led it over to the well, quickly lowering the bucket and letting it fill with water, then pulled it up as quickly as he could to finally stick his canteen in and swallow the water in a few swift gulps. His horse nickered behind him, and he turned, setting the bucket on the ground and Lucky ducked her head to lap at the crisp, cool water. 

Dunking the bucket again after she had her fill, he refilled the bucket and wiped his face of the dirt and grime that had accumulated. He was bent over, scrubbing his face like mad, and then heard the sound of a gun cock back, and a cool barrel pressed against his back.

“Turn around. Slowly.” a voice said, and Joel stiffened, slowly wiping his face and turned around, his hands raised. He was surprised to find a young woman before him, and she took a quick step back, assessing him. She was dressed as a true frontier woman- dark, worn clothes, leather belt with another gun at her side, hair pulled back to keep her sights clear. 

She looked ferocious, and Joel knew better than to underestimate her. 

“What are you doing with my well?”

“What does it look like?” Joel questioned, his eyes moving from her stern face to the barrel of the rifle in her hand. It looked clean, well used, and he figured she could be lethal with it. 

She gave him a hard look, eyes glancing around quickly,

“Are you alone?” she questioned, and he nodded, knowing there was no use in lying. He couldn’t call upon any reinforcements, even if he tried. “Anyone following you?” she added, and he shook his head. She looked at him, and he could see the gears turning in her head. She then lowered the gun, though her hand still stayed on the trigger.

“You live ‘round these parts?” Joel questioned, testing his chances. Eyes flashing up and down his figure, she gave a slight nod. “With your husband?” 

She gave him a slight smirk, one that was laced with mirth and bitterness.

“Yeah. You could say that.”

He knew better than to press, though curiosity ate at him. But, an inquisitive mind in the wrong direction could get you killed in a world like this. 

“What do you want? Water?” she questioned, gesturing to the well behind him, and he slowly lowered his hands to at least the level of his sides, but clear in her sights.

“And some food. Maybe a bed, if possible. Back’s been killin’ me, think I got a crick or something.” he said, adding a little embellishment to see if she’d have a little bit of mercy. She regarded him with a very skeptical expression, eyes moving up and down his form. She then lowered the gun entirely, hand off the trigger.

“Well, come on. I don’t have much, but I’ll do my best to accommodate you.” she said, and he felt a bit of relief wash through him. A bit of nice hospitality was welcomed, especially here in a world like this. He nodded, and stepped away from the well. But, she rounded to his horse faster than he thought and picked the rifle from his saddlebag with ease. He frowned deeply,

“Hey, now, listen ‘ere-”

“If you wanna maintain my trust, you’ll do as I say. Understood?” she said firmly, eyes shifting to him. He felt rooted to the spot just then, and swallowed, but then nodded once. He did not like the idea of being so vulnerable with a stranger, particularly when he didn’t know what was in store for him at the home front. He just kept hoping he was still in the good graces of whoever was watching above, if they were even there. 

She nodded, and slung his rifle over her other shoulder. Nodding for him to follow, she set off on foot. He grabbed Lucky’s reins, and urged her around, following the strong, purposeful footsteps of the woman in front of him. 

When they came upon the settlement, Joel was impressed to say the least. There was a decent sized corral with 3 horses inside, heads down and grazing. He could hear the cluck of some chickens and the braying of goats, finding this was a true settlement, fit for a family or two.

But, when he turned his head, listening for voices, he found none. It was quiet besides the animals and the rustling of the trees from the light breeze.

The cabin was modest, one level with a porch. The architecture was pretty typical for the time, but nonetheless impressive. She was a few steps ahead of him, both rifles over her drawn back, tight shoulders. She had her head held high, her steps with purpose. He saw her look over her shoulder at him every few minutes, probably to see if he was falling back or had drawn a gun on her. Neither was true, she came to find. He walked behind her diligently, ready for food that wasn’t stale and days old, and a cabin with a roof over his head. 

He tied his horse to the fence where the others were, Lucky knickered at them in recognition, two lifting their heads. He pat Lucky’s neck and walked to the cabin, where the woman was waiting for him on the porch. She turned, opening the door and stepped inside, him following close behind. He took off his hat immediately, pausing to look around. He could see several rooms, a big kitchen with a grand table that could fit at least six comfortably. He was uneasy. Where were the rest of the people?

Setting the rifles at the far end of the room, she kept the pistol on her hip and walked to the kitchen, getting to work.

“Sit where you’d like.” she said, gesturing to the table and he nodded, looking at the table before him. Something was off, and he didn’t know why.

“Where’s the rest of… y’know. Your people.” he said, sitting at the table and she came over with a plate of meat, cheese, and a few bits of potato. He took the cutlery in hand, and did his best to be civil and not shove the food down his gullet eagerly.

“Out. Went to town.” she said, and tended to the fire before settling at the other end of the table, far away from him. Her eyes were skeptical, narrowed, and unsure. He kept his eyes trained on his food, afraid to look at her in case it made her uncomfortable.

“How long are you staying in these parts?” she questioned after a few minutes of silence. He glanced at her, cutting into the half-open potato that had butter and salt on top- a delicacy he hadn’t experienced out here before.

“Just passin’ through.” he said honestly, and she nodded, sitting back in the wooden seat furthest away from him.

“Wyoming?”

He paused chewing, and then looked at her, surprised at her assumption but also how true it was. He gave a short nod, and she nodded in return.

“Several settlements up there. Hear it’s good- good land, good people. You lookin’ for somebody, or just a place to settle down?”

“You sure do ask a lot of questions,” Joel chuckled, but couldn’t blame her. She was probably looking for a reason not to shoot him, and finding out about his purpose seemed to help with that. “Lookin’ for my brother. He may’ve passed through here. Thomas Miller?” 

She shook her head, and he nodded, looking back at his food.

“‘M Joel.” he offered, and she gave her name easily. He smirked slightly, “Pretty name,” he said, and she rolled her eyes, but said nothing. She stood and walked to the open kitchen, and he could hear the pouring of liquid. Next thing he knew, he had a cup of milk beside him. He mumbled a thanks and sipped it hungrily, but tried to stave off the urge to down it all at once. Looks like he was more hungry than he thought. 

“Where’s your husband?” he questioned, and she was silent for a moment, and he passed her a look. She was looking out the window ahead of her, and nodded towards it.

“Out there,” she offered the same vague explanation, and he had a feeling she wasn’t telling him everything. But, why would she? She didn’t know him, he could try to kill her in her sleep, or steal everything worth something. He wasn’t sure how to convince her he wasn’t a raider, and he supposed he’d have to work for it if he didn’t want to die tonight. 

“Need any help ‘round here? Gotta repay you for this somehow.” he said, gesturing to the nearly empty plate before him. He looked at her, and she nodded, moving her eyes from the window to him. 

“You can’t stay.” she said, and that threw him off. Surely a solitary woman such as herself needed a hand, at least until someone returned. He wiped his mouth and sat up straight, the gears turning in his mind.

“I’d just… I’d have a mighty hard time leavin’ a pretty young thing such as yourself all on ‘er lonesome.” he said, his eyes looking between her own. She didn’t shift or squirm under his gaze. She just looked back at him with an intensity that was between sorrow and fury.

“I can take care of mine and mine own.” she said stiffly, and Joel frowned.

“Never said you couldn’t. Just thought I’d offer m’services until your husband returns.” he said, and she watched him, her eyes narrowing. There was an air of hostility to her and in her gaze. But, he just kept on with his open, neutral expression. She finally looked away, at her hands in her lap.

“He’s here.” she said, her shoulders sagging, and she sighed deeply. “Out there, I meant it. Out there, next to Pa and Annie.” 

He looked out the window, slowly, like he was trying to avoid spooking an animal. Eyes scanning the terrain, he spotted it. He could see very faintly a tree in the distance, with three white crosses standing underneath it. 

“Your family?” he questioned, looking back at her, who was still looking at her hands in her lap. She nodded twice, and he swallowed, nodding gently.

“My condolences, ma’am.” he said, and she stood up abruptly, so much so that the chair had skid back a few inches. She walked to the kitchen with her back to him, and busied herself with gathering food.

“There’s a town- there’s a town just north of here. Days’ ride at the most. They’ll point you in the right direction.” she said hurriedly, and he could sense a tremor in her voice. He looked down at his empty plate, and then shifted in his seat to look at her. Her back and shoulders were tense, drawn back and stiff, like she was holding the world’s weight on her shoulders. 

“Ma’am, I’d like it if you’d let me stay the night. Just one. I can assist in any help you need.” he said, and she finally stilled in the kitchen, and her head dropped between her shoulders. He heard no crying, no tears. She simply turned to him, and inhaled deeply. She put her hands on her hips, considering it. He could see the absolute want to toss him out back into the wilderness, but he could also see something else. Something he knew all too well.

Loneliness. Loss. Longing.

“One night. I’ll see you to the edge of the property tomorrow at noon.” she said and nodded with finality. Wiping under her nose, he could see the sheen of tears in her eyes as she moved to take his plate and cup. He nodded in response, offering a light smile and stood up, looking around as she took the plate to the kitchen counter and set it on there to be washed later. He took a breath, and looked around.

“So, where do we start?”

Joel worked around the small farm, fixing things as she worked next to him. She stood underneath him as he worked on the roof of the chicken coop, fixing a leak in the roof. He mended a few stalls in the barn, making sure there weren't any gaping holes to let the elements in. While he worked she was always nearby, working hard and purposeful, but silent. Words were seldom exchanged, but he would share lingering glances and nods with her, even offering a smile or two. She returned the nods but not the smiles at first. When she offered some gloves to him to keep from getting splinters from the wood, he met her gaze and nodded gratefully.

She smiled at that, but it was light and fleeting. Still, it was better than nothing.

Around late afternoon, the sun was starting to hang low in the sky and Joel could feel the days’ work weighing down on him. He wasn’t as young as he used to be, so the pains were starting to settle a bit quicker in his bones, but he wouldn’t stop until she said so. 

She turned to face the horizon and wiped her hands on her dirtied apron, standing in the garden. She had given him some distance sometime ago, seeming to finally trust him to not do anything stupid or brash. But, he still kept close, just in case she doubted him. 

He stood up straight, the breeze floating through the valley and he adjusted his hat on his head, watching her. She rolled her shoulders back and took off her hat, wiping her brow and turned around, grabbing the basket full of vegetables. He quickly looked away, and put the tools to the side on the makeshift workbench, having just fixed one of the chairs from the kitchen. 

When she approached, he finally turned his head to look at her, the sunset causing a halo to wrap around her head. But, she was no soft, gentle angel. Her eyes were hard, concentrated, her shoulders tight and rigid with purpose. A warrior angel, if he ever saw one.

“Time to head inside. I’ll start dinner.” she said, her voice betraying her just for a moment, her voice a bit lighter and less commanding, more so suggesting. He nodded, wiping his hands on his pants. 

“Yes, ma’am.” Joel said, and she regarded him for a minute, and he felt his breath suspend in air. But, it was only for a moment, and she turned and headed into the cabin. He looked back at her, her hair a bit messy from a day’s work, sweat collecting on the back of her dress. 

He had never seen anything more beautiful than the angel that he had stumbled upon in the Colorado valley.

But, he was just a passer-by. She was just a place to rest, to linger for a moment before moving forward. He will be on his way to the next town tomorrow.

Walking inside, he stomped his boots on the floorboards outside before stepping inside. He saw the basket sitting on the table, and could already smell food being cooked on the stove. He took off his hat, and hung it on the peg by the door like it was second nature. 

“Anything I can do to help?” he questioned, and she looked over at him, her eyes casting down his form and she looked back to the stove.

“Go wash up. I left some clothes out for you in the bedroom.” she said, and he hesitated. It was all so domestic, so comforting but foreign to him. He hadn’t experienced this in, well, ever. Never had a place where a woman lingered, taking care of him in any way. He came close once, with Tess. But, fever and infection had taken over her before he had a chance to make her his, and that was years ago. 

So, this was… different. Nice. 

He nodded, though she couldn’t see it, and muttered a thank you. Entering the bedroom, he saw a pitcher, basin and washcloth for him, a pair of slacks and a new shirt on the bed. He looked back at the doorway, and closed it gently, getting to work.

It was amazing what a wipe down and new clothes could do to a man. He felt rejuvenated, made anew, like a fresh spring. 

All thanks to the benevolent angel in the next room.

He walked out, and saw the table was set, noticing a spot for both of them across from each other. He fought back a smile, and cleared his throat to alert her of his presence. She turned, holding cups and set them on the table. She gestured for him to sit, and he noticed she was still in her clothes from the day, dirt streaked on her face that she seemed to have attempted to wipe away hastily. 

He wanted to suggest to her to wash up, but could tell of many ways she would take it wrong. He made a plan in his mind, and began to walk to the kitchen.

“I got it-”

“Allow me, ma’am.” he said, his brown eyes turning to her with a gentleness he reserved for the likes of animals or children. She was so beautiful and giving that he wanted to repay her even more than his acts of service. One more wouldn’t hurt.

She hesitated, but then nodded as he made their plates, the food smelling delicious and made his mouth water. He walked over and set her plate down, though she remained standing by the chair, waiting for him to sit down first. 

Leaning over to set his plate down, he gestured for her to sit. She moved slowly, unsure, like she wasn’t used to the gesture. He pulled out her chair and pushed it in, his hands lingering on the back of the chair. When he pulled away, he swallowed quietly and walked around to his spot. 

“I suppose good men do still exist,” she said, and he glanced up to see that ghost of a smile on her face. The look was more rewarding than any of her thanks he had received from her all day. He nodded, looking away shyly and picked up his silverware.

“Just doin’ my part.” he said, and what he didn’t see was her face soften. He was going above and beyond to be helpful, to do whatever she wanted. A stark difference from what she had experienced before with her deceased husband. In one short day, this Joel Miller fella had shown her that she didn’t have to take care of everything. It felt like a weight was lifted from her shoulders. It was also nice to have company around after living in solitude for so long.

She wanted to propose an extended stay, just one more day. One more day to get more things done, to be in his presence a little longer. They worked well together in tandem, feeling a hole in her chest that was beginning to fill.

But, she quickly stamped the feeling down. He was just passing through, and doing his part, like he said. Still, she was more grateful than she could say.

“I noticed your fence needs mending in the paddock. You got any wire?” he questioned, and she looked at him curiously, quickly shifting her eyes down as his rose to look at her face. 

“Yeah, just haven’t had the time to get to it.” she said, and he nodded thoughtfully, swallowing a piece of biscuit and thought about his next words carefully.

“I can fix it. Before I go.” he said, and this caused her eyes to move up to meet his. “I can leave later in the day. Get an early start, get it done before y’know it.”

She sat back in her seat, her hands in her lap as she contemplated it. She looked unmoved, neutral, and he figured she would be eager to get him out. 

But, she nodded.

“That would be nice.” she said, smiling softly. She was facing away from the window, and the last bit of sunlight brought that beautiful halo around her again. 

Yes, an angel had been put in his path, and he would serve her more faithful than he had anything or anyone else.

At least for a little bit longer.

It took some convincing, but he ended up doing the dishes, wiping them down thoroughly as she went to her bedroom and shut the door to wash up. He glanced back where she had gone, and already missed her presence so close to him. 

He walked to light some candles and stoke the fire as the sun was beginning to truly set, cloaking the valley in darkness. He glanced back at the door that concealed her, but saw it was cracked just slightly. Faulty hinge, he thought, and figured he could fix that too before he left.

He could see a sliver of skin, illuminated by the soft glow of candlelight. He could see her backside in the sparse light, her body curvaceous and looking incredibly soft for a working woman. She pulled a nightdress over her head, and he quickly looked away, moving to the small living area by the fire. He shoved the thought and image of her away, settling into a rocking chair and tried to undo the tightness in his throat.

It had been a long time since being in that particular company of a woman. He hadn’t indulged in whores or brothels, finding he was too focused on other things to really care. He had been solicited before, but he never gave in. He also felt he was too old to give in to such pleasures anymore. He could control himself, he would be reined in and well behaved with little thought on the matter.

But here he was, getting hard at the thought of his hostess in the safety of her bedroom, naked and exposed, unaware of his gaze. 

She walked out in a robe, hesitating in the doorway, her hand holding it closed near her chest. He felt even more ashamed of himself for depriving her of her modesty. 

“Everything’s set.” he said, and she looked at the kitchen to see the dishes had been set aside, clean, and the remainder of the food stored away. She nodded, and he could see her shoulders relax. He could see her hesitation once more, like she was wondering what move to make next. 

“Thank you, Joel.” she said quietly, and he nodded in response, his elbows resting on the arms of the rocking chair. “You’re an angel, you know,” she said, but still kept herself in the doorway of the bedroom. 

“I think you’re the angel here, darlin’.” he said without much thought. She looked away, her hair freshly brushed and put into her nightly style. It was simple, and Joel wondered what it would look like completely and utterly free. He wondered how soft it would be under his fingers-

She then moved with a grace that seemed to solidify his observation. She settled into the chair across from him, her robe pulled tight around her. She looked at the fire, and he sat in silence with her, his eyes finally tearing away from her after what seemed like minutes. He could gaze at her all night, just to see the other side of her that wasn’t the hardworking and tense woman he had experienced in the day that passed. 

“Do you think you could replace the rope in the well?” she questioned, and he felt a bit of surprise come through him, but he didn’t dare show it.

“Of course,” he said a little too quickly, a little too eagerly. If she noticed, she didn’t give it away, her eyes still trained on the fire. She nodded, and he could tell this was her way of asking him to stick around. 

He supposed he could stay for one more day. 

“Whatever you need, angel, I’ll do it. Gotta give back to your hospitality somehow.” he said, and she turned her gaze to him, her eyes glowing in the firelight, flecked with orange and yellow as the flames danced. 

She smiled. And this, he found, was a real smile- bright, true, and genuine. It was one of the loveliest sights he had ever seen. Damn near took his breath away.

“You’re very kind, Joel. I appreciate that,” she said, her hands laying in her lap, clasped together gently. 

“Your brother,” she questioned, and he couldn’t hide his slight surprise. “What is he like?” 

Joel thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to describe his little brother. 

“An incredible thorn in my side,” he said, chuckling lightly. “He’s a good kid- Well, man now. At least, I hope he’s grown into becoming one. He’s always had a youthful spirit. I miss the son-of-a-gun, hence why I’m tryin’ to find my way to Wyoming territory.”

The weight of his words came down like a hammer, reminding them both that this was temporary. But, Joel wouldn’t let the thought linger. He wanted to experience the present with her presence, her time, and just simply… her.

“My Ma always said he had the spirit of a wild mustang- untamed and unbridled. Strong morals, too. Left the war ‘bout halfway through. Said it wasn’t right, that there were better things to fight for out there. So, he left.” Joel said, and she tilted her head to the side.

“And you? You stayed?”

“Didn’t have anywhere else t’go. Wanted to be a good soldier. Not proud of the things I've done, and I tried to make up for my sins. Hard to move on from a war that left an impression on ya.” he said, and she nodded, looking down at her hands.

“My husband, he fought in the war. Yankee from New York. He promised to marry me after the war and take me and my family west. When the dust settled, me, Pa, and Annie had nothing but hopes of going West. We went with him and came here for a new life.” 

Joel knew that there wasn’t a happy ending here. Not with the three crosses that marked the graves of each of the people she mentioned.

“Mennie was y’sister?”

“Yes. Annabelle. Soft, gentle, loving little thing. Wanted to marry and have a home of her own one day. Had her children’s names picked out and all. She died of fever at 17, never got to achieve that dream. Pa followed not long after that same autumn.” Joel’s heart went out to her. He knew all about the effects of sickness, fever. He had lost his mother that way. Tess, too. 

“I’m sorry. Happened to my Ma, the fever. Took so… so long, and she was gone. I miss ‘er every day.” he said, his mother’s memory was something he carried with him everywhere. A kind but firm woman, she taught him all the manners of a true gentleman, and more. 

He didn’t bring up Tess. No reason. She wasn’t his wife, but more akin to a good friend that could have been something more if they just had more time. She was another memory he carried with him, but just a ghost of one now. 

He could see she wanted to say more. He wanted to hear it, and he could tell it was dancing on the tip of her tongue. The elephant in the room stood with them, and he waited with bated breath for that topic to come up.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and he could tell she meant every bit of her words. They were just two broken, lost people, mourning the dead, trapped in their own solitude. 

But for the first time in a long, long time, Joel felt a little less alone in the world. 

He only hoped she felt the same. That he could offer that same feeling for her.

He shifted, and her eyes flicked to him, like she was anticipating a wrong move. But, he kept his movements slow, and leaned his elbows on his knees, taking a hand that rest on her lap and gave it a gentle squeeze. He said nothing, his actions speaking much louder than any word he could conjure up. She looked down, and slowly placed her other hand over his. 

“Thank you, angel,” he said, and she looked at him with a light smile that only reached one side of her mouth. “You make me feel a little less alone in this world.” 

The smile faded slightly, and he could see a flurry of emotions cross her face. She nodded, and her grip lessened on his, and he relented his own hold on her. Maybe she didn’t feel the same after all.

His hands withdrew from her and she stood slowly, her hands clasped together and she gave him a polite smile, “Goodnight, Joel.” she said quietly, and walked to her room, closing the door gently. He could hear the hinge squeak, and made a solid mental note to fix it tomorrow, along with anything else she asked.

