#verhoon

“Good morning, Ruby.” You nodded at him, unsure of what to do. You don't think there's been a day since you started working with him that Lee Jihoon has been so polite.

Ruby was holding two coffees. One looked suspiciously like a caramel macchiato, your go to order. Your suspicions were confirmed when he extended his arm to hand you said drink.

“This is for you.”

You could only gawk at the small man. For you? He bought you coffee? Ruby? Lee Jihoon?

“Are you trying to poison me?” You couldn't stop the words from escaping your lips. Because really, what is this?

Ruby's face went completely red, his features scrunching in distaste. “No! I- just take it!” He grabbed your arm, placing the drink in your hand, then immediately bolted out of the room.

You were in shock. What the fuck just happened? You peek out of the room into the hall, only to find Ocean leaning against the wall with a joint in hand.

“Did you see that?” You asked the brunette.

“Yep.” A puff of smoke drifted from his lips as he answered you.

Your eyes only grew wider. Why was he acting like this was normal? “What was that?”

“Whaddya mean?”

You held up the coffee, gesturing at it wildly with your free hand. “This!? What is this!?”

“Coffee.”

“I'm gonna hurt you.” You groaned. The threat was empty, but your frustration was real.

“I answered your question.” Ocean chuckled, completely amused by your confusion.

“You know that's not what I meanttt.”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” As much as the rockstar wanted to yell that his partner wants to kiss your pretty face, he cannot. So he shall play dumb.

“Lee Ruby fucking Jihoon bought me a fucking coffee!” You said it out loud and it only seemed more bizarre to you.

“He did.”

“Why!?”

“You'll see.”

“You're fucking high.” You pinched the bridge of your nose.

“I am, but that's irrelevant.”

You narrowly resisted the urge to bang your head against the wall. “Just tell me.”

“Time will reveal all.” Ocean pushed himself off of the wall, giving you a salute before walking away.

What the fuck. What the actual fuck!?

-

Ruby was trying to get up the courage to ask you to dinner. With Ocean of course. It's not like a date, no no. That didn't make it any less nerve wracking. You'd probably scoff and call him stupid. He wouldn't blame you either, not after everything he’s done. Maybe Hansol should just do it? You trust him a lot more, and he could still attempt some civil conversation while you all are eating. Plus, he's tired. He's performed his ass off and simply does not have the mental capacity to do something so terrifying.

“I can't.” Jihoon huffed.

“You cannnn.” Hansol grabbed the blonde by his shoulders and shook him. “She's not gonna be mean to you, it's not in her nature.”

“But she'll say no if I invite her.” Jihoon whined. “You should just do it.”

“Ruby baby.” Jihoon's ears turned red as looked around to see if anyone heard. Ocean, who couldn't care less if anyone heard, continued with what he was saying. “You got thisss. She doesn't have the best picture of you, but that's why you have to show her that you're making an effort.”

“Are you sure she'll say yes?”

“Yes!” Hansol needs this to happen, and he knows that it will. The two of you just need some encouragement. “Now go!” He gave his partner a light shove to go find whichever room you've tucked yourself in.

It didn't take long to find you. You were just a few doors down from the greenroom and you left the door wide open. Jihoon took a deep breath before knocking on the frame to alert you of his presence. You looked up from your laptop, then back at it, not eager to give much attention to whatever has brought Lee Jihoon to your door.

“Can I help you, Ruby?” You sounded tired.

“Uhhh…” Think Jihoon. Ask. “Me and Han are going to dinner.”

“Do you need me to call a ride?” You continued to click at your laptop, not even glancing away from the screen. “Or are you trying to find somewhere to eat around here?”

“No no.” Jihoon shook his head, his hair flipping dramatically with the movement. “We have a place picked and all. I wanted to ask if you'd like to come?”

You blinked at your screen, your brows pinch together as you looked up at the rockstar. You feel as if this… is a trap. Ruby hated nothing more than when you ate with them. It drove him nuts for whatever reason. Truly, no combination of words could've been more shocking than this.

“I’m sorry,” you sat back in your chair and fully turned to face him, “I don't think I heard you right, could you repeat that?”

“Have dinner with us?” Jihoon’s voice grew quieter with each word. He's going to explode.

“See…” You leaned forward, placing your elbows on your knees. “That's what I thought you said, but then I thought, ‘No, I heard wrong, Ruby would never.’ So now I have to ask, what the fuck are you getting at?”

Jihoon felt offended, but he couldn't fault you for asking. But still, you didn't have to be so… blunt. “I'm not getting at anything. If you don't wanna go, just say that.” His tone was sharp, but his pouty lips and crossed arms gave you a different image. “I don't care either way.”

You gawked at the rockstar. You are so fucking confused. What the fuck is happening? “Did Hansol tell you to do this?

“I mean-”

“But since when do you listen?” You scratched at your neck, more or less talking to yourself.

“Well-”

“And he'd just ask me himself.” You interrupted him again.

“Can I fucking talk!?” Ruby snapped. He can't fucking stand when people speak over him. “Sorry… sorry.” He took a deep breath, realizing his mistake. “Yes, Hansol said I should ask you, but I'm doing it because I want to. But I can't make you do anything so… whatever.”

Jihoon turned and began to walk away, but you stopped him. “Wait.” You stood from your seat. He stopped in his tracks but didn't turn to face you. “Just give me a few minutes to gather my things and I'll meet you both up front, okay?”

The rockstar was far too embarrassed to say anything, so he just gave you a thumbs up before scurrying away.

You blinked as you watched him disappear down the hall. He's been acting so strange lately? Like he's being… nice? At the very least he's trying. Is this what Ocean’s been trying to tell you? That soft center beneath all of that dense rock? You suppose it wouldn't hurt to give him a shot. Truly, there's nothing more he could possibly do to you.

Something… caught your eye during dinner. And you were surprised you hadn't noticed it sooner. It was going well. You and Ocean mostly spoke and Ruby would chime in from time to time, and to your surprise, not be rude. But then you noticed something small and shiny sat at the center of his tongue as he laughed at something his partner said.

“You have a tongue piercing?” You questioned, your curiosity getting the better of you.

“Uh yeah, you never noticed?” The blonde replied, a pretty red dusting his cheeks.

“No.” You furrowed your brows. “And it's weird cause I've definitely seen the inside of your mouth a concerning amount.”

“That's an insane way to say he yells at you a lot.” Ocean chuckled, thoroughly enjoying whatever was unfolding in front of him.

“Well I was trying not to phrase it like that.”

“So you went with the sexual one?”

“You need to stop.” You pointed a finger at Ocean to put emphasis on your scolding.

Ruby sat silently while you and his partner went back and forth, fully not wanting to be a part of whatever the latter was talking about. Then Ocean turned to him.

“Did you change it like you said?” Hansol remembered his partner saying he was getting a new stud.

Jihoon fully turned to face him, and opened his mouth to show, rather than tell.

The brunette smiled at the cute little heart shaped stud that sat right at the center of the elder's tongue. “Cute, you should show Violet.” He suggested.

You were shocked to hear your name be included in such a context. Ruby didn't expect it either, his brows shooting to his hairline as he closed his mouth. He looked at you for a moment before taking a deep breath and showing you the silver piece of jewelry. The actual action was even more surprising than the suggestion, but you're here now.

You were surprised to see something so cute. “That's pretty.” You offered.

“Thank you.” The blonde mumbled, his face burning up with embarrassment.

This experience has been enlightening. And you found that when Ruby isn't being a prick, he's actually rather adorable. Easily flustered and quiet? Really… who is this man?

Tear In My Heart

Ruby watched with curious eyes as you and his partner worked on a song together. He stumbled into Hansol’s room like he does most nights (he knocked this time), and when the brunette let him in, he was only partially surprised to find you sat at the desk fiddling with his partner’s laptop. He was really surprised when he realized you were making a song. You were making a song? You greeted him with a smile and showed him what you had so far. Your voice was angelic, and it blended so well with Ocean’s. Ruby thought back to the night Hansol gave you your nickname. He said something about you singing and being in the band. He just brushed it off as the younger being off his rocks, but clearly it stemmed from this.

“You made this beat?” Jihoon asked, leaning over your shoulder to look at the different elements of the song.

“Mhm. Me and Ocean.” You nodded, fiddling with different voice effects, ultimately deciding they didn't really fit the vibe. Jihoon's behavior has been baffling. You are baffled. You don't know who this shy, docile man is who has replaced the raging rockstar that you've come to know, but it is a welcome change in attitude. You've tried to ask Ocean about it several times now, but he just tells you to go with it. So now you're going with it, pushing your skepticism to the side and letting Jihoon do… whatever he is doing.

“It was her sample.” Ocean added as he lounged on the bed smoking.

Ruby was impressed. You're so impressive. He had no clue you could do any of this. And the lyrics you were writing oh my god. Just talented around the board. “That's awesome.”

You had to stop your head from whipping to face him. Ruby just openly complimented you. You can't make a big deal out of it or else you might scare him off. “Thank you.” You tried to fight the shit eat grin that pulled at the corners of your lips, but failed.

Jihoon would never admit it, but his chest felt warm having made you smile. Such a pretty smile. He felt the tips of his ears burn at his own thoughts. Now that he isn't spending every second being mad at you, he can't help but appreciate the beauty he initially worked so hard to ignore. How the fuck did Hansol do this everyday?

“I'm hungry.” Ocean announced. He stood from the bed and made his way to the door. “Imma get snacks from downstairs, want anything?”

“Coke.” Jihoon requested, not tearing his eyes from the laptop screen.

“Um.” You spin the chair around to look at the brunette. “Candy.” You nodded.

“You got it.” Ocean slipped on his shoes and headed out the door, his plan officially being put into effect. Was he hungry? Yes. But it was also an opportunity to give you and Jihoon some alone time. He planned to take his sweet time grabbing these snacks. He'll actually just walk to the nearest convenience store. Hotel snacks are overpriced anyways.

“How long have you been making music?” Ruby asked.

You fought the urge to laugh at how this was similar to when you officially met him. He scolded you for the small talk, but you wouldn't remind him of that. “When I got my first laptop in high school.” You turned to face him, giving him your undivided attention.

“That's when Han and I started too.” The blonde nodded. “I saved up for this guitar I found at a pawn shop, and Han would add a beat to the stuff I came up with. We really liked rock music and we thought maybe we could be like one of the bands we really liked.” Jihoon scratched at the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed by this story.

“Well look at you guys now, huh? Performing for thousands of people. All that work paid off.”

“Mhm.” Jihoon pursed his lips to keep from smiling too big, which you found super endearing. Especially when you noticed the tiny dips at the corners of his mouth. “I think we could… maybe get more though.”

“Of course!” You slapped your hand on the desk. “Yall keep moving like this!”

Then a question came to Jihoon’s mind. “You like our music?”

Your eyebrows shot to your hairline in shock. “I've been incredibly obvious about this, Ruby.”

“Have you?” The blonde's eyes widened as he wracked his brain for any memory of you talking about their music. Nothing came to mind.

“Yes!” You resisted the urge to shake the man. He really just didn't give a fuck about a single thing you said. “Oh my god you don’t know anything.” You gasped.

“Okay wait.” Jihoon's brows furrowed. “I know things.”

“About me.” You clarified.

Jihoon didn't have anything to say about that. It was the truth, he didn't know you at all. “Well…”

“Well we just have to remedy that, because this won't do at all.” You shook your head. “We're gonna work on that, trust hon.”

Jihoon didn't know what you meant by that, but he took your word for it. Hansol always said that he trusts you, so maybe he could offer you a little bit of trust as well. “We can do that.” He nodded.

Ocean was pleased when he returned to find you and Ruby talking quietly to one another. It sounds like little bits from your lives. You were getting to know each other. Were those angels singing? Or was that just the echo of your voice playing in his mind on repeat?

-

Ruby stared at himself in the mirror, his reflection no longer satisfying to look at. His hair is too long. That's it. That's what's wrong. It needs to be cut. He needs to cut it. Ocean probably had clippers. He went to the younger's room and knocked on the door, no answer, so he just swiped his card and invited himself in. Ruby ended up rummaging through his partner's stuff to find the clippers. Thank God the younger brought them. He then took them to the bathroom, plugging the machine into the wall, and adjusting it to shave as short as possible. There was zero hesitation when he turned on the device, bringing it to his head, and shaving away at his long locks. One stripe in, he fully processed what he was doing. He sighed. No going back now.

When the deed was done, Ruby ran a hand over his head, feeling as the spiky hairs pricked at his skin. It was satisfying. Then he heard the hotel door click open. Ocean was back, most likey from hanging out with you. Ruby has had to accept that his life is changing, and rapidly at that. You just came thundering in and completely fucked his shit up, and there was nothing that he could do about it. Nothing but accept it, which he has. In fact, he's trying to embrace it. Nothing was up to him, just fate and time. But this hair cut was his idea so he supposes that's something.

Ocean stopped in his tracks as he passed the bathroom, just a little surprised by the presence of his partner. He turned to face the blonde whose hair was significantly shorter than when he saw him a few hours ago. Ocean took note of the hair on the floor, staring at the stray raccoon tails. “Now? Wait no… this makes sense.” Jihoon was bad about doing this when he needed some agency in his life.

“It was too long.” Ruby huffed.

“Yeah no, I see.” Ocean leaned against the door frame. “You're gonna miss your tails.”

“I already do.”

“Right right…” Hansol knawed on his lip. “You wanna go to the store and get some box dye.”

“I thought you'd never ask.” Jihoon sighed.

-

“Don't panic.” Was the first thing Ocean said to you when he approached you outside the hotel.

“That request is worrisome.”

“It's fine-”

“Where's Ruby?” You narrowed your eyes at the brunette.

“About that…” He smiled at you all mischievous. “He got a haircut.”

You blinked at him. “What?”

“Yeah he got a haircut last night.” Hansol continued to explain.

“Are you saying he cut his own hair?” Your brows pinched together.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” You'd sighed. “Well it's not a big deal if it doesn't look bad-”

“No, he looks great.” Ocean assured.

“Okay.”

About five minutes later, the hotel doors open, revealing Ruby. Your eyes went wide. Oh my god. You turned to Ocean who had a sheepish look on his face, then back to Ruby. Oh my god.

“What the fuck?” You gasped.

“What?” Ruby huffed as if he wasn't literally bald.

“Your hair?” You… don't get paid enough for this.

“It was too long.”

“So you buzzed it?”

“It was way too long.”

You could only gawk at the pink buzz with blue lines running through it.

“Wait wait, it's cool though.” Ocean's eyes lit up as he grabbed Jihoon by the shoulders and turned him around. “Show her the back, Hoon.”

Ruby let his partner do as he liked, slightly tilting his head back to give you a better view of the design. It was a chrome heart. It did look nice.

