#viktah

I mean, he did spend all of his time with this boy and he noticed the lingering glances Kellin would cast on some of Vic’s teammates when they went out after games. Kellin, on the other hand, was completely shocked at how excited Vic was about this. He gushed on and on about how happy he was that Kellin could actually admit this fact and be proud of it, making all of Kellin’s doubts disappear.

On the day that Kellin told their families (because, at this point, no one knew which boy belonged to which family anymore), Vic stood beside him with a comforting arm wrapped around Kellin’s shoulders. He made sure to let him know earlier that, no matter what their families thought, Vic would always support and love Kellin for who he was. Kellin, knowing this, thought it would be much easier to express his feelings to his family with Vic present.

“Guys, we called you here because Kellin has something to tell you,” Vic called, getting everyone’s attention.

“Well, obviously,” was, Vic’s brother, Mike’s response to which Vic gave a warning look.

“What is it honey?” Kellin’s mom urged, ignoring the Fuentes boys.

“Well…um…” Kellin hesitated, wringing his hands out of nervousness. Everyone’s faces were full of expectation, with a little impatience from their siblings, and Vic could see how terrified Kellin was.

Vic pulled Kellin aside and whispered, “Kels, you okay?” to which Kellin shook his head frantically. “What do you want to do? Do you want me to tell them?” Vic’s eyes were full of concern and Kellin was so thankful for this boy.

“You would do that for me?” He said, barely a whisper.

“Of course, man. You know that,” Vic said and Kellin nodded, swallowing hard before they face everyone again. “Okay guys, I’m just gonna come out and say it: Kellin is gay.”

Kellin’s mom’s eyes lit up, addressing her son as though he had said it himself, “Oh honey, I knew.” With that, everyone in the room burst into laughter. Kellin felt a weight lift off his shoulders and he smiled as Vic gave him a knowing look. No one cared; they all loved him either way.

_

Kellin’s first date was with a boy named Alex. The day of the date, Vic was at Kellin's house from 8:00 am to help him pick out an outfit and get ready. Kellin was a little nervous, but to say Vic was excited would’ve been an understatement. He had torn apart Kellin's closet and by 10:00 all of Kellin’s clothes were on the floor and Vic still hadn’t found anything. Kellin merely watched in amusement as Vic threw a tantrum at him for not having any suitable clothes before dragging Kellin back to his house. The spent the rest of the day debating outfits, which basically entailed Vic telling Kellin what to wear, Kellin refusing and Vic making him wear it anyway. Alex seemed a little disoriented that he had to pick up Kellin at Vic’s house, but knowing the relationship between the two, it didn’t faze him much.

Alex and Kellin went on a few dates, but nothing ever came out of it. By the time their junior year rolled around, the boys had fitted themselves into a group of friends, including boys from the soccer team, of which Vic was captain, and some from their neighbourhood. In reality, Vic was the one who befriended these guys, but it wasn’t difficult for Kellin to fit in with them, especially with Vic around. Before long, Kellin had developed a crush on Justin, one of the boys whom he’d gotten close with. Justin wasn’t openly gay but he was willing to admit to Kellin that he had similar feelings for him, and they started dating. Justin was Kellin's first serious boyfriend, and Vic was wary of him after what happened with Kayla, but he was thrilled to see Kellin so happy again.

_

Around the time it happened, the boys were in their last semester of senior year, busy making plans to go to college together, tying up loose ends and making the best of the time they had left with their friends before they all went their separate ways. Well, everyone except for Vic and Kellin would go separate ways.

It was a Thursday night and Vic was at home finishing up his homework. Kellin and Justin, who were going on fifteen months, had just left so Kellin could drop Justin home, and Vic was just passing time before Kellin got back. He desperately wanted to talk to him and tell him what had been pestering his thoughts for the past few weeks, but he knew he had to wait. After twenty minutes Vic decided it was time to take a break and he closed his books and went downstairs to get some water. While he was headed towards the kitchen his phone rang, and seeing that it was Kellin, he answered immediately.

“Hello, is this Vic?” The deep voice came through the phone definitely wasn’t Kellin’s.

“Uh, yea. Who is this and where is Kellin?” Vic replied accusingly, taken aback that someone else was calling from Kellin’s phone.

“My name is Officer Banks, and I’m calling you because your number is listed on Kellin’s phone under numbers to call in an emergency,” Vic could feel himself choke on his own saliva. EMERGENCY?

