#virilphobia

my mom hasn’t seen my chest post-op at all because the idea of it is so awful to her that the one time we took my bandages off with her present, she ran across the hotel room to hide from it and started crying to my brother about it (yes, with actual tears). she drove an hour and a half with us at 5:30am to my post-op just to sit in the waiting room because she refused to come in and see me after the surgeon took the bandages off. my dad has been the only one helping me with recovery things like changing bandages and monitoring healing because she still won’t look at my chest.

You're fresh out of luck. The transmasc community have already tried transmisandry, transmisia, antimasculism, virilmisia, virilphobia and anti transmasculinity to name a few and people have found "problems" with all of them. Hell, people complain if we try to call it misogyny or just plain old transphobia. It doesn't matter what language we use, people just want us to sit down and shut up.

i was scrolling through pinterest, looking at some queer memes (as you do) and i stumbled upon a post that seemed…a little bit bæddel-y. that’s not super uncommon, but what struck me about this post was that the first part of it could have been said by a terf. had it not had a reply underneath talking about trans women in a positive light.

you cannot treat our transness and our manhood as two completely separate things. we’re trans because we’re men and men because we’re trans. when we’re oppressed for our transness, we’re being oppressed on the basis of a transition to manhood. our transness and our manhood are inseparably linked. you don’t get to ignore the existence of trans manhood as a unique cohesive position in the hierarchy of gendered oppression just because the concept of a gender-oppressed man doesn’t fit into your current understanding of how those hierarchies work. you don’t get to pick and choose whether you want to address us as trans people or as men based on what you find the most convenient for your worldview in a given situation because we’re always both and there’s nothing contradictory about that.

if a trans man says he’s oppressed on the basis of being a man and the conclusion you take away from that is that trans men can’t be trusted to talk about our own oppression and his intentions must be malicious, you’re just a transphobe. the correct conclusion to take away from that would be that it’s time to update your understanding of gendered oppression because your current way of thinking about it doesn’t apply to an entire group of people. if you immediately get defensive and paint an entire group of trans people as unreliable narrators of their own lives instead, you’re just being transphobic.