The sound of cannons and firearms filled his ears. He could hear the agonizing screams of men with mortal wounds, begging for help that he knew wouldn’t come. He was racing through the battlefield, using his bayonet to strike down his foes. He had to keep going. He had to survive. He had to see another day, see the sun again through the smoke and clouds that hung above him, depriving him of oxygen and light. 

Everything was too much. So much death. So much pain. He tripped over something, and stumbled, swiveling around. He was surrounded by bodies, all limp, some staring at the sky lifelessly, or turned over with blood soaked clothes. His hands shook, holding onto his gun. He had never felt so scared in his life. Would this war ever end-?

“Joel,” a voice said, and he felt pressure on his chest. He clawed at it, hands wrapping around wrists, trying to lift them off of him. His eyes flew open, the battlefield immediately ceasing and he saw darkness with a flicker of a candle nearby. 

And there she was above him, looking down at him with a panic-stricken face, her wrists gripped tightly in his broad, calloused hands. He was breathing heavily, sweat coating every inch of him, the blanket kicked off of him in a frenzy.

“It’s just a dream, Joel, it’s alright,” she whispered, his breathing labored and his eyes wide. 

“Is it- It’s over? The- It’s over?” he questioned, trying to blink the sleep and nightmare from his vision. She nodded, her face half illuminated by candlelight. The angel had pulled him from the nightmare, and was here to comfort him, to bring him back. 

And, the war was over. It was done. No more looking back at broken bodies or collecting letters to give to loved ones.

Relief and tiredness seemed to overtake his bones. His grip lessened on her wrists, his eyes wide, but blinked, the brown of them fading into a calmness that could only be brought on by her divine intervention.

He swallowed his breaths, and he felt her hand smooth his hair, coating her hand in his sweat. 

“I’m- I’m sorry-” he said, and she shook her head, her hand resting against his cheek. She didn’t look afraid, just worried. 

“You’re alright. You’re safe. Okay?” she said quietly, and he nodded, his chest finally feeling like it wasn’t being crushed. He was aware of her sitting on the bed next to him, her embrace around him. He raised a hand that wasn’t clutching her wrist to her face, where his thumb brushed against her cheekbone gently. 

The angel had come to save him. She had come to him, and reached down and pulled him from the horrors and agony. She was beautiful, and within reach, closer than she had ever been before. Her face so close to his, he could feel her breath fanning his face.

He brought her down without another thought, needing to feel her in more ways. He kissed her a little harder than he intended, and felt her stiffen, but he couldn’t let go. He needed her to ground him, keep him here on the earth. And her lips, so soft and plush, gave him a brief respite from his nightmare.

She had a hand pressed against his chest, and he could have sworn he felt her relax just for a moment before tearing herself away from him, but only by an inch. She looked at him, the candlelight illuminating half of her features. Just enough for him to see she was here, and she was real, tangible, within reach.

His hand still rested against her cheek, his breathing evening out. He felt tired, but at the same time his heart was hammering in his chest. She began to pull away, and he held fast to her.

“Stay, please.” he whispered. She looked at him uneasily, her hand still pressed against his chest, lingering with reverence. 

“Joel…” she said but trailed off. His hand moved from her wrist to her hand to thread through her fingers. 

“Please,” he said, his voice begging, hollow, desperate. He just wanted her here, the only source of comfort he wanted. He didn’t want to be alone in case the nightmares reared their ugly head again.

She looked over his face, and he didn’t care if it was laced with pity. It was more than anyone had shown him in years.

She nodded gently, and he shifted onto his side to make room for her, the bed damp with sweat, but she didn’t make it apparent she was repulsed or bothered. She simply grabbed the blanket and pulled it to the side in case they needed it, leaning over to blow the candle out before laying next to him. She lay on her back while he was on his side, her presence enough to calm his racing heart and mind. He raised his hand to press against her midsection, and realized all she wore was her nightgown, the material thin and soft under his hand. He could feel her body rise and fall with her breathing that was surprisingly steady. She raised a hand to put over his own, and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“Sleep, Joel. I’m here.” she whispered, and his eyes closed, hand resting under hers, the feeling of her breathing and heartbeat lulling him to sleep.

The sun was what woke him that early morning. The birds were chittering and more than awake at this time, sunlight filtering in through the window above the bed. In his embrace was something warm, something tangible, something soft. He flexed his arm, and he felt her stir in front of him. 

He stiffened, the night before coming back to him. His chest was pressed to her back, face pressed to her neck, arm slung around her waist, but holding onto her protectively. He could feel her breathing under his hand that was pressed into her abdomen, and he tried his best not to move too much.

This moment felt perfect. 

Joel couldn’t dwell on it much as she began to stir, and his grip loosened on her a bit unwillingly. She gave a hefty sigh, and her head shifted against the pillow. He could see her eyes flutter open, the eyelashes causing shadows to cross her cheeks. She was still as stone for a moment, even her breathing had ceased like what had happened was just dawning on her. He could feel her tension, her worry that seemed to roll off of her. He slowly removed his arm and moved onto his back, hoping it would seem like he was just shifting in his sleep. He settled back, his eyes closing quickly in case she moved to look at him. All he felt was the warmth leave the bed, and the bed shift in response to her body rising off of it. 

He kept his eyes closed, and heard her light footsteps leave the room. Only then did he open his eyes and made a face, rubbing his eyes roughly. Joel cursed under his breath, not meaning to put her in such a compromising position she probably didn’t even want. He sighed, and pulled himself up in the bed.

He had a job to do today, and then he would leave. He would give her back her peace, and rid her of his need and desperation that he shouldn’t have put on her. 

Putting his boots on and rubbing the back of his neck, he sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, trying to collect himself. He couldn’t drive himself deeper into this connection- she had a home to maintain, and he had a brother to seek out. 

But, this life seemed more and more appealing with every second that ticked by. He could reach out and touch her again, hold the fabric of her nightgown between his fingertips and feel the softness of the fabric. He could splay his hand over her sternum and feel the skin and welcoming warmth there, where he had held her for most of the night. Her heartbeat, steady and constant under his hand. Good, pure, and alive.

He jerked his head when he heard the clatter of silverware and a stiff curse. He came to his feet, glancing outside to see it couldn’t be too late in the morning. He walked out slowly, pulling his suspenders over his shoulders. 

She was dressed in a light green checkered dress with a new apron. Gone was the delicate white nightgown and the remnant of the night before. He wondered if she had cast it aside to wash as soon as possible, trying to rid herself of him. 

She turned, looking back at him when the wood groaned under his feet, and she turned around hastily, gathering the plates and forks from the ground.

“Sorry. Did I wake you?” she questioned, and Joel shook his head,

“No, no ma’am.” he said, and walked closer to the kitchen. Her tense muscles were back, and he could see she was purposefully keeping her back to him. She was working on breakfast, he could tell by the way her hands flew across the counter, compiling a decent meal for them.

“I just wanted t’say I’m-”

“You can sit. I’ve made coffee, eggs, biscuits.” she said quickly, and he stilled in the spot he felt rooted in, his hands flexing at his side. He nodded, and slowly walked to the chair he had been inhabiting for meals since he arrived. He looked at hers that sat across the table from him, and sunk into his own. She came over, carrying a tray of food and drink. She set it down in the middle of the table and sat in her seat quickly, making her own plate of biscuits and jelly, pouring the coffee into a tin mug. Following suit, his eyes flicked back up to her, then down.

“Thank you. For last night,” Joel said, knowing he wouldn’t have another chance to say it. His brown eyes slowly drifted to her own, and she leaned back in her seat, sipping the coffee. She looked at him, finally, and he tried to hold her gaze to tell her or show her that he was thankful-

“Nightmares are never a pleasant experience. I’ve had my fair share… I understand.” she said, and looked down at her plate. He knew she was being short, but it reminded him of how alone she was out here and it struck a chord in him. Should he really leave her? Leave her to this homestead that constantly needed fixing, leave her to the sprawling landscape that could turn on her easily? And at the mercy of whatever else lurked out there?

“Well, you… Thank you. You didn’t have to. But, you did.” he said quietly, and she sipped her coffee again. 

“In our weakest moments, we deserve some comfort. It helps lessen the pain, the suffering. I was just doing what I’d want someone to do for me.” she said simply, her eyes swiveling to him. His food had remained untouched, moved by her words. 

Nodding gently, he gave her a light smile.

“Just makes you more of an angel, then.” he said. He was becoming thoroughly convinced that that was what she was. There was no other explanation…

“Don’t call me that,” she whispered. It wasn’t biting, or hostile, but soft and defeated. He could see the sad look in her eyes, and he wondered if someone had called her that in another life. 

“Just sayin’ it how it is,” he said, a bit more firm. He thought she would resist again, with the way she looked at him. But, then she gestured to his food, and turned to her own meager breakfast in front of her. 

“We got quite a day ahead. Make sure you’re stocked up for it.” She said, using the knife to slide the jelly onto the biscuit. He regarded her for a moment, then nodded and began to eat his food slowly. He wanted to savor the morning, the meal, and her presence for as long as he could. Every piece was what he wanted to relish, to feel, to remember. 

He just wished she had lingered in bed just a moment longer. 

He mended the fence and replaced the rope in the well as they had discussed, doing his job diligently and making sure everything was secure. He took his horse back from the well to the homestead, the sun past its highest point in the sky, and there was a soft breeze in the valley. He found comfort in the breeze, and had shed his jacket to bask in the spring air. It was less stifling and dry than Texas by far. He was glad to abandon that barren landscape, feeling like it was never ending. 

Colorado had seemed to be his safe haven. All thanks to the kindness and generosity of his angel.

He rode up to see her hanging up clothes on a line, her face scrunched in concentration in the sunlight. He wasn’t sure if she was aware of his presence, but he let himself imagine for a moment. 

He was coming home from a long day in the woods or working on the property, and she was there, waiting for him. He had never imagined himself in this scenario before, not even with Tess, but his heartstrings tugged violently at the thought for the first time at the thought. 

And the thought dawned on him- he didn’t want to leave. 

The way she moved, so natural and graceful but with purpose, enraptured him. She was unlike anything he had ever seen, the way she held herself with such conviction and determination to do any task she set out on. 

Was this what love felt like?

Joel slid off Lucky, holding the reins at his side and pulled him forward. He cleared his throat loudly and she looked at him between the swaying sheets on the line. Pushing past them, she walked to him directly, every step meaningful and with intention. He came to a stop when she met him halfway, and Lucky shook his mane out next to Joel.

“Everything good?” she questioned, putting her hands on her hips and glanced behind him. He nodded, jutting a thumb over his shoulder,

“The well should pull up and down better. I tightened the rod over it just to make sure, shouldn’t give you any trouble.” he said, and she nodded, wiping a small piece of hair from her face. Her hair was wild in the wind once more, despite her attempt to keep it back. She didn’t seem to mind, and he thought that it was a lovely sight to see.

“Thank you,” she said, and looked down, toeing the dirt at her feet. Joel could sense there was something she wanted to say, and his chest lifted slightly in anticipation.

“You know, there’s a few creaky floorboards in the living area. Could use some looking at.” she said, looking up at him, squinting in the sun. Joel bit back a smile, nodding as he looked back at the house.

“Yeah, I can fix that.” he said, sharing a look with her and she gave him a light smile. She nodded, wiping her hands together and turned, beginning to walk back to the clothesline. His eyes traced down her backside, all the way from the tip of her head to her heels. Joel found little to live for out in the world after everything he’d gone through. But, he found a purpose here, in this little home in this little sunny valley.

Everything was bright. And everything was good. A peace he never thought he’d have.

He didn’t linger on the thought of how long it would last.

This was enough… for now.

Thank you for reading! Comments, likes, reblogs are appreciated <3

It had been a good night so far- your friends had invited you out for a girls’ night out, and with it being Friday, you were not going to pass it up. It was a cool October evening, but the club offered plenty of warmth and bodies twisted this way and that to the music. 

You did another dramatic sway of your hips as you danced to the music. Normally you weren’t one to try and impress anyone, but there was a broad figure that you felt had been watching you all night. You could make out a face, dark eyes tracking your movement around the club as you danced around, got drinks at the bar, went to the bathroom to freshen up. You had had a few drinks in your system, feeling a kind of way about the man’s gaze on you. Normally, if you were stone-cold sober, you’d be wary and worried. But, this man? He was… well, something else. Some kind of pressure that felt more like a chokehold, or like a magnet you couldn’t tear away from. A familiarity about him had taken over you, and it only piqued your interest.

You turned your head to look over your shoulder and saw him with his body halfway twisted your way, glass in hand, and his eyes that watched you with a certain hunger to them. He wasn’t trying to hide it, either, his head completely turned your way. You grinned and turned back to your friends, patting one on the shoulder and shouting over the music that you were going to get a drink. Breaking away, you made your way to the bar, intentionally weaving your way in and out, taking the long way to lose him and then come back to the bar to find him right where you left him. You slid into the space between a stool and his occupied one, leaning over to shout your order to the bartender over the music. You could feel his body next to yours, your side brushing his knee that jut out as he sat. You stood back on your heels, and looked at the man. You cocked an eyebrow, assessing him at breakneck speed: older, rugged, devastatingly handsome, and those eyes that just couldn’t tear themselves away from you. And a certain air that you felt you had recognized somewhat, but not completely. Your eyebrows betrayed your expression, tilting your head to the side.

“You look familiar!” you called over the music, and he took a sip of his drink, watching you from over the rim. A smirk tugged at his lips, and his sultry expression never strayed from you, tracking you like a hunter would its prey.

“So do you,” he called back, and set his drink on the counter, extending a hand, “I’m Joel.” 

You looked down at his hand, and wanted to laugh. Oh, so he was a formal kind of guy? Funny. You steeled yourself and nodded, shaking his hand firmly and giving your name back. He nodded, his eyes finally moving away from your face and down your neck, to your chest where your dress showed off your cleavage well. Typical club attire for you, and it seemed to do the job it always did- reel the guys in. You grinned, and searched his face again, eyes moving over his aquiline nose, bearded face, and supple lips that were nearly hiding under a mustache. 

Yeah, he was hot.

And so damn familiar.

Joel had been watching you for a while.

The club was not a place he would frequent on the regular, but he made an exception for you. Turns out it was actually a good feeding ground, with plenty of people to choose from, though intoxicated and under the influence of whatever else they had in their system. Not exactly healthy choices, but easy meals.

He had followed you here tonight after seeing you leave a dive bar with some friends, pretty usual for your Saturday evening. He wasn’t sure where you were going, unable to discern the conversation until you stepped outside of the bar. They excitedly name dropped the club, which you gladly agreed to with a grin. He told himself he would go to be a vigilant watcher, an ever present protector. Nothing more.

He had been exercising that mindset for a few months now. 

He had first seen you at that same bar bar by chance. You didn’t see him, mostly because he wasn’t looking to be seen until he had made his selection for feeding that night. He was immediately taken with you, with the way you threw your head back and laughed, leaning forward as your friend told a story, watching the way you swallowed your beer, the perfect neck soft and smooth for his taking.

He hadn’t seen you in a long time. About 107 years, nearly to the day, to be exact. 

Once, what felt like it could have been lifetimes ago, you two were in love. He was young, still human then, the world was changing rapidly, and had a bright future ahead of him. He met you after fate put you in his path, and it was love at first sight. You were younger, and he had the appeal of being someone older and willing to provide. It took all of 4 months to court you, and you were wed. You both had plans to build a life together: with a home, a family, and grow old together. 

Joel would never get that dream that seemed like a fool’s hope at this point.

The first world war came, and immediately took him to work. When the United States entered the war, he enlisted and told you he would be back. He kissed you that night before leaving, made love to you, and when morning broke, you saw him off on the ship to take him to Europe. It was easily one of the worst days in both of your lives. 

Things fell apart when he was serving in France one day. He remembered the exact day, because it was nearly the end of the war, and he couldn’t think of anything else other than to get back to you. Patrolling one night, he was in the company of a few men when they were attacked by some kind of violent force. All Joel knew was that when he awoke, he was left in the woods covered in gore, lost, confused, and in possession of an insatiable thirst for blood.

He fought the urges. He did. But, he couldn’t stave it off for long, having been surrounded by so much death and opportunity for feeding. He fed, and fed, and fed. The whole time he was longing to get back to you with every rip of flesh, every swallow of sanguine.

By some miracle he made it home, having been able to control his urges enough to get on a ship and sail back to the States. When he got there, you were gone. 

An accident, they said. You and your father had taken a car down a winding road and lost control- your father lived. You did not.

He was in anguish then. He cursed the Lord above, for keeping him away for so long, for taking you and your future away, for making him whatever this was that he had to live with.

So, he wandered. For years and years and years, thinking all was lost. Bullets wouldn’t do the trick, neither did the depths of the ocean. He didn’t know what exactly was keeping him alive at this point, but soon he just learned to survive. Spite, maybe, to the man upstairs made him continue on. Showing Him that Joel could live despite all the pain he’s been put through. 

And when he saw you that night in the bar, everything was turned on its head. When he saw you, his heart and mind recognized you instantly. You looked beautiful, the same- same shade of lovely hair, your colorful eyes shining, the bar casting a shadow on your skin. His instincts kicked in, and he knew he would do anything to protect you. So, he watched. Waited.

He would make sure you got home safely from work. Deter any unsavory men from following you home from the bar. Made sure you turned off your stove and your lights when you left home. 

A little home invasion? Well, what you didn’t know wouldn’t hurt you.

He found himself prowling your apartment on days you worked. He would sit on your couch, browse your music collection, and find out what coffee mug you favored above all others by the way they were used. He liked being in your space- it was the closest thing he felt to home in years. 

He would leave knowing what time you came back from work, waiting to follow you home. He never understood why you walked, especially with the days drawing shorter. He knew you had pepper spray, but he knew that would do little to defend yourself from an adversary. 

One night, he wasn’t the only one watching you. 

A man you had walked past a block ago followed behind you by a few feet, and Joel could see him clearly under the streetlights. The man was trying to be inconspicuous, weaving in and out of the people and keeping a safe distance from your lone figure. When he got too close, Joel knew had to act.

Joel shoved him into an alleyway, knowing you were only two minutes from your apartment. He told himself you could handle that, and get inside safely. 

Without much hesitation, he sunk his teeth into the man’s jugular and ripped. It wasn’t a very noble kill, but what was considered one these days? Draining the man of his lifeforce in the alley, he walked out to see you shut the door behind you as you entered the complex. 

All of that watching and waiting and pining. And here you were, coming up to him.

“You look familiar!”

He smiled at this. Of course you’d remember, even if it was just faint. He never knew he would find his way back to you, not in this lifetime, anyway. 

He was over the moon, and he was determined to make the most of it.

He introduced himself, and your hand was so delicate and balmy within his own. He wanted to laugh, knowing you were blissfully unaware of the fact his own hand had deprived a sleazy ex of yours the air from his lungs. He didn’t kill this one, but left him with a warning- leave you alone, or else he would come to regret it and pay with his life for it. He felt merciful that day.

The way your eyes just watched him with intense curiosity, sparkling with desire and interest, made his stomach flip. He remembered feeling this way the first time he had met you all those years ago- the way you smiled and extended your hand like you did just now. Only you were more subtle then. Softer. 

This version, a more pronounced and audacious one, was exciting. But, he knew you were all the same deep within your soul.

“You know,” you said, cocking an eyebrow. “If you take a picture, it’ll last longer.” you teased, a smirk on your lips and he shook his head, picking up his glass again.

“That obvious, huh?” he chuckled, and you grinned, shrugging as you leaned against the bar.

“I mean, I know I’m a catch, but you seem awfully eager.” you said, and he zeroed in on your face, then body. He could hear the blood rushing in your veins, heart pounding with the bass of the music, smelling the saltiness of your sweat that he could recognize in a sea of others.

“Well, when I see something so beautiful, it’s hard to look away.” he said, and you rolled your eyes but the smile never left your face. He took his drink in hand, downing the rest. Though he couldn’t feel a single thing of the whiskey he had ordered, he had to maintain appearances. You smirked, and glanced around, then back to him.

“Meet me outside?” you questioned, and he raised his eyebrows. Awfully bold of you, he thought, but he shrugged nonchalantly, but the grin on his face was telling. You were so willing to be alone with him, that he would struggle to contain himself. But he would, he had to, if he was going to keep you close. 

“If you’d like.” he said, and you nodded, pushing off the bar with a wink, and sauntered away. His eyes tracked you until he lost you in the sea of people. When the bartender slid the drink to your empty space, Joel gestured for him to put it on his tab, and stood up, closing out.

He knew damn well neither you nor him would be back tonight, not if he could help it.

You were leaning against the front wall of the club outside, the music still booming inside, the heat seeping off of your skin in the cool air of the night. Your bag on your shoulder, you had excused yourself from your friends who seemed hesitant at first, but you assured them you weren’t going to home with him, and had your phone location on. They gave you uneasy smiles, having been aware of the man watching you that night, but they waved you goodbye and made you promise to text when you got home.

Sighing, you closed your eyes and leaned your head against the wall, letting the sweat dry on your forehead and chest. You only hoped he wouldn’t think you were completely gross, but this was a club- anyone who had been inside wouldn’t be in their best state.

A voice called you back to reality by extending your name, and you looked over to see Joel coming out, a silhouette of broad shoulders and curls that you could make out in the streetlamp’s light.

“Hopefully I didn’t disturb you.” he chuckled, coming to your side. You tilted your head up at him. He was taller than you, broader than you, and you could only wonder with a hazy mind what was in store for you. 