“Did you do that?” You turned to Ocean.

“Mhm.”

“It's so clean?” You were impressed by how professional it looked.

“He does this like once a year so I've had a lot of practice.” Hansol nodded.

So this is normal. “So I don't need to explain this to anybody?”

“No.” Jihoon sighed.

“You should've led with that. Damn near gave me a heart attack.”

“We're a rock duo, they expect this from us.”

“But a heads up would've been nice- you're so round.” You lose your train of thought as you zero in on the roundness of Ruby’s skull.

Jihoon sighs, grabbing your hand and bringing it to his head, allowing you to feel the spiky hairs.

“Oh my god, it's like a crystal ball.” You eyes glittered as you rubbed his head.

“Happy?” Jihoon mumbles. You hum in response before pulling your hand away. He thought so. Everybody always wants to feel the buzz.

-

“You’re off the clock, there's really no harm in it.” Ocean waves his hand around, smoke wafting from the rolled up plant he held.

You stared at the joint between his fingers. It really couldn't hurt. And you told yourself you'd try almost anything once. But as you reached for the rolled up herb, the thought of trying a drug for the first time freaked you out. You've never been high before. What if it went poorly?

“I'm scared,” you admitted, pulling your hand back.

“Of?”

“Being high.”

“Well if you really wanna try it, you don't have to do a lot. Maybe a puff or two.” Ocean shrugged, taking a puff for himself.

“That's so many.” Your face scrunched up.

“You're such a fucking pussy.” Ruby groaned from where he was sitting in his chair. “Just smoke the fucking joint.”

Jihoon has more or less become more… normal. Normal for Jihoon anyways. He seems less borderline afraid of you and his personality has returned to his normal prickly attitude. The only thing is he's still being genuinely nice to you. He talks to you like a normal person, and is now more just more jerky and less unbearable. It's bewildering, the pace at which you'd like to think he's become your friend, but you won't be complaining anytime soon.

“You're really not one to talk, Hoon.” Ocean chuckled. “I had to shotgun him his first time.”

Your eyes went wide. “Oh my god, you're such a fucking hypocrite.” You gawked at him. “Shotgun? Really?”

“Fuck you.” Ruby spun in his chair to face his laptop.

You openly laughed at him.

“It's actually a great way to ease into it.” Ocean offered.

“Does it actually get you high?”

“Yeah. Enough for someone who's never been high before anyways.” Ocean tilted his head side to side as if debating something in his head. Then he asked, “Would you prefer to try it like that?”

“Shotgunning?”

“Mhmm.”

Well it was definitely much less terrifying than putting an actual joint between your lips. It was kind of like second hand smoke in a way, which you've inhaled plenty of. Kind of. Fuck it.

“Sure.”

“Cmere.” Ocean tilted his head, beckoning you onto the couch with him.

You took a seat at what you thought was a good distance, but Ocean seemed to disagree. “Closer, silly.” He giggled, grabbing your middle and pulled you between his legs.

“When I breathe out, you breathe in.” He instructed. “Not too hard, you don't wanna choke. Then you hold it for a moment, and let go. Okay?”

Sounded easy enough. “Okay.” You nodded.

Ocean put the Joint between his lips and took a decent drag. Then he held it, grabbing your chin and pulling your face even closer. Then he exhaled. You did as he said and inhaled, but not too hard, and held it for a moment before letting it go. The smoke that left your lips was a lot fainter than Ocean's initial exhale, but that was to be expected. Then you thought your brain felt just a little fuzzy. And a few puffs later, you were definitely feeling something.

Jihoon watched the exchange a little too closely. You and Hansol were so close. And his partner was literally holding you by the neck before it was over. And with each puff he saw the slight shift in your demeanor. Your shoulders relaxed, little giggles escaping your lips every now and then. Then you were fully leaning into Hansol, and everything seemed infinitely more funny to you. He wondered if you were also giggly when drunk. Ocean probably knew the answer to that. Jihoon wants to know the answer to that. He briefly imagined himself sat on the other side of you as you leaned into him, then he was far too embarrassed by his own thoughts so he shut them down.

You glanced up and saw Jihoon staring before he quickly turned away. You saw it, but you were far too buzzed to think about it.

“See, nice right?” Hansol smiled at you.

You hummed, mindlessly picking at the loose threads on his tattered shirt. It definitely felt nice. Very floaty, very relaxed. Then Ocean offered for you to try smoking it yourself, and you basically snatched the joint from him. You put it between your lips and took a breath. You think you did well, only coughing a little on the exhale.

“Atta girl.” He smoothed a hand down your back.

Honesty

“Is Ocean coming?” You questioned as Ruby climbed into the uber. The brunette was always the first out, so it was peculiar to see his partner come out on his lonesome.

“He said he didn't feel well, and that we should have dinner without him.” Ruby didn't look at you as he buckled his seatbelt, and his voice was quiet.

“Aw, I hope he feels better.” You pouted before telling the driver he can start driving.

“He'll be fine.” Jihoon sighed. “He's… just fatigued.” None of this is true. Jijoon knows it's not true. Hansol looked him directly in the eyes and told him an obvious lie for him to convey to you. Hansol knew that Jihoon knew he was lying, it was all a part of his master plan to have the two of you spend more time together. Jihoon thought the whole plan was bullshit, but Hansol insisted he go ahead, adding a fake cough for emphasis. Bullshit.

“Really? You know I thought this would happen more often. You guys perform almost everyday, I really thought you'd be more tired.”

“It's like doing cocaine-”

“Cocaine? Have you done cocaine?” Ruby gave you a pointed look. “Sorry I asked.” You chuckled, allowing him to continue.

Jihoon couldn't help but smile at your laughing. “Im just trying to say, performing is addictive. It gives us that adrenaline high. A high so good that no matter how tired we are, we get up the next day because we know we're gonna feel it again before it's over.”

You nodded along to what he was saying. It sounded so interesting. “Is it really that good?”

“Nothing compares to it.” Jihoon thinks he can talk about this all day. The way the roaring crowd makes him feel dizzy, like there's no ground beneath his feet. The only thing he can really see is the bright stage lights, and his partner standing next to him. The only thing keeping him grounded is the feeling of his guitar in his hands. Not even thinking, just performing. Performing like he's done so many times before. It comes as easy as breathing. But he'd spare you the details. “Especially on stage with Han, it feels like it's just the two of us in the entire world. Like there's no one…” No one that can hurt us.

“That really sounds like something.” You briefly wondered what it would be like to feel that way, but you don't think it's for you.

Jihoon blinked and then looked at you, coming out of his head. “You could replace Painstaked as our opener.” His tone suggested that he was joking, but all you had to do was say the word and the spot is yours. “Get a taste of it for yourself.”

“Me? Absolutely not. I don't belong on stage.”

“Well that's bullshit.” Jihoon's face scrunched in offence. “You're infinitely more talented than those loser's.”

“It's not about talent, I'm just not a performer, Ruby.” You sighed.

“Anyone can be a performer. It's about whether or not you can handle it.” And you can handle a lot. He knows it well.

“I promise you, I can't.”

“And why do you believe that?”

The look Jihoon gave you was so… wild to you. It was almost as if he was scolding you for not believing in yourself. “Well… unlike you, the thought of people watching me makes me feel sick rather than ecstatic.” You explained.

“Who said it doesn't make me feel sick? It's so fucking nerve wracking sometimes I think I might pass out.” He has passed out but you don't need to know that. “But you know… cocaine.”

You snorted out a laugh. “I'm good, but thank you for the offer.”

“Okay… but if you ever change your mind, just let me know, kay?” Jihoon really hopes you change your mind.

“Sure.”

The two of you got burgers at what seemed like a chain restaurant. They were pretty good. You enjoyed the one on one time with Jihoon a lot, maybe too much. You don't know when his little hotheaded moments got so endearing, you couldn't hide your amusement when he was given the wrong burger and he just puffed his cheeks and scrunched his face as if that would change his circumstance. Then he had the nerve to be too shy to say anything to the worker, so you had to go up for him.

Afterwards he said he wanted a drink. He said you could go back to the hotel because it was late, but you decided to stick with him. Jihoon was the farthest thing from a bar goer, so the two of you found the nearest liquor store, bought a bottle of whiskey and some plastic cups, and sat down at a conveniently placed bench by the water. The two of you didn't say much at that point, just enjoying the moment as it was. The sound of the water flowing, cars driving by every now and then, couples on late night walks. And at the center of it all, you and Jihoon, and a bottle of whiskey.

“I'm sorry.” Jihoon said suddenly.

You turned your head to find that he's looking at you. You blink, confused. “For…?”

“What not for?” He huffed out an awkward laugh. “Just everything.”

Everything, huh? You nodded in understanding. “It's okay.”

Jihoon's first thought was ‘cool,’ but that felt wrong. This felt entirely too easy. “Are you being serious?” He sounded a bit angry. He's not, but you cannot be serious.

“I fear I'm quite serious.” Your brows furrowed. You accepted his apology, what else could he want?

“You're not gonna make me get on my knees and beg? You don't want me to dance and sing a song about how fucking stupid I am?”

Oh my god, this self destructive mother fucker. “Well I think you're well aware that you're a dumbass.” You had not been expecting any kind of apology from Ruby, you didn't want one. “But all that is well behind us, you don't have to prove anything. If I wanted you to make a fool of yourself, then I never had any intention of forgiving you at all.”

Jihoon could hear a little voice, one that he heard so many years ago. You sounded so much like him. “I don't think I deserve it.” He was honest. Something compelled him to be honest with you.

“Well I can't make you see or think anything. I could show you a reflection of yourself and you'd still see something completely different.” He has to believe he has earned it. But how? “But I can tell you, you've gone out of your way to remedy your past mistakes, and for me that is more than enough. Your efforts are far more valuable than anything you could say or do.”

The only person to ever move past his transgressions so quickly, is Hansol. And just like his partner, your kindness never ceased to amaze him. “I just don't understand how you could move on so quickly?”

You sighed. You really don't want this man to feel guilty forever. You can't build a healthy relationship like that. “Hansol always told me you had your reasons, and that one day you’d come around. I never understood why he seemed so positive that it would happen even though you clearly wanted nothing to do with me, but he was right. So I'm assuming he was right about you having reasons. Whatever they may have been, you clearly managed to work through it and now you're here. So I think it's best just to leave it all behind.”

Jihoon thought that maybe he should tell you his reasons, you deserve an explanation. But just the thought made him emotional. He hates thinking about it. He hates telling people about it even more, that's why he doesn't. Ironic considering he's written quite a few songs about it, but he'd never divulge. Jihoon looked at you again, kind eyes filled with nothing but understanding. Then there was the effects of the alcohol, the way it loosened his lips and opened his heart in a way that he couldn't stand. Fuck it.

“He ever tell you those reasons?” Jihoon took a swig directly from the bottle, cup be damned.

“No.” You shook your head. “Wasn't his place.”

It wasn't, but it sure would've made Jihoon's life a lot easier if he did. “You know… a lot of parents end up giving their children away. Putting them into the system to make em someone else's problem.”

Your brows furrowed as you tried to understand what he was saying. He was talking about his reasons?

Jihoon continued despite your clear confusion. You're a smart girl, you'd figure it out. “Those kids end up going between foster homes with people that don't really care about them. Grown ass adults that just wanna show them off like little trophies.” It was sick, and to this day, Jihoon never understood it. Why would you do that to anyone, let alone a child? “But not every kid is good enough to be shown off. Some aren't pretty enough, maybe they don't behave. Or, and god forbid, they just don't want to. When a kid is like that… they do their best to hide them before sending them off to whatever home would take them.”

He was talking about himself? He was in foster care? He wasn't good enough for them? Your heart began to ache. It must've been awful.

“I admittedly had… behavioral issues. No one seemed interested in anything I had going on so I did what I wanted. I got into fights a lot, that's actually how I met Han.” Jihoon had a slight smile on his face before grimacing at the memory. “We were both in detention, he was put in because he wouldn't pay attention in class. He came and spoke to me because he liked my band tee. I fucking hated him.”

You couldn't help but gasp. He hated Hansol? Hansol Vernon Chwe? The man he’d probably kill for?

“I knowww.” He groaned and covered his face with his hands. It was so embarrassing to think about. “I was being ridiculous. He was a rich kid and therefore his very existence was an insult to me. Hansol was never deterred though, and eventually he broke me down. He wasn't snoody or annoying, just a kid who wanted to make a friend.”

This story was starting to sound extremely familiar.

“He actually got bullied a lot, I think that's what changed my mind. Seeing this kid who never did anything to anyone getting pushed around like some kind of punching bag.” Jihoon blinked as he started to connect how similar his past and present are. “I guess I didn't learn that the first time so I had to do it again.” He laughed, amazed at the way history has managed to repeat itself. “But my point is, trust doesn't come easy to me. Not that that's an excuse. It's just… why.”

You fully took in everything he just told you, that really does explain a lot. You appreciated his honesty, in fact, you admired it. Knowing how closed off he is, it must have been insanely difficult for him. In all his efforts to show you that he wants to fix this, this is probably the most touching. “Thank you for telling me, Jihoon. I really appreciate it.”

Jihoon hadn't faced you since he started telling the story, far too embarrassed to look you in the eyes, but he could no longer help himself. He turned to you, the tears in his eyes that he had been forcing to stay stagnant finally falling at the sight of your warm smile. He turned back around. You didn't say anything, you just placed a gentle hand on his shoulder before enveloping him in a warm, comforting hug. He let him relax in your arms. He let himself feel those terrible feelings that always closed their way to the surface no matter how hard he tried to keep them at bay. He let himself breathe. For the first time in a long time, he could breathe.

Escapism

Jihoon couldn't breathe. Every time he went to inhale it felt like fire was singeing his lungs. He nearly collapsed to the floor as he pushed into the greenroom, leaning himself against the wall for some kind of stability. Hansol wasn't far behind, closing and locking the door behind himself. His arms were around his distraught partner immediately, sliding to the floor with him pressed as close as possible. He pulled the older man close as he breathed heavily. Jihoon gripped onto his shirt, his face, anything to keep himself from breaking down. But it was too late. The tears were already flowing down his face as hiccuped from the lack of air.

The duo had unfortunately gotten used to the occasional stalker outside of their hotels. A few paparazzi trying to get an interview with them. But the wave of people basically breaking down the doors was new, and terrifying. They had to exit around back just so they could get to the venue they're standing in. You were mortified at the sight, but you kicked into action, quickly finding the safest route for them to get out of there. Jihoon thought he'd be able to pull it together after the first crowd. But then the one surrounding the venue was twice as big, and twice as loud. It was a nightmare getting inside.