“What do you mean an emergency? Is Kellin alright? Oh my God, what happened?!” Vic screamed into the phone frantically.

“Kellin got into a car accident on the corner of East and Smith Street. He’s being taken to the St Paul’s Hospital,” The officer replied calmly. How could he be calm when at that very moment all of Vic’s nerves were being undone?

“What! How did this happen? Is he okay? Oh my god, is he alive?” Vic rambled on and on, unable to speak properly.

“Vic, I need you to calm down.” CALM? “Vic…”

Vic took a deep breath. “Okay…”

“Good,” Officer Banks continued. “Kellin is critical, but he’s alive. I need you to call Kellin’s parents and tell them what I just told you, okay? Then get down to the hospital.”

Vic ended the call and hurriedly dialed Kellin’s mom to tell her. She didn’t take the news any better than Vic, but she said she would meet him at the hospital. Vic went to the counter to get his car keys but realized they were gone. He went outside to see that his car wasn’t there. He slapped himself; Mike had his car!

Vic wasn’t thinking straight at all and he didn’t realize that the hospital was on the other side of town. All he could register was that he needed to get to Kellin, so he did something many people wouldn’t do, especially on a chilly spring night.

Everyone knew that they were joined at the hip, a package deal, and you couldn’t get one without the other. When they were in elementary school, every other night was spent at one of their houses, playing outside until it was dark then building a fort with sheets and pillows in the living room and talking and laughing until their parents made them go to sleep. Kellin had always been smaller and quieter than Vic, so there were many times Kellin ended up missing class to sit with Vic in the principal’s office after Vic beat up someone for picking on Kellin. Of course, Kellin hated that Vic would get so violent but he was happy that Vic actually cared about him that much. After a while, the bullies got tired and they left the two alone, something everyone was grateful for.

Middle school was when Vic joined the soccer team Kellin got into photography; when they started to discover that they liked other things besides cartoons and re-enacting fights between superheroes and villains. Even though they had new interests and new groups of friends, nothing changed between the boys. Vic would always pester Kellin to show him his new shots from photography club, and Kellin stayed late after school on days when Vic had soccer practice, whether there was a match or not, just to see his best friend play. That’s why they were both so happy when Kellin got a job with their school’s newspaper as the sports photographer, meaning that they could be together while doing what they loved.

As expected with young teenage boys, they also started to notice things about girls which they didn’t before. Vic, being the socialite he was, dove in a lot sooner than Kellin, having at least three girlfriends within the year of seventh grade. Vic fell into and out of relationships very often, but it never seemed to affect him emotionally, mostly because his heart wasn’t in it a lot of the time. Kellin on the other hand only had eyes for one girl, Kayla. He met her in his photography class over the summer and by the beginning of eighth grade they were going strong. His world revolved around her, but everyone could see that Kellin was much more devoted than Kayla, and that was why their break up at the end of the school year completely crushed him.

For Vic to say that he didn’t see it coming would’ve been a lie and he wished he had done something before this could happen to his best friend. Kellin refused to leave his room the first week after it happened and Vic found himself skipping school to bring ice cream and snacks for Kellin, who just lay on his bed, unresponsive. The pair ended up missing their middle school graduation to lie in bed with an untouched tub of ice cream between them, but neither of them cared; all Vic could worry about was Kellin and all Kellin did was think about Kayla.

  //Maybe it seems so strange But we don’t even stress at all ‘Cause we’ve got poisons in our lungs… (Poisons in our lungs) Come at me with everything you’ve got//.

  What time was it? Where was Mike? Where was I? I shook my head to get rid of the thoughts, but it didn't work so I downed my drink instead. I wasn't too sure what it was or how many I'd already had, but it definitely did it's job of making me forget. Unfortunately, it made me forget everything but the one thing I came here to forget.

Kellin.

This week, the tour took us through Florida, way too close to where he was and I could feel his proximity in my bones. Or maybe it was just the alcohol talking. Either way, Mike knew how hard it was for me after everything that happened and all he was trying to do was help.

  //So dance! If it moves you Jump in the fire If it burns you I’ll throw my arms around you darling And we’ll turn to ashes drown me in the flames//

  I got up from my seat at the bar, weaving through the crowd of people on the dance floor and hoping to catch a glimpse of my brother. The lights were so bright and my head was spinning and there were so many people touching me and brushing against me and swallowing me into the crowd and I could barely get air into my lungs. All I could think about is how much I'd rather be somewhere else and how much my chest hurt because of something that was much more than a heart attack. Suddenly, I felt a sudden rush of terror fill me, something so consuming that my brain shut down and I only wished I could scream; I turned to the nearest exit and did the only thing my body could manage. I ran.