“Not at all. I was catching my breath. Dancing is no easy feat.” you laughed, and pushed off the wall. He smiled, and you could get a whiff of his cologne that nearly made your knees buckle. It was strong, stiff, musky, and like a man. It also smelled incredibly familiar. What was it about this man that drew you in? And why did you feel like you already knew him?

“Well, you make it seem easy, sweetheart.” 

You pushed the thoughts from your mind, and took a step closer to him until you were nearly brushing your chest against his sternum. He placed a hand around you, curling around the small of your back. His lips hovered over yours, and you felt your heart hammer in your chest. You could have sworn he was going to kiss you, and you wanted it so bad that it almost hurt. You licked your lower lip in anticipation, your hand coming up to rest on the expanse of his chest.

But, a flash of headlights made him turn his head away, and your eyes fluttered shut in disappointment. You were about to pull him down and kiss him yourself, when he spoke. 

“I believe that’s us,” and your eyes flew open, looking up at him in curiosity and surprise. You were expecting some kind of quickie in the back alley, but definitely not going with him anywhere. You bit your lower lip, and he looked down at you, his other hand moving to push a piece of hair behind your ear. He held your face then, and suddenly all worries melted away.

“Come on.” he said gently, and helped you into the Lyft. You felt weightless, and giddy, but quickly came to when the door shut and the gaze was severed between you. You quickly gave your address to the driver, feeling a slight fear of the idea of going to a strange man’s house. He could be a serial killer, for all you know. At least if he murders you, it’ll be in your own home where people could (hopefully) find you.

Joel climbed in beside you, and had heard you give the driver your address. He reached over and took your hand gently, giving your knuckles a kiss and meeting your eyes. When you looked at him, that nervousness melted away once more. 

The drive was shorter than you expected, or maybe you were just so taken with excitement that you didn’t notice. Making your way inside and to the elevator, that’s when Joel turned to you and you moved your head just in time for him to crash his lips against yours. You turned your body to face him quickly, and felt him back you up against the elevator wall. You made a slight noise of surprise, and he pulled away all too soon as the doors opened when they reached your apartment level on the fourth floor. He took your hand gently, and you led him down the hall, practically dragging him. 

Fumbling with your keys with shaking hands, he stood behind you and looked both ways down the hallway. You finally wrestled the door open, and stepped inside, flipping on the hallway light. You set down your bag on the entryway table, and turned to only have Joel pounce on you like he did in the elevator. The suddenness of it all knocked the wind out of you, and you nearly collapsed into the wall. He held you up with strong arms, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. Your head was spinning, and you let out another sound, but this one of want and desire.

You tasted so goddamn sweet. 

Joel devoured your lips hungrily, sliding his tongue into your mouth without much permission, but you welcomed it eagerly. He held you against the wall, your heart beating so fast that he thought you might burst. His hand moved down your side, sliding over your black dress. It was tight, so form fitting, making every curve pronounced and making him feel absolutely wild. It was like a deep, compartmentalized instinct had surfaced at breakneck speed, and he wanted to feel every inch of you, outside and within. 

He bent down to pull a leg of yours around his waist, your core pressed up against his aching cock that called for you in the confines of his jeans. He ground his hips into yours, the familiarity of it coming back like a repressed memory. He felt a groan lodge in his throat, but stamped it down. He wanted to make you feel good, knowing you hadn’t had anyone in your bed in months (he made sure of that). He wanted to be the final person you let between your legs, determined to make you forget anyone else that was before him. He wanted to absolutely ruin you, make you know that you were his. You may not realize it now, but he would plant that seed in your mind. 

As he felt your heat press against him, he could feel the wetness of you seeping through your thin underwear and onto his pants. He kissed you once more, deeply, his hands wandering down your thighs until his body followed suit. As he was now eye level with your pelvis, he began to raise your dress up your legs, thighs, then hips. His breath caught in his throat as he saw the lacy white of your panties, he swallowed. He knew you weren’t pure like you were when he first met you, but it still stirred something deep within him. 

He glanced up at you to see you looking down at him with heavy lidded eyes, parted swollen lips. He smiled softly, and hooked a finger under your panties and pulled them down to your feet. When you shook them off, he entered a finger within you, finding you absolutely soaked, and heard you moan softly. He had barely touched you and you were responding like a woman starved, deprived, needy. 

Just the way he wanted you.

He added another and moved them in and out, gazing up at you with an alluring look in his eyes. A smile spread on his face when he saw your face twist with pleasure. And that’s when he pulled his fingers back, much to your disappointment, but then let his lips meet your clit with the ghost of a kiss.

Feeling you go rigid beneath him, he held onto one of your thighs and put it over his shoulder, thankful he was undead because the position would have put too much pressure on his knees. He shifted, making it easier for you to relax against the wall and on his body. He licked a long languid stripe up your folds, and could taste how wet you were. You were soaked for him. For him.

God, he was going to go absolutely mad. 

Your moans and the sound of his tongue and mouth pleasuring you filled the small hallway, everything feeling small, confined… intimate. He would have liked to lay you out on a plush bed and eat you out that way, but he knew he couldn’t make it that far. Not when he had you so close now.

He let his tongue slide up and down your folds, licking up your wetness, his nose pressing into your clit and he felt your hand fly to his hair. Your hips moved gently to meet his face, but he stilled you with a hand on your lower stomach. He felt a flinch there, and knew you were close.

He hummed against your pussy, and you whined softly. He stole a glance up and saw your head was pushed back against the wall, upturned to the heavens. He wanted to see you come, but he knew he would have plenty of opportunities in the future. 

The lewd sounds of his tongue continued, and he felt your pelvis twitch under his touch. You were close. 

“Joel- I’m gonna-” you panted, hand holding him tight in his hair.

He began to taste something a bit different on his tongue, but refused to stop. He didn’t want to, absolutely couldn’t, no matter what he did. When he felt you shudder and cry out, hand gripping tight on his hair, he lapped up your spend as it flooded out and something else.

Blood. Mixed with your cum.

You had started your period.

He suddenly was a man gone feral, hand gripping your hip near bruisingly and the other pressing down on your pelvis in an attempt to produce more. He knew if you found out about this, you would be horrified. But, he reveled in it. Tasting you in a way he never had before, in a way he didn’t know he craved. He drank up every bit, swallowing thickly, the scarlet liquid sliding down his throat as well as your come. 

He felt you relax against the wall, and he wiped his mouth of the evidence, licking his palm where it had collected, then his fingers as he gently set your leg straight, letting your dress fall and rose to his feet, his form pressing you against the wall to keep you upright. He raised a hand to touch your cheek, and lifted his head even as your lips chased his own. He wouldn’t ruin this moment because of what had transpired unbeknownst to you.

“Can you go to the bedroom? Take off your clothes for me, hm?” he questioned, needing to buy himself just a second of time. You looked up at him with a pout, and he knew you would want him to do the honors, but you nodded dutifully, and he broke away. He watched you walk as steadily as you could to your room, and he immediately headed to the kitchen. Finding a glass in your cabinet right where he knew it would be, he filled it with water and swallowed until he was sufficiently flushed of your crimson.

He walked to the bedroom and saw you about to take off your bra, and he came up behind you and pulled you against his body. You relaxed into him so compliantly, head leaning back on his shoulder. He reached up and undid your bra himself, still keeping your body pressed against his clothed chest. His hand immediately moved to cup your breast, kneading it lightly and you let out a strained whine. If he knew anything, he knew you were sore, hurting from your time of the month. Everything was working in his favor tonight, and he wasted no time enjoying every second.

He bent his head down and kissed your neck lightly, one hand on your hip while the other fondled you. Your hand moved back and threaded through his hair, and he groaned into your skin. You began to grind against him, and he could hear your blood coursing underneath your pulse point. Just a little bite, that’s all it would take to taste you again. He wondered if you would even notice.

You moved in his arms and turned to him, hands flying to his shirt and began unbuttoning hurriedly. He chuckled, and kept his hands resting on your waist, watching as you struggled to concentrate as you undressed him. His cock jerked in his jeans at the sight, and he moved his hips against yours, and saw your eyebrows flinch with anticipation.

“Good girl. So good f’me.” he murmured as you managed to reach the last button, pushing it off of his shoulders. He pulled his undershirt off, exposing his broad, coarsely-haired chest. Your hands flew to it, moving up the solid expanse of skin, your eyes wide with reverence. 

He put a hand over one of them, and raised it to kiss your fingertips gently. He searched your eyes, so much he was wanting to say. I’ve been waiting for this moment. Waited for you for so long. I found you again. I’m going to make you mine.

But, he settled for leaning down to give you a hard kiss, breathing through his nose harshly as he backed you up to the bed. Pushing you down gently, he reached down to undo his belt buckle but your hands flew to it, looking up at him with doe eyes.

“Let me do it. Please.” you said, your voice soft and wanting. His hands dropped, and a soft smile graced his lips, raising a hand to brush his thumb against your cheek. Taking this as a sign to move forward, you made quick work of pulling the belt off and pushing his pants down his legs. When his achingly hard cock met your eye line, he could see your eyes take it in. He could see you lick your lips at the sight of his stiff member that already leaked liquid from the tip. He nearly came in his pants eating you out, and he knew he wouldn’t last long from being inside you.

“You see? All for you. Drivin’ me crazy. Fuck-”

Countless nights of fisting his cock, thinking of your hand instead of his, your mouth, your wet cunt. Every image would drive him over the edge, making him come hard every. Single. Time. 

He knew he was going to border on life and death, now that you were actually here, in front of him.

You dove in and took him in your mouth in one swift move, causing him to hiss and a hand flying to your hair. You gagged at the sudden fullness, but refused to withdraw. He was slowly ticking off every box of the things he wanted to experience with you. But, there would still be much more to come.

He grit his teeth as your wet mouth took every inch of him, and he was impressed you could do so. He felt his tip hit the back of your throat and heard you make a noise, and he began to pull you away but you latched onto his hips, keeping him close. On your knees in front of him, sucking him off to oblivion, eyes turning up to him with tears brimming, wide with lust. 

He slowly began to thrust into you, but felt that heat and tightness growing in his lower abdomen. As much as he was enjoying this, he finally forced you off and pulled your head to tilt up to him, a small frown on your face.

“Move back. Lay down.” he breathed, the order making your eyes glassy and you did as you were told. He climbed after you, settling his hips between yours. He looked down at you, a hand propping himself up as another reached down to touch your clit gently. Your body jerked, face twisting with overstimulation. He leaned down to kiss your jaw, moving up and down the bone.

“I want you to enjoy this, okay?” he questioned, and you nodded against his lips. He ground his hips into yours, and you sucked in a deep breath, one arm moving around his back as the other flew to the side of his neck. He moved back to kiss your lips, and you slipped your tongue into his mouth that he accepted gladly. Maybe you needed this just as bad as him.

He gave a few more movements of his hips against yours, moving his hand from your clit to his member. 

“Please, Joel. I need- I need you. Inside.” you pleaded quietly, and he nodded, not bothering to look down as he angled himself to your entrance. He knew exactly where it laid, and how much to feed you to make you squirm. 

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” he cooed, and kissed your lips gently before letting the tip slide into the wetness. Lips parting under his mouth, he shifted and your mouth formed into an ‘O’, and gave you another inch. You lifted your hips to meet his, but he anticipated the move and withdrew just a bit, causing you to moan in frustration. Your hand moved from his neck to his hair, gripping him tightly in warning, like if he didn’t give you what you wanted, you would rip it out. 

“Easy. Gotta go slow, don’t wanna hurt ya.” he mumbled, moving up slightly to meet your eyes, watching your reaction as he slid in. Bit by bit. Until finally, he was fully sheathed inside, snug and warm in your tightness, and he could see your face twist between pain and pleasure. Your legs wrapped around his waist, and he began to move slowly, your fingernails digging into his back.

“Shit, Joel… feels so fucking good.” you whined, and he moved his hips a bit faster as you tightened around him. He grinned at your responsiveness, and peppered your neck with kisses as he moved down to your clavicle. Just one tiny, miniscule bite… He just wanted more-

He kissed you hard, deep, and took your bottom lip in his teeth and bit down just a bit. You may have felt a pinch, and you flinched slightly but moaned. The smallest bit of blood seeped out, and he dragged his tongue over the wound. The need and want only increased tenfold, and God, he would not be able to walk away from you after tonight.

His pelvis ground against yours, coarse hair rubbing against your clit and he took his free hand to push your hair back as it attempted to stick to your temple due to sweat. He leaned his forehead against yours, inhaling your scent, your essence, your perfume that was barely discernible. His hips got more erratic, and he was trying to stave himself off, but it was getting harder and harder as you pulsed around him every second.

You captured his lips again, and your legs tightened around him, keeping him flush against you. He moved his hips to brush against your clit once more, and you finally tightened around him hard enough to almost suffocate his cock as your spend coated his cock and his pelvis, leaving a white ring around him.

“That’s it. Good girl… Gonna make you mine. All mine.” he hissed, leaning his head into your neck as the force of his thrusts increased, the bed shifting underneath you two. He chased his high to its peak, and you could feel it. Your legs loosened gently, but his hand flew to your knee and held you there. He wouldn’t let you get away.

“Just- um, just pull o-” you tried to manage but it was too late. His hot come painted your walls with so much force and so heavily that he thought your stomach would swell with it. He kept thrusting, feeling his tip hit your cervix and let his come flood your womb. He missed the feeling so much, the power and pleasure it made him feel. He heard you whine underneath him, and he slowed down, finally lifting his head to give you a kiss, pulling out finally and moved his hand to your cunt.

“I’m sorry…” he said softly, though he was anything but. He could see your face, and how pained it looked, and worried. He moved his hand to cup your face,

“You’re on the pill, right?” he questioned, knowing it was probably a bit too late to ask, but you nodded gently. He nodded in return, and kissed your forehead gently,

“It’ll be okay, you’ll be alright.” he murmured, quiet and assuring and he felt your hand move to his wrist. He thought you would push him away, but you didn’t. He kissed your lips gently, and he could tell your mind was racing a million miles a minute, probably coming down from the high that you two had experienced together. He moved to his side, finally getting up and pulling away. He walked to your bathroom, and found a washcloth to wet and bring it back, wiping you and him down, thankful for the dark setting as he could see some of your blood mixed with yours and his spend on his pelvis and your inner thighs. He could feel you twitch underneath him, and he massaged your thigh gently, tossing it to the side and lay next to you. He pulled you close, and you turned your face to his neck. 

“I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise,” he murmurs into your hair, leaving a kiss there. You sighed, your body resigning itself from the intensity experienced as you began to drift off to sleep.

He stayed awake, promising you and himself, that nothing would befall you. He would be here, keeping you safe, protecting you like he couldn’t do all of those years ago. He wouldn’t abandon you, would never leave you. Not now, not later, never. 

He would have you, no matter what. And he will never, ever let you go.

You were surprised to see him, seeing as he typically calls to alert you of his coming. You threw the screen door open, and beckoned him to come in. You stole a glance around the dirt road leading between the rows of trailer homes and saw no one being nosy. It was late, after all, on a Saturday night. People were out at bonfires or drinking at crusty bars with their friends, lovers, and others. 

So, you were thankful for the privacy.

Closing the door, you turned around to face Joel, opening your mouth to scold him, knowing your father could have been home if he showed up-

But, he took your face in his hands, and kissed you fiercely. He seemed to be vibrating with energy, and you put your hands around his wrist, prying yourself away from his kiss as much as it pained you to.

“Joel, what are you doing here?” you questioned breathlessly, and he looked down at you in the dim yellow light of the kitchen light not too far away. He smiled lightly, though you could tell he was holding back. 

“Pack your things, babygirl.” he said, and you looked at him with a confused expression. He smoothed down your wild bed-head, looking over your face like it was the first time he saw it. “We’re goin’ north.”

“What?” you questioned tiredly, having just worked a double shift at the local diner all day. Nearly 12 hours of smiling and running around, taking orders and then closing up shop wore you out. You were trying to process the information while still half asleep.

“I cashed out the business.” he said, and you raised your eyebrows, then frowned. 

“What? Why?” 

“You always talked about runnin’ away, going someplace different, away from your dad. You remember when I said I would take you one day, away from all this? Well, this is it, darlin’.” 

You looked up at Joel in disbelief, your heart seemingly stopping in your chest. 

This was it? Finally, your opportunity to leave Texas behind?

“Where up north?” you questioned, and Joel’s hands dropped from your face, turning and heading to your room with a purpose in his step. 

“I’ll tell you on the way. You gotta pack now, darlin’. Your dad, he could be home any minute. I left him at the bar, but he could find Neil or somebody to give him a ride.” he explained, and you could only watch in shock as Joel fished out the suitcase from the closet. It was covered in dust, rarely used. But now, it finally had a purpose again. He picked it up and turned into your room, flicking the light on. You hurried after him, pausing at the doorway as he began opening your dresser and tossing clothes in the suitcase. 

“Joel, I can’t leave, not like this. I need time.” you said, and Joel looked up quickly, pausing with a handful of your socks.

“Honey, we’ve talked ‘bout this. He’s no good. You do more around here than he ever does. He wastes all of his time and money on beers and hookers.” he said, and you cringed at the truth of it all. You put your money towards rent and groceries every month while he sat on the couch with a beer in hand and staring at the latest game on TV if he wasn’t “working.” Joel had told you  he noticed that his drinking had gotten worse, and therefore his productivity had plummeted. 

You couldn’t stay here any longer. All of that, and the marks on your arms and back were also evidence that this wasn’t a place for you to call home anymore. The diner barely paid, and you had nothing else tying you here other than the sad excuse for “family.” 

“I can’t just sit by and let all of this happen to ya. Not anymore. We’re leaving.” he said, and began putting more clothes in the suitcase. He opened the closet and flicked on the light, and looked around at what to take first. 

“Joel,” you began, and he put his hands on his hips, assessing the row of clothes in front of him. You put your hand on his shoulder, and he turned his head to look at you. You weren’t sure what he saw on your face, but his certainly fell to something pitiful. “I-”

“Please, babygirl, say you’ll go. I can’t leave you like this, I won’t leave you like this-”

“Joel. I’m coming with you.” You said, breathing out at your own admission. He regarded your face for a moment, and then took your face in hand and kissed you deeply. The kiss was less fervent than before, but one of pure and utter relief. You lingered in his touch for a moment and then pulled away, your hand coming to rest on his chest. 

“Can you go to the bathroom and get my stuff there?” you questioned, and he looked down at you, pressing his forehead against yours. He nodded gently, and gave your cheek a firm peck before speeding past your side to the bathroom. You then shoved clothes in your suitcase, moving about the room to pack anything you could that was sentimental. You took what was left of your jewelry that your dad hadn’t pawned off and put it in a small container. Fishing out a small felt box in the depths of your dresser, you pulled out your late mother’s ring and put that in your suitcase safely. 

You had to lay on the suitcase, putting your body weight on it to shut it tightly, and Joel came in with a small bag of toiletries. It was smaller than you thought, and you frowned,

“I’ll get some stuff for you on the way. But we have to go now.” He said, and picked up your heavy bag with ease, turning and heading to the living room. Your heart hammered in your chest and you grabbed your handbag, giving one last look at the room where you spent nearly 15 years of your life in. You looked at the stack of records longingly, and the mixtapes beside it. Pictures of old friends and family long gone from your life. Trophies from high school sports and a diploma. Things you would have to let go. Some replaceable, some forgettable, and others? Not at all.

But right now, you didn’t have a choice.

You headed out to the living room to find the front door slightly ajar, Joel nowhere to be seen. You stuck your head out the screen door and saw him loading the bags into the bed of his truck, where you already saw several of his own bags resting there. 

You touched your messy hair and figured you could fix it in the car, headed God knows where with Joel in the driver’s seat. You had traded your pajamas and robe for a pair of jeans and a faded grey t-shirt with your dirt-covered tennis shoes. Your life was now in two bags packed away in Joel’s truck, and you were finally getting out of this damn house. 

Joel turned to you when you came to the truck, and he opened the passenger door for you. You gave him a light smile as you loaded yourself inside, sliding your handbag between your legs on the floor. Joel was in the driver’s seat in a moment, and kicked the truck into gear. You looked back at the trailer one last time, the realization that you’d never see it again not hitting you yet. With a jerk the truck swung out of the driveway, heading down the rows of other mobile homes just like yours. You spotted Mildred Oliver standing on her porch, smoking a cigarette, her eyes narrowing in the streetlight as she watched you and Joel ride by. You should have felt ashamed, worried that she would tell your dad. Worried that this could all fall to ruins.

But, with how fast Joel was driving, you didn’t think your drunk father would ever be able to catch up. You liked to imagine him coming home to an empty house, your presence wiped from the place and as desolate as the desert you and Joel were setting out across to get to wherever the hell you were going. 

You could hear your father’s anguish, see the way his lips would turn into a sneer, and he would be at a loss of where you could have gone until Mildred would come and deliver the news to him. It would be only then that he would realize his boss had run off with his daughter, promising to give her a better life than the one she had here.

Coming to the entrance/exit of the trailer park, you breathed out softly. Just before Joel was about to turn, you spotted Neil Wells’ truck pulling in to the entrance.

You saw your father in the passenger seat for a fleeting moment- eyes glazed over, leaning against the window, clearly in a drunken stupor. He didn’t even look your way, and your chest deflated when he disappeared from view. Joel said nothing, but put a comforting hand on your thigh as he turned right.

Joel pulled onto the highway, the buildings of outer Austin, Texas disappearing as the desert came into full view. It was still pitch black out, and the light pollution turned less and less as you drove away from the city you used to call home. 

