#vidfic

Jenny had known for a long time that she didn’t fit in the places she wanted to be. If Nate represented her daydreams, her hopes to be someone that became someone, Chuck represented her reality, the constant feeling of not being enough. Perhaps this was the reason she always struggled to meet his gaze. From that night at Blair’s party, back when she’d been a naïve freshman, to the night she gave her virginity to him four years later.

It was no secret that she had always daydreamed about being someone like Serena Van Der Woodsen. One of those people who seemed to be dealt all the cards and escaped all the consequences. It was frustrating how often she found herself being compared to her by her family, her friends, Nate, and being told she wasn’t enough by comparison. It had chipped away at her until she could only feel bitterness when she thought of her step-sister. She was never enough for Nate. For Erik. For Dan. There was only one person that seemed to make her feel as though she was enough, that she was better than Serena. That was Chuck.

She found a salvation in his arms that would never truly belong to her. Not in the eyes of all the people she loved. But when he’d hovered over her, his hands leaving burning trails on her skin, she couldn’t help but wonder if they were right. He didn’t belong to her. But she belonged to him.

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When he’d laid on the streets, bleeding out, Chuck had thought of three women. He’d thought of Lily, the mother he’d never truly allowed himself to accept. He’d thought of Blair, the woman who taught him that he could be accepted. And finally, he thought of little Jenny Humphrey, the one person who seemed to truly understand the darkness that he was constantly battling inside of himself.

There had been something that had drawn him towards her from the moment he’d laid eyes on her back at Blair’s party in junior year. She’d been so tiny, so innocent and untouched by the ravages of his upper-class world. He’d watched as she’d been darkened by money and privilege and hatred and found himself wanting to touch her more. It was like staring in a mirror, one that both reflected who he was, and who he wanted to be. Because as dark as she became, she still seemed so untouched.