#violence trigger

now I need to VERY PATIENTLY wait for it to come out tomorrow (im being very impatient right now)

A long time ago, I heard that if you do a puzzle or play a video game—anything that occupies your brain—while memories of a traumatic event are forming, your PTSD won’t be as severe. So at the 2019 Gilroy Garlic Festival, after I dropped a garlic ice cream cone on my feet when the gunshots startled me, after I froze so hard that people had to tug me behind them to get me to run, after I realized I would be totally useless in a crisis and would’ve died without the intervention of others, I played Detroit Become Human with my sibling. And it worked.

The 4-year anniversary of the game just passed, so I’ve been seeing a lot more posts about this game than usual. And normally this wouldn’t bother me, but I’m sure I don’t have to explain why, in conjunction with what happened in Uvalde, Texas, I’ve been having flashbacks to the moment I dropped my ice cream. So I decided it’s time to buy tickets and actually eat my garlic ice cream this time.

I didn’t go to the garlic festival in 2020 because it was cancelled over coronavirus. Nor did I go in 2021 because I can’t drive and eat ice cream at the same time. And in 2022, the Gilroy Garlic Festival has been cancelled indefinitely. I’m never going to be able to have garlic ice cream. And when I realized this, I cried. I sobbed in my car until I could barely see or breathe. It sounds ludicrously petty and shallow; how does an adult woman get so attached a novelty ice cream flavour I never even tasted?