And when you saw the stars, the moon, the Milky Way- they were all so clear and beautiful that it finally settled in at that moment. You could feel the relief come over you like a wave upon the shore, and you leaned back into the seat a little easier, your shoulders dropping from your ears. You felt Joel’s hand wrap a little tighter around your thigh, and you turned to see him staring straight ahead with a hard expression. But, his touch was soft, gentle, comforting. You put your hand over his, and leaned your head back on the headrest as you sighed into the air conditioned truck cabin. It smelled so familiar and so like Joel that it was almost as good as being wrapped in his arms. He spent so much time on this truck fixing it up lately, and now you understand why. 

A getaway car.

“Where are we going?” you questioned quietly after the sign for the next city was briefly illuminated by the headlights:

Dallas    178 Miles

“I had some arrangements made for us up in Wyoming. My little brother- you remember Tommy? He lives up there now with his wife and son. Said it’s real nice. Good community. I think you’d like it there.” Joel explained, his thumb beginning to rub circles on your thigh. Your eyebrows furrowed, but understood everything perfectly clear. You knew the younger Miller brother from years ago, as he used to work with Joel at his contracting business before moving north for greener pastures. Last you heard he had married a woman named Maria and had settled somewhere in Wyoming, so you stored all of this new information in the back of your mind. 

“And he’s okay… he’s okay with us?” you whispered, and Joel glanced over at you with a half smile. He nodded, his eyes flickering between you and the road.

“‘Course he is.” he said.

You felt he was lying, though you weren’t sure about what.

But, you couldn’t fight it. You were too tired, and the clock on the dashboard read 2:17am. Joel could sense your tiredness and took your hand in his and gave the top of it a kiss,

“Get some sleep, darlin’. I’ll wake you when we stop.” he said, and you nodded, trying to get comfortable against the door of Joel’s truck. It only took moments as you had fell asleep, dreaming of a new life.

When the truck rumbled to a stop, you were roused from your sleep before Joel could give your shoulder a shake. You looked up, blinking up at the neon “motel” sign, and rubbed your neck gently, sitting up. Joel said something about waiting in the car, and he went to the lobby tucked away to the left. You looked around, seeing the place was somewhat deserted with only a few cars parked in front of the rooms. Joel returned moments later with a key in hand, and telling you softly and gently that he had a place for you to really sleep. 

You slid out of the truck, and while Joel insisted on carrying your things, you managed to wrestle one from his grip and grabbed one of his own for good measure. You lugged the bags to one of the rooms thankfully on ground level. When Joel opened it, you didn’t care for the musky scent that smelled vaguely of cigarettes or the barely illuminating light above. You just wanted to sleep. 

Joel seemed to be worn down from the drive, and you truly didn’t know how long you had been driving. There was only one bed, though you didn’t complain about that. You always felt you slept better at Joel’s side anyway. 

You set down your things and walked to the bathroom to splash water on your face, coming back to see Joel pulling off his boots. Kicking off your shoes and shimmying out of your jeans, you crawled into the scratchy sheets, hearing Joel shuck his own jeans off. 

When the bed dipped, signaling his arrival, you sighed as he wrapped you up in his arms. He had taken his flannel off and was just in his dark blue undershirt and boxers. You rest your arm over his stomach, nestling your face in his neck. This was what you wanted, just to be close to him. To finally feel at peace, to finally feel loved, to finally feel safe. 

“It’s alright, darlin’, I got you.” he whispered into your forehead, and you nodded soundlessly, falling back asleep with ease in Joel’s arms. 

When you awoke, you blinked to let your eyes adjust to the stream of sunlight escaping between the curtains pulled tight in the motel room. It was already getting to be hot again, the Texas weather wafting it’s way through the thin walls of the motel and into your climate. You shifted, and you felt Joel next to you, most likely still asleep. Your thoughts began to rise up, rearing their ugly heads and demanding to be addressed. What possessed Joel to let go of his thriving business? Why did he come in the dead of night? Why was he so… out of sorts? So many thoughts, so little time to deal with them-

You felt a hand on your hip and you looked over your shoulder to see Joel watching you sleepily. 

“Mornin’, pretty girl.” he mumbled, and you smiled, but it was fast and faint. Joel must have sensed your unease, because he moved and sat up a bit, rubbing his eyes. 

“Are you… are you alright?” he questioned, his hand still resting on your shoulder gently. You turned to him completely, sitting up and blinking away the remnants of sleep, willing your body to catch up with your mind. 

“Joel… is everything okay?” you questioned, and Joel’s eyes moved between your own, and you could tell he was assessing you, trying to see if you were having second thoughts. You weren’t, of course, but you just needed clarification. You needed some kind of reason, some kind of explanation. This wasn’t something to be thought of lightly, this was a big step for both you and Joel. Him coming up in the dead of night to whisk you away to somewhere up north with the promise of a new life was… exhilarating, but also worrying.

“”Course it is, darlin’.” he said quietly, and reached up to touch your cheek gently, and you put your hand over his, but didn’t move away. You still craved his touch despite your worries, and you knew he would never do anything to hurt you. But, you still had a sinking feeling in your stomach. “I want you to have a better life, a place where you can be happy, where you don’t have t’worry. And I wanna be the one to give that to ya.” 

You looked at Joel with a soft expression. He had really done all of this just for you? Given up his life, his business, his home just for you? You wondered what would happen to his house, one you had come to know and love over the months you had been meeting. You would miss the early mornings where you would share coffee, the living room where you would curl up to watch a movie together, the bedroom where you would make love and where you both confessed you loved each other for the first time.

You just had no idea he would go to these lengths just to make you happy.

“You… Joel, that’s so much-” you whispered, feeling tears well in your eyes and he pulled you close, pressing a kiss to your forehead, then your cheek, then your lips.

“I’d do anything for ya, darlin’. Anything you want, you can just ask- in fact, no, you don’t even have to ask. It’s yours, no matter what.” he said, and smoothed his hand over your hair. You looked up at him and he brushed against your cheek as a few tears fell. No one had ever gone to such lengths to make you happy, to get you out. 

But Joel did. He loved you, you knew that. But this? This went deeper than just any regular display of affection. This was the ultimate confession and action of pure love. 

“You can finally paint your- our bedroom whatever you want. You can make your office, or studio, whatever you want it to be. You can make anything and everything happen, sweetheart. I’ll see to it, and help you get there.” he said, kissing your forehead gently. You leaned into his touch, and wrapped your arms around his waist. He pulled you into his lap, shifting your legs to lay across his lap and he held you close, rocking you gently. He kissed your hair gently, pressing his nose there to inhale your scent. 

“I’m yours. Always have been, ever since that Fourth of July celebration.” he murmured, and you nodded gently, wrapping your arms around his neck, pressing your face there. You weren’t sure when you first realized you loved him. It was gradual, but also all at once- every step, every movement, every touch, every glance led to this moment. 

You looked at him, his arm wrapped tightly around you, almost possessively. He leaned his forehead onto yours, and kissed you softly, his hand coming up to hold your cheek gently. Your heart fluttered in your chest, and you moved your body instinctively against his, craving more. You were about to embark on a new chapter of your life, and Joel was the one to make that possible. Kissing him a bit harder, your hands curled into his shirt and he turned his body, rolling over under the sheets to hover above you. He wore only his boxers and the shirt, and it was suddenly too much. You craved his touch, and your hands moved under his shirt, touching the skin of his sides, his belly, and up to his chest. He seemed to pick up on your movements and sat up to pull the shirt off and over his head. You sat up and mirrored the gesture, and he paused, looking down at your nearly naked form, save your underwear.

“You’re gorgeous, darlin’. And you’re all mine.” he murmured, and you gave a light nod of confirmation, a small smile on your lips and he moved back over you. His head immediately dipped to your breast, the perfect size to him, and he kissed the skin around it, then suckled on the nipple gently. You leaned your head back, a hand going through his hair with a soft sigh.

His hips grinded against yours with purpose, measured, but still gentle. He worshipped your breasts as his hand moved to take over the ministrations of the one he had abandoned as he turned to the other and began to suck on it a little harder than the other. You whined softly, lifting your hips for more. More, more, more. 

Joel kissed to your sternum, resting his forehead against your chest as he moved his hips against yours, his erection apparent and aching against your core. Your hand that settled through his hair tightened just a bit, and you pulled him up to capture his lips. Your eyes fell closed, and he moaned into your mouth gently like you had brought him to his knees with only a kiss. His hand moved from your breast to your side, his fingers splaying on the skin there, feeling it like it was the first time. 

“Joel,” you whispered against his lips, and his hands found the waistband of your panties, sliding them down your hips with ease. You assisted in kicking them off, your hand moving to his boxers and cupped him through the fabric. He grunted softly, his hand moving down to your core, his index and middle finger sliding through your folds, coming back with slick coating his fingers. 

“You’re so wet for me… All for me. I wanna feel you,” he whispered, his voice aching with want like this was the first time he had taken you. You nodded viciously, giving his member and gentle squeeze and he leaned his forehead into the crook of your neck, “Fuck, if you keep doing that, I’ll come. Let me- fuck- let me feel you first. Please.” 

He sounded pathetic to the outside viewer, but you could only shiver at the desire in his voice. He slipped his boxers down his thighs and barely had them off until he was pressing his member against your slick folds, using his hand to run the tip through the slick and letting it gather on him. 

“Mmm, , Joel-” you whined, feeling your body become overtaken with fire, and your hand gripped his bicep as the other wrapped around his back. Nails dug into his skin, and he sucked in a deep breath, and nodded in response. He was right- you didn’t even have to ask. He just knew. 

“I got you, babygirl. I’ll take care of you,” he murmured, his free hand moving against your cheek in comfort and he slowly slipped into you, both of you giving a chorus of sighs and moans. 

“That’s it… so good f’me.” he murmured, his voice trembling. He began to rock his hips against yours and quickly pulled your knee up, your leg wrapping around his waist like it was second nature. You shifted in the bed, lifting your other leg up and whined at the feeling of him sliding deeper into you. He kissed at your neck gently, then up to your jaw, his tongue sliding out just a bit to taste you.

“Takin’ me so good,” he murmured, his hips moving back and forth with a steady rhythm, the bed rocking gently and the springs groaning under the movement. You shifted, your fingers digging into his back as the other moved from his bicep to his face. Looking up at him, he was already gazing at you with immense love and adoration. It was enough to make you feel lightheaded- the realization that he was yours dawning on you. 

“Joel,” you whispered, your lips parting in pleasure as he hit a particularly good spot inside of you. He could feel you clench around him, and he groaned softly, kissing at your neck and then chest with reverence, like he was worshipping an altar. 

“I l-love you,” you murmured, and he let his hand move down to your hip, his thrusts getting just a bit harder, the sounds of the bed confirming that. 

“I love you, too, babygirl. I’m not gonna let anything happen- shit- nothing is gonna happen to you. You’re mine,” he murmured, and you stiffened as your peak began to rise. You bit your lower lip, wanting to come with him but knew it was no use. He always took care of you first, even if he was aching for it. His muscles tensed under your touch, and you lifted your hips to encourage him and your own high as well.

“I’m yours,” you echoed, devouring his lips with a hard, bruising kiss. He gave a hard thrust and a soft curse, and your toes began to curl, your body winding up only to let you go with a soft cry, eyes shut and body shaking. 

Joel’s grunts were almost lost on you, his hips becoming sloppy but erratic, like he was chasing the feeling of you and trying to reach every inch inside you. Your hand moved to his hair, leaning your head up, pressing your lips to his ear,

“Are you mine, Joel?” you whispered, eyes fluttering with the remnants of your own orgasm, and he sucked in a sharp breath against your shoulder, and he nodded furiously. His body tried to fuck through his high, but he came so hard that it brought him to a stop. He mumbled words into your shoulder as his member twitched inside you with spreading his spend inside you. You caught words like “yours,” and “love,” and you leaned your head against the side of his face, all that was left in the room was your syncopated breaths of recovery.

He gave a slight thrust, and you whined, your legs sliding from his waist. He slipped out of you, and instead of moving away he lowered himself onto your body gently, his face resting on your chest. He turned his head to kiss at your chest after a few moments, and licked up your sternum to your chest. You laughed gently, your hand resting on his shoulder,

“Easy there, cowboy. I need breakfast before round two.” you said, and a chuckle rumbled low in his chest. He raised himself on slightly shaky arms, and kissed your lips gently. He nodded, and stood up, walking and then returning from the bathroom to clean up the mess you two had made to the best of his ability.

“Shower?” he offered, and you cocked an eyebrow,

“Did you see how tiny that thing is?” you teased, and he shrugged, sitting on the bed next to your relaxed form. “Or is that a thinly veiled suggestion of getting me to participate in round two?”

“It can be whatever you want it to be,” he said with a sideways grin, leaning forward and giving your forehead a kiss before walking to the bathroom. You sat up slightly, admiring the backside of his form as he walked away, your eyes tracing up his back and seeing the red marks there. Reminders that he was yours, and only yours. 

And you were his.

After your respective showers and getting dressed, you and Joel left the safety of the motel and put your bags into the back of Joel’s truck. You sighed, rubbing your eyes and climbed in as he made a quick check out. He came back to the car, sliding inside and put a hand on your thigh, glancing behind him as he backed out and onto the road.

You looked forward as the highway came back into view, and you felt your stomach flip with worry that turned into anticipation. 

Joel had made this future possible for you, and without hesitation, it seemed. You were feeling an array of emotions twist in your chest and swirl in your mind like smoke. But, above all, you were feeling free for the first time in your life. You took Joel’s hand in yours as you looked out the window as the Texas sun shone around you, unaware of his flickering gaze towards you. 

The day seemed so bright, so full of potential.

And your future felt the same way. 

Thank you for reading! Comments, likes, reblogs are appreciated <3

Joel said, eyebrows furrowed as he typed out a response, setting up a time for the exchange. 

“You got some kind of crotchety collector coming to haggle you?” Tommy questioned. 

How about tomorrow at 1 I can send you the address

Perfect! Yeah, I can do that :) 

…

Do you want cashapp or venmo?

“What the hell is a venmo?” Joel questioned, his face stern and serious. Tommy chuckled, taking a sip of his soda.

“It’s like cashapp, it’s another money transfer service.”

Can we do cash? I don’t have the vemno

Sure! I’ll see you tomorrow at 1 with cash in hand. Thanks, Joel!

Joel set down his phone, and Tommy looked at Joel, then glanced at his phone, noticing his initial question going unanswered. He raised his eyebrows as Joel dug into his sandwich again. 

“Is she pretty?”

“What makes you say that?” Joel questioned, mouth full of sandwich. The brothers were far beyond propriety, especially in the middle of a workday, starving to death. 

“Well, it’s not an old guy if they ask for venmo. And, you have that look about you when you see someone pretty. Hard to not notice, brother.”

Joel’s eyes flickered to his phone, and Tommy knew he caught him. Joel would never admit it, of course, but Tommy knew his brother. 

“Well, I hope the sale goes well.” Tommy mused, grabbing his mini bag of chips and opening them up as Joel still kept his gaze on the phone, like he was waiting for another response.

Maybe he was. He’d never admit to it, though.

You pulled up to Joel Miller’s residence, glancing at your GPS to confirm it was the right location. Sure enough, it was, and the house was nice and modest with a clean cut lawn and an old truck in the driveway. 

You pulled beside the curb and got out, squinting in the sunlight despite your sunglasses. You heard a door shut, and saw a figure emerge from the open garage. You waved, and he held up a hand back in greeting.

“Afternoon, sir!” You called, walking up the driveway. “Joel, right?”

He confirmed his identity, questioning you warily and you grinned. When you came to the threshold of the garage, you took off your sunglasses and perched them on your head.

“The one and only. Good to meet you, Joel.” you said, and damn, the picture on Facebook did him no justice. Granted, it was a long shot of him and a young woman at the beach, not giving much detail. But, you found his face and body appealing. 

Really, really appealing.

“Yeah, you too.” he said. You looked to the side, seeing the clock standing not too far away. Your eyes lit up, and you looked at Joel,

“May I?” you questioned. Joel nodded, and you walked further into the garage, looking over the large grandfather clock in all of it’s glory. It was beautiful- excellent craftsmanship, and everything looked somewhat intact. Just needed some fine tuning to get it working again.

“It’s beautiful. I have the money, but do you have change?” you questioned, pulling open the case’s glass door and looking inside. Truly a testament of art and science, and you wondered how old it could be. Judging by style alone, it could be anywhere from 75 to 100 years old. You’d have to take a closer look to be sure.

“Yeah, I do.” Joel said, and you looked over at him and saw him looking out of the garage.

“That your car?” he questioned, nodding to it, his arms crossed. You nodded, standing straight and carefully closing the glass door.

“Sure is.”

“You ain’t gettin’ that clock in that tiny thing.” he said, and you rolled your eyes.

“I’ll manage. It’s a smooth ride, perfect for keeping the inside intact.” You said, and he looked over at you with a firm expression, lips pursed. If you didn’t know any better, you thought he was mad at you.

“It’s too big.” he said, and you sighed exasperatingly, turning and walking to his side to look at your little sedan. 

“It’s all I’ve got. I’ve got to make do, can’t pass up an oppurtunity like this.” you said, rubbing your forehead in thought. It really was a grand clock, and you weren’t exactly sure how big it was, but you were slowly realizing there was no way it was going to fit in your car. 

Shit.

Joel was silent next to you, and you could pretty much hear the gears working in his head. You glanced at him, your eyes flashing down to his wrist where you saw a black watch on his wrist. It was old, and upon looking at it for a few seconds, you noticed it wasn’t ticking and had a slight crack in the glass. You looked forward, and eyed his truck in the driveway. You opened your mouth to speak, forming the proposal in your mind in a second, until he spoke,

“I can take it to your place. It’s gonna be too heavy to lift on your own, anyway.” he said evenly, and you looked up at him, raising your eyebrows. 

“You sure?” you questioned, and your eyes moved down to the watch again.

“I can fix that watch for you for repayment.” You added, and he looked down at his wristwatch, then at you with guarded brown eyes. 

“You fixin’ clocks or somethin’?” 

“Yeah, I’m a horologist.”

Joel looked at you, a bit of surprise in his eyes, his eyebrows shooting up. You shook your head,

“You know, a clockmaker. Fixer. Whatever- Yes, I do.” you said, waving your hand. He regarded you for a moment, and then turned to you with his arms still crossed. Deinitely guarded, definitely wary of you.

“You’d do that?”

“For free, sure. If you help me get this bad boy in my apartment I’ll do it for your trouble.” You offered, and looked at him with a smile. You saw something in his eyes soften a bit, his shoulders droop a bit, his lips loosen-

Whoops. Okay, don’t linger too long on that, you thought to yourself. 

“It ain’t trouble,” he said, his voice more quiet, soft, intimate. “But, it’s a deal.” 

He stuck out his hand, and you took it without hesitation, giving his hand a firm shake. It was warm, calloused and rough, a working man’s hands. Strong. Capable. Attractive.

Something about an older man with strong hands and disposition just got your blood pumping.

Also, your attention to detail noticed no wedding ring.

Interesting.

Dropping his hand, you spoke, “You can come by Friday, if you want-”

“How about today? I’m already off work for the day.” he questioned, and you shrugged almost immediately.

“Sure. Don’t see why not.” You said grinning. Joel gave a nod, and then looked at the clock hesitantly. Like he was second guessing the sale.

“Hey,” you said, grabbing his attention. “It’s going to good hands. Promise.” 

“It was my granddad’s. His dad’s before him.” he said, and you nodded. Most clocks like this were family heirlooms, and you were surprised at this reveal that he was selling it.

“You sure you wanna sell it?” you questioned, a bit disheartened at not being able to buy it, but if it meant more to Joel than just a clock, you’d easily give it up. Joel nodded, his eyes flickering to it once more before walking to his work desk and began pulling out ratchet straps to secure the clock in his truck. 

It really was a two person job, but this was expected. Still, you and Joel got it in and secured to the truck bed, and Joel swung himself over the edge of the truck, landing on his feet.

Yeah, that was hot.

You nodded, clapping your hands together,

“I’ll send you the address, or you can follow me.”

“I’ll follow you.” 

You nodded, bidding him a short goodbye before walking to your car, no longer hiding your grin as you turned on the ignition.

Joel pulled up to the house, relieved it was only in the next neighborhood from his, about 10 minutes away. He pulled in backwards into your driveway, facing the garage. He climbed out just as the garage door opened, and he saw quite a scene before him. It looked similiar to his own garage and workshop- and he knew what you would say if he questioned it’s organization. 

“There’s a method to the madness,” he would tell people. He was sure you’d say the same. 

You walked over and took off your sunglasses, Joel watching you as you walked over to your main workbench and set them down. He noticed coffee mugs, plenty of tools and small pieces of metal of various shapes and sized. There was a space in the middle of the garage where he assumed the clock would go. Turning to him and smiling brightly, he looked down and then climbed onto the bed of the truck, undoing the straps. He could feel your gaze on him, and he was thankful the Austin heat already had him flushed. 

He wasn’t used to the attention of a woman, much less someone as pretty and personable as you. He knew he must be delusional, thinking he noticed your lingering looks around and at him. But, he noticed you look back in your rearview mirror several times on the way over, making sure he was right behind you.

Since you both experienced it together, getting it off was easier than putting it on. You slowly set it upright, and Joel took off the blanket surrounding it to keep the glass from breaking. You took a step back, and grinned.

“It’s perfect.”