And just when he thought it couldn't get worse, he was told why this was happening. Shooter and Crystal went on live broadcast this morning and called him everything but a child of god. Jihoon refused to look at the clip. He was far too distraught to even see the person standing in front of him. He was already shutting down. He needed to get away from anyone and everyone.

A thousand thoughts ran through Jihoon's head, each one only serving to cloud his mind further. He couldn't see, he couldn't hear. He could barely feel. But he knew Hansol was there. He knew the solid presence keeping him safe was his partner. His Ocean. A calming, but strong force. Always consistent. Always there.

“Do you hear me?” A soft voice broke through the fog. “Hoonie?” It was Hansol's voice.

Jihoon held onto him tighter. It wasn't much, but the younger could tell he was starting to come back to himself.

“Can you breathe with me?” Hansol started the breathing exercise he learned many years ago. He was grateful it still worked just as well as the first time.

Jihoon focused on his partner's breathing and did his best to follow. It wasn't too long before he was able to pick up the familiar rhythm, and the world around him started to appear again.

“I'm sorry,” were the first words to leave Jihoon's lips once he found that he was able to speak.

“Absolutely not.” Hansol didn't know why his partner was apologizing, but he wouldn't hear it.

“Han, please.”

“No.”

“This is my fault-”

“No it isn't.” Hansol grabbed the older man's face, making him look directly at him. “Not a shot in hell am I letting you blame yourself for this.”

“Shooter was mad at me.”

“He can be as mad as he fucking wants.” As calm as Hansol's voice was, Jihoon could tell he was livid. A lake so still you can't gauge how deep it actually is. “He has no right to speak about you, or anyone for that matter.”

Ocean doesn't get angry. At least that's what everyone thinks. Ocean? Ocean who's constantly floating. That Ocean? Never. They're not completely wrong. When he was zooted it was basically impossible for the man to maintain any kind of malice or animosity. He didn't want to maintain that. But now he's sober. And sober meant he had to look straight ahead at everything standing in his path. And to him, the only way through it was to tear it down.

“I'm not entertaining this.” The brunette leaves no room for argument. “You're not going to think like that.” He softly poked at Jihoon's head. “And I'm going to get high.” He grabbed his bag that sat on the floor not far from them before pulling out his equipment.

“Do you think Violet’s okay?” Jihoon sniffled as he watched his partner roll a joint.

“Give me a bit, I'll go check on her.” Ocean mumbled, his tongue poking at the inside of his cheek in concentration.

Jihoon leaned back onto the brunette's chest, allowing himself to relax just a little. His eyelids felt heavy. “Okay.” Maybe he'll close them for just a second.

Move Along

“How's it touring with Polarized?”

“Oh they're cool. Really talented musicians, it's a real honor.” Crystal smiled.

“They're messy.” The drummer scoffed.

“Shooter.” Crystal looked at her band mate, appalled.

“I'm just telling the truth!”

“What do you mean by ‘messy?’” The street interviewer inquired, glancing at his live camera every now and then.

“Where to fucking start!” Shooter groaned. “They're both like… fucking the assistant or something. Ruby even punched me over her.”

“What!?” The interviewer gasped in disbelief.

“Yeah he's fucking deranged. That psycho needs to be locked up.”

“Do you agree with this?”

They looked at Crystal for confirmation. She gnawed at her lip before nodding in agreement. Maybe you all would get off your high horse if you received a little criticism.

“Oh my god? Tell me everything.”

Shooter went on and on about how much of a prick Ruby was, throwing in things about you and Ocean in the process.

You stared at your laptop in disbelief. Your phone buzzed on the table. Again and again and again. It hadn't stopped since the clip went viral a few hours ago. Your foot tapped against the floor aggressively, nerves shooting through your body as you tried to think. Is there any way to save this? Anything? The crowd outside of the venue that was usually fans, was now mostly press. People with cameras and mics just waiting for someone who could come out and tell them anything.

Shooter and the rest of Painstaked were put on lockdown the moment they stepped foot in the building. Their managers, the duos managers, everyone was in a room ripping them a new one. Everyone except you and Polarized of course. You didn't know where the guys were, you'd locked yourself in this room the moment you got word. You don't think you've ever been so anxious. You can only imagine how the duo is taking it. Frankly, you're surprised you haven't heard Ruby thundering down the halls giving everyone an early wish for death. But you guess even he can't scream his way through this one.

Should you check on them? Maybe they don't want to see you. Maybe they need space. Yeah. You'll give them space. Meanwhile, you have about 500 emails to respond to. Some asking for explanations, others about pr meetings and how to clear the duo of this mess. All of which made it harder to breathe the longer you looked at them. Maybe five minutes? Just five minutes to catch a breath.

You pushed away from the table causing your chair to roll back. Your eyes squeeze shut, blinking away the strain from staring at your laptop screen for the past few hours. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. This is going to be fine. It's going to work out. Polarized will be fine.

In the midst of you staring at the wall, fighting everything in your body to not disassociate, there was a knock on the door. Great. No that's great.

“Violet? You in there?” Ocean's voice sounded through the door.

Oh.

“Yeah, you can come in.”

The door creaked open, Ocean slowly stepping into the room before closing the door behind him.

“Hey… you doing alright?” He asked in a low tone, almost as if he were telling you a secret.

“I should be asking you that.” You forced out a laugh.

“Uhhh, maybe… maybe don't.” Hansol scratched at the back of his neck.

“Understood.” You unconsciously chewed on your lip, your teeth plucking the dry skin. “I'm sorry.” You said after a moment.

“Why?” His brows furrowed. He could not begin to comprehend why you of all people would be sorry.

“I feel responsible.” You admitted as your foot began to tap at the floor again.

“You're not.”

“Aren't I?” You tilted your head to the side. If you had just kept it professional. “I couldn't keep my own problems to myself, I couldn't keep Ruby from going nuts, I couldn't keep the peace-”

Hansol did not want to hear this. It was bullshit. “No one can stop Ruby from going nuts. Also, you didn't do anything. You're a person with feelings, and Jihoon responded to those feelings in his own way. And most of all, Shooter fucking sucks.”

That you could agree with. “He does.” You nodded. “Is Jihoon gonna be alright?”

“He'll be fine, he just… needs some time.” He leaned against the wall, feeling a slight sense of relief with the support. “He blames himself.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, feels bad for putting us in this situation.” Hansol’s face twisted in frustration. It was absurd.

“That’s bullshit.” You scoffed.

“Try telling him that.” He narrowed his eyes at your phone that continued to vibrate with notifications. “You should delete your socials.”

“Already did that.”

“Good, good.” He crossed his arm. “We're good?” He looked you in the eyes, deep brown irises full and genuine.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what he was referring to. A situation like this could strain any relationship. Not just… whatever you two had going on, but the genuine friendship you built over these past months. Do you feel like digging a very deep hole and burying yourself in it? Yes. But you're not going to let this divide you.

“Of course.” You stood from your seat, reaching out to him. He accepted your hand and pulled you into a hug. “I'm not gonna shut down over something like this.”

Ocean closed his eyes, allowing himself to breathe for a second. “Thank you.” His voice shook just a little. “Really.”

-

A few hours before Painstaked was supposed to go on stage, everyone was called to figure everything out face to face. The conversation was to discuss the opening act's future on the tour. There were a lot of contracts as well as fan reactions to worry about. But if the duo said they wanted them gone, Jieun swore that she'd see to it regardless of consequences.

You stood on the sidelines, your role here as nothing but a manager. You favored the position far more than being a victim in the situation. Unfortunately, that wasn't the reality.

Ruby and Ocean sat across the table from Crystal and Shooter, the four of them eerily silent as Jieun and Jinyoung argued over technicalities.

“You cannot seriously be considering breaking the contract?” Jinyoung pleaded. “What would that mean for your company?”

“I don't know if you're aware,” Jieun’s gaze caught on her hand, the chip in her nail infinitely more interesting than the man's pointless whining. “But the label is bankrupt. So sue all you want, but there's no money for you to take. That being said, you're pleading with the wrong person.” Jieun wasn't the judge, just the executioner.

“Well in that case.” Jinyoung smoothed down his clothes. “Crystal prepared something.” He prompted the lead singer to begin the apology he most likely wrote for her.

“Stop.” Before Crystal could even her speech, Ocean cut her off. “I'm not interested in your speech, though I can tell you do feel a little bad. Problem with feeling bad is that it doesn't undo what's already been done. Doesn't get rid of the mobs of people stalking us everywhere we go. And all because someone couldn't handle the consequences of their actions.”

“Ruby shouldn't have fucking punched me!”

“Stop yelling. Also, I don't care. I'm not saying it was the right thing to do… but only a dumbass pokes at a bear and doesn't expect to get mauled. And then you do this, and you didn't think that this would end poorly for you? Really?”

Shooter looked at you, his eyes narrowing. “You're not gonna say anything? You know this is your fault right?”

“You're not talking to her, you're talking to me.” Handol.tapped at the table to bring Shooter's attention back to him. You were shocked to hear him speak this way. Condescending, no nonsense, angry. And for the first time in a while, Lee Jihoon was silent.

“Why are you so defensive of this whore!?”

Ocean completely ignored the rude comment about you, deeming it not worth the effort. “You sure talk a lot for someone who's about to get kicked off of the fucking tour.” A laugh slipped past the rockstar’s lips. He has been waiting for this.

“You're not gonna do that.” It was a statement but Shooter didn't sound so sure of himself. This was unfamiliar territory. You don't think anyone knew that Ocean of all people could be like this.

“You think I won't?” Hansol was amused. He realized people don't think all that much of him other than he's real nice, and he does his best to maintain that. But it's interesting to see that in a situation like this. “You think because I'm the more reasonable one that I won't send you packing?”

“I don't think anyone's gonna listen to the fucking junkie.” Shooter scoffed.

“A lot of people actually listen to this junkie. It's called having a good reputation. People actually like me so I don't have to show out like a child to make people listen. I exhibit more logic while high than you ever have while sober.”

“Ocean, please?” Crystal spoke up, pleading with the brunette. “He's stupid, okay? What we did was wrong and I know there's no undoing it, but we need this.”

“You are not begging!?” Shooter had the nerve to run his mouth again.

“Shut the fuck up!” Crystal snapped at the drummer. “I am so sick of you! Apologize! Now!”

Shooter looked at the lead singer with wide eyes. “Seriously?” He gritted out.

“Seriously.” Crystal left no room for argument.

Shooter glanced around the room before clearing his throat. “I'm sorry-”

“For being a dumbass.” Crystal added.

“I'm sorry for being a dumbass.” The drummer whispered, his voice shaking.

You could not believe your ears. You didn't think Crystal had any actual authority over the rabid man, but apparently she just didn't bother to exercise it. Ocean also looked fairly shocked, thoroughly entertained by the sight that had unfolded before him. So entertained that he could not wipe the smug look off of his face. You thought cocky looked good on him.

“I think I am a very forgiving person.” Hansol started and you nodded along as he continued to speak. “I'm all for giving people 2nd chances.” Crystal's face lit up, a bit of hope glimmering in her eyes. “Unfortunately, I don't even know what chance you guys are on.” And just like that, her hope was extinguished.

“What?” The lead singer’s voice was just a whisper.

“You guys gotta go.” Ocean said his peace, and that was that. The duo left the room mere moments after the final verdict, Ocean shamelessly pulling you out of the room with them.

Ruby quietly curled up on the couch in the greenroom and his partner sat down right next to him. He hasn't said much since this whole ordeal started. It upset you to see him so dejected. Ocean took no time rolling a joint once he plopped down on the couch. You noticed that his hands were shaking as he did the very simple task.

As if he could read your mind, he spoke up, more or less explaining the shaking. “I haven't been this sober since I was seventeen.” He chuckled.

“Why's that?” You asked absentmindedly as you took a seat on the couch across from the duo.

“Umm.” The brunette brought the joint to his lips as he lit it. “I don't know.”

He was lying. You didn't know why, but he probably had a good reason.

Jieun announced before the concert started that due to unfortunate circumstances, Painstaked would not be attending the rest of the tour. Then she offered a refund to anyone disappointed by this development. It seemed that not many people were upset by these circumstances, only a few taking advantage of the offer. Polarized did an extra thirty minutes worth of songs to make for the opening slot and that seemed to appease the masses.

Here Comes A Thought

Getting to and fro had been extremely difficult since Shooter decided to run his mouth on that live stream. There was always a way around the mobs of people, but that didn't make it any easier. Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally. Everyday was a battle. You think it's especially difficult for Jihoon, the crowds of people standing outside of the hotel causing him to shut down completely. He doesn't yell, he doesn't act out, he just finds a room to hide in until it's time for him to get to work. It's honestly so devastating to see, and Hansol is so worried about him. You wish you could make this right, but unfortunately, you were powerless.

It was yet another difficult trip to reach the concert venue. Your bones felt like lead as you trudged through the halls to find where the duo had decided to seek refuge for the time being. The greenroom wasn't doing it for them anymore, they needed somewhere more private. You wanted to honor that privacy, but you still needed to know where they were. Then you found Jihoon standing in the hall looking as if he'd seen a ghost.

“Ruby?” You got closer only for him to close the rest of the distance, running behind almost as if trying to hide himself. “Are you-” that's when you notice the unfamiliar face standing just at the end of the hall, something small pinched between his fingers.

You pushed past the surprise of Jihoon clinging to you like a scared child, your brain flipping into defense mode.

“It's a paparazzi.” Jihoon whispered.

Oh fuck no.

The man gave you a practiced smile as he began making his way down the hall.

“Excuse me sir, you cannot be here.” You unconsciously straightened your posture to appear more intimidating.

“Well I just have a few questions, mam.” He answered as if wasn't literally trespassing. He stopped directly in front of you, holding out a small mic. “Can I have your name?”

“How did you get in here?” He's crazy if he thought you'd answer any of his questions.

“Oh I have my ways.” He had the nerve to laugh. “This is Ruby of Polarized, right?” He gestured to the man behind you, extending his hand further so that mic could reach him.

“He's not answering questions right now. You need to leave.” You pushed the rockstar further back to create more distance before backing up some yourself. Your eyes kept darting around the hall for anyone. Someone on the security team, a member of staff. Just somebody who could help get this guy out of here. “We’ll have to have you escorted off of the property.” You kept your voice steady and firm.

The man looked around, seemingly amused. “And who's gonna do that? Not you.” This really was a joke to him. He didn't care that the person he was trying to get to was clearly distressed, he didn't care that what he was doing was insane. If he could just get that winning headline then who gives a fuck. “Just a few questions and I'll be out of your hair, okay?”

Somehow this one man was infinitely more terrifying than the huge mob outside. You wracked your brain to find a way out of this. Wherever you went he would surely follow, but that could be a good thing. He'd follow you straight into a room full of people and security. But then, your prayers were answered. A man in an all black suit approached from the end of the hall. Security.

