#vigil's keep

happy friday!! how about some Amell & Anders with 'You can barely keep your eyes open.. When was the last time you slept?’?

Thank you for the prompt!! Here's my HoF Solona Amell and a new Warden Anders. <3 for @dadrunkwriting

*

Anders’ bunk was empty. 

It was the third time Solona had found him missing when she’d stopped by the dormitory to check on him. The first two times, he’d turned up the next morning, looking haggard and wan but rebuffing any questions about his well-being with his trademark, flippant humor. 

Solona understood defense mechanisms, and the way she saw it, they were not a shell to be pried at. They were necessary, and kept a person from flying apart at the seams. From giving in to the demons--not the ones that haunted the Fade, but the ones within.

She checked on all new recruits. The ritual didn’t assuage her guilt for putting people through the Joining, but attending to responsibilities—the lives and well-being of her Wardens—lent her a modicum of peace. 

Finding Anders gone a third time eroded that tenuous peace and replaced it with worry. 

She went to look for him. She hadn’t, the first two times, wanting to give him his space to heal from the whiplash of escaping one death sentence only to find himself with another. 

This was the first time he’d taken his bag and his staff, however. She expected not to find him at all, but she did. 

He was in the courtyard. He’d slumped down beside the stable door, back against it, staff and bag beside him. His knees were hugged tightly against his chest, head resting on them. The wind fluttered his blonde hair, come loose from its tie.

It was chilly out, the stars blanketed by low-hanging clouds. It felt moments away from snowing. It was too cold to be outside in the sleeveless robe Anders wore, and Solona instantly resolved to order more clothing for him than just the warden’s standard issue tabard and basic leathers. 

The ground—mud churned earlier in the day—was frozen now, and crunched under Solona’s feet as she approached him. He looked up, and even in the darkness, she could see the circles under his eyes. 

It was unnerving not to see his usual, deflecting smile.

She sat down beside him and scooted close, silently lending her own warmth since she’d not brought a cloak. Anders stiffened at first, then slumped against her. 

They sat in silence. 

Finally, Anders spoke. “You know, I have no idea how to ride a horse?” He said it like it was a comical deficiency, a thing even a child should know. 

“Considering it’s a way to go more quickly from one place to the other, it’s not a skill we would emerge from the Circle with,” Solona said bitterly. She paused for a moment, then added, “I can teach you.”

Anders’ fingers played with the strap of his bag. Solona could see the outer pockets stuffed full with things he must have pilfered from the keep—lyrium potions, balms, a suture kit, a bottle of wine. He’d clearly meant to leave. 

When he didn’t respond at first, Solona looked at him. His head had fallen to his knees again and his eyes were half-closed. 

“You can barely keep your eyes open,” she murmured. “When was the last time you slept?” This was one of the reasons she checked on new Wardens at night—the debilitating nightmares. 

Anders jolted up, blinking and rubbing his eyes. “Three seconds ago?” He laughed reedily. 

Solona nodded. “It gets better,” she said. “It never goes away, but…I’d take the archdemon and darkspawn over the Circle.” She’d meant it to sound like one of his silly quips, but it came out ringing of dark truth. 

“I’m going to have to agree with you on that one,” Anders said anyway.

Solona offered Anders her hand. He took it without hesitation and all but clung to her, compressing the bones in her hand almost painfully. It felt good to hold to something that closely. 

“Come inside,” she said gently. “You can share my quarters tonight. There is a very comfortable couch.” 

Anders sniffed. “You aren’t angry?” 

Solona glanced at the bag on the ground and the staff beside him. “Come inside and get some rest,” she repeated. “If tomorrow you still want to go, we will pack better supplies and I will show you how to ride a horse.”

Anders looked at her, the emotions on his face unreadable. “Why would you help me?”

Solona squeezed his hand again. “Because I am you.”