“What are you gonna do with it?” he questioned, hoping you weren’t going to repaint it into a beige or white mess, stripping it of it’s uniqueness. He was unsure, even still, of if he wanted to do this or not. But, he looked at your face and saw a softness to it, admiring like it was something precious, which it was. To Joel, anyway.

“Fix it up, get it ticking again. Shine up the wood, get rid of the dust, maybe replaced the glass with something like stained glass.” you mused, your hands on your hips that he realized you were mirroring from him. He cleared his throat, nodding and stood straight. He looked down at his own watch, the one Sarah got for him when he turned 36. It had seen so much love and attention, and he still wore it despite the crack from wear and the absence of the ticking. 

Another sentimental piece. But, Joel would never, ever part with this one. 

You finally broke from your stare at the clock and walked to your car, retrieving your bag and walked back to Joel’s side, handing the wad of cash over. He looked down at it, and hesitated, then shook his head.

“Keep it. Fixing this will be more than enough payment.” he said, looking down at the watch on his wrist. He looked at you, surprised to find you so close. He could see the rise and fall of your chest, the sunlight reflecting in your eyes, the slight persperation on your temples. All of it just echoing how much of a beautiful young woman you were. 

Sarah would tease him about staring, and wiggle her eyebrows at him. He could hear her encouraging words in his ear, “Don’t just stand there, say something!”

“Of course. I can have it done by next week. Gotta measure the glass out, get it ordered, find a battery that I’m sure I have, do some other lowkey maintenance…” you said, rambling on and Joel just watched, a small smile forming on his face. 

It had been a minute since he’s been in the presence of someone like you. Someone kind, open, giving. Pretty. Effortless. Helpful. 

He’d only known you for an hour and he could go on.

Maybe he should just take the jump. Worst you could say is no.

“I’ll take you out to dinner as a “thank you,”” he said, and he could see the surprise bloom on your face, eyebrows raising and lips parted. 

“I… Joel, I’m fixing it as a payment for you-”

“And I’ll say thank you. Over dinner.” he said, and he suddenly felt his stomach drop at your lack of response. It was like you were a deer in the headlights, taken completely by surprise. 

Maybe this was a mistake. He should have just taken the money, forget about the watch-

“Okay.” you said, and he was ripped from his thoughts like a bandaid. All in one swift motion, relief following.

“I’ll, uh, pick you up. There’s a good Mexican place in town. Great taquitos.” he said, and you nodded, glancing around as if considering the offer. 

“Sure. But I don’t think I wanna wait until next week. How about Saturday?”

“Deal.” Joel said, and you looked at him with an amused expression.

“Wanna shake on it?” you teased, and Joel rolled his eyes. 

“Ha, ha. Saturday, at 6.” he said, and you nodded. He began to walk away, and you called out to him.

“The watch.” you said, and he paused, looking down and then walked back to you. He slowly undid the leather strap, and waited a moment before handing it to you. Your fingers brushed, and you held it with such care with both hands. His hand lingered over yours, then let it drop. 

“I’ll take good care of it, Joel. Promise.” you said, smiling lightly. He nodded, lifting his eyes to meet yours. He felt something within himself relax, come together to release some tension, like a rubberband that had been released from it’s stretch. 

“Thank you.” he said quietly. You nodded, and you both stood in your garage, holding each other’s gaze until Joel looked away, smiling sheepishly. 

“Saturday. 6.”

“You’re picking me up.” you stated. He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I’ll see you then.” he said, beginning to back up. You were about to say somethign when his back hit his truck, and he winced. You stifled a giggle, and bit your lower lip.

“I’ll see you then, Joel.” you replied, and turned, walking to your workbench and sat down, laying out Joel’s watch tenderly, turning on the lamp next to you.

He felt giddy, and quickly climbed into his truck and put a hand on the steering wheel, exhaling sharply through his nose. 

That ghost of a smile lingered on his face, the hope of Saturday carrying him all the way home.

Joel sat on the armchair in the corner of the hotel room, his eyes flitting up to yours. He was leaned over, about to tie his boots up. Sunlight was trying to peek in from behind the curtains, keeping both you and Joel in secrecy.

Secrecy that couldn’t be tolerated. Not anymore. 

He watched you as you pulled your suitcase onto the bed, facing it and started to attempt to fold things neatly to put in there. It was like you were struggling to find normalcy in the sea of emotion that caused the room to become too hot, too stifling, despite the icy weather outside of the lodge’s hotel room.

“Because. It’s getting to be too much. We’re rounding closer and closer to the edge, far too close to the sun. Somebody’s gonna find out.” 

Joel rose slowly, his heart hammering in his chest.

No. No, it couldn’t end like this.

“Darlin’, please-” he began, but you threw a pair of jeans down with an alarming force, rounding to him. You look infuriated, tears brimming in your eyes. He could see how upset you were, he knew all the tell-tale signs of it now. He knew you better than the lines on his hand, better than the certainty that the seasons will change. 

It had been a year of this. Of the sneaking around, of the stolen kisses, glances, touches. It was fun at first, you had just said moments before. But, he could see the slight tremble of your shoulders. That’s when you started folding clothes, itching to do something with your hands, with your energy. But, I just.. It can’t happen. Not anymore.

And then you said the words that completely shattered him.

“Joel, be fucking realistic,” you hissed, and he swallowed. You looked so angry, like the fury of the gods were behind your gaze. He had seen it before, focused on outside factors, on your ex, your father, your life, but not him. 

He felt small and weak under your gaze. Not in a good way that humbled him, but a way that made him feel horrible. 

“Dad’s gonna find out. I mean, Tommy already knows- He could tell Dad at any second. We’ve been getting worse at this, sloppy, harder at hiding things. Dinner the other night, that- that was too much. Too close.” you said, and he knew you were building the case against him. Against the two of you. Damn your pursuit of a law degree, damn your commanding personality and observant mind. 

But, he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

You were always pulling him into your orbit. It felt like a trap at first, but over time, his mind became clouded with you and your wants, your needs- but also your hopes and dreams that he wanted to help you with. He knew all about your wanting to move away from town, to do something substantial in your life, to make a difference. You had such a big heart, and that was what drew him to you in the first place.

Now, you were slinging him lightyears away from your field of gravity. Cast out, creating distance. He knew he would lose sight of you soon and be on his own in the galaxy again. 

That was the last thing he wanted. 

“I know, and I’m sorry. I can fix it-”

“This isn’t a goddamn fence or a leaky faucet that you can just fix. This isn’t simple, it’s not! Not anymore. We- It’s just gone too far. I don’t want-” you said, and he could see the hesitation in your eyes. You could be honest, or use that sharp, quick tongue of yours to tear him down easily. He wouldn’t believe you if it were the latter. He just knew you too damn well.

“I don’t want you to get hurt.” you whispered. Joel took a few steps towards you, and your eyes moved down, turning your body back to the suitcase. More distance.

“Don’t worry about me. I know what I did, and I don’t regret it. Not for one goddamn second.” he said firmly, his voice having more strength than he thought. He saw you visibly flinch, and he reached out for you, putting his hand on your arm but you quickly swatted it away, turning to him and taking a few steps back. 

“Yeah, well… It’s done. We’re done, Joel.” 

“Let me talk to your dad, we can work something out. Come on, darlin’-” 

“Stop fucking calling me that!” you shouted, and it was Joel’s turn to flinch. You wouldn’t back down, though. You never did. “You don’t get that luxury anymore. I’m not yours, I-I never was.” 

Ah, there it was.

Your voice broke. A crack in the tough exterior.

“That’s a damn lie, and you know it.” Joel hissed, and you shook your head, like you were trying to rid yourself of the feeling. 

“I told you I loved you. I meant it. You’re telling me you don’t feel just… just a bit of it, too? You never let me in all the way, you always left me out. But I don’t care. I just want you, I want every piece of you-”

“Stop it!” you cried, and came closer to him, pushing him with every ounce of strength. It caused him to take a few steps back, and when he reached out for your extended hands, you quickly withdrew them like he was a flame you got too close to. Like he would give you third degree burns if you lingered. “You can’t have me, Joel. That’s… that’s just not how things are. They can’t be this way-”

“Goddamn it. Just…” he said, and turned to the side, feeling exasperated and exhausted, something twisting in his gut. It was fear now, not guilt. He had accepted that a long time ago. He didn’t feel it anymore. All he could feel now was you. He said your name softly, coming out like the last breath of a dying man, and he turned to you.

“Stop. Stop acting like a child-”

“ME?! Acting like a child?” you cried, and then started laughing. But, it was strained, sarcastic, and scalding. Like pouring boiling water over his head. “You’re the one who’s still- who’s still living in this fantasy. That things will be fine, that we’ll have some kind of fucked up happy ending-”

He said your name firmly now. Commanding. 

“You want this to stop? Fine,” he said, and you finally looked at him. Whatever emotions you were feeling fell from your face. You were in lawyer mode now. Nothing could betray your feelings. You were shutting him out again. But, he would pull you out of it. He had to find a way. “But, you better look into my damn eyes and tell me you feel nothing. That all this was just stress relief- a way to forget every shitty thing in your life. You look at me, and you tell me that.”

The neutral face continued, and he thought you would actually admit it. Maybe not truthfully, but enough to push him away. He was bracing for it. Your silence was deafening. He wanted to shake you, to beg you to give him a chance. He would get on his knees if he had to.

But, he saw it. That look in your eyes that was coming back, the slight droop of your shoulders, and your lips parted. Lips he had kissed so many times, that he had heard spill the most lovely sounds, lips that he could remember and come back to.

“Joel-”

But there was a knock on the door, so firm and loud and jarring that you both jumped. You looked over your shoulder at the door, and Joel’s stomach twisted so hard and so fast he thought he would double over. Your dad’s voice called out your name, muffled by the wooden door. 

“Hold on, I’m- I’m on the phone-” you called back, and Joel’s hands began to tremble. 

Fuck.

“I know he’s in there.”

You looked at Joel, and he was staring holes into the door. His chest was surprisingly steady, and his hands curled into fists. 

“Dad-”

“Open the door.” 

He wasn’t asking. You knew that. Joel knew that. 

Joel knew you and him couldn’t hide in this room forever. Just like you couldn’t hide what you had together. Not anymore.

Joel was the first one to move, and you stepped in front of him to stop him, but he put a hand on your shoulder. He looked down at you, and you swallowed. He knew this may be the last time he touched you, the last time he would look at your face. 

You shook your head, mouthing a “please,” and he smiled gently, sadly, apologizing.

“I love you,” he mouthed, and touched your cheek gently. You stood, watching him, and leaned your face into his hand, and he could see the tears in your eyes. He looked away and let his hand drop, walking to the door. He gripped it hard, and then opened it slowly. 

Your dad stood, and he didn’t look mad, or upset. But, he shared that similarity with you that you would shut down all emotions until it got too much. It terrified Joel, if he was being honest.

“Mike-” Joel began, but then Mike’s fist swung, and collided with Joel’s jaw. He heard you cry out, and he stumbled back, your dad pushing the door open to step into the hotel room. Your dad was never violent, never lifted a hand to anyone. He typically used words as his weapon, so his outburst took you both by surprise. But at the same time, it was warranted.

“What the fuck, Miller?! I- I can’t fucking believe this. You- She’s my daughter-” Mike stammered, his voice trembling with anger and Joel stood straight, hands raised in defense as he stood between you and your dad. 

“Come on, Mike, just- just listen, okay?” Joel pleaded, knowing he probably sounded pathetic. Mike shook his head, coming into the room and the door shut behind him. 

“Dad-”

“You,” he said, raising his finger and shook his head minutely. “You stay out of this.” 

“I’m a full grown adult. I don’t need anyone speaking for me-”

“You’re my daughter and you’ll do as I say!”

“You’re being fucking ridiculous, Dad! I’m not a child-”

“I trusted him with you! And he threw it back in my face, God- You’re disgusting.” Mike said, shaking his head and Joel’s heart dropped in his stomach. But, he refused to let it end like this.

“I love your daughter, more than anything. And you can’t-”

“Like hell I can, I can press rape charges.” Mike said, and Joel nearly stumbled forward as you shoved past Joel, standing in front of him now. 

“Oh, can you? Cause I’m your property? I’m damaged now? No, Dad, this isn’t fucking 1950 and I’m not a minor. If you so much as lift a finger against him, you’ll never hear from me again.” 

Mike looked at you, and Joel thought he would relent, that he would back down. He could see his chest rise and fall a little slower, but that anger was still in his eyes. 

“Fine. If you’ve found yourself someone, then you don’t need my help. You don’t need to live with me, you don’t need my money for school- It’s all over. You can be on your own to make your own goddamn decisions.” he said coldly, and Joel began to see red.

“Jesus Christ, Mike, do you hear yourself?!” he yelled, his chest feeling like an elephant was crushing it. “She’s your daughter, you can’t do this! You’re just going to abandon her?!” 

Joel was stopped by your hand smacking against his chest and he nearly doubled over. His hand flew over yours, and he looked at you with glassy brown eyes. You weren’t looking at him, though. You were looking at your father, and Joel knew the gravity of this situation was monumental. 

“You’ll get nothing from me. Nothing. Do you understand that?” he said, and Joel shook his head. Your father was the one helping you through law school, the one who was giving you this opportunity. You had worked so hard, worked every damn day and night to get yourself through this. You still had a year left, and you would be free. This was your life, your future, everything you ever wanted… And he was just going to take that away?

“I’ve never wanted anything from you. Ever.” you said, your voice steady, biting, sharp. He looked down to see your hand still on his chest, holding him back or giving yourself something to hold on to. He wasn’t sure which. 

“You can have your fucking money. I don’t want it. I don’t want anything to do with you.” you said, venom in your voice and a fatal blow with every word. If your father thought he was ripping the rug out from under you, he was clearly wrong. At least, that’s how it appeared to Joel. 

“Good. You’ve always been so ungrateful. Just like your mother.”

“You- Oh,” you laughed mirthlessly, “You asshole! You mother f-!” Joel’s arm wrapped around you so quick before you were able to lunge at your dad, and you kicked and clawed at Joel. “Joel, get off of me!” you shouted, and there was a knock at the door, loud and insistent. 

“Security, open up.” A stern voice said, and you slumped against Joel’s chest, your breathing heavy and angry as Joel’s was quick and anxious. Mike shook his head and opened the door, two security guards standing there.

“We had reports of a disturbance. Everything alright?” One of them said, and Joel could feel you begin to tremble in his arms, your hands wrapping around his arms like a vice. Not to push him away, but to keep him there.

“Ma’am? Are you alright?” The other questioned, eyes locked on you as Joel was holding you tightly. You shook your head, and pointed at your dad,

“Get… get him out.” you said, your voice wavering. The security men regarded Mike with a quick glance, and one extended his arm out,

“Sir, you better come with us.” he said, and Mike looked back at you and Joel, his eyes sharp, cutting deep into Joel’s chest.

“I better never hear from either of you again-”

“Don’t worry, you won’t.” You spat, and Mike looked like he wanted to say something more, spout some more poison, but the security guard called for him again. Watching you, Mike only scoffed and shook his head, muttering something under his breath as he walked out with the two guards. 

When he disappeared from view, the first guard still stood. He looked between you and Joel,

“Are you sure you’re-”

You nodded, sniffing, and Joel’s heart broke a little more if that were even possible. 

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry for the interruption, sir.” you said, and Joel’s grip lessened on your waist, and you stood on your own. The guard nodded, looking at Joel and then let the door close behind him. 

You stood, and Joel was about to let go completely until you halfway turned and collapsed, causing him to wrap you up in his arms once more. Your face pressed into his shoulder, and he felt it grow damp, your body shaking slightly in silent sobs. Your hand reached up to curl around his arm, holding on for dear life. He held an arm around you, supporting you, holding you, loving you. He knew you needed it now more than ever. 

His other hand pressed against the back of your head, and he rocked you gently forward and back. You didn’t let out a sound except the occasional sniff, but your grip never lifted from his arm. 

“I've got you, babygirl,” he whispered quietly, the uncertain future growing before him like a vast, never ending, terrifying void. But in that void, you were there, too.

You two had each other, faced against the darkness.

Thank you for reading! Comments, likes, reblogs are appreciated <3

“I think that’s a great idea, honey. You’d be a wonderful soccer captain. You think you can juggle that with band, though? That’s a lot of responsibility.” You warned softly, not wanting your daughter to get overwhelmed. Sarah nodded,

“I can do it. Besides, if it doesn’t work out I can always drop band and just do soccer instead. I like it more, anyway.” Sarah said, sipping on the last bit of her hot cocoa. You smiled and nodded, always knowing she was far wiser beyond her years and always knew what she wanted. You loved that about her, and always encouraged her to do exactly what she wanted. She deserved everything and the world to be happy.

The creak of the stairs had the two of you turning heads, and Joel was still looking over his shoulder like your newborn may awaken and call for help. You set the stack of baby clothes in the basket carefully as he came to the ground floor.

“She go down okay?” you questioned, voice soft and devoid of a low note to keep from disturbing your daughter who slept upstairs. Joel nods, sighing and sitting down on the couch next to you, slinging his arm across the back of the couch where you sat.

“She did alright. Had to rock her just a bit and then she was out. Guess seeing those Christmas lights wore her out.” Joel chuckled, and Sarah set down her hot cocoa mug and picked up her own clothes.

“Speaking of worn out…” Sarah said, and you and Joel chuckled.

“Goodnight, babygirl. Merry Christmas.” he said, and glanced down at her mug and was about to say something, but then saw her yawn and stopped himself.

“Merry Christmas, Dad. Merry Christmas, Mom. I’ll see you guys in the morning.” she said, and you smiled, giving her an “I love you” at her as she walked up the steps, and she tossed one over her shoulder in a whisper. But, the smile on her face was evident.

When you heard her door shut softly, you finally leaned into Joel’s side with a heaviness.

“You made this year really special.” Joel says, his voice quiet despite the distance between the baby’s bedroom and your seats. His words made your heart swell, and you smiled, looking up at him.

“I don’t know, the cookies didn’t workout the way I wanted-”

“Listen, just because Frosty the Snowman looked like The Blob doesn’t mean Sarah didn’t love it.” Joel chuckled, and you put a hand over your face, shaking your head.

“We never went to see the lights, though. Ever. That was a good idea.” he added, and you lowered your hand and shrugged,

“Just trying to give her the childhood I wish I had, you know?” you said, and you felt Joel suck in a breath and stop. You could see a shine in his eyes, and it wasn’t from the lights on the tree. He smiled, his hand coming to touch the back of your head gently. He just gazed at you for a moment, and smiled with that soft, grateful, ‘I-may-be-about-to-cry’ look.

He leaned over and kissed your temple, pulling you close.

“Thank you, darlin’.” He whispered, pressing his nose to your hair and you cuddled into him, raising your hand to press against his chest, the engagement ring and wedding band glittering in the Christmas tree lights. You turned your head and you raised your face to his and kissed him gently.

The TV played the last bit of the Grinch movie, and before it could change to commercial it went to black. You pulled away and saw the remote in Joel’s hand, and he looked down at you with a smile,

“Come on, let’s get to bed, Momma.” he said, pecking your lips and rising to his feet.

He helped you up the stairs, though at this point you felt it was unnecessary, but he insisted. Maybe he just wanted to hold you close, you figured. And he did.

You got to the bedroom and you changed out of your damp Christmas sweater, unsure if it was breastmilk or caused by the baby somehow. Joel tossed it into the laundry hamper and gave you a new sweater and pair of shorts- just how you always slept. You always said it had to be one or the other- sweater or pants, never both. Joel opted for sweatpants and no shirt, something you eyed up and down and he pretended not to notice.

“You temptin’ me?” you questioned as you rounded the other side of the bed, pulling back the sheets. He did the same and looked at you, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I don’t know, is it working?” he chuckled, and you rolled your eyes, sliding between the sheets. He slid in next to you and pulled you close, and you leaned into him, burying your nose in his collarbone. You hummed in bliss as you inhaled his scent, both the last traces of his cologne and just him. He reached over to carefully massaged your breast, both in a self indulgent way and in a way to help you with relief. You hummed again, this time a little deeper, and turned your face to kiss his jawline.

Just his touch alone was enough to get you riled up, and the doctor said to wait at least a few more weeks before indulging in bedroom activities. But, even still…

“Careful, Miller, you keep this up, and we’ll be makin’ another baby soon.”

“I am not opposed to that.” he chuckled, and tilted his head down to kiss you. You sighed, your nails scratching gently over his bare chest and he grabbed your hand and held fast to it, lifting it to give it a kiss.

“Maybe we can just-”

“Joel, no.” you laughed gently, and he sighed, nodding and kissed your knuckles gently once more.

“You’re right. And I can be patient. I promise.” he said, his eyes glancing at you with a bit of mischief in them. You smirked and rolled your eyes.

“Right. And Sarah is patient for Santa to get here-”

“She doesn’t believe in that stuff anymore, come on-”

“What?!” you hissed, and Joel looked over at you, his eyes widening slightly.

“I mean, I-”

You sighed, rubbing your forehead slightly,

“She’s smart. And 13 years old. I think she figured it out by now… but…” you frowned, thinking of the milk and cookies she set out.

‘What about the-”

“She knew it would make you happy.” he said quietly, and your gaze softened, smiling lightly and shaking your head.

“She’s a sweet kid.”

“Yeah. Our sweet kid.” he whispered with a smile and you nodded, looking up at him and pecked his lips.

“I love our family- definitely my favorite Christmas gift of all time.” you said, and Joel smiled,

“I think I can agree with that.”