“Hey!” You shouted for the man's attention. His pace quickened and he stood right behind the interviewer. “This man is not supposed to be here, get him out.”

The interviewer tried to get away, but it was too late. He was being grabbed up and dragged to the nearest exit like a ragdoll. He shouted something about not ‘treating people like this,’ which you found ironic considering what just happened.

When the coast was clear, you turned around to face Jihoon who was damn near in tears. “Hey, hey. It's okay. He's gone.” You tried to comfort him, holding onto him as he sank to the floor.

His breaths were heavy but rhythmatic. It seemed like a breathing exercise. He was having some kind of panic attack, or he was trying not to. You didn't know he had these, you're completely lost on what to do.

“Should I get Hansol?” You started to stand up straight, but Ruby pulled you back down.

“No don't go.” He gasped out, tears running down his face.

“Okay.” You fully sat down, wrapping your arms around him, hoping that it would bring him some kind of stability. “Okay, I'm right here.”

Jihoon continued to breathe in the pattern, and you decided to follow along with him in hopes that would help in some way. You're not sure how much time passed, but it didn't seem like long before he calmed down. His body relaxed and he leaned into you, the grip he had on your arms loosening just slightly. You didn't dare move, you would stay seated for as long as he needed you to.

“Thank you.” Jihoon's voice was barely above a whisper.

You squeezed him just a bit tighter, your heart breaking from how weak he sounded. “Of course, Jihoon. Don't even mention it.”

Eventually Jieun came around to investigate, having heard about the situation from the security guard. Jihoon was far from in the mood to answer questions, finding a random office room to hide in. He said he didn't want to be disturbed, and to your surprise, he specifically told you that that included Hansol. You told said man the same thing when word finally made it to him. He looked as if he had just been shot.

“Fuck!” He cursed, his hands running down his face.

“I'm sorry, that's just what he said.” You explained.

Hansol took a deep breath and lowered himself onto the couch. “No no, it’s not your fault. Sorry I shouted.”

“Don't you dare apologize.” This man needs to let go, and he needs it badly. “This is very upsetting, you have a right to be upset.” Your tone was stern.

“Being upset isn't going to help anybody.” He sighed, slightly annoyed that you're doing this again, mostly stressed because he can't check on his partner who just had a panic attack.

“It would help you a ton.” You placed a hand on your hip. “You're so pent up, it's only a matter of time before you pop.”

“I'm not going to pop. I'm fine, I just want to check on Jihoon.”

“I understand, and I wish I could be more helpful-”

“You've been plenty helpful.” Hansol's head hurts. It's pounding actually. He buried his head in his hands to try to hide from the bright lights in the room. “More than I have.”

His voice was so quiet and muffled that you thought you were hearing things. You were silent for a moment, appalled by the words that just left his lips. “Elaborate.” You demanded. You needed to hear how he came to this conclusion.

Hansol really did not want to elaborate. He did not want to burden you with what went on in his fucked up brain. But the look on your face told him that he didn't really have a choice.

He let out a deep, guttural sigh. “I just feel like I'm failing. I do my best to take care of Hoon and make sure he's comfortable, because he was there for me when I needed him most.” Hansol fidgeted with the sleeves of his sweater. “I should've been there earlier, I should've been with him. And I'm so grateful that you were there because I don't know if anyone else could've helped him.”

“That's not fair to yourself.” You took a seat next him.

“But that's how it feels! He needs me, and I'm failing.”

His worries all went back to Jihoon. You understand why, you really do. But it can't always be about him. And judging by what Jihoon has told you in the past, he knows that too. “He has you. And I don't think he wants you to worry about him anymore. It's okay to think about yourself a little. We know this shit has Jihoon fucked up, and we're taking care of that. But what about you? This is also happening to you.”

“It doesn't really matter.” Hansol doesn't want to worry about himself. He's fine as long as Jihoon is fine.

“It does matter.” You asserted.

“You asked me what I'm worried about, this is it.” He looked at you, eyes glimmering with frustration.

“Well I think that's a part of the problem.” No one can go on ignoring their own needs like this. “Jihoon will be okay, we will make sure of it. But you can't help him until you help yourself.”

Hansol stared at the ground, tears welling up in his eyes. He hasn't felt this helpless in so long. “I don't know how.” He admitted, his voice small.

It hurt you a lot to see him like this. “Why do you focus so much on Jihoon?” You had to get to the root of this if this conversation was going to be at all productive.

Hansol closes his eyes and fights the urge to flinch at the memories that came to mind. He has specifically avoided thinking about any of this, but he knew if he wanted change he’d have to face it all at some point. “When I first got kicked out, Jihoon let me stay with him. I was super depressed and I would get really high because I didn’t want to feel like that. That made him worry a lot, and that made me feel worse because he already had so much on his plate.” The memories themselves were foggy, but the feelings struck him through his chest like lightning. It hurt. It hurts so much.

“One night it was so bad that I was vomiting and I couldn't even walk without falling over. Jihoon had just gotten back from work and he had to call off of his night job to take care of me.” He can't remember that incident either, but he felt like shit the next day. Jihoon hadn't left his side the entire night and continued to watch over him that morning. “After that, I decided that I couldn't do that anymore. I couldn't do that to him. So I picked myself up and put my best foot forward to help in every way I could. Until I convinced him that I didn't need help anymore, that he didn't have to worry anymore. And I guess at some point it completely reversed, and I just preferred it that way.” Taking care of himself means thinking about himself, and that just hurts way too much.

Hansol's words confirmed your suspicions. You couldn't fault him for being this way, but he couldn't stay like this either. There were a few things you could say at this moment, but none of them felt quite right. So instead you leaned in and wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

The rockstar reciprocated. Your hugs always felt so warm and comforting. Without fail, you always made him feel so safe.

“Thank you for telling me.” You smoothed a hand down his back. “We're gonna take care of you, okay?”

Hansol later told you that he and Jihoon spoke, and that you were right when you told him the elder just didn't want him to worry. It did him wonders to know that his thoughts of Jihoon being upset with him were, in fact, irrational. It will take some time, but their scars will heal. And you will help for as long as they let you.

Good Little Girl

You were sat on the floor, tucked into the corner of the Polarized greenroom. You clicked away at your laptop, still responding to emails about the scandal. It was all bullshit, but you'd get it done. Especially today. It was finally the day of throwdown, and you needed to have your head in the game. Not like you're performing or anything, but you didn't want to radiate bad vibes onto the duo. They were currently doing their sound check, but they should be done soon.

Right on cue, Ruby comes through the door, only sparing you a glance as he puts his guitar on its stand. To say there was tension would be an understatement. You hadn't properly spoken to Jihoon since the news broke (and you witnessing his panic attack seemed to only make it worse). It was frustrating. Things were going well. He no longer perceived you as a threat, and he was conversing with you without finding reasons to treat you like the antagonist of his story. And then this shit happens and it's like all that progress just went out the window. Okay that's an exaggeration. At the very least, he's not picking fights anymore. But a part of you would've preferred that. That would be normal, in character. You had no clue what this was or how to handle it. But you wouldn't let that deter you from trying.

“Hey.” You greeted the blonde, breaking the silence in the room. It was just the two of you. No other staff, not even Ocean.

Jihoon seemed shocked that you were speaking to him, his eyes widening slightly. “Hi.” He mumbled.

“You alright?” It was a loaded question, and he's probably not, but it's the easiest way to start a conversation.

“Uh, yeah.” His brows pinched together as he blindly reached for the chair behind him. “Are you alright?” He finally turned around, grabbing the seat, and moving it to face you before sitting down.

“All things considered.” You leaned your head against the wall behind you. It was true. All things considered you think you're doing pretty well.

“Good, good.” Jihoon sighed, his foot tapping against the ground.

In all these months knowing Lee Jihoon, you don't think the conversation has ever flowed this poorly. Even though it was just yelling majority of the time, there was not a single awkward silence.

Jihoon's eyes darted around the room, his hands balling up the fabric of his jeans. You noticed the tapping of his foot was getting faster. Is he going to blow up? Or maybe shut down? Whatever it was, it was clear this conversation was nearing its end.

Jihoon took a deep breath. “I'm sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

You both spat out at the same time.

“No, what?” Jihoon gawked at you, completely baffled to hear an apology come from your lips. “Why?”

“Well you seem stressed.” You explained.

“It's not your fault.”

“I know, but I wish I could be more helpful.” You stood up from the floor to stand in front of him.

“No.” Jihoon leaned back in the chair, letting his head fall back. “I’m fine. You've been a great help.”

“Then why are you apologizing?” You placed a hand on your hip.

“You've been here this past week.” He scrunches his face at the thought. “It's awful.”

“I know, but that's not your fault.”

“But it is.”

“No-”

“Yes!” Jihoon was sick of the placating. He doesn't need his hand held. “I lost my shit, that's why we're here!”

“We're here because Shooter thinks he's a fucking cartoon villain!” You didn't mean to yell, but when Ruby raises his voice you feel as if you have to do the same.

“You don't have to fucking coddle me! I'm not a child!” Jihoon was up from his seat. His hand ran over his head as he began to pace around the room.

“No one's coddling you! You know I'm always honest with you!” You felt like you were pleading, but your words meant nothing if he didn't believe you.

“You tell me what you have to! It's not like we're friends!” Jihoon didn't really believe what he was saying. You had proven time and time again that you gave a damn about him (for reasons far beyond him). But what if you didn't? “You're here because it's your job, and half of that job is to talk me down!”

“Well obviously I'm here for my fucking job. But you're a grown man! I'm not here to babysit you!” You weren't proud of the way you responded, but the worst part about getting closer to Lee Jihoon, was that his words actually hurt.

Jihoon stopped his pacing and fully faced you. “You're telling me you haven't noticed!? They almost strictly leave you to handle us! It's because Jieun is fucking sick of me so they had to push it onto somebody else!”

“Well maybe stop acting crazy! Then you wouldn't need to be watched like a fucking mental patient!” The words left your lips before you catch them. You're just feeding into his insecurities. Damn it.

“So you agree!”

“No!”

“But you just said-”

“I know what I fucking said! That's not what I meant!” You try to catch your breath. Try to remedy this. “I'm-”

“Don't fucking lie to me, ____!”

You flinched. Jihoon got right in your face, and you flinched hard. “I- I'm not…” you took a deep breath. “Jihoon I'm not. I care about you, okay?” You couldn't help the way your hand shook as you reached for him, placing your hand on his arm. Both for his comfort and your own. “I don't want you blaming yourself for things out of your control.”

Like a switch flipping in his brain, all of his anger was replaced with guilt. “Fuck… I'm sorry.” Jihoon felt awful. He scared you. You were scared of him. “I didn't- I wouldn't… I'm so sorry.” He pulled you closer hoping to convey his sincerity.

“It's okay-”

“No…” You thought, even if just for a second, that he was going to harm you. It made his heart ache. “I said I wasn't gonna do this anymore.”

“Stuff like this takes time.” You offer him a smile. “I know you're not like that. I just got… startled.” Truthfully, he was scaring you a little. He just kept getting closer, and you really couldn't decipher the mental state he's been in. But Jihoon's never done anything to suggest he'd hurt you. Yeah he punched Shooter, but that was an isolated incident. It would be incredibly unfair to assume based on one incident.

Jihoon could only look at you in awe as you shrugged it off. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?” You tilted your head to the side.

“You’re so understanding. So quick to forgive me.” He's honestly so baffled that you don't hate him. He's done nothing but be awful to you this entire time, but the moment he offered you even the slightest bit of kindness, you welcomed him with open arms. Maybe you're an angel.

“I'd have to actually be upset with you to not forgive you.” You smile at him. “It's not easy to break old habits, and you're trying. I'm not gonna condemn you when you're trying to be better.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jihoon thinks he could fall out in tears. He does not deserve this. “Oh my god… this is what Han’s been saying from the beginning.”

“What has he been saying?” You raised a brow. What does the brunette say when you're not around?

“You're such a good person.”

“I wouldn't say all that…” You think the pedestal the duo has put you on is much too high. It's very easy to fall off of these things. “I try, but I'm not perfect.”

“That's what a good person would say.” Ruby didn't notice the way he had fully wrapped his arms around you as the two of you spoke. He also didn't notice the way you reciprocated with zero complaints.

“Okay then.” You couldn't resist reaching out your hand to run it over his hair. “It's purple today.” You murmured absentmindedly. It was a big difference from the blue and red he normally sported.

“Uh, yeah.” He lowered his head to give you easier access. Jihoon thought about why he went with purple and decided that he could not tell you the truth. Not all of it. “Blue and red together.” So true.

“Mm,” you hummed in understanding. It crossed your mind briefly that Violet is a prominent name of yours (and for that exact reason), but that’d be quite the gesture. And from Ruby of all people? Yeah right. “It's pretty.”

Jihoon looked up at you, taking in the slight pout of your lip as you traced the patterns in his hair. “Yeah, it is.”

“Hello?” Ocean stood in the greenroom door, pleasantly surprised by the scene before him.

“Where the fuck have you been?” You questioned. He was gone for a good amount of time.

“They made me smoke outside.” He grumbled, throwing himself onto the couch.

“And you listened!?” You gasped.

“There are a lot of other artists here. It's not that crazy.”

“I”ve literally never seen you smoke outside.” Ruby added his two cents.

“Well I did today.” Ocean thought he should leave. All these questions were clearly karma for walking in on the intimate moment. But then again, neither of you were moving to separate. Maybe he'd be a little mean. “Y'all wanna tell me what I'm looking at?”

Ruby looked at how he was clinging to you, a rosy color dusting his cheeks at the realization. He gently peeled himself away from you before clearing his throat. “I have to use the bathroom.” And just like that, he was gone.

You placed your hands on your hips and narrowed your eyes at Ocean who was snickering. “You're an ass, you know that?”

“I thought I was an angel?” He smirked at you.

“I was clearly mistaken.” You crossed your arms over your chest and turned away dramatically. This only made the rockstar laugh more. Whatever would you do with him?

Smack A Bitch

Throw Down started with a bang… literally. The show started with a noise akin to a firework going off, and a flash like lightning had struck the stage. You watched band after band file on stage. There were a total of five acts, including Polarized. One after the other they introduced themselves and performed their opening songs to give the crowd a taste of what they had. Polarized went on last, and you had genuinely never seen your boys so nervous. Maybe to the naked eye they looked cool as cucumbers, but you knew better. Nonetheless, they did an incredible job. And it was just introductions so they didn't have to worry about eliminations just yet.

Then there were interviews. They had all the groups gather in a giant greenroom to mingle as they pulled out one group at a time to interview. You sat in the corner scrolling through the phone while Polarized was being interviewed.

