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Relationships are some of the hardest things we do, and the key to relationships is trust and this can be tricky to build.
However by understanding what trust is built upon, this can increase and improve the relationships we have.
The key to relationships is trust and the centre part of trust is understanding, but what we must understand is the four specific elements to trust itself.
Connection: understanding the importance of regularly connecting the other person in a way that is meaningful to them
Understanding the other persons motives or mindset: by doing this you can get an idea of who they are and what makes them tick
Delivery: for you to be trusted it has got to be built on you consistently delivering on what you promise in a way that matters to the other person
Style: Although we all have individual style in how we react and deal with various things in life, by explicitly discussing your different styles you can gain further understanding on each other and instead of clashing, the different styles can compliment one another
Through developing and truly understanding these four elements of trust, you can have stronger more trusting relationships within your life.
For a brilliant life, an important part of that is to have brilliant relationships. The key part of relationships is trust, and the centre part of trust is understanding.
But really understanding what?
It is such an important part of life but we donât give it that much focus.
Trust is built, or broken, through the developing the understanding of four specific elements.
The first is âConnectionâ
Understanding the importance of regularly connecting to the other person in a way that is meaningful to them. What you can do here is you can focus on regular contact, what are the shared experiences you have, how do you create fun and positive events or social environments where you can build trust with the person. Because this gives time and space to build empathy, so that is a core pillar of trust.
The second pillar is you need to understand their motives or mind set
By understand another persons mindset or motives, you get an idea of who they are, you start to tune in to what their values are, if you understand their upbringing you will trust them much more because you know why they react and respond in the ways they do so it is much more predictable and you can have much more understanding and connection if you have that second pillar.
Here what you can do to really learn those things is you have to tune in more, you have to listen to them more intently, you have to actually ask them what happened as a child, what was their upbringing, what were their life experiences? It is really about getting to know them on a personal level, and it comes down to understand what makes them tick.
Even if you do that and you have got the time and connection and you understand the motives, there is the third pillar, which is about:
This is where your responsibility really comes in. For you to be trusted, it has got to be built on consistently delivering on what you promise in a way that matters to the other person. You have got to focus on being reliable, on doing what you say you are going to do â how obvious is it that trust gets eroded when you say you are going to do something but then you donât. Just think back to experiences in your life when someone has promised you something and then they have gone back on that promise, how much trust did it erode in you?
It is also about going out of your way, being available, doing that extra thing that you donât have to do, but you do it because you want to build this relationship, you want to increase the trust.
Now, those three pillars can be there but then the fourth one is where a lot of people can slip up on. Just because you have got those other things it doesnât necessarily mean you are going to have trust because the fourth pillar is about:
If you have a different style to what the other person has, then even when you deliver on those other three pillars, that can cause friction and it can cause problems with the trust unless it is explicitly brought to the table.
So you can think about what choices and behaviors can get in the way of building trust with a person?
It is kind of like when you get personality clashes, people may want the same thing, understand the same thing, know the same person, but if they have two very different ways of approaching the same problem or the same topic, then it can feel like the trust is getting eroded because it feels very different.
There are ways to over come this.
The first thing is that you can explicitly talk about it. If you do that and surface those differences in style, then what you can start to do is you can start to value the difference.
How boring would life be and the planet be if everybody was the same and all preferences were the same, it is these differences that really make it an exciting, wonderful place to be, and thatâs what makes it possible for you to focus and be passionate about the things you are passionate about.
If everyone was the same we would all have to be generalists and we would all be half good at things rather than really doing the things we enjoy.
By us having a style difference that means they could actually compliment you. Noticing how you do act differently to them and then dealing and managing that conflict can make something much more powerful and can completely transform the levels of trust you have.
But it is important to realize that building trust requires attention to all of these elements. You cant just do one piece and expect there to be trust because you may have friction in the other areas.
So the question is, what ingredients need attention?
Where have you been focusing your efforts?
Have you been giving enough time to the person you want to build trust with?
Do they understand your motives? Do you understand theirs?
How reliable are you being?
Can you work through these style differences?
If you ask yourselves these questions, and then surface the answers with the person you want to build and deepen trust with, it can completely transform your understand of one another which means you will deepen the trust, have better relationships and if you do that that will transform life because relationships are some of the hardest things you do.
So if you get that right, then you truly can be brilliant every day.
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