But the way you talked to Tommy, and now Ellie more and more often had Joel at an uncomfortably close proximity to you. Your presence was drawing near, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

He sort of didn’t want to stop it.

But, just when he thought you were going to approach the table to sit, you broke away from Ellie and walked to a different table. He felt something drop in his chest. Was that really, really disappointment that he felt?

“Makin’ friends?” Joel questioned as Ellie sat down, and she snorted.

“Why? Jealous?” She said with a smirk, and Joel cocked up an eyebrow. 

“You could use a friend.” Ellie added, and Joel shifted a bit uncomfortably.

“I don’t need anyone.” He said into his food, and Ellie made a face, rolling her eyes.

“Everybody needs at least someone.” 

Joel’s eyes shifted to you sitting at the table just across from them. Your smile was radiant, and he felt something twist in his chest.

No

He wasn’t meant to be loved.

~*~*~

Winter was coming, and the people in town were preparing. You were busy but still managed to make time for people. For everyone, really. Joel was almost envious about how easy you talked to people. He didn’t have the same talent, but he was fine with that.

So, one day, when he was called upon a house to help with some faulty wiring, he was taken aback when it was your house he was called to.

You didn’t need help. Not really. You were fairly self sufficient, and made your own way through town. Joel knew this, and it made him nervous when you called upon him specifically to make sure you were prepared for the wintertime. 

But, he took his toolkit and went to your place. The door was open, but…

You weren’t home.

He felt disappointment in his chest again. He shook it off though and walked to the side of the house outside. He opened the box and began to work diligently, his mind wandering to other things. But he tried to fight off the thoughts of you and how disappointed he felt when he found out you weren’t home. However, they just kept coming around again, and again, and again.

“You look so serious.” A voice said, and Joel jerked back like he had been electrocuted. His head swiveled to the side and he saw you standing there, leaning against the side of the house with your arms crossed. You looked so effortless and cool, and-

How long had you been standing there?

“Job’s gotta get done.” Joel said, gesturing to the box, “as you requested.”

You nodded, and a smile creeped into your face that he hadn’t seen before. He had seen you smile plenty of times- laughing and talking with the people in town, with Maria, with Ellie. But this felt different. Or was he just imagining it?

“Yeah, you came highly recommended.” You said, and Joel scoffed, turning back to the box and tried to get back to work. But, he was horrible at multitasking, especially when it came down to you distracting him by your presence alone.

“Don’t sell yourself short. Ellie was insistent that you were the best the town had.” You said, and Joel lost his concentration and nearly dropped the screwdriver he held.

Christ, I’m gonna kill that girl. 

He furrowed his brow like nothing happened and kept working. He was definitely going to talk to Ellie later. The last thing he needed was the whole town to be depending on him for maintenance.

But for you…? Well, it wasn’t so bad.

“Sorry I wasn’t there to receive you. Work held me up.” You said, gesturing behind you. Joel finally flicked a switch and the box buzzed to life. He felt himself deflate a bit. Guess it was time for him to go.

“No worries.” He said, putting his tools back in the toolbox and stood straight. He held the box in hand, and regarded you with soft brown eyes. You pushed off the corner of the house, and smiled that bright smile of yours.

“You… let me know if there’s- if there’s anythin’ else.” Joel said, trying to keep it drawn out but it sounded rushed to his ears. He nodded minutely and you stepped out of the way.

“Thank you. It means more to me than you know.” You said, and shifted, your shoulders brushing by accident. Joel simply nodded, and made his way home.

He rubbed his arm after a few minutes of walking, trying to savor the warmth blooming under his skin.

~*~*~

Tommy and Joel were sitting at The Tipsy Bison, talking over a few drinks.

You had requested Joel’s help two more times now. Both small and trivial, but Joel was more than happy to help. You weren’t there the second time he came, but when he was there the third time, you offered him coffee. He was an idiot, and turned you down. But, that smile never wavered.

“Next time.” You said. 

Next time, Joel thought. There was going to be a next time? He hoped so.

“I see you’re helping some people out. Good for you to get some socializing in.” Tommy noted after taking a sip of his drink. Joel shrugged,

“It’s fine, I guess. Just doin’ my part.” He said. Tommy nodded, and regarded his brother with a peculiar expression. Joel felt like he was plotting something, but didn’t have time to really think about it before a voice pulled him from his thoughts. 

“Well, you two look like you’re having fun. Mind if we cut in?” Maria questioned, and Joel barely looked up, until it registered in his mind.

We?

You settled into the seat beside Joel while Maria took the one by Tommy, boxing the boys in. Joel instinctively stiffened, and hoped you didn’t notice. If you did, you didn’t show it.

“What are we drinking tonight, boys?” You questioned, and Joel glanced at you. He cleared his throat, looking down, and held up his glass slightly.

“Whatever they’re trying to pass off as whsikey.” He said, and you looked at him. He felt like a deer in the headlights, watching you look at him. It felt like time was suspended, and he gulped. But, you smiled like it was nothing and turned to the bartender.

“I’ll have what he’s having.” You said, jutting your thumb at Joel. The bartender slid the glass into your hand with ease. Joel thought everything you did was effortless. You certainly made it seem so.

It dawned on him that Tommy and Maria were knee-deep in their own conversation, promptly blocking off you two. It felt intentional, causing Joel to be put on the spot, under your eye.

“Thanks for all your help by the way.” You said, taking a sip of the amber liquid. Joel nodded, his brown eyes casting down to his glass.

“Anytime.” He said with a dismissive wave of his hand. It wasn’t lost on you that Joel was slowly becoming a bigger part of the community. He wasn’t just keeping to himself, but helping others with house repairs or such. You hadn't seen him offer such services until you had reached out to him. 

But, he didn’t do it for them. He knew that deep down inside. 

He did it for you.

“I gotta say, Mr. Miller, you’re an enigma.” You said with a light laugh. Joel’s eyebrows furrowed, and felt his stomach lurched at you saying his name, even if it was his last name. “You know; a mystery, something hard to explain.”

“I ain’t no mystery.” He said, shaking his head. You grinned, and tilted your head to the side. Joel felt his mouth go dry, so he took a sip of his drink to quell it.

“Okay, okay.” You said, shrugging and turned your gaze across the bar. He felt your elbows becoming achingly close. If he just shifted just slightly, he could feel you against him. 

“Mind if I stop by tomorrow?” You said so abruptly that it threw his thoughts off.

“Sorry?”

“I got Ellie a new book. Something about space and aliens and shit. Something I think she’d like.” You said. Joel felt a twinge of appreciation there. So, somebody was looking after Ellie besides him. He liked that. It warmed his hardened heart. 

“Sure. You can drop it off.” He said, and he stole a glance your way. You were grinning, but trying to hide it. You took a sip of your beer to try to mask it, but he could see the way the corners of your lips quirked up. 

“I’ll be there then.”

~*~*~

Joel had waited for you for a day or two. He found reasons to stay home, claiming he wasn’t feeling well, that he was sick. So, when you finally knocked on his door towards the end of the second day, he was surprised to find you holding a dish in your hand as well as the book.

“Heard you weren’t feeling well. Made you a little something.” You said so casually. But, Joel was floored. You heard about him, and went out of your way to do something for him?

He felt bad for faking his illness. But, the fact you did this? It flooded his chest with gratitude, and an ache that he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

“Thank you.” He said, and went to take it but then paused. You laughed,

“I don’t care about getting sick. Here.” You said, and handed him the dish, barely crossing over the threshold. He took it gingerly, and looked down at it. Whatever it was, it looked damn good.

“Do you… would ya want to come in?” He offered. You suddenly beamed, and god, if that wasn’t a sight to see. Joel thought there wouldn’t be anything better in the world.

“Sure.” You responded, and Joel moved to let you inside. As you passed, he could smell your soap, or personal scent- whatever it was, he felt lightheaded in the best way. He closed the door and walked to the kitchen, you following him along.

“I also have the book. Hope Ellie’s not too mad it took me so long.” You laughed and set the book on the kitchen table. Joel walked to the other side, setting down the dish.

“‘M sure she won’t mind.” He said, and his eyes shifted to you. You and all your beauty, your kindness, the way your eyes smiled even while you were sharing a passive look.

“Do you want some coffee?” He questioned, and there he went, sounding rushed again. He just wanted you to stay, to share you sunlight with him just a bit longer. You had a knowing smile, and nodded gently.

“Yeah. I’d like that.” When you agreed to it, he got busy. He nearly knocked off the mugs off the counter trying to prepare everything. You sat at the table, and glanced down at the book. Joel looked back to see your attention on something else other than him, and felt a little more at ease.

“I got a patrol coming up.” You said, and Joel poured the dark liquid into one of the faded mugs. He turned and carried it to you at the table, sitting across from you.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. They switched up my partner, though. Hannah isn’t feeling well, so they put me with someone else.” You said, and he could see for the first time something else in your expression- anxiety. Fear. 

He didn’t like it, to see you facing such emotions. He wished he could wrap them all up and throw them away. Whatever it took to see your smile again.

“Who’ya going with?”

“Jim Harris.” You replied with a nod, and Joel sat up a bit straighter. He didn’t like Jim, he always came off as loud and imposing. He didn’t have the best reputation when it came to women, either. He was rude and disrespectful, and there had been some complaints about harassment made against him. 

“I see.” He said. Why did anyone assign you with Jim Harris, of all people? They knew of his ways and his complaints. The last thing they needed was to put him with you, all while alone. 

No, he wouldn’t stand for that.

“I’ll get ‘em to switch things around. I’ll go with you.” He said, and nodded with finality. You looked at him, a bit surprised if not shocked. 

“Oh. You really don’t have to-“ But he waved you off.

“I can get some strings pulled so you won’t have to deal with him. Besides, I just… I can’t stand someone like him being near y-” but he paused, and tried to recover before he could say something stupid. “ It ain’t right.” He settled, his fingers gripping the coffee mug a bit tighter at the thought of Jim laying even a finger on you. You looked at Joel, the shock really settling in now. Joel was unaware of the gravity of his words in the moment, something he would regret later. Not that he said them, but that he hadn’t said more. 

“… Thank you.” You said quietly. Joel looked at you, and felt his chest bloom with warmth. Your words, though short and few, were filled with gratitude and relief that didn’t go unnoticed by Joel. 

“Anything you need, darlin’.” He said, the name rolling off his lips before he could stop himself. You smiled, and Joel would have given you the moon right then and there if you asked.

He cleared his throat as if it would clear the air, and he visibly relaxed. Knowing you would be under his care and away from Jim Harris’ whole being made him feel better. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt a strong need to be by your side when the time for patrol comes. It just felt right that he would be there to protect you.

“A true southern gentleman.” You mused as you took a sip of your coffee. Joel’s face flushed, and he averted his gaze, and began to speak but you cut him off.

“I like it.” 

Joel felt the ghost of a smile on his lips, and he glanced at you, shrugging.

“Old habits die hard, I guess.” He said, and rubbed the back of his neck. He could feel his hair curling under his fingertips as he did so. He needed a haircut, and sorely.

But, the town was lacking a barber, so he figured he would do it himself one of these days. 

“A good habit to have.” You said, and he chuckled.

“Whatever you say, da-“ but he quickly cut himself off and hurriedly spoke your name instead. You smiled, regardless of what he called you. He found he liked saying your name. It felt personal, more grounded to reality. He was having a hard time grappling with reality ever since you crossed the threshold of his home. He couldn’t believe you were here, in his kitchen, drinking his coffee. He wanted this moment to last as long as time would allow- he would commit it to memory. Every word, every glance, every piece. 

He found he did that often with you- just taking in any bit of you you had to offer, when he was feeling brave enough. 

“I gotta get back.” You said, and stood up, rubbing your hands together to conserve the warmth of the coffee mug. Joel stood up, and nodded hurriedly, though he already felt the air grow cold in the absence of your presence.

“Of course. I’ll… I’ll walk you out.” He said, and stood up as well. He walked with you to the door at a snail’s pace, and you talked about your work for the rest of the day. The walk was all too short, and Joel’s hand rested on the doorknob. He looked at you, his brown eyes taking you in before he released you back to the world. 

“Take it easy. I’ll see you on patrol. Okay?” He said, and you gave him that gut wrenching smile. Could have brought him to his knees if you so desired.

“Sounds good, Joel.” You said, and he opened the door, the chill coming in as you wrapped your jacket tighter around yourself. You smiled and gave him the lightest wave, and headed out into the cold Wyoming winter.

He watched you go, and his name still hung in the air. Despite the door being open, the cold sweeping in, he felt warm. 

Oh, he was such a goner.

~*~*~

Joel trudged to the outer part of town, gun slung over his shoulder. He promised he would meet you at the edge, where they traded out patrols. He had been busy with other things that day, and felt horrible that he couldn’t walk with you. But, he knew that a few hours alone with you would make up for that. 

At least, that’s what he hoped.

He came up and saw Tommy standing with a few others, talking indistinctly. When Joel approached, Tommy and the others turned. As they did, the group opened up and he could see you standing on the far side. Your face quite literally beamed up when you saw him. 

“Ready for another shift?” Tommy chuckled as Joel came up closer. “You’ll have to show the new girl all the ropes.” 

You rolled your eyes, but your smile was still evident on your face. Joel nodded, and he couldn’t help it as his lips quirked up on the ends when he met your eyes. This wasn’t lost on you, or Tommy for that matter. No one had seen Joel so much as literally turn his frown upside down, not even in the slightest. So, this was an interesting event for all involved.

“Well, no time like the present.” Joel said, and nodded forward. You bid goodbye to the others and walked with Joel across the town lines into the woods. He could sense your unease, and he glanced down to see a pistol on your hip.

“You know how to use that?” He questioned. You looked over at Joel and followed his gaze to the gun at your side, and then looked forward quickly.

“Unfortunately, yes.” You said. Joel frowned, but said nothing. 

As you two reached the outpost where you’d be staying, Joel let you climb up the ladder first. He followed shortly after, his head swiveling around for any signs of life that weren’t supposed to be there. When he was safely inside, he closed the makeshift door and sat down next to you.

It was cold inside. Almost bitterly so. Joel was fine, having his heavy jacket and several layers. He had done this before, so he came prepared, especially in the colder months.

You, on the other hand, were miserable. Not expecting it to be *this* cold, you were wholly unprepared for the coldness that seeped into the wooden outpost about 12 feet off the ground. You sat on the chair and crossed your legs to conserve warmth, shoving your hands between your thighs to keep them from freezing. 

Yeah, this was gonna be a long shift. 

Joel, ever vigilant, noticed that you were shifting uneasily. But, his thoughts ran elsewhere besides the cold. Were you afraid of him? Was this awkward? Did he make a mistake taking over Jim’s shift with you? Was this overstepping some invisible boundary?

But then, you spoke,

“Can’t believe it’s this fucking cold.” 

Your voice trembled a bit, and he watched you closely. His eyes softened a bit, and he took in your form. Yeah, you weren’t nearly as bulked up with layers as him. He set his gun down on the floor, leaning it against the window sill. You looked over at him, and it dawned on you very quickly about what he was about to do.

“Joel, don’t-“

“Can’t have you freezin’ on me, sweetheart. Won’t do much good if you’re an icicle.” He said, and shed his large jacket. Before he knew what he was doing, he stood and draped it over your shoulders. You sat still as he did so, and the warmth flooded you almost immediately. He sat back down, and your face was flushed with red. You cleared your throat, looking down at your hands.

“Thanks.” You said quietly. Joel nodded, like it was something he’d done a million times. He shifted his gaze back to the landscape that sprawled out in front of you.

You sat in a comfortable silence, and you eventually threaded your arms through Joel’s jacket. It smelled of cedar and musk, and you had always wondered what he smelled like. It felt as though he were enveloping you in a warm hug. You wondered if he ever did that sort of thing.

“When did you come here?” Joel questioned after a few minutes. You were surprised at his initiation of the conversation, but certainly not mad about it. 

“About 8 months ago. Came from a QZ in Georgia after it fell apart.” You replied. Joel looked over at you, and you continued to look out of the outpost.

“Escaped with a group of good people. We tried to find someplace else, someplace safe. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. Lead them to safety, after my husband died.” You explained, and Joel’s chest twisted. He had never noticed a ring on your finger, but he could see a faded outline of where one used to be.

“But, keeping everyone together was hard. Death followed us everywhere- Clickers, disease, bad food, water. The world seemed to pick us off one by one.” Joel shifted his gaze to outside. He could tell you hadn’t spoken about this often, and he could sense a tremor in your voice. 

“Eventually it was just me, wandering the woods. I felt hopeless, without purpose. I began to go kind of… well, insane. I don’t know how long I was out there til Tommy found me. Took me straight to the infirmary where they had to basically take care of me until I was able to be on my own two feet.” You said, and looked down, your hands clasped tightly together so much your knuckles turned white. Joel was stoic, unmoving, but his presence felt comforting. You didn’t know why you felt so comfortable with him, so you didn’t stop from going on.

“I’ve done some… terrible things. I’ve- seen so much… death. Coming here, it was a saving grace. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself much longer had they not found me.” You said. Joel’s heart dropped at this revelation, his eyes were soft with empathy. He knew all about hopelessness, about wanting to give up. About not having anything or anyone to live for. His finger traced the scar on his temple lightly before quickly dropping his hand in his lap. 

Had Ellie not come into his life, he would have taken the easy route out, and not missed that time. But, he just hated that you felt like you had to do the same. That wasn’t fair. You didn’t deserve to feel like that, not with how caring and kind you were. Not with how you literally made people’s days light up at the sound of your laugh or your smile.

It just wasn’t fair, this world you both lived in.

“I feel like I try to do good things to make up for all the bad I’ve done.” You added, though your voice was so small and quiet. Joel knew that feeling all too well.

“I’m sorry.” Joel could only say, and you looked at him to already see his eyes on you. You smile, but this one was sad, weak. You shrugged, and sighed deeply,

“It’s life, isn’t it? It’s never easy. But, the small things make it better. Good people, especially.” Joel noticed how your smile deepened a bit, and he could see that glint in your eyes. He nodded, and couldn’t imagine you would rope him into the “good people” category. But, he also saw your face, and how you looked at him, that maybe you did. 

And it made him feel… nice. 

“Yeah, the good ones. Few and far between. But, they exist.” He said, his eyes looking between your own. 

“I think there’s good people here.” You said, nodding forward. “You’re good people.”

And Joel, without knowing it, smiled. It wasn’t grand, it wasn’t teeth-showing, but it was a smile. One that betrayed him immensely, but he couldn’t stop it now. Even though he disagreed, he couldn’t voice it. Not to you. He couldn’t go against anything you said, it would feel like a personal crime.

“So are you. I hope you know that.” He said, and reached out to take your icy hand within his own. You looked at him, studying his face as you gripped his hand back. 

And to Joel, the world just got a little bit brighter.

~*~*~

“Where are you going?” Joel said as he sat on the couch in the living room, feet propped up on the coffee table. Ellie stalked past him to the door, and looked over her shoulder, her lips pressed into a thin line.

“Out.” She said, and stormed through the door. Joel sighed. Teenagers.

He sat, listening to the crackly turntable in the corner. It played an old jazz record he borrowed from the library. Not his true cup of tea, but it was better than nothing. He needed to trade some other old ones in for new ones, but he had listened to the whole library by now.

He felt at ease for once. He played the time spent with you on patrol over and over. After your conversation, you spoke of happier, better things. Old baseball legends, old music, basically a throwback of pop culture before the world went to shit. You told him a funny story about your job that actually drew a true chuckle from him. He just felt… better around you. Your easy going demeanor and openness was enough to make him want to share with you. Share smiles, laughter, time together. 

And god, he loved all three when it came to you.

The record clicked to signal its ending, and he stood up, walking over to turn it over. Just as he put the needle down, there was a knock at the door. 

He walked to the door and opened it, seeing you standing there before him, looking chilled to the bone. He gestured for you to come inside quickly, and you shuffled in, huffing into your hands.

“What the hell ya doin’ out there in the cold for?” He said sternly, more concerned than upset, eyebrows furrowing. You shrugged, crossing your arms.

“Wanted to see you.” You said, and his jaw clamped shut.

Well. Okay.

He stood, like an idiot, in silence for a moment, before nodding minutely. 

“Make yourself at home. I’ll make coffee.” He said, and hurried to the kitchen. Even though it was nearly 7 in the evening, he needed time to process what you said, and that you were here to see him. 

You felt more warmth in Joel’s house than your own, and shed your boots and jacket, hung up the latter and walked to the couch. Sitting down, you tucked your feet under you to make them warm again. You looked around, trying to find the source of the music that was playing. You saw the record player in the corner, and smiled fondly. Of course Joel was a music guy, it just made sense. 

He walked back to the living room with two cups of steaming coffee, and walked to the couch. He sat down on the far side, giving you space, but leaned over to hand you the mug. 

“Got somethin’ on your mind?” He questioned as he took a sip. You took a hefty gulp and felt the warmth move down your throat and into your stomach. You were beginning to feel again, from your head to your toes. You felt less like an ice cube and more like a human, now.

“Just… wanted to see how you were doing. Been busy these last couple of days, I feel like I’ve neglected my friends.” She said with a light laugh. Joel’s eyebrows shot straight up, and he smiled small. Joel didn’t have friends. He had family. But, he would make an exception for you.

Maybe one day, you’d be family, too. 

He liked the idea of that.