“Hey, you're real pretty.” A guy from one of the bands approached you. His appearance was pretty typical for a rocker, the most notable thing about him being the green liberty spike on his head.

You sat up straight in your seat, instinctively presenting yourself in a more professional manner. “Oh uh, thank you.” You smiled politely. You really did not want to deal with this. Perhaps he'll catch the hint.

“You roll with that duo, don't you?” He took it upon himself to sit on the couch next to you.

You glanced at the spot he sat in. Entitled. “I'm one of their managers.” You nodded.

“If it weren't for how you're dressed I would've assumed you were in the band.” He laughed.

“Well that's real sweet of you.” You continued to be polite. He was being chill at the moment so you won't react harshly. “But that's not my scene.”

“Unfortunate for the rest of us, huh? They get to keep you all to themselves.”

You thought the way he said that was weird. “They don't keep anything, I'm just the manager.”

He snickered before leaning in real close, his voice barely above a whisper. “Oh sweetheart, you don't gotta lie to me, everyone's seen the interview the openers did.”

Your eyes went wide. “Well for your information, they were the ones lying. And I find it repulsive that you approach me with so much gall.” You scoffed. This cannot still be happening.

The rocker leaned back and laughed. “You can find me repulsive all you want. I bet if I offered you enough money you'd still suck my dick.”

You had two options. Scream at this man for his vile behavior, or you could just leave and let it go. You decided to let it go, standing from your seat and leaving the room. You knew the drama wouldn't go away overnight, but this is fucking ridiculous. Who cares if you fucking either of them, or both of them, or whatever the fuck Shooter said. That doesn't mean you'd fuck anybody with a little pocket money. It's fucking ridiculous.

You didn't realize how pissed you looked as you matched down the hall to find the duo's privation greenroom. But Ruby saw it clear as day, going out his way to stop you in your tracks and ask what's wrong.

You couldn't possibly tell him what just happened. He's been working on his temper, but you don't know how much patience he had for some random with a bad attitude. “Nothing.” You tried to plaster on your work smile.

Jihoon could see through it as clear as glass. He's seen you angry enough times to clock all of your tells. “You know how I feel about lying, Vi.” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“I don't wanna talk about it.” You sighed.

Jihoon's ever active imagination takes him to all the wrong places, a knot of concern forming in his stomach. “Is it serious? Because you should tell me if it's serious.” He reaches for you, his hands resting on your arms.

“Not even a little. It was something really stupid, and it frustrated me a little.” You let your hand grab his to reassure him. You couldn't risk anything happening and them losing their best chance to protect what they worked so hard to build.

“I'm gonna take your words for it…” Jihoon accepted your explanation, “and I know you don't have to tell me anything, but if someone did something I would like to know, okay?”

“See… when you say things like that it makes me scared to tell you” You admitted. “Like what're you gonna do?”

Jihoon thought about his answer for a moment. “Nothing?”

“See now you're lying.” You scoffed out a laugh. You are so glad you are no longer on the receiving end of his wrath.

“Fine, don't tell me…” Ruby huffed and let go of you. “But you would tell me if it were serious?”

“Yes, honey.” You nodded.

Honey… He fully turned away from you, unable to look at you. He cannot do this right now, he already feels like he's going to pop. “Whatever.”

-

You damn near screamed when it was revealed that Polarized got past the second round. Only one more and they'd be taking home the prize. You couldn't help the skip in your step as you made your way to the stage entrance and waited for your boys to come back. You jumped right into Ocean’s arms the moment you saw him, unable to contain your excitement.

“We haven't won yet.” The brunette chuckled, wrapping his arms around you.

“It's only a matter of time.” Ruby slapped a hand on his partner's back.

“Exactly.” You agreed with him. You didn't want to be that person, but the other band didn't stand a chance. And you're not just saying that because the bassist is the rocker with the liberty spikes. “Someone should call the cops, because y'all slaughtered the competition.”

Normally Ruby would roll his eyes at your corny lines, but he'd never turn down a boost to his ego. “That's what I'm talkin’ about!” He held his hand out for you to slap yours against. Your hands met his with a clap.

You were ecstatic. You could feel Hansol's heart beating hard in his chest, and you rested your hand there for just a moment. You'd definitely have to celebrate once they won. Maybe a few drinks?

“You guys should rest a bit, you've got 30 minutes until you go again.” The other group will perform first and then it'll be their turn. Then the winners will be announced and this mess will finally be over.

But of course, nothing can ever be that simple. You accompanied Polarized to the stage entrance, Ocean saying something about a good luck kiss. It was bullshit but you followed them up anyway. Around ten minutes before the duo went up, the other band finished up their song and came back. Your wish that their bassist would keep his mouth shut was immediately obliterated. And just as Ocean was pulling you in by your waist too.

“Well this is quite the scene!” He laughed, abandoning his band to come harass you. “I thought you said the opening band was lying?”

“Oh my god.” You groaned, unable to hide your frustration. You felt Hansol hold you tighter as the green haired man approached you.

“Who are you talking to?” Ruby was already stepping in front of you to act as a blockade.

No no no. This could not happen. You peeled Hansol off of you despite his protest, and stepped between the man and Jihoon. “Ruby, please leave it alone.”

“What is he talking about, Vi?” Jihoon didn't look at you, his glare trained on the man with green hair.

“Nothing important. Ignore him.” You place a hand on his chest to try to grab his attention.

“This is why you were mad earlier?”

“Ooh this is getting interesting.” The bassist continued his taunting. “You tell your boyfriend about me? Did he wanna watch?”

“Watch what?” Jihoon gritted out. This guy was really starting to piss him off.

“Nothing.”

“Watch while I-”

“Hey! Shut the fuck up!” You turned your head to glare at the bassist.

“Actually, ____, what the fuck is he talking about?” Even Hansol had to ask, this guy was being fucking absurd.

You let out a sigh. You just wanted this all to go as smoothly as possible. Why couldn't the gods be on your side for once? “He's just being an asshole.”

“We can see that.” Jihoon managed to calm his voice so he'd sound less… unstable. “Why is he bothering you?” His hand wrapped around your wrist, moving your hand from his chest. He had a pretty good idea of why this guy was bothering you. He mentioned Painstaked earlier so it's something to do with that interview at the very least.

“Oh so she didn't tell you that I-”

“I said shut up!” You cut him off once again. If you didn't tell the duo this would just blow up more than it already has, but they surely cannot hear the words from that heathen's lips. “Okay.” You took a deep breath. “He's talking about the interview Crystal and Shooter did that gave the world the impression that apparently I'm some kind of whore for hire, and earlier he made a few comments about that. That is it.” Please let it go.

Jihoon's tongue ran over his teeth. That's what he thought. “What did he say?”

“I think that's unimportant.”

“I asked her how much I'd have to pay for her to suck my dick.” He laughed.

You could bash you head against a fucking wall. You've never seen someone with such poor self preservation skills. And for what? Just to say he wanted you to blow him? It was absurd. You saw the glint in Jihoon's eyes. One that you are all too familiar with. Nope.

You turned around to face the bassist. You are so fucking sick of this. “What do you not understand about shut the fuck up? Are you that fucking stupid? I mean we get it, okay? You never learned how to interact with women and the only way for you to get ones attention is acting like a fucking predator, but I'm sure the only things that's gotten you is a few restraining orders. So why don't you scurry on back to your band because this is getting you nowhere.”

Then you turned back around. But before you could even begin to say what you wanted to the duo, you felt a hand on your ass.

Jihoon and Hansol couldn't help but gasp when the palm of your hand collided with the bassist's face.

“Oh shit.” Ocean muttered in disbelief.

Suddenly Jihoon no longer had the urge to scream at the man. In fact, every bit of anger in his body was replaced by burning hot desire.

“What the fuck you crazy bitch!?” The bassist groaned in pain, holding his face.

“Put your hands on me again, watch what fucking happens.” You gritted out. “Now get the fuck out of my face.”

The green haired man scoffed before scurrying off, having decided nothing he could say or do was worth getting slapped like that again.

You took a deep breath before turning back around to face the duo. You blinked at their shocked faces before clearing your throat and laughing nervously. “I um…” What do you say now? “See? I told you not to worry about it.” You smiled a bit awkwardly.

Then Jihoon was grabbing you by the waist and pressing your body to his. “I uh… didn't know you had that in you.” He laughed in disbelief, his hand coming to cup your face.

“You can't be a desperate artist without knowing how to slap the shit out of someone.” You chuckled. You don't know if it's the adrenaline or the close proximity to Jihoon, but you started to feel a bit lightheaded. A bit high.

“Yeah?” He leaned in a little closer. “I guess I wouldn't know, I was already doing that.” Another laugh slipped past his lips. He wanted nothing more than to kiss you. Press his lips to yours and take you to the greenroom where he'd let you do anything you wanted to him. Take out some of that pent up frustration he knows you have, if that slap was an indicator of anything.

You allowed yourself to lean in just a bit closer, trying not to get caught up in the moment. There's something they're supposed to be doing… but you can't seem to remember.

“And now welcome to the stage our cried favorite, Polarized!” The host announced.

You immediately pushed Ruby away, urging him to get on stage asap. Ocean had a massive smile plastered on his face as he pulled his disoriented partner up the stairs. Everything was coming together.

The Only Exception

“And the winners, with five hundred more votes than their competition, is Polarized!!!” Confetti, lights, a trophy, and a check. The scene played in Jihoon's mind over and over again. It was incredible. Nothing could've prepared him for that feeling. And then to find out their team planned a party for their victory? Oh he felt on top of the world. But even as he threw back shots with Jieun, drowning in the praise and congratulations he was receiving. His mind still thought of you. His eyes searched for you in the crowd, but he couldn't find you. She he went searching.

“Violet?” Jihoon found you hiding out in a vip room.

“Hey.” You smiled at him. “There's my rockstar.”

“What're you doing in here?” He sat down in the booth, sliding right next to you.

“Decompressing.” You chuckled, leaning against the table. “War is over.” You sighed.

“Yeah…” Jihoon’s mind had already been racing since earlier, and now you're wearing this pretty little dress that hugged your body just right and it was turning his brain into mush. He completely forgot what he wanted to say to you. Or did he ever have anything planned? He just wanted to see you. Touch you, kiss you. But he couldn't lead with that. “Yeah.”

“Something on your mind?” You took in his blank stare, trying to decipher his thoughts.

“Uhh… yeah.” He exhaled, leaning his elbows on the table before burying his face in his hands. “I just… I don't know. I wanted to say thank you.”

“For what?”

“Everything.” Jihoon lifted his head. “I'll never forget what you've done for me and Hansol, band related or otherwise. I just- fuck, you're so beautiful.” He couldn't help the words slipping from his lips as he looked at you.

“Oh.” Your eyes went wide at his sudden admission. “Thank you.”

“Shit, I mean…” Jihoon fought the urge to fully turn away from you, locking his hands together to keep himself from tapping at the table.”Yes you are, you're fucking gorgeous. But I'm trying to say that you came into our lives and completely fucked our shit up. And I'm so grateful that you did because it made me want to be better. You made me want to be better. I don't-”

Jihoon took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he collected his thoughts. “I don't have to be afraid of people. Some people are just gonna suck, and it's gonna fucking suck to sift through em. But it's worth it to find people like you.”

You were speechless. You weren't aware that you made such an impact on him. It was one thing getting him to like you, but changing the way he looked at people completely is wild. Jihoon wanted to grow beyond the fears that held him back, and he's crediting you for that. You scooched closer to him, placing your hand over his. “That's wonderful, Jihoon. I didn't know I…”

“It's not like you went in with the intention to flip our shit.” He breathed out a laugh. Jihoon unfolded his hands, allowing one to take hold of yours. “I do care about you, I have for a while now.” He confessed.

“I know.”

“But I don't say it, nor do I act like it.” He still thinks it's a miracle that you let him in, and you still have so much patience for him

“It's-”

“It's okay.” He pulled the words from your lips. “I know. I just want you to know that.”

“I know.” You gave his hand a squeeze before letting go in favor of wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into a hug. “I appreciate it.”

Jihoon hesitated before allowing himself to embrace you, his hands hovering over your back before giving in. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, burying his face into your neck. Jihoon thinks you're a witch, what with the way you've broken him down. The way he doesn't mind anymore. He pulled back from you just slightly, your faces just centimeters apart.

Impulsive actions tend to make most people act out of character. Doing something they wouldn't normally do as a spur of the moment decision. This does not apply to Lee Jihoon. His character was built on his impulses. That's why it was so out of the norm for him to do something he's put so much thought into. That's why he doesn't even expect it when he actually goes through with the thought that's been banging at his skull for a while now. Jihoon brings his hand up to your face, his thumb smoothing over your cheek. Then, with some hesitation, he leans in, pressing his lips to yours.

The moment he closed the distance, you felt yourself melt. You pulled him closer, reciprocating the kiss. You'd always wanted to know what his soft rosy lips tasted like. Ocean seemed to love them, unable to keep away at any given moment. And now you understood. It was addictive, and so fucking sweet; he tasted like sugar on your tongue. If it weren't for the need for air in your lungs, you're not sure if you would've ever pulled away. It was just a few centimeters, Jihoon's forehead pressed against yours, but he felt so far away. You gulped down a breath of air before diving back in, unable to keep away too long.

-

You were leaned against the bar, Ruby pressed close to your side when the rockstars other half navigated his way out of the crowd, taking perch right next to you. Ocean didn't say anything about the obvious lack of distance between you and his partner. He only basked in what he determined was proof of sweet victory.

“Han.” Jihoon gestured to the joint between the brunette's fingers.

Hansol put it between his lips, taking a puff before passing it to him. “I kinda wanna leave.” He chuckled, smoke wafting from his lips as he spoke.

“Thank God.” Ruby sighed. He glanced around the room, feeling way too overstimulated by the amount of people around. The arm he had rested on the bar behind you, unconsciously tugged you closer to him.

“I need to sleep for the next 24 hours.” You agreed, lifting your drink to your lips. You craved the feeling of soft sheets beneath your skin.

“Then it's decided.” Ocean pushed off of the bar. “Let's get the fuck out of here.”

You and Jihoon were quick to follow Ocean out of the bar, taking a deep breath of air as you walked down the block. No one seemed eager to call a car to take you all back to the hotel, completely content with walking around with one another.

“Ooh we should eat.” Ocean glanced around the street for any signs of food. It didn't take long, what with it being the middle of New York. “There.” His eyes locked onto a burger joint.

There weren't many people inside of the restaurant, but you were still incredibly conscious of the sparkly dress you were wearing. You hugged at your arms as Ocean ordered half of the menu. Burgers, fries, onion rings, milkshakes. Ruby complained about getting heartburn so he also ordered a salad. Although, a few puffs of a freshly rolled joint later, the blonde didn't seem to mind what the junk would do to his body, scarfing down everything in front of him.

