#viker

Vivi had managed to hold herself together until Parker left the apartment, but the moment the door was closed, and locked, and deadbolted, she closed her eyes and let it all hit her at once. Her boyfriend was gay. Well, she supposed that he wasn’t her boyfriend anymore, regardless of the fact that they’d said ‘I love you’ for the first time during their conversation. He’d said that he loved her, but wasn’t in love with her. Couldn’t love her. Which was what hurt the most.

She knew that it couldn’t have been easy for Parker to tell everyone what had been going on. Saying the words out loud, she thought, were probably the hardest thing in the whole for him. And the fear of wondering if everyone was going to be okay with it, or if they were going to hate him probably had scared him to no end. That was why Vivi had to pretend that everything was okay. She had to hide it and keep her emotions in check. For Parker’s sake. Because he was important.

Tears fell down her face as she slid down the wall next to the door. She felt so small and insignificant, and wished she could fall through the floorboards. It seemed like anyone who she started to have feelings for turned out gay. Mason had had a boyfriend. She’d been friendzoned. Parker was gay. She’d been friendzoned. Was Jesse gay too? (Would Jesse even talk to her again after everything?) Was there something about her that guys who liked girls didn’t like? She’d always thought she was pretty and she knew she was smart and, okay, maybe she was a little over the top when she got excited, but did that really turn all of them away? And she knew it wasn’t about her specifically, but anything negative that could have crossed her mind right then did.

She let out a sob. She’d wanted to give everything to Parker. She had daydreamed, like most girls do, about where they’d be in ten years. If they’d still live in the city and what their jobs would be and if they’d be married. Maybe have kids. It all seemed so stupid to her now, having wanted those things when they hadn’t been together for that long at all. And not even officially.