“Ellie tells me you’ve been working like crazy, too. People are starting to like you. You better watch out, cause the ladies already fawn over you as is.” You laughed, and Joel regarded you with an unconvinced expression. He didn’t think anyone noticed him, let alone “fawn” over him. He just did his work, day in and day out. He was unaware of the “extra attention” he was drawing from the female crowd.

He didn’t see them, because he only saw you.

“Never noticed them. Didn’t think anybody noticed me.” He said simply, taking a sip of coffee. You shook your head, and smiled into your coffee.

“I noticed you. Always have.” You said, and Joel’s eyes shifted to you as you sat across from him on the couch. He found himself getting closer and closer to you. Not physically, but emotionally. The comfort level was at a steady pace. He wanted to be sitting closer to you, to feel your body heat and drink in your comforting presence. 

“Well, it’s hard not to notice you, darlin’.” He said. You blushed, and hid your face in your mug as you took a sip.

Joel was a man of few words. He was never good at them, never entirely graceful or eloquent. But now, he wished he was. He wanted to tell you how he felt, how much he cared, how much he really liked you.

But, he just didn’t know how. 

And he hated himself for that.

“What are you listening to?” You teased after a few minutes of silence, a saxophone filling the air. Joel wracked his brain to figure out who the artist was. 

“Louis Armstrong, I think. Jazz is the last genre I haven’t listened to at the library.” He said. You raised her eyebrows, then knitting together. And then, you laughed. 

“Never would have pegged you for a jazzy guy.” You said, and began to laugh. “Country, maybe. But- but smooth jazz? God.” You covered your face to keep the laughing tears from escaping you as your body shook with giggles.

Normally, Joel would frown upon someone laughing at him. But, it was you. He was making you happy, making you laugh- 

Now that. That was true music. 

“Yeah, well,” He chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m full of surprises.”

“Yes, yes you are, Joel Miller.” You said, lowering your hand and looking over at him. He looked down at his mug, his pinky finger tapping against the edge lightly.

He wanted to find a reason for you to say his name again. And maybe again. He just wanted to hear you speak about anything under the sun, that would be enough for him. 

“Tell you what, Joel,” you said, and shifted on the couch to face him, leaning your elbow along the back of the couch. He shifted as well, turning his body a little towards yours. “You tell me a story, and I’ll tell you a story.”

“A story?”

“Yeah, fictional or true. I don’t care- I just…” you said, and silence followed. Joel waited patiently for you to finish. His heart was hammering in his chest, but on the outside he was calm and collected. 

You shrugged, and looked at him with a light smile. You didn’t have to say it. Joel knew. You knew. You just liked each other’s company, you liked the sound of each other’s voices. And it was becoming more and more apparent to the both of you.

“Alright.” Joel agreed, and your soft smile turned into a grin. He took a sip of coffee, and thought for a moment.

“I got one for ya. Not real, but a good story. Ever heard of the movie Smokey and the Bandit?”

“No.” You laughed. 

“Good. ‘Cause I’m gonna tell ya all about it.”

~*~*~

The minutes turned to hours that night. You left sometime around midnight. And then you were back two days later, and the conversation struck up again. It turned into you two alternating between each other’s houses. Patrols got more frequent for you, and Joel was insistent that he go with you, not anyone else. 

Joel continued helping around the town, fixing broken things but keeping to himself when he wasn’t with you, Ellie, or Tommy. Ellie was making friends, and would visit them often, leaving him alone most evenings. 

But there was you, there to fill his time and capture his attention.

You were sitting in Joel’s living room one evening, the fire crackling in the fireplace to offer more warmth. You sat next to Joel, closer than ever before, your coffees already consumed and empty mugs sitting on the coffee table. 

Joel’s arm was slung across the back of the sofa instinctively, and you enjoyed the close proximity. Your knee brushed his every so often, leaving you both wanting more. But, things like this take time, and Joel was a gentleman. He wouldn’t press anything, too afraid to mess up whatever relationship was forming between you.

“Jim Harris approached me the other day.” You said, and Joel’s hand clenched at his side. Ever since he took over patrols with you, it seemed Jim was trying to find ways to confront you, but not Joel. Joel wondered why, as he was the one to change things up when it came to patrols. He guessed Jim thought you were an easier target. 

“He wanted to talk. I was in the middle of running food to Mrs. March’s house, she’s got a sick kid. I waved him off, but it still felt… weird.” You said and sighed, rubbing your forehead in thought.

“Other people have been acting weird lately, too. They ask about you a lot.” You added, and Joel looked towards the fireplace. While no one outwardly approached him, he could sense some of the womenfolk asking him to come around more often. Simple, almost dumb fixes. Some of them looked like self sabotage, and he was beginning to get his suspicions. He may be old, and sometimes oblivious, but it was getting more apparent that he was being eyed by several of the single (and sometimes even married) women in town.

Joel had seen the occasional man talk to you. They often leaned in to you as they did, or leaned against a wall or building post, trying to come off as cool or suave. You always smiled and talked cordially, not wanting to make any enemies. Some of them made you laugh, and that definitely didn’t make Joel feel jealous.

“Do I need to give a good talkin’ to to anyone?” Joel questioned, and you laughed, shaking your head.

“I think that would make things worse than better. But, I appreciate it all the same.” You said, your hand patting his knee. He glanced down, and your hand lingered for just a second longer than he anticipated, before you drew it away and back into your lap. 

“You know I’d do anything for ya. I’m not above roughing up somebody, so long as they leave you alone after.” He said, looking down to his lap, and you smiled lightly. You looked at him, and your faces were close. Closer than they had ever been before. Joel could feel the softness of your breath against his skin, and he felt his heart thrumming in his chest. 

He could feel the tension in the air, and could feel your gaze on him. He wondered what you were thinking, and raised his eyes to meet yours.

You had never seen brown eyes so dark, so beautiful, so…

The door was then wrestled open, and Ellie walked inside. She made a face at seeing you and Joel so close, but closed the door behind her. You wanted to move, but you felt Joel’s hand touch your shoulder lightly, subtly inviting you to stay.

“Tommy’s asking around for you.” Ellie said, kicking off her shoes and it made Joel flinch. He sighed, and his arm swung from your shoulders. He stood up, his knees cracking slightly, and silently cursed his older age for catching up with him.

“What’d I tell you about the shoes?” Joel said firmly to Ellie, who rolled her eyes and picked them up, setting them by the door and made an ‘okay?’ gesture. Joel looked over at you, who stood up and grabbed the coffee mugs.

“Duty calls.” You said, and smiled lightly as you carried the mugs to the kitchen. Joel sighed, and walked to the front door, pulling on his jacket and boots. You came out quickly after, and Ellie plopped down on the couch where you two had been sitting, picking up her book from the far side table. You looked as you passed, and tilted your head to the side.

“City of Ember? What’s that?” You questioned, and Ellie sat up, her eyes lighting up, and she grinned.

“One of the coolest books ever. It’s about a civilization underground, and…” she began rambling about it, and opened the book to show you the chapter she was on. You smiled, and looked at Joel.

“I’ll catch up with you later.” You said, and Joel couldn’t help but soften at the event unfolding before him. You walked over to the couch and sat next to Ellie, and she eagerly told you about the book. Joel held the doorknob, and just watched for a moment. 

It was at times like these that he felt like the future was a little bit brighter for him.

~*~*~

“You’re going soft, old man.” Tommy joked at the bar one night. The snow had come and blanketed the town with white, and there was talk of Christmas celebrations. The town was much more merry than Joel had ever seen it. Or maybe, Joel was just feeling… well, maybe he was feeling a little bit of everything. Everything seemed brighter and warmer, even despite the cold weather.

Joel said nothing to Tommy’s remark. He kept quiet, his eyes always finding their way back to the doors of the bar. He was waiting, hoping, wanting.

And when you walked in, he felt his chest loosen for the first time that day. Tommy followed Joel’s gaze, and then back to his brother.

Suddenly, all the talk around town made sense. Tommy had his questions, but he knew his brother wouldn’t give them willingly. Joel never confided in anyone. Except, it seemed, you. 

The talk of the town was that you guys were screwing. Only because you two were alone quite a lot. And at night, for that matter. People talk, it’s a small town, and people get jealous. Rumors swirl, and things are said. Joel had been picking up the pieces, but tried to be the bigger person. It wasn’t anybody’s business as to what you two were behind closed doors.

But, instead of making your way to the bar where Joel sat, a form stepped in your way. 

“Jim.” You greeted, and could smell the alcohol on his breath, as he was that close to you.

“Been trying to catch you at a good time.” Jim said, and you feigned a disgusted look. You, like much of the other women in town, did not like Jim. 

“Well, now’s still not-“

“Come on, just give me a second. If you can make time for that ancient asshole over there, then you can make time for me.” He said with a cocky air to him, and you tried to step around him, but he stepped with you.

Joel’s fist tightened at his side, and he pushed his beer to the side, beginning to rise. He felt a protective air come over him, nostrils flaring and jaw clenching. Tommy clapped a hand on Joel’s arm,

“He’s just drunk, Joel. She can handle hers-“ but Joel ripped his arm away and began to weave his way through the patrons to where you and Jim stood, and Tommy shook his head.

“Christ.” Tommy muttered, and dragged a hand down his face. He knew better than to sway Joel after he set his mind on something.

And he certainly couldn’t stop him when it came to protecting you.

“… he can share. I’d like to have a round with you, show you how a real man can treat you-“ Jim said, but Joel rounded on him quickly.

“What did you say?” Joel hissed, staring daggers into Jim’s back. Jim swiveled to face Joel, and Joel could see him sway a bit. Drunk or not, he had no right to speak to you that way.

“Fuck off, Miller. You can have her back when I’m through-“

At that, Joel had enough. He swung wide, his fist collided with Jim’s face with a sickening crunch. The crowd reacted with scattered gasps and flinches. Jim was down with one blow, and fell to the floor, his nose beginning to bleed.

“Jesus Christ, Miller! You…” He cried, and held his nose with a shaky hand. Joel bent down, and grabbed him by the collar.

“You keep your mouth shut around her, you understand? Or I’ll cut out your tongue and feed it to your fuckin’ dog.” He said, and raised his hand to give him another blow but a hand grabbed his arm. He was about to jerk away, thinking it was Tommy, but-

“Joel. Stop.”

Your commanding voice hung in the air, and Joel froze. He let go of Jim after a few tense seconds, and Jim fell back onto the floor. Standing straight, your hand eased up on his arm and he felt his breathing begin to even out. You still held onto him, and pulled at his sleeve to get him to walk away. He followed dutifully, and exited the bar with you while others watched apprehensively. 

“Why did you do that?” 

“I-“

“Joel. That’s not-“

“He was just so, so disgusting, and I couldn’t-“

You and Joel stood outside of the bar, the conversation tense following the events from inside. Joel’s hand continued to shake at his side, both from adrenaline and a dull throbbing pain, his ears still slightly ringing.

“He said… awful things. I couldn’t let him get away with that.” Joel said, and your eyes softened. You picked up his hand that he had knocked Jim with, and you could already see the redness forming there. Joel sucked in a breath quickly, and your eyes met his for a moment, thinking he was in pain. But, he was feeling something far from pain. Far, far from it.

“People have been talking.” You said, and Joel frowned. 

“They’ve been saying, er… that we have a rather intimate relationship.” You explained, and Joel gulped. While he would want that more than anything, laying accusations of that nature about you was enough to infuriate him. You held his hand within your own, and shook your head.

“But, It doesn’t matter. I don’t care what they say. I say, screw it, let them think what they want.” You said flippantly, waving a hand to the side. “It’s not their business, anyway-“

You shook your head vehemently. You were upset that people would talk about Joel like that, after all he’s done for them. You knew it was all out of jealousy, and that it was all talk. It still stung, though.

Joel looked so serious, and normally you would have laughed and pointed it out. But you were so upset that you just couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Besides, they… Their talk is warranted. I see how it looks, but it has nothing to do with them. Only us. Just us.” You said. Joel then took your hand in his with a much more firm grip, even if his knuckles were sore. You watched him for what felt like minutes. Well, there was no going back now. 

“I just… I care about you, Joel. A lot. More than- more than I can say. I like hanging out with you, I like seeing you smile, I like hearing your, rather rare, laugh. I want to hear what you have to say, I want to sit with you in silence and drink copious amounts of coffee. I-“ you rambled, and finally shut yourself up for a moment, taking a deep breath as you closed your eyes. 

“I just, I want more. I want to be with you. Okay?” You said, forcing the words out, and you looked up at him. He was watching you with those intense brown eyes in silence. You thought he was going to reject it, passing it by, as his grip loosened on your hand. But, his grip became soft, and he lifted your hand to his lips. He kissed your knuckles softly, and his honeyed brown eyes watched you with… adoration.

“Darlin’, you have no idea how much you mean to me.” He said, his lips against your skin. He looked down at you, his eyes soft and sweet like a warm glass of whiskey. He raised a hand to bring his thumb against your cheek.

“I can’t give… I can’t give you much. I ain’t too good at grand, romantic gestures. I just have myself, it’s all I have to offer. You’re too good for me, and you deserve someone who can give you everything you could ask for, give you the world-“

“Joel,” You said, your eyes looking between his own. You your head, 

“I don’t want the world. I want you.” 

You leaned into his touch, and he let go of your hand to put a hand on your waist and closed the distance between you. 

And he kissed you. He kissed you the way he’s always wanted to- gently, cautiously, but full of hope and heart. 

You closed your eyes immediately on impact, and returned the kiss with a gentle push. You raised your hand to press against his bearded cheek, his hair tickling your fingertips. He smelled of wood and leather, and a strong smell that you knew was just Joel. He was everything you wanted, and more. 

You weren’t sure who pulled away first, but you both needed air. Joel leaned his forehead against yours, and his thumb still gently caressed your cheek. You were too good for him, and he knew that. He didn’t deserve anyone by the likes of you. 

And yet, here you were, wrapped up in his arms and returning his kiss. It was something he had only ever dreamed of, only ever thought about late at night.

But now, it was reality.

“Let’s get a cup of coffee. ‘S Fuckin’ cold out here.” Joel laughed, and you grinned, taking his hand and holding it tightly. You lead the way, through the snow and cold air, but you both felt warm from head to toe.

~*~*~

“Why not?”

“I said no.” Joel said firmly. 

“Well, you look like a sad, old, shaggy dog.” Ellie said, and eyed the scissors that sat on the bathroom counter next to Joel. Joel looked at her with a raised eyebrow,

“That’s why I’m going to cut it.” he replied. He was feeling a bit self conscious about his hair lately. It was long, overgrown, and curling at the ends. You didn’t say anything about it, but he felt… scraggly.

He kept his beard in good shape. That was easy. But, his hair was a different story. He ran a hand through it, and sighed. He was in a battle with himself. He needed to at least cut the back, but he had no way to look at it or judge how much he should cut. 

The door opened and you stepped into the Miller household, calling out your presence. You had been asked to come by after work for some kind of soup Joel attempted. You were practically living in Joel’s house at this point, though you still slept in your own house. It was all about taking it easy, you both agreed. It had only been a few weeks since your kiss, and you and Joel were still learning how to dance around a significant other again. But, it was falling into a rhythm, one that comforted you both.

Ellie’s eyes shifted and stuck her head out the doorway,

“In here!” she called, and you stepped into the way of the downstairs bathroom, assessing the scene. Joel glanced at you before frowning at the scissors.

“‘Sup.” Ellie greeted, and you grinned.

“‘Sup, yourself. What’s going on?” You questioned, a bit of snow still in your hair, and you rubbed your arms to bring warmth to them again. When neither spoke, you cocked up an eyebrow and met Ellie’s gaze. 

Ellie grew a mischievous glint in her eyes, and she leaned back on her heels, shoving her hands in her pockets.

“Why don’t you get your girlfriend to do it?” Ellie questioned, and Joel’s eyes shot to her, red flaring up his face. You two hadn’t discussed the intricacies of your relationship, much less as to what label you would have. Joel cleared his throat and leaned his hip against the counter, crossing his arms to try to play it off. Ellie’s grin was apparent, and you stood at the bathroom threshold next to Ellie. 

Your eyes cast down to the scissors, and it dawned on you. 

“Somebody needs a haircut?” You offered, and Joel looked over at you, his eyes softening. He half shrugged, dragging a hand down his beard.

“Was just thinkin’ about it.” He said, and Ellie looked over at you with an exasperated look.

“He was just about to start until I came in. I offered, but-“

“You ain’t comin’ near me with any sharp objects, kid.” He said, his eyes narrowing at her. Ellie put her hands up in defense, and looked at you.

“See what I mean?”

“I’ll take it from here.” You said, and walked into the batroom and rolled up your sleeves. Joel leaned away slightly,

“You done this before?” He questioned, knowing better than to doubt you. But, this was his head you were talking about, and he didn’t want to look like a fool.

“Yeah. Used to cut hair all the time. I’m not a high end stylist but I get the job done. Now, ge over theret.” You said, picking up the scissors and gesturing for Joel to walk further into the bathroom. He sighed and did as he was told (because who was he to deny you?) and sat on the edge of the tub as you instructed. Ellie watched, that grin still plastered on her face, as she leaned against the doorway. 

“Take off your flannel, I don’t wanna get hair everywhere.” You said. Joel was wearing a t- shirt under his flannel, but it still felt… intimate. 

But, he undid the buttons and handed it off to you. You folded it and set it on the bathroom sink, and picked up the comb that lay not too far away. You turned to Joel and angled his head to the side and began to snip away slowly. Ellie shifted behind you, and shook her head.

“God, this is stressing me out. Don’t cut off his ears, okay?” Ellie said, and waved before leaving towards the living room. You grinned as you worked at Joel’s hair, using the comb as a line to cut around.

“I think that shows she cares. In her own way.” You laughed, and Joel rolled her eyes.

“She’s still a pain in my ass. And nosy as hell, apparently-” He said, and you heard Ellie shout from the living room,

“I am literally right here!” 

You shook your head and continued to cut. Joel sat still as stone, and your eyebrows began to furrow in concentration as you moved all around him. Joel felt more and more relaxed, with your presence so near and the sound of snip snip snip softly in his ear. You moved to the front side, and he held out a hand to place on your waist as if to keep you anchored in the spot. You smiled lightly, reveling in the touch as you continued to cut.

Joel’s hand was warm and steady on your hip, and he began to rub light circles into your side over your shirt. You tilted your head to the side; and he glanced up at you.

“You look so serious.” He said, and you glanced at him with an amused smirk.

“Hey. That’s my line.” You laughed.

“Is it that bad?”

“I’m just trying my damndest to not mess it up, baby.” You said, and moved to chop at the back. You definitely didn’t want your man to have a mullet, knowing the look didn’t really look good on anyone.

“I appreciate that.” Joel said, and meant it. He moved his head this way and that as you adjusted him, and then you finally stood straight. His hand stayed at your side, and he looked up at you.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” He said, and you smile, running the comb and then your hand through the top of his head.

“Anytime.” You said, your hand trailing down his hair to his neck, then to his cheek. He leaned into your touch instinctively, and your thumb brushed against his beard. You liked the way it felt under your fingertips, and how much he just looked and felt like a man. Your man.

It felt new to think that, but you wouldn’t say it out loud. Not yet. 

“You guys better not be getting weird in there!” Ellie called after a few beats of silence, breaking you from the intimate moment. Joel rolled his eyes and stood up, and you set the scissors to the side. He brought you close to his side for a moment and pressed a kiss to your temple. You smiled, leaning into him. 

Yes. Your man.

~*~*~

“Why don’t you spend the night?” Joel questioned as you both trudged through the snow after a shift on patrol. You turned your head to him, eyes narrowing.

“So that’s why you’ve been so quiet today.” you said, nodding in realization. Joel breathed out a huff of a chuckle, and shook his head. You could see red creeping on the tip of his ears, and knew it wasn’t just from the cold.

“Ellie’s got a birthday party to go to, said it’s gonna run late. They say it’s gonna get below freezing tonight, and I don’t want you to have to walk home in that-”

“Okay.” 

He cleared his throat, and nodded, his gaze moved down to the snow to make sure he didn’t step on anything that would give him trouble. You grinned, and shook your head at his bashfulness. He really was the perfect gentleman- never overstepping or forcing himself, respecting boundaries and even coming up with some of his own. He really was exercising the “taking it slow” rule, too. 

Maybe tonight could change that. 

When you parted ways, more work waited for you both. With a squeeze of hands and looks of longing, you both made a silent promise to meet up that night. 

Joel had managed to get to the house earlier, and began preparing. He had gotten some more soup from the cafeteria to heat up and for you to share. He had coffee at the ready, and his house was as clean as he could make it. After putting Ellie to work before she could escape, she later remarked that “the house had never been so clean,” and “she must be pretty important for you to dust the cabinets.”

She may not have said it outright, but she knew Joel cared for you. Despite their sometimes strained relationship, she was happy he wasn’t completely alone anymore. She could see this heaviness on his shoulders lift from time to time, that line between his eyebrows disappear when he saw you. Ellie couldn’t even tease him about it for much longer, as she had her own budding relationship that Joel would eventually find out about. Then the tables would turn and she would get the incessant teasing. 

“Hey,” she said, turning before she left to see Joel sweeping the kitchen one last time. He looked up, cocking an eyebrow. “Don’t fuck this up.” she said, giving him a grin. The door shut behind her, and he shook his head. 

But, he agreed with her. 