“Are you cold?” Hansol noticed the way you were hiding behind him in the booth.

“No.” You sighed. “But I'm regretting wearing this dress right now.” You huffed out a laugh.

“Oh?” He leaned back, getting a better look at you (as if he hadn't been staring all night). “You look nice.”

“It's a lot easier to wear in a dark room where people can hardly see me.”

“Oh.” He chuckled, tugging at the edge of his sweater before pulling it over his head and handing it to you. “Here.” He straightened out the white tee that was beneath it.

You stared at the clothing item before slipping it on. It was soft. So soft. And it smelt like him (weed). But oddly enough that made you more comfortable. “You're never getting this back.” You nodded to yourself.

He only laughed before stuffing a few fries in his mouth. “Take it up with Hoon, that's his favorite one.”

You glanced across the table at Jihoon who was already waving you off. “You can keep it.” He nestled himself into the corner of the booth. “I like it on you.”

You couldn't fight the smile creeping up your face. “You're being such a good boy today.” You mumbled absentmindedly. It was partially the sleep deprivation, partially the marijuana in your system, entirely the first thing that came to mind.

Ocean damn near choked as your words reached his ears. And Ruby… well he gave you a look that told you exactly what you just did.

“Yeah?” The blonde asked in hopes that you'd say it again.

“Don't push it.” You raised your brow at him.

“Fine, fine.” He sighed, leaning back once again.

“You know…” Hansol starts. “And stop me if I'm being too corny. But you two are like my favorite people. I'm so happy that you're getting along. I'm happy this all worked out. I'm so grateful for both of you.”

“Oh baby!” You immediately throw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I’m happy to be here!” And that was the alcohol. You truly meant what you said, you just said it a lot more exaggerated than intended. The two men chuckled, amused seeing the night finally getting to you.

Jihoon reached across the table to hold his partner's hand. “I'm happy too. Thank you.”

That Distant Shore

It took a lot of convincing, but you and Ocean managed to talk Ruby into going to the beach. The pale man wasn’t very fond of the outdoors, nor the thought of sand between his toes, but the promise of a lazy day where none of you did anything but eat, watched movies, and cuddled, helped him come around. You and Hansol also planned the trip for later in the day so that it wouldn't be as hot and significantly less people would be around.

Jihoon shook the water out of his hair as he sat on the blanket you had laid out for his anti-sand convenience. He had finally started to let his hair grow out again, the black locks only touching half the length they were initially.

“Okay I'm tired.” The rockstar sighed, leaning back on the blanket.

You tried to act as if you weren't staring at the way the water dripped down his sculpted torso, but you'd been staring all day so he definitely knows. “It is getting late.” You nodded, glancing at the sun as it tucked itself behind the ocean.

Speaking of the ocean. Where is your Ocean. You looked around the beach but you didn't see him anywhere. “Where's Hansol?” You asked Jihoon who you could've sworn was just in the water with him.

“I don't know.” He had fully laid on his back, his eyes closed.

“So helpful, Ruby.” You narrowed your eyes as you looked around again. Then you heard what you think was a footstep in the sand. Then you were doused with water. “What the fuck!” You screeched, whipping your head around to find Hansol holding the bucket you had brought for making Sandcastles.

The brunette cackled so hard he fell back onto the sand. “Gotcha!” He said between breaths of air.

“Ocean! I just got dry!” You whined.

“You talking to me, or you talking to that guy?” He pointed at himself and then at the massive body of water crashing against the sand.

Jihoon laughed as he took a towel and started patting you dry. “You're okay.” His voice was sweet. “But this is why I don't go to the beach. In fact, I avoid all bodies of water with Han.” He chuckled.

“That's ridiculous.” You huffed. “You're okay with this reputation?” You asked the brunette.

“It’s not a bad one.” Hansol shrugged. He sat up on his knees and crawled closer to you. “Plus, my name is Ocean, I think it's my right to get people wet.” He smirked at you.

Goodness gracious. “If that's what you wanna call it.” You scrunched your face. You cannot entertain this.

“I mean your right. I don't need a bucket of water, I get you wet just fine without it.”

You smacked his shoulder. “We're not doing that here, this is a public place.” You scolded him.

Hansol was about to say something else that would surely bring out that little flustered look that he loved so much, but then he noticed Jihoon staring back at the sunset. He peaked around the two of you, his eyes widening once he saw what had his partner so mesmerized.

“Violet, look.” He grabbed you by the shoulders and turned your body to face the horizon.

You blinked at Jihoon's back, your brows furrowing. “What-” Your complaints were cut off when Jihoon moved out of the way, revealing the sunset.

The sun blazed a fiery red as it tucked itself behind the blue sea. The colors blended together, making the sky appear purple. It was breathtaking. The three of you sat and watched in silence until it was dark. Then, without a second of hesitation, Jihoon turned to you with tears in his eyes, and kissed. It was soft, but passionate. And when he pulled away, he pulled Hansol in and kissed him.

“I love you guys.” He breathed out as he wiped away the tears running down his face.

You wrapped your arms around him and Hansol did the same. “We love you too, baby.” You pressed your lips to his shoulder.

Hansol held him close to his chest and ran a hand through his hair. “We love you so much.”

Jihoon knew that. Even better, he believed it. He doesn't know how his life started out so bleak, but somehow he wound up right with you and Hansol. Maybe the universe decided to take pity on him. Whatever the reason, he knows that this is where he's meant to be.

This is where you're all meant to be.

(⁠*⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠)⁠/⁠～⁠♡

“Ruby, don't be rude.” Lee Jieun, your new coworker, scolded. She is a manager to one of the many talents under this label, a rock duo called Polarized. It was so unfortunate for you that you spilled coffee on ½ of said duo. “This is ____, she's the new assistant manager.”

“You mean our babysitter.” Ruby scoffed.

“Her job is more than that, but I think it's good to have an extra pair of eyes. You remember what happened last month?” Jieun folded her arms over her chest.

Ruby was visibly bothered by even the mention of whatever happened last month. “I don't need anyone to keep an eye on me, I'm not a fucking child.”

“What was that?” Jieun raised her hand to her ear. “A haircut you said?”

Ruby ran his hands down his face and leaned back in his chair, a groan escaping his lips. “Whatever.”

“So moody today.” Jieun pinched the bridge of her nose. “Where's Ocean?”

“I don't know.” Ruby finally picked himself up, going back to whatever he was initially doing on his computer.

“So helpful, Ruby.” She sighed

“Call him.”

“I was just wondering if you'd have some idea when he'd be back?”

“Nope.” He pooped the p at the end.

Then a continuous chirping sound erupted in the room. A ringtone? Jieun sighed and fished her phone from her pocket. “I need to take this.” She mumbled. “Have a seat, ____. I'll be just a minute.” Then she stepped out of the apartment, and into the hall.

You glanced around the apartment before taking a seat on the couch. The disgruntled rockstar stared you down. You took notice of several piercings running along his ears as he pushed his hair back. Two piercings in his nose connected by a chain. You wanted to say something to break the ice, but nothing came to mind. You didn't think apologizing again was going to do much good. And Ruby didn't seem too keen on speaking at all. It was… awkward to say the least.

You took another look around the room. It was… okay for there to be two guys living here. Not many decorations, the colors were also pretty bland. There were a few boxes sitting by the door unopened. Quite a few actually. Actually the TV was sitting on the box it came in… okay. There wasn't much to look at. There was something to smell though. Cleary marijuana thinly veiled by febreeze. Ruby was done outright staring at you, but he did take a glance every once in a while.

“How long have you been an artist for?” You finally thought of something.

“Really? Small talk?” He didn't bother looking away from the monitor this time, whatever he was doing was infinitely more important than making civil conversation.

“Well I'm sorry-”

“You apologize a lot.”

“What?”

“Don't play dumb, it isn't cute.”

“No, I know what you're talking about, but this is only the 2nd time. I don't think that counts as a lot.” Your brows pinched together. He cannot be this upset over the coffee.

The clicking of his keyboard stopped, and he turned to look at you, the red streaks in his hair losing prominence from all the movement. “This is our 2nd time meeting. At this rate it'll be your most used phrase per day.”

“I don't think so.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Jihoon, you better be being hospitable.” Jieun returned and the clicking suddenly continued. “Look who decided to show up.” She pulled forward the other man you met at the coffee shop the other day.

“Oh my god.” He could not hide his surprise upon seeing you. Similar to Ruby, Ocean had quite few piercings, other than his snake bites, his brow piercing was the most prominent. More noticeably the brunette had an entire sleeve of tattoos. A number of small individual drawings climbing the length of his arm. “There's no shot.”

Jieun looked at him, then at you, a furrow in her brows. “Am I missing something?”

His eyes lit up as if he was just presented with a once in a lifetime opportunity. “When we came in last week, Hoon had coffee all over him.”

“Yeah you said a girl-” Her eyes went wide. “Is that why you're being so pissy?” She placed a hand on her hip, her eyes narrowed at Ruby. “Please get over yourself.”

“You don't know what you're talking about.” Ruby huffed. His face had flushed red.

“Either way.” Jieun pushed Ocean close to the desk Ruby sat at. “Proper introduction time. These are my boys, Jihoon and Hansol. Aka Ruby and Ocean of Polarized. Boys, the new assistant manager, ____.”

The names were awful pretty for an alt rock group, but they're also awful pretty, so you suppose it's fitting. You took note of their color coordinated hair, red and blue respectively taking space on each of their heads. You stood from the couch. “Nice to properly meet you.”

Ocean reached out to do what you thought was shake your hand, but when you reached out he dapped you up instead. “Nice to finally meet you too.” There was mirth in his eyes, he seemed glad to have you around.

Other than the fact that Jihoon clearly didn't like you, you think it went well.

Blood+

It's been about a month since you started working with Jieun and Polarized. Most of your job was keeping the schedule and keeping an eye on the duo on busy days. Everyone at the label was currently losing their collective mind preparing for a huge world tour for Polarized. Take off was only a month out and there was still so much to do. Outfit finalizations, last minute set changes, hotel arrangements. It was a mess. And that's just behind the scenes. Ruby and Ocean were working their asses off. Not a day went by where you didn't hear music blasting from their practice room. Notes changing and blending together in ways that thoroughly impressed you.

You stood in the practice room next to Jieun. The music was loud and angry. Then it was soft, longing. Their discography was incredibly diverse. And damn, could they sing. Especially Jihoon, my god. You wondered if his horrid attitude gave him his angelic voice. Maybe he made a deal with the devil? You can sing like no other, but you're a fucking prick for the rest of time.

When the music stopped, the guys in desperate need of a break, you removed your ear plugs. Jieun excused herself, mumbling some about a meeting. You watched the two put their instruments down before slumping against the nearest wall. Ocean played bass, Ruby played guitar, and sometimes drums. Then they had a band that performed with them to provide the best concert experience. It was so interesting to see the inner workings of a music act.

“____!” Ocean approached you once he caught his breath.

“Ocean!” You extended your hand.

“How'd that last transition sound?” His hand collided with yours with a satisfying slap.

“She probably can't tell the fucking difference.” Ruby huffed.

“Well…” You were searching for the right words, but Jihoon saw your silence as victory.

“See.” He scoffed. “No fucking clue.”

“Wait a minute!” You hissed at him. “I'm articulating!”

You then went on to describe in great detail how they had changed the arrangement and how it differed from yesterday. The different feelings it evokes.

Jihoon's tongue poked at his cheek. He was clearly unhappy with your assessment. Ocean, on the other hand, was thrilled.

“She nailed that- you nailed that.” He grinned, the bright lights catching on the metal that adorned his brow making them glow.

“Ha!” You gloated. “Point ____!”

“You're so fucking corny!” Jihoon groaned, running his hands down his face. His hair fell over his face when he lowered his head. His racoon tails were fading. You could also see his roots.

“You desperately need a hair appointment.” You pointed out. Partially because you had to arrange that. Mostly to run salt in the wound.

“What?” He lifted his head and gave you a funny look

“I can see your roots.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“New growth is no laughing matter, Ruby.” You raised a brow. “Especially since your stripes are fading”

“Oh my god, kill me.”

“Well it's not that bad. This is easily remedied. I just have to make you a hair appointment.”

Jihoon's eye twitched, then he turned, walked away, and picked up his mic. You watched him tap it to see if it was on. It was. You didn't have much time to wonder what he was doing because he was already doing a full on metal scream into the mic. You quickly covered your ears but it had already hit you. It was loud, and painful. Everyone else in the room flinched, but they were far more used to the noise than you were. Jihoon knew that, acutely aware that you'd be catching the brunt of it.

“Ow!?” You shouted at him. He just snickered as he put his mic back on the stand.

“Oh my god.” Hansol sighed and looked at your ears for anything visibly wrong, grabbing your chin and moving your head from side to side. “Are you okay? I know that's loud.”

“My ears are ringing.” You deadpanned.

“Yeah… they're gonna do that for a bit. Do they hurt? Can you hear properly?” Ocean locked eyes with you. You were surprised by how genuine he seemed.

“A little, and yes.”

“My god, Hyung!” The brunette turned back to scold the older man.

“What!?

“Don't do that! You're not even supposed to scream like that in here!”

“Fine, fine. Whatever.” Ruby seemed to argue with Ocean less than others, backs down almost immediately when his partner has something to say about it. That being said, Ocean hardly ever had anything to say, mostly just apologizing for him.

“If they don't feel better later, let me know.” Hansol turned back to you, a small smile on his lips. “I'll kick his ass for you.” His thumb ran along the curve of your ear before letting go.

“I'm gonna go smoke something. You want some?” The brunette offered. Ocean was a weed head at its finest, more often than not he had a joint between his fingers. He liked to offer you a puff on particularly stressful days, but you always declined. You'd never actually smoked before, and trying it for the first time at work seemed like a bad idea. “It might help.” He tapped at his own, ring adorned, ear.

“I'm working.” You reasoned.

“So am I.” He chuckled.

“I'm not a rockstar.” You roll your eyes, the corner of your lips lifting just slightly.

“Who says?” Hansol furrowed his brows. “I think you rock.”

“You know what I mean.” You chuckled, pushing at his shoulder just slightly.

“Okay, okay.” Ocean relented, satisfied with the smile overtaking your features. “Suit yourself.” He backed away a bit before turning around and heading towards the door.

You pulled at the lobe of your ear, doing your best not to get caught up in whatever that interaction was. Such a sweetheart.

Jihoon stared at you just a moment, an uneasy feeling in his gut forming from the interaction he just witnessed, before following Hansol out of the room.

-

“You should be nicer to her.” Hansol said as Jihoon got in the car.

The blonde settled in his seat, a scowl already twisting his lips at the request. “To who?”

“____.” The brunette elaborated.

