#very personal stuff

I expect lots and lots of crying

To check something that ive been concerned about as of recently.

I noticed i kept having a weird low-grade fever around at 99.0 Degrees, and for some odd reason kept heating up anytime i walked despite the temperature of the house. Woke up today with my back sweaty (but it was a light kind of sweaty and not a drenched sweat..? Im unsure), etc. Breathlessness, stuff, things... i just wanna rule a few things out with the ER.

I also had weighed myself yesterday and i was around 189.6 Pounds, but when i weighed myself today i was ranging from 188.0 to 189.0 (because digital weights are just unreliable at times), so highly unsure of whether or not i lost a drastic amount of weight from the lack of eating (despite eating two slices of pizza this morning), ate a sandwich and that was it. Regardless, main point is that im trying to keep an eye on things and I don't like sudden weight loss.

I mean, you may say "hey losing a pound within a day sounds good!" Yeah, if you were healthy and not worried about your own body betraying you because of fucking Post-Covid.

Another reason im worried is because around on Oct 2nd, i was checking my lymphnodes because I thought they were swollen or something, but honestly i am unsure, still, i just want to head to the ER to rule certain things out, just in case, and to be on the safe side.

I'm pretty sure if it was something deadly... i would probably be feeling it by a lot. Additionally, the digital weight is probably highly unreliable to use, and my tendency to move sometimes, still, im just.... worried... that's all, it might just be health anxiety induced by Post-Covid, but god fucking damnit i just need to be sure sometimes.

I just hope im fine... ...but now, im really hungry.

Additionally, i do feel a tad bit better compared to before but sometimes i have sudden short lived aches that feel moreso just caused by me slouching or something. Breathlessness whenever i lay down that seems relatively shortlived? Blegh... im honestly unsure. I think i might open up comms just in the event that i may need to pay for things myself or whatever. Because honestly, im probably gonna need it.

just a shot from (still unnamed) ramen place

(hint: we've been together for six years now and I only recently started hinting/talking to him about LGBT stuff, kinda easing him into the topic. sub-hint: he's from a very conservative catholic family, so he was never really exposed in a positive way to this.)

I kinda blurted out the thing while we were waiting for our ice-cream and I tried to downplay it but was internally sweating blood because what the hell am I doing - am I actually trying to throw away this relationship because of this?

(I've tried multiple times in this months to just get him to understand the thing but he simply didn't realize it. I was sooo convinced last time I had been clear enough but, alas, I wasn't.)

And he just looked at me, hugged me and told me that he felt kinda proud of himself. Of course at this I did a double take because I didn't get him.

He explained to me he felt lucky and proud, because he managed to snatch me from double the amount of people he thought he had to compete with.

If everything goes well, I’ll be entering the explosion period in less than a month (help), but before that, I’ll try to be more present here, not just posting but also replying to all the comments and tags I’ve left hanging. Sorry in advance if I miss something, my brain is working slower than ever 😅😅😅

BTW I finally got this cutie in both Dressrosa and regular style from the same artist who did the DQ bros 💖 It’s going up in the baby’s room 😁 It’s honestly wild to think I started reading One Piece at 14 and now it might last long enough for my kid to read or watch it too before it ends (fingers crossed he likes it even a little 🤣🤣🤣)