~*~*~

The sun had set all too soon, and he waited anxiously for your arrival. He couldn’t sit still, and fiddled with the wood trinkets he had whittled, and looked through his sad excuse of a record collection. He could feel nervousness creeping under his skin, around his heart. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe he was moving too fast. What were you thinking? Did you think that he was just looking to get some when he asked you to stay? He knew that wasn’t the case on his part, but he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. If anything, he could always take the couch-

A knock on the door sounded, and he nearly gave himself whiplash turning around and heading to the door. When he opened it, you stood with a mason jar in hand, your familiar green jacket pulled around you. Snow flurries dotted the background of where you stood, and Joel couldn’t help but smile. 

What was he worried about again?

You stepped in, and when the door shut, you leaned up and gave him a light kiss. He leaned into it, about to raise his hand to touch your face when you pressed something into it instead. He looked down at it, and then to you with a cocked eyebrow.

“Moonshine?”

“Correct. Just a little. Keith said that’s all it takes.” you laughed, and Joel shook his head with a smile. He helped you out of your jacket, and you bent down to remove your boots as Joel walked to the kitchen. He had a small pot to heat up the soup over the fire, and carried that carefully after putting the moonshine down. You walked to the couch as Joel set the pot over the fire, and felt the warmth of Joel’s house seep into your bones. You tugged at the sleeves of your blouse, and Joel noted he hadn’t seen it before as he sat down next to you. It was nice- a little form fitting, beige with some kind of subtle floral pattern. 

“Somebody dressed up.” Joel chuckled, and you rolled your eyes. You nudged his shoulder lightly as you settled into the couch, Joel’s arm moving instinctively around the back of the couch to welcome you into his side. 

“Figured i’d try at least a little.” you said, and Joel pressed a kiss to your temple gently.

“I like it.” he said quietly, and you leaned your head onto his shoulder, the crackling of the fire and the wind outside being the only music you two listened to.

“Joel?” you questioned, and Joel hummed in response, leaning his head against yours. If he could be stuck in a snowglobe, trapped in time, it would be this moment. “Tell me a story.” 

He smiled, and sighed, lifting his head and looking around, eyes narrowed.

“Alright, I got one. It’s dumb, but it was funny.” he said, trying to recall the details of the movie in question. It had been years, though. “I’ve seen it god knows how many times. It was Sarah’s favorite-” he said, but abruptly stopped. You stilled for a moment, and pondered what to say next. Joel had mentioned his daughter a few times in passing. Never for too long, but you had pieced this much together- she was young, died on outbreak day, and Joel couldn’t save her. 

You could relate- you had lost your parents in quick succession after the outbreak, leaving you with strangers to survive. Losing your husband a year ago, the last of the familiarity you knew. You had never known true stability… Until now.

“She… she was a good kid-” Joel said, and you lifted your head and could see a misty look in his eyes. You pressed a hand to his cheek, grounding him back to reality.

“With you raising her, she must have been lovely. They learn the best from you, you know.” you said, and smiled gently. Joel’s eyes moved downwards, and you leaned up to kiss his cheek gently. You didn’t want to press it, knowing it was a sensitive subject for him. But, with a shaky breath, he raised his eyes to the ceiling, like he was looking for something. A reason, a comfort, something.

But, his eyes moved back to you. Though weak, he smiled. You were both a reason and a comfort. Two things he needed to finally break the ice on his first daughter. 

“She loved reading. Made me read her all sorts of stuff. She knew how to read before other kids her age. I… I’m proud of her. What she did, when she was still here.” he said, swallowing. You nodded, your hand never straying far from him as it sunk from his face to take his free hand. 

“She’s still here, Joel. You carry her wherever you go. Memories are good for that- keeping people alive, even when they’re not here next to us.” You said quietly, and Joel’s smile strengthened a little bit more. He nodded, exhaling deeply and shifted on the couch to get a little more comfortable.

“I remember I took her to the library every week, ever since she was little. She loved to walk around the aisles, didn’t care much for the play area. She would come with a stack of books this high,” Joel said, and raised his hand over his knee, and you giggled. “Insisted she would read every single one. And she did.” 

~*~*~

When dinner was all said and done, you both nursed your second glass of moonshine, the conversation a bit more light. You recounted some funny stories from working around the commune, and Joel would laugh in amusement, the corners of his eyes crinkling. You loved that sight, and couldn’t help but grin every time. 

“No, really! She said she was going to march straight to his house and give him a piece of mind. I mean, I'd do the same thing- you can’t let that shit slide.” You said, and Joel just continued laughing. You rolled your eyes, nudging his leg with your toe. The moonshine was definitely getting to you two. You had a fleeting thought to either thank Keith later or wallop him over the head. This shit was strong.

“Please, darlin’, have mercy on me.” he said, his cheeks rosy with the effects of the alcohol, a hand pressed against his aching stomach from laughing so much. You grinned, happy to see him like this. So free, so comfortable, able to laugh and actually mean it. You leaned forward and took the nearly empty glass from him. He made a noise of protest but didn’t move to stop you as you set your empty glasses on the coffee table in front of you. You nearly fell over and Joel caught you before you could tumble to the floor, both of you giggling for no damn reason. Joel pulled you up, and you were nearly nose to nose, sitting up on your knees next to him. 

Your breath hitched in your throat, and you suddenly felt hot. You couldn’t tell if it was actually sweat collecting down your back or if it was just a feeling. Your hand rested on Joel’s chest, and your laughter subsided, your gazes on each other turning heavy. Your hand rested on his chest, and Joel’s brown eyes kept moving back and forth to your own. You raised a hand to press against his cheek and before you even had the notion to lean in, he crashed his lips onto yours. The force knocked you back a bit, but you recovered and kissed back, eyes falling shut. Joel hummed against your lips, and your eyebrows knit together in want. In a fit of passion, you swung your leg over his thighs and rested on his lap. This drew a real, true groan from Joel, his hands settling on your hips and gripping them like a vice. You tilted your head down, capturing his lips in a deep kiss that was enough to make your head spin. 

Joel began to move your hips in his grasp, and you could feel a tightening of his jeans beneath you. You chased the feeling, beginning to grind against him. You pulled back to only dive into his neck, kissing the column and then to the side, moving to the spot under his ear. A low grumble came from his chest, tilting his head back to revel in your kisses. You began to suck on the spot, your hand moving from his chest to palm at his jeans. Joel’s hand abruptly moved from your hip to your shoulder, pushing you back just a bit before you came up voluntarily. 

Looking at Joel with wide, lust-blown eyes, you suddenly felt a wave of doubt cross you. Did you overstep? Was this too much? 

“Darlin’,” he began, his chest rising and falling, his dark brown eyes nearly black from what you’ve done to him. He cupped your cheek gently, “If we’re gonna do it, we’re gonna do it right. Somewhere more comfortable for the both of us.”

Your doubts were dashed away like a bolt of lightning, a smile rising to your face and you kissed him deeply. Shuffling off of him clumsily and standing up, you extended your hand to pull him off the couch. He began to lead you to the bedroom up the stairs, a giddy feeling in his chest. When the door swung open, he didn’t give much time to linger on the contents of his room, turning to you and pulling you to his chest and pressed a hot kiss to your lips. 

You didn’t know Joel could be so passionate, but you were not complaining. You sighed against his lips, and Joel began to back up until the back of his knees hit the bed. You pushed him and he slowly sat down, breaking away from the kiss to look up at you as you stood over him. His hand reached out and settled on your waist, and you just had to take a second and admire him. Mouth swollen and pink from the kisses, eyes filled with a healthy mixture of lust and adoration, his chest rising and falling to show his anticipation. You could only wonder what you looked like at that moment. Probably a wild and lustful thing, dripping with anticipation. 

You began to sink to your knees, but Joel was quick to pull you up with a gentleness and pecked you on the lips.

“Next time.” he mumbled and you began to giggle, feeling the corners of his lips quirk up. You pulled away, shoulders still shaking from your giggles, butterflies swarming in your stomach.

“Oh yeah? Next time?”

“Of course.” Joel said, as if it was clear as day. You grinned and moved to kiss him but he took you by the waist and turned you to lay on the bed with you on your back. You bounced on the old springs, and grinned up at Joel, hand moving to his shoulder as he leaned down and kissed you with fervor. Your other hand moved to his flannel, struggling to undo the buttons one-handed and had to have your other hand join in. Joel’s hand decided to busy themselves with the button of your jeans, sliding the zipper down. Just as you were about to undo the final button, he pulled away and undid it himself, pulling the flannel off and discarding it somewhere behind him. You pouted at the sight of the undershirt, and he laughed at your expression, pulling it off and threw it back to join his flannel. Suddenly his self-consciousness about being shirtless was left at the door, along with all of your doubts and worries. 

You sucked in a breath, and had dreamed of this sight. You knew he was solid, broad, but this was a sight to behold. He was all smooth, freckled, tanned skin, his stomach a little pudgy but meaning it was well loved. It was all you had imagined, and a little more. 

“... darlin’? Did you hear me? Lift your hips for me.” he said, bringing you back to reality, and you obeyed as quickly as you could to catch up with him. He pulled your jeans down, and you felt the cool air settle on your skin and realized he took your underwear down too. You whined in anticipation and he paused just as your jeans hit the ground. He looked up at you, a silent question in his eyes and you gave him a strained smile and a subtle nod. He settled on the floor, a hand tracing down your torso to your stomach, then pelvis. He kissed your knees, then your thighs and eased them open gently. 

“Jesus,” he murmured as he looked down at your glistening cunt, and you lifted yourself up onto your elbows in a sudden movement to capture his reaction. “You’re fucking perfect.” 

With little preamble, he leaned his head down and you lost the support of your arms as you fell back when you felt his tongue give a firm swipe up your folds. Your hands gripped the sheets out of pure bliss. If this is what you felt like now, what was in store for you next?

Joel’s lips pressed to your clit which was already throbbing with need, and your eyebrows knit together as he began to suck on it gently. Your hand itched to thread through his hair, and he did another swipe up and down your cunt before sliding his tongue inside. You both let out a chorus of groans and gasps, your back arching off the bed and his hand moved to press against your lower stomach to keep you in place. He repeated a cycle of licks, kisses, and sucking of your clit that made you see stars. Your hand eventually found the back of his head, and you really didn’t have to do anything as he pressed himself more into your cunt, his nose swiping over your clit as his mouth worked in and out of you. 

“Joel-” you whined, feeling the sensation of a tightening in your stomach, your lower back alight with heat. He must feel you were close, as you gasped when two fingers entered you, joining Joel’s mouth as he worked you. “Fuck,” you sighed, trying to turn your head to look down at him. But, it had been so long since you had had a proper orgasm not by your own hand that all you could do was lay back and take it. 

“Doin’ so good for me, baby.” he murmured, the words of praise making you exhale sharply before sucking in another breath at a strong suck to your clit. His fingers worked in and out, the sounds of squelching from your wet cunt filling the room. Your body began to wind up, your stomach flexing under his hand that still rested there. 

“That’s it. Come for me, darlin’.” he said, not sure if he was actually talking to you or your body to coax you into an orgasm. He then curled his fingers inside you and you tightened around them, body trembling and you let out a whine that turned into a moan, your hand holding onto his hair as the other gripped the sheets for dear life. Your body flooded with endorphins, and you felt a flooding sensation down south as well. Joel pulled out his fingers, lapping up your release with obscene noises. With a few swipes of his tongue and a few swirls around your clit, you had come down gently, eyes closed as black and white danced behind your eyelids.

Feeling him shift, you opened your eyes and he coaxed you into pulling off your shirt and unclasping your bra. Your body felt weightless but heavy all at the same time, but you found the strength to move back on the bed with trembling limbs from your orgasm. Joel undid his jeans and pushed them down before climbing on top of you. You looked down and… god. He was impressive. 

He kissed you deeply, bringing you out of your thoughts abruptly once more, tasting yourself on his tongue. He rested a hand on your waist, his hips instinctively grinding against your own and you shivered at the touch, winding a hand through his hair to keep him close. Your hand found his cock and you gave it a few encouraging pumps, finding he was rock solid. 

“Shit, sweetheart, if you do that- I’m not gonna last-” he groaned, and you smirked against his lips and pressed him against your folds. Even feeling the head of his cock was enough to send you spiraling and your grip on him loosened. But, he was quick to take it and align himself, mouth moving in tandem with yours. He gave a few swipes of his tip and just when you were about to beg, he slid himself inside, bit by agonizing bit. You sucked in a breath as Joel exhaled with a soft moan, your mouths open and hovering between each other. Your hand moved from his hair to his cheek, and he pressed his forehead against yours as he began to rock his hips. 

You were in bliss. It was such an intimate, soft moment as he took his time moving in and out of you. A hand loosening on your waist, his hand explored the expanse of your side, up and down as the other supported his weight next to your head. 

“Joel…” you whispered, your other arm abandoning the sheets and curled around his back to keep him close. He rocked back and forth and hit your cervix, once, twice, three times until it became a habit. Your body began to tense again, and he groaned into your neck, your name escaping him with a hiss. He kissed your neck, his hips moving a bit faster, hitting that spot with more force. Your toes began to curl as your legs wrapped around his waist, and he began to stiffen, but didn’t let up his pace.

“Come on, give me another one.” he murmured against your skin, and your cunt twitched at the encouragement, causing him to moan again. You didn’t think he would be this vocal during sex, but god you were loving every bit of it. 

“Please, Joel- I wanna-” you whined, and he reached down between you two and began to rub circles on your clit to further encourage you. Your lips parted, eyebrows scrunching up. That’s all it took for you to come undone the second time that night, tightening around him and encouraging his own release. His hips stuttered, giving about three more languid thrusts. He then quickly moved, sitting up slightly as he pulled out and pumped his cock, his sticky release painting your pelvis and stomach with white. 

“Fuck.” you whispered, and grinned, Joel panting as he watched his work, and then moved his eyes to you. You couldn’t want to taste that coming down your throat. But, next time.

He leaned down, uncaring that he smeared his release between you as he kissed you deeply. You couldn’t find the strength to meet him halfway, but raised a hand to press against his face to keep him there for a moment. 

He pulled away, pressing his forehead against yours and mumbled a “be right back,” moving to go down the hall to the bathroom and he came back with a damp washcloth, wiping himself and you down. He set it to the side, and joined you on the bed. His arm moved over your torso, and he propped himself up to look at you with pure adoration in his eyes.

“So… you’ll still stay?” he questioned, his voice soft, questioning. But, you already knew your answer, and gave him a smile, and a gentle nod. 

~*~*~

Somewhere in the night, you had to borrow some of Joel’s clothes. The cold draft in the room was a bit more tolerable with a t-shirt and sleep pants on. Luckily Joel had enough for the both of you.

The sunlight peeked through the faded curtains, signaling morning had come. You lay on your side, Joel’s body pressed against your back, an arm around your waist. Your eyes opened slightly, still thick with sleep, but taking in your surroundings. Joel’s room was simple, but cozy. The sunlight filtering in was warming up the area, and you held onto the pillow just a bit tighter, pressing back against Joel to savor his warmth. 

When you did, Joel let out a hum, and you felt a kiss on your shoulder, then another. And another.

“Was wonderin’ when you’d wake up.” Joel chuckled, and gave your hip a squeeze. You grinned, turning in his arms and laid on your back, looking over at him. 

“Well, having three rounds was enough to knock me the hell out.” you laughed. You really didn’t know how Joel could keep up with the age he was at. But, he was insatiable, like a horny frat boy at a sorority party. And you weren’t complaining.

“Mm. You sound so upset.” he chuckled and leaned over, pressing a kiss to your cheek, then sitting up a bit to kiss your lips. Now that this particular moment in your relationship had happened, Joel seemed a bit less nervous and a bit more giving. You could only wonder what the future had in store. 

“Did Ellie come home?” you suddenly questioned, and Joel nodded, his hand running up and down your side, pulling you close.

“She did. Don’t worry.” he said, pressing a kiss to your neck. You wanted to laugh at that- Joel Miller telling you not to worry? That was yet another first.

You sat in silence, the sun growing more and more bright as it rose in the sky. It gave the room a very warm, inviting, and comforting tone. You sighed as Joel leaned his head into your neck, his scent enveloping you. Turning your head to press your nose to his forehead, he gave her shoulder another kiss, then your neck. 

“So, does this mean I can hold your hand around town now?” Joel mumbled, and you couldn’t help but grin like a kid on Christmas.

“Only if I can tell people about my absolute hunk of a man.” you teased, and Joel lifted his head at that, eyebrows furrowing.

“I’m a what?” he asked, though it was in disbelief and not confusion.

“Don’t worry about it,” you laughed, and raised a hand to card through his unruly brown and silver locks. He gazed down at you, his brown eyes looking at you like you were the only thing in the world that mattered now. You felt that familiar twist in your lower stomach, and smiled. “You’re my man, that’s all that matters.”

Joel nodded, and kissed your lips again,

“And you’re my girl?” he questioned genuinely against your lips. The sentiment and hopeful tone eased any tension that was left in your body. Your hand tightened in his hair just enough to apply pressure and deepen the kiss, your body shifting and calling for his own. And just as sure as the sun rises, his body met yours halfway, answering that call.

“I am. I wouldn’t want to be anything else.” you murmured, and you could feel Joel’s smile on your lips, humming in delight. Feeling like a couple of lovesick teenagers in a world that had gone to hell, you stayed in each other’s embrace as the sun rose high in the sky. 

Daylight has never looked so beautiful.

This time of year always brought sporadic showers to the area, you’ve found. You used to hate it, especially when you didn’t have a home before Jackson. Going from QZ to QZ in search of stability, and all the traveling in between was brutal. 

But now, you were safe, warm, and under cover from the rains of September- going on 3 years now. 

Joel shifts behind you, his arm constricting over you and somehow pulling your back closer to his chest. You could tell by his heavy breathing that he was still asleep. Your arm draped over his, hand resting over his. 

According to Jackson’s calendar, today was Joel’s birthday. Or somewhere near it, considering how the world ended and took the approximation of days with it. 

You had no idea when his birthday was until about 6 months ago, and even then you had to do some sleuthing to figure it out. Joel had spoken to you about Outbreak Day, losing his daughter and how the world went dark in more ways than one. It was a throwaway line, really, and was almost lost in the slurs of drunkenness-

“Best birthday gift I ever got was spending that night with her. I just hated it was the last.”

When you asked Tommy about it later, he only confirmed that yes, it was Joel’s birthday, and yes, Sarah died that day of the Outbreak. 

So, because you weren’t stupid, you decided to not make a fuss about it. You had your own trauma that you’d rather push down and forget, certain days of the year you’d skirt around or try to power through. Having someone there for distraction helped- whether it was a fleeting friend or a quick fuck. But a warm body was better to lean on than the barrel of a gun. 

So, you would be that for Joel. You had something of a relationship but not quite exclusive- you worked patrols together, he would bring you food while you worked other tasks around Jackson, you would find tools for him to use for his woodworking. Share drinks, laughter, tears, and eventually a bed. 

Neither of you really addressed what it was, but it was alright in your eyes. Still new, foreign, but… nice. Joel’s company was enough, his warm brown eyes grounding you to the Earth better than any tether, his touch firm but a reminder that someone was there, that life wasn’t lonely anymore. 

In your thoughts you turned as gently as you could in Joel’s arms, his breathing a little lighter as he shifted. He would be awake soon. 

You took the time to admire his face, weathered and lined with years and experience, sunspots and freckles dotting his face. His lips were pursed together in sleep, and your gaze instinctively went to his eyes where you wished you could see the obsidian looking back at you- the most beautiful void that you’d gladly get lost in. 

But, you had maybe a few more minutes before you fell in. Before the day officially began, life began to move its wheels forward. Joel’s room was a place away from it, the rain pattering gently against the window, the only sign this was reality and not a suspended dream. 

You felt a tug in your chest, your hand coming to rest on his chest over his heart. Beating steadily, real and tangible. Here in the present with you, another year older, but no less beautiful. 

It slipped out before you could stop yourself.

“I love you, Joel.”

Your voice was barely a whisper, a breath of words. You were sure only the ghosts that lingered in the floorboards and whatever entity was in the great beyond could hear it. A secret between you and them, no one else.

Joel shifted, his arm tightening around you yet again and leaned his head forward, his forehead colliding with yours. You smiled, his breathing so light he must be awake by now. 

Nose nudging yours, his exhaled softly, breath fanning your lips.

“I love you, too.” 

Voice rough and gravely from sleep, it sounded perfect. Like… Joel. 

Your smile threatened to widen, to betray you, and when his eyes opened slowly and gently, you allowed it to. 

“Helluva way to wake up,” he said, but his lips upturned in the corners in a smile. You raised the hand from his chest to his cheek, and he leaned in to kiss you. It was so gentle, but warm, like the sun breaking into dawn over the mountain tops.

You returned the sentiment, and you two stayed like that for a moment until air was knocking on the door for entrance to your lungs. 

“What do you want to do today?” you murmured gently, and Joel sighed, keeping his forehead against yours as he lay in silence for a moment. 

“I should probably check to see if that leak is giving Ellie any more trouble. Tommy wants to have lunch together today. I was going to make a trip down to the exchange-”

“Joel,” you said, the slightest warning tone in your voice. “What do you want to do?”

Joel looked down at you, and you saw the corner of his mouth tug and his eyes flickered behind you to the window where the rain continued beyond your little world. He sighed, like he was resigning himself,

“Let’s just… lay here for a little while.” 

You smiled, and before you could agree, he captured your lips in a kiss again. This one was a little more heated, and his arm around your waist flexed. It warmed you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Instinctively leaning into him, you sighed against his lips. 

Yes, the world could wait… Just a little while longer.

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