“Why, she complain or somethin?” Ruby scoffed.

“No, I think she's already used to you.” Hansol sighed. “But she seems real nice.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “Key word there is ‘seems.’ We don't know shit about her.”

“I'm getting good vibes from her. Plus, she doesn't have to be nice.”

“You just think she's hot.” Jihoon huffed.

“You don't?” Hansol rolled his eyes. No one has ever gotten anywhere by denying their feelings.

“She’s not the only one; beautiful women throw themselves at us all of the time.” Jihoon scoffed again, reaching to fasten his seatbelt. “I'm hot, you're hot. She's not special.”

“But she's cool too.”

“Oh my god-”

“I'm just saying!” Ocean raised his hands. “Maybe don't make her want to stab you every time you open your mouth.”

“You see that look, too? I think she might actually do it.” The blonde chuckled

Hansol had no clue how his partner found the thought of pushing you until you snapped so funny. No getting through to him on this matter.

“I'm not jumping in front of you.”

“I don't want you to, but you would anyway.”

Of course he would, no questions asked.

Starlight

The tour was well on its way, everything finally falling into place. The first show was in just a week. And you even met the opening act. They were… well they could give Jihoon a run for his money. They somehow respected your job even less? Treated you like an unpaid intern. If it weren't for Ocean you'd assume all rockstars were like this. But it's fine. If you can deal with Ruby's hard ass, you can surely deal with them just fine.

In other news. You found Ocean’s old SoundCloud and it's probably the greatest thing you've ever heard.

“Ocean, baby, guess what.” You practically skipped up to him, eager to share what you discovered.

He was sat in a chair in the corner of the practice room, tuning his bass. “What?” He looked up at you, a smile already forming on his face.

You grinned. “Can't stop the Ocean once it's in motion.”

Ocean's face immediately scrunched in distaste. “Oh my god, who told you that?”

“I was doing research and I found your SoundCloud.” You were entirely too pleased with yourself, swaying side to side.

“Oh my god.” He puts down his bass, leaning it against the wall and runs his hands down his face. “I really need to delete that.”

“Don't you fucking dare!” You gasped. “It's your history, your beginning! It'd be a shame to get rid of it!”

“I'd also be ten times happier, so…”

“You'd regret it.” You crossed your arms. “It's good to be reminded of how you started. Then you can look at how much you improved.”

“Mm, that's such a mature answer.” He sighed. “Ruby would've told me to do whatever I wanted.”

“Ruby's a dumbass.”

“He has good intentions.” Ocean sighed.

You narrowed your eyes at the brunette. “Ssurreee.”

“I'm serious.” There's glint in his eyes, the bright lights above catching his brown eyes, making them sparkle. “You think I'd make a band with him if he was like that all of the time?”

“Stockholm syndrome.”

Ocean rolled his eyes. “Just give him time. You'll see.”

“I really hope I do.” You scrunched your nose.

He gives you a look, one of understanding. Then his eyebrows raise. “Oh by the way, I've been meaning to ask.” He leaned back in the chair. “You seem to know a lot about music production?”

“Oh, yeah… I do that. My goal is actually to write songs.” You glanced around the room looking for a chair. There were few on the other side of the room. You settled for the floor. “This job is supposed to be an in.”

“Really!?” He sat up straight, his eyes going wide.

You were shocked by his reaction. Ocean never raised his voice unless it was for a song. “Yes!” your voice reflected your shock.

“Sorry, I got excited.” He cleared his throat. “Could you show me?” He seemed so genuinely interested. You hadn't expected that.

“Yeah, hold on.” You grab your phone from your pocket, tapping at it until you pull up your music files. You had only a few songs saved to the small device, but these should be fine. You pressed play on a song you particularly liked and let it play in its entirety. Ocean listened intently, his expression slightly shifting at different parts of the song. “Only positive feedback accepted.” You joked once the song ended, slightly flustered.

Ocean’s attention had been grabbed. He was curious about the inspiration for the song, your thought process. It wasn't what he was expecting from you, a lot quieter, a lot less sure. Was all of your music like this? Is this what he'd find if he peeled back the different layers of your personality? He had a strong urge to find out. “Well it's a good thing I only have positive feedback.”

“You flatter me.” You tugged at your sleeves, eyes focusing on a chip in the wooden floor.

“I'm serious. I think you're really good.” Then his eyes went wide, and you could almost see the lightbulb above his head. “We should make a song together!” Ocean found himself on the floor next to you.

You took note of how close he had gotten. “Yeah?” You tilted your head side to side in contemplation. “I don't know much about rock music.”

“It doesn't have to be rock.” He reached over, grabbing his bass from where he had propped it up. “It can be whatever you feel like. I'm down for anything.” He plucked at the strings, strumming something slow, almost relaxed.

You didn't think you'd be at this point so soon. Perhaps Ocean was an angel sent to make the venture easier for you. Your zonked angel. “Alright then.” You smiled at him, and he smiled back.

Under The Bridge

“No like, lalala.” Ocean’s brows furrowed.

“That's what I just said.” You raise a brow at the man laid on the practice room floor. He's high as a kite.

“No, you said ‘la la la’” He explained. You let him hear a sample beat you had and now he's telling you what he had in mind for the melody… kind of.

“I can't talk to you like this, you don't make any sense.” You sat down on the floor, just a few feet away from him.

“You just don't understand.” Ocean sighed.

“I don't, I really don't.” You'd never seen him this high before. He really let go. Maybe he was going all out before tour started.

The practice room door swings open, revealing Ruby who immediately made a beeline for Ocean.

“Han, we're supposed to be getting dinner.” The blonde kneeled down, shaking his partner.

Ocean chuckled, only half catching what his partner said. “You know ____ can sing?”

“What?” Ruby's brows pinched together. “I don't care, I'm hungry.”

“If she were in the band, we could call her Violet.” Ocean continued his train of thought, fully ignoring what his partner just said.

“Why?” Ruby sighed, accepting defeat.

“Because blue and red make purple.”

“That's corny.” Ruby scoffed. He fell back, sitting on his butt. “Just give her a different color.”

“It's cute. She's cute.” Ocean turned his head towards Ruby, finally ripping his gaze from the ceiling.

Ruby looked at you, his features shifting into a rather perturbed look. He did not like that. He did not like you. Jieun worked with them just fine, they didn't need a new baby sitter.

You shrugged. “He's high, man.” High Ocean is going to get you fucked up.

“I can see that.” Ruby's eyes narrowed at you.

“Why you lookin at me like it's my fault?” You crossed your arms.

“I'm hungry.” Jihoon could not explain the unadulterated rage he felt every time he saw you. Truly, he didn't rip into most people so soon, or so often. But you… you were public enemy number one as far as he was concerned.

“Then go eat?” Your brows furrowed.

“He was supposed to go too.” Ruby’s hand fell flat on Ocean’s chest, making the younger laugh.

"I can eat.” Ocean piped up.

You and Ruby both looked at Ocean laid out on the floor. Yeah… he's not going anywhere.

“We'll order then.” You picked up your phone, pulling up the delivery app.

“We!? No one invited you!” Ruby spat.

“I'm already here!” You hissed, clicking on the restaurant the duo most commonly orders from.

“Go somewhere else!” You were always around. Always watching him. Jihoon was eager to get to the part where you go away.

“So sorry my presence is upsetting to you, but I'm here for another three hours.” You put emphasis on the last two words. “I'm ordering too.”

“Oh my god-”

“What do you want?” You cut Ruby off before he could start complaining.

Ruby's tongue poked at his cheek. “... Chicken.”

“You always get chicken.”

“It is high in protein,” he said matter of factly.

“I forget that you're a fucking gym bro.” You rolled your eyes before putting in his order.

“I'm not a gym bro, I take care of myself.” Ruby gritted out through his teeth.

“Right…” You squinted at the screen, selecting a hefty side of rice for him. “Ocean sweetie, what do you want?”

“I-” Ocean began.

“Sweetie!?” Ruby cut him off, appalled by the term of endearment you just gave his partner.

“Oh my god what!?” You lowered your phone to look at the man.

Jihoon has decided this was far too much. You were far too comfortable. “Why the fuck are you calling him sweetie!?”

“Because he's sweet to me, unlike you.” You snarled.

“That's unprofessional!” Jihoon’s hands gripped the fabric of his shorts in an unconscious attempt to ground himself.

“We're friends.” The words leave your lips like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Jihoon doesn't like that.

“What?” Jihoon asked in a whisper.

“Friends. F r i e n d s.” You spelt it out for him. “I know you don't have any of those but it's a rather simple concept.” Perhaps you were laying it on thick. You know he's protective over Ocean, but he doesn't have to be such a dick.

Ruby looked down at Ocean. “You're friends with her?”

Ocean, completely unable to process the argument happening, smiled and replied, “of course.”

“Okay…” Jihoon got uncharacteristically quiet. Even when the food arrived, he didn't bother yelling at you to leave.

“Are you sad?” Ocean, slightly less high, asked Ruby.

“I'm fine.”

“You have that grumpy look.”

“I'm tired.”

“Aw” you watched as Ocean pulled Ruby into a tight hug, planting a kiss right on his cheek.

Ironic as it was, Ruby went red. “Oh my god, let go.” He shoved the younger.

“You always like cuddles.” Ocean hummed.

“Not here!” Ruby screeched.

“Oh.” Ocean chuckled. “Yeah.” He removed his arms but he stayed close to his partner.

“Oh my god.” Ruby buried his face in his hands.

You failed to repress the snort that came from your nose. Ruby gave you a pointed look.

“Fuck you laughin at?”

“Nothing.” You murmured. “Just didn't take you for the cuddly type.”

“Don't you have shit to do?”

“Unfortunately.” You sighed, gathering your food containers to throw away. “But it's always such a pleasure conversing with you, Ruby.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“Right right.” You made your way to the door. “Bye bye, Ocean.” You waved to the brunette.

“Bye, Violet.” He sang. Was he gonna remember that?

Ruby sighed, leaning into Ocean once you were gone. Past managers would've tapped out by now, but it didn't look like you were going anywhere. And what's worse, Ocean actually likes you. Fucking great.

-

“Did I do something weird last night?” Ocean mumbled, scratching the back of his neck.

You smiled at his little awkward tick. You couldn't help but find him endearing. “No. You weren't making much sense though.” You answered him truthfully.

Ocean kicked his shoes against the concrete. The two of you were waiting outside of the duo's apartment for Ruby. You'd already been waiting for ten minutes; lord knows what the man was doing up there. In another five you were going to go up there and drag him down by his bleached hair.

“I remember you and Hoon fighting.” The brunette sighed, an apology on the tip of his tongue. “What was he mad about?”

“I wish I knew.” You tugged at the sleeves of your button up. You decided to fold them. “Probably about you.” You chuckled.

“I'm sorry about that.” Ocean scrunched his face.

“Oh it's whatever. That lil weirdo has attachment issues of some kind.” You wave off the rockstar's apology. “I'd take it more personally if I was the only one he unleashed his wrath on, but just about anyone can get it it seems.” You laughed. Whatever was up his ass, you couldn't let it bring you down.

Hansol didn't say anything about your observation, you were figuring it out just fine on your own. “Would it help if told you that that means he's comfortable around you?” He winced at the bad joke (that was technically true).

The laugh you let out was part scoff. “Is that right?”

“Yeah.” The rockstar nodded.

“I must be real special then.” You concluded, your eyes focusing on the door of the apartment building. No Ruby in sight. “I'm gonna go get him.”

Ocean’s brows raised in shock. “You sure?”

“Mhm.” You hummed already walking towards the building. “I'll be nice, I promise.” You shouted before disappearing inside.

Ocean had half a mind to stop you and do it himself. Jihoon is… delicate. And normally he wouldn't let just anyone approach his partner, but for some reason he felt it would be alright.

It was less than five minutes before you returned with Jihoon in tow, the blonde clearly upset that you were bossing him around.

“You just let her do what she wants, huh?” Jihoon scoffed at his partner.

Hansol pursed his lips to keep from smiling at pout on the older's face. He was fine. Butt hurt, but fine. “She's doing her job, I have no say in that.” He reasoned.

“Oh you wouldn't dare correct your precious Violet.” Jihoon said in a mocking tone.

“What…” Hansol's brows furrowed, “are you talking about?”

“Oh you don't remember!?” The blonde seemed to light up at the opportunity to tease the younger. “You were fucking blasted so I'm not surprised.”

“Yeah I know. Please tell me what you're talking about.” Ocean crossed his arms over his chest.

“You gave your good friend a cute little nickname that matches our stage names. You thought it was so adorable.” Ruby rolled his eyes. “‘Red and blue make purple.’” He parroted his partner’s reasoning.

“Ruby, Ocean, and Violet.” Hansol nodded in understanding. “It is cute though?” He tilted his in thought.

Jihoon's tongue ran over his teeth. “Forget I said anything.”

“Hey!” You shouted from the passenger seat of the car. “We gotta go, guys!”

Ruby attempted to glare at you but Ocean was already pulling him into the vehicle. He ultimately decided not to run his mouth in the car, the driver didn't deserve that.

Are You That Somebody

When you decided to become a talent manager for a record label for just a sliver of a chance at making connections to further your music career, not once did you think you'd end up making a song with the top talent under said label. Not so soon. And definitely not working with their expensive, high quality equipment. But here you were, sat in the Polarized studio with a member of Polarized, the two of you working on a song together.

Ocean is talented. You knew that. You've seen him exercise his skill with his base, listened to the songs he wrote and produced. But something about watching him work in real time was so impressive. So enthralling. You'd definitely say that you're skilled in your own right, but it's always a learning experience watching someone else's creative process. Watching things move in a way you never thought to move them. It was all so interesting.

“Put down your umbrella and walk in the rain.” You sang in a sweet melody.

“Nice, nice, nice.” Ocean nodded immediately writing it down. “At this rate we won't even need a demo.” He chuckled.

“Oh yes we do.” You leaned back in the comfy blue computer chair you sat in. The one Ocean was sitting in was red. Everything was blue and red, which you somewhat expected, but it was still something. “I will forget all of this immediately.”

“Well let's do this part now then.” Ocean moved the mic on the desk to face you. “Tell me when you're ready.”

You opened your mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “What were the lyrics again?” You joked, a laugh bubbling up your throat as you spoke.

“I’m pressing record.” He stated, fighting back his own laugh. It was a lame joke, but it seemed to entertain him well enough.

Recording with someone else was really fun. A far cry from sitting alone in your room with a laptop and a mic.

“Are you sure you don't wanna be a singer?” Ocean asked after playing the recording back. It baffled him that you said you'd prefer to stay behind the scenes. With a voice like that, you should be front and center. “You got the pipes for it.”

“No thank you.” You fiddled with your fingers. The spotlight was not for you. You'd be perfectly content to watch other talented singers performing your works. “Maybe Ruby will rerecord this with you, give it that rocker twist.”

“No no.” Ocean shook his head. “This is our song. Even if no one else hears it, that's fine by me. I'm just happy to have made it with you.” He smiled at you, so sweet and charming.

It was somewhat shocking to you how genuine he always was. You never knew anyone to be so earnest. You couldn't deny the way it made your heart flutter. And that smile of his, oh it made you forget what you were thinking about every single time, without fail.

“You there?” Ocean leaned in slightly as he tried to snap you out of your daydream.

You pulled back quickly, embarrassed about zoning out like that. “I'm sorry, I was just…” Your face felt hot.

“What ya thinking about?” The rockstar tilted his head in question.

Your mouth fell agape as you tried to think of something normal. “Nothing,” was all you could find.

Hansol found your behavior adorable. All flustered and over what? What he said? “Well don't be embarrassed.” He chuckled, grabbing the arms of your chair and pulling you closer than you were initially. “I daydream too.” He smiled reassuringly.

“It's nothing.” You pushed at his shoulder, not even beating the allegations a little bit. “Focus on the thing.” You huffed.

Ocean just smiled before turning his body to face the monitor, his leg grazing yours. “Whatever you say, Violet.” He laughed.

Between I and She

Hansol scrolled through his social media mindlessly, only partially paying attention to the videos he swiped through. He also didn't pay attention to the sound of his bedroom door creaking open, already well aware of who it was.

Jihoon crawled on top of the brunette and pushed his phone down so that he could have his undivided attention.

“Hey, baby.” Hansol happily put down the rectangular device, opting to place his hands on his partner's thighs. “What's up?” He gave him a lazy smile.

A few things were up in Jihoon's mind, but he didn't really want to talk about any of it. “I'm tired,” he said instead, leaning down and letting his head rest on the younger’s chest.

Hansol hummed in agreement. It's been a very tiring past few months. But it was all about to pay off. “We're gonna be back on stage soon.”

Jihoon smiled at the thought. Oh god he could not wait to be in front of a crowd. He pushed himself up slightly so that he was face to face with his partner, his hair falling right in his eyes. “We're gonna tear it up.” Jihoon tried to push his hair out his face, but his efforts were futile.

“Obviously.”

“You're gonna look so hot up there.” Jihoon was excited at just the thought of Hansol on stage. Ocean of Polarized out there doing what he does best and looking so fucking attractive while he does it.

“Aren't I hot everyday?” Hansol teased.

Juhoon sat up, tired of fighting a fruitless battle against his hair. He was very disappointed to find that he didn't bring a hair tie with him. “You know what I mean.” He huffed.

Hansol sat up as well, laughing at the blonde's frustration. He reached over to his nightstand and opened up a drawer with about fifty hair ties, all of which Jihoon had left in his room. He took one out and pushed his partner's hair back, careful not to pull it too hard as he tied it up into a bun.

“Better?” He asked.

Jihoon only nodded before leaning in and kissing the younger’s lips. Hansol smiled at the feeling of soft lips against his own, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

“It's me and you.” Jihoon mumbled. Such a simple phrase, one that he's always said to his partner. A reassurance that they'd always be together. And currently, a reassurance that even with you around, Hamsol would always be his.

“Always.” Hansol replied exactly how he always did, his hands sliding up Jihoon's body, pressing him closer.

Always

Superstar

You were gonna see Polarized perform for the first time. Months watching them practice, you finally get to see the pay off. Ruby was an even more of a diva before a show, and Ocean somehow got higher. But you got through the stage rehearsals, the hair and makeup, the outfit crisis because Ruby's distressed jeans got caught on something and ripped in half. You survived, which means you could probably survive the entire tour… probably. But no time to worry about that. The bright stage lights illuminated the stage, revealing two shadowy figures.

Ruby reached for his mic, pulling it close to his lips. “Fire!” The crowd roared. “Water!” More cheers. “So different, yeah?” He turned to Ocean, and the crowd agreed. “There's a word for that right?”

“Opposites?”

Oh my god, they're doing a bit.

“No.”

“Contrasting?”

“Ocean, no.”

“Contradicting?”

“What? No! Ocean!”

“Wait wait. I know.” Ocean cleared his throat. “You’re rockin’ with Polarized, baby!”

“One! Two! Three! Four!”

The music hit you like a shockwave, the sound blasting through the speakers and cascading over you. You could feel every cell in your body vibrating, the ground shaking beneath your feet. You felt as if you were being taken somewhere, dragged into depths kicking and screaming. Your heart is pounding, your pulse jumping from beneath your skin.

And the guys on stage, oh my god. You thought Ruby was insane already, but this… it was like you were staring at a rage demon. And Ocean was a completely different person. You have no clue where the charming man you saw just ten minutes ago went, but he was not on stage. But then they hit a song that was really fucking sad. You'd given it a listen before while getting a feel for their music, but that was nothing compared to hearing it live. The feeling of heartbreak rested heavily on your chest, you had to blink away the tears forming in your eyes. You focused on Ruby who gave the most soul crushing delivery you've ever heard as he sang his lines. That's the voice of someone who's experienced a lot of pain.

You shook it off when the guys came back stage for a break, one of their music videos playing on the big screen.

“Wow.” Was the first word that came to mind. “That was… wow!” You clapped your hands to seem a little less speechless.

“You liked it?” Ocean rubbed at his hair and face with a towel, wiping the sweat from his body.

“Yeah! You guys are awesome!”

Ruby just gave you the side eye before chugging down a bottle of water. Then outfits were being changed, makeup refreshed, and they were back out there. The songs continued to take you through an emotional rollercoaster (talk about Polarizing), and before it was over, you think you understood the duo a lot better.

-

This job has gifted you with two major problems. One was Lee Jihoon and his fucked up attitude. But you could deal with that, he's all bark anyway. Why he has such a huge bone to pick with you? You had no clue, but you'd be damned if a snooty rockstar boy was gonna ruin your day. The other problem on the other hand… the opening band. Painstaked. More snoody rockstars. They didn't even acknowledge you as a manager, treating you as an assistant as if you worked for them at all. You think that maybe you could get past the blatant disrespect if it weren't for the fact that they were constantly pissing Ruby off.

Ruby isn't discriminatory, anyone and everyone pissed him off. But he only took it out on a handful of people he spent more time around. Aka, you. So when Painstaked came around being well… Painstaked, Ruby made it your problem. The crazy part is the band isn't even mean to him. It is quite the opposite actually. When it came to the duo, they were certified kiss asses. And that seemed to get under Ruby's skin more than anything. Ocean doesn't even give them time of day either, which shocked you. They seem to have a distaste for suck up types.

So here and now, as you watched Crystal, the lead singer of Painstaked, make her rounds, you prepared for war.

“Whoo! Oh my god, Ruby! You rock!” The petite woman shouted as she climbed the stage. Polarized had just finished their stage rehearsal, both members grimacing at the sound of the woman's voice.

To Ruby's credit, he did try to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible, rushing to undo his in ears. But unfortunately, Crystal has gotten quite good at Ruby hunting. It was almost like magic, the pace at which she appeared in front of the blonde.

“Wait a moment.” She grabbed the neck of his guitar in an effort to keep him there. “I wanted to ask about that riff you did.”

You could practically see the steam coming from the pale man's ears. No, this is great. Just fucking great.

“No.” Ruby huffed as he tried to pull his guitar away. Crystal's hand didn't budge.

“Oh come on! Don't be that way!” She pouted, her voice sickeningly sweet. “Just a few questions!”

“I said no.”

Maybe you should do something? Stop her? Ruby really hates this woman. But if you butt in he'll probably still end up taking it out on you. You should just let it play out then give him some room to breathe. But as you watched Crystal manhandle his guitar, Ocean even chiming in to try and distract her, only to be ignored, you felt terrible. Yeah… you can't leave them like that.

“Crystal!” You shouted as you approached the three rockstars. Crystals gave you a bitter look when you reached them. “I think Jinyoung is looking for you?”

“Is he?” She narrowed her eyes at you.

“Yeah, I think so. Seems important.” You crossed your arms.

“Well we're having a conversation so if you could go tell him-”

“No, you should go.”

“I'm not gonna let someone like you boss me around.” The singer scoffed.

“Listen, my artists need to rest before their concert starts. And you should be getting ready for your rehearsal so you don't fuck up their show. Last night was pretty rough, ya know?”

“You can't talk to me that way! Ruby, get your help in check!”

“Let go of my fucking guitar.”

Crystal quickly let go of the guitar, almost as if it had suddenly burned her. She seemed shocked by how serious he sounded. Was she really that dense? Can't tell when she's actively getting on somebody's last nerve?

“I uh…” She rushed off the stage without another word.

Jihoon didn't say anything to you, only looking at you for a moment before going backstage. Ocean put his hands together and mouthed “thank you” as he quickly followed his partner.

That was uh… that was something.

Trust

You invited Ocean up to your hotel room to work on your song together. You did it before you could even think about it. He accepted. Now you were unreasonably nervous. Why? Why were you nervous? It's just Ocean. Just Hansol.

“‘You can come up to my room and we can work this shit, man!’” You mocked your past self, pitching your voice much higher than it actually is. “‘Oh yeah, it's no problem!” You fiddled with things around the room. It was clean. You were sure of it. But now your hands had nothing to do and it was driving you insane

Calm down. You lowered yourself onto the bed, your hands gripping the soft duvet. Ocean has never given you a reason to feel nervous. Always so kind and reassuring. Giving you that sweet smile of his, those beautiful brown eyes sparkling like no other. You frowned when your heart rate only picked up at the thought. Fuck.

You were given no time to dwell on the issue, a knock on the door signaling the rockstar’s arrival. You took a deep breath before moving to let him in.

“Hey,” he greeted you with his usual charming smile. He had a bag slung over his shoulder, presumably with all of his production equipment.

“Hi.” You stepped aside to let him in.

Ocean immediately got to work setting up his stuff on the desk. “I was thinking about that one part in the chorus? It's too close together you know.”

“I think so too.” You stood close by while he gathered everything. He leaned over the desk and helped himself to your laptop, opening it and typing in the password just like you showed him about a month ago. “We should slow it down.”

“I know right.” He chuckled. “I think I fucked up the pacing. Rocker brain.” He spun his finger around gesturing at his head.

You laughed with him. “That's okay. It's a talented brain.”

“Thank you. You have a talented brain.” He returned the compliment.

There it was again. That smile. So so charming. Why were you nervous again?

“Can I smoke in here?” Ocean straightened up, glancing at his bag.

“Look at you, asking for permission.” Your brows shot to your hairline.You were shocked that he bothered to ask.

“I didn't wanna blaze up your room.” He laughed.

“Eh, we leave in the morning anyways.” You waved off his concerns.

“True,” he chirped as he rustled through his bag. It wasn't long before he was lighting up a freshly rolled joint. “You want?” He offered after taking a hit.

“Nah I'm good.” Ocean has offered you a hit many times. You'd never smoked before so it never crossed your mind to accept.

“If you don't smoke you need to tell me or I'll keep offering.” He made himself comfortable in the line chair at the desk since seemed happy sitting on the bed right next to it

“Well I've never smoked before.” You admitted.

“Really?” Ocean's brows furrowed. Most people have at least tried it. But he guesses you'd always been a bit of an outlier.

“Yep.”

“You don't wanna try?” He might as well give you the choice.

“I hadn't thought about it.” You tilted your head side to side.

“Well you know where to find me if you’d like to.” He directed his attention towards the laptops in front of him open with your song. He used his free hand to navigate the music programs open, his other taking another puff of the rolled plant between his fingers.

“Gotcha.” You replied absentmindedly.

Something about the scene in front of you made you feel hot. Just watching him work. He put in a lot of thought, but he executed it effortlessly. Leaning back in the chair, smoke wafting from his pierced lips. An insanely attractive man was sat in your hotel, exercising his skill and talent. This is what you were worried about.

It was well into the night when your focus finally abandoned the song. You and Ocean were just going on about whatever came to mind. At some point the two of you ended up on the bed. Just laid out giggling. Anyone looking in would probably think that both of you were high.

“There's definitely an appeal to traveling across the globe with super talented, and frankly super hot, rockstars.” Ocean asked you something about how you were finding the job. You made around five points before reaching your conclusion. “Truly, I'm living someone's dream. And I can't say in full confidence that it isn't mine.”

“I could say the same thing.” Ocean was laid on his side, giving you his full attention.

“Well of course. You're the rockstar.” You chuckled.

“No I mean like… traveling as a rocker yeah.” He blinked around the room, his eyes latching onto an off colored spot on the curtains. “But also with a talented, beautiful girl that gets paid to look after me.”

You chose to brush off the compliments, instead focusing on something else. “You like being taken care of?”

“It's nice from time to time.” The brunette shrugs.

“You do a lot yourself.” You speak your observation out loud. You'd think with him being high all the time that he wouldn't be able to get much of anything done. But that was not the case. Ocean functioned just fine while high. He operates better than most sober people. You also noticed he didn't like to rely on anyone. Not even Ruby.

“I do… and I have for a while now.” He decided to be honest. He wanted to be honest. “I mean Ruby is always there for me. But… you know.”

“I notice you take care of him a lot.” You continued with your train of thought. You kept your gaze fixed on him looking for any signs of discomfort.

“Yeah. And I want to do that for him. I'm happy to.” He smiled just thinking about it. “But it's nice to be on the receiving end sometimes.”

“That's understandable.” You pushed yourself into an upright position. The more active thoughts in your mind needed the circulation. “People crave it to an extent. You're just a person, Hansol.”

The brunette narrowed his eyes at the ceiling, your words sticking to his brain like glue. He's just a person. There was a lot to unpack there. There was a lot to unpack in this entire conversation. But he would spare you his woes. “I like how you say my name.” He blinked then turned to face you again.

“Yeah?” It hadn't occurred to you that you never called him by his actual name. You called both him and Ruby by their stage names 90% of the time. You found yourself using Ruby's name more often in order to scold him. Other than that… not really. “Should I say it more?”

“You don't have to. No one really says it but Hoonie. But you know, it's nice.”

‘It's nice’ seemed to be the closest he's going to get to asking anything of you. “I'm sensing a pattern.”

“Oh no. I thought I was being subtle.” He laughed, his eyes gleaming in the light.

“Well it's fine by me.” You nodded to affirm for yourself. “I'll keep it in mind. Take care of Hansol.”

“Oh my god.” Ocean runs a hand down his face. Your guess is that he's trying to hide the rosy color engulfing his ears. He didn't intend to give you so much insight on the flow of his brain. But you had a way of making him feel safe. “I feel so silly right now.”

“You're communicating your needs. That's not