//Does it even make a difference? When I’m sober, I feel pain ‘Cause we run under the stars through cemetery backyards, Celebrate the way the night hides scars.//

  I stepped out of the liquor store, the cool breeze hitting me as I stepped out onto the streets of Tampa, much calmer than I had been when I entered the store. The newest addition to my liver was concealed in a brown paper bag as I strolled mindlessly down the street, much stronger than anything a club could offer. My thoughts drifted to Kellin, a smile forming on my lips at all the beautiful memories we had once shared. I must have looked insane, laughing to myself as I walked down a deserted street sipping a liquor unknown to myself. As I continued, the store fronts turned into houses, and before I knew it I had ventured into a part of the city that I quite recognised. I barely paid attention, but my feet knew the way better than my mind. I walked through the front gate and up the winding path without a second thought, stopping just a few feet away. I took another swig of my liquor before lifting my eyes and training them onto the single slab of rock, engraved with words that would separate me from my love forever.

Kellin Quinn Bostwick 1986-2012

"Loved by many; Lost by few"

  //But if these demons keep falling from the sky

It’s alright

‘Cause sometimes I love the way you swing the blade at everything in sight!//

In moments, the tears came like they hadn't in years. I dropped to my knees on the soft grass that had grown over the pile of dirt that covered his body on that horrible day two years ago. How could it have been two years? Just yesterday we were spending lazy Sunday mornings in bed, laughing about things that happened the night before while I absent mindedly played with his fingers and he ran his hand through my hair. I lay down next to his grave, pretending it was still Sunday, with his arm slung carelessly across the bed as I lay on top of it, sunbeams dancing across his face and making his eyes blur from blue to green and back again.

"I love you," I whisper to him, but with no reply. "Aren't you gonna say you love me too?" I hear my voice crack a little with worry.

"Only if you make me pancakes," I hear him laugh, and I smile, my body relaxing into him as I mumble in response and my eyes flutter closed.

  //Burst into flames (What do you do when you’re out of time?) Scream in the dark (Where do you go when they’re right outside?) I’m gonna light up this place (And how do you scream when there’s no one left around?)//

My eyes fly open as a massive raindrop smashes into my face, causing me to spring up in shock. My daydream slips away as reality hits me yet again, a reality I wan't ready to accept. I felt rage filling up inside of me, my fists clenched so tight that my nails dug into my skin. I kicked at the dirt until I spotted the bottle of liquor laying on the ground, empty. I picked it up, screamed and smashed it into the tombstone with all the strength left in me and as I watched the shattered pieces fall to the floor, I felt the anger slowly subside. I sat on the ground, the rain splashing off the surrounding glass as new grief and a fresh set of tears kicked in.

  //Separate me from my own two hands, I’ve killed so many times,

But I can’t save the world from the creatures that don’t die.//

  I wiped at my eyes and studied the fragments of glass all around me, all different shapes and sizes. I reached for one that was near my foot, spinning it in my hands and examining it. While I was playing with it, the jagged end cut my finger and a few drops of blood fell to the floor, mixed in with raindrops. Relishing the feeling, I slid it against my palm again, deeper this time, gaining a lot more blood and a burning sensation. I put down the piece of glass and picked up another, longer and sharper. I squeezed my eyes shut at the realization of what I was about to do. I held it up to my neck and was about to slide it across my wet skin, when I heard a voice.

"Vic, is that you?"

I instantly dropped the glass I was holding, "K-Kellin?"

"Yea, babe, it's me. Mike called me, said he couldn't find you. He's having a panic attack. And look at you, you're soaked," I heard him say as the face I knew so well stepped out of the shadows. My breath caught in my throat. 

"Oh," was all I could say in my stupor.

Kellin took in the surroundings and his expression darkened when he realised what I was about to do. "Vic, whatever it is, we can talk when we get home. For now, I'm just really happy that I found you." He bent down and lay his soft, warm( hand against my cheek. "Everything will be alright. I love you." I felt a tear roll down my cheek as my gorgeous Kellin stood up before my eyes and reached out his hand to me. "You ready?"

  //I kinda like the way you tell me, “Baby, please come home,

I need you here right now, I’m crying underwater so you don’t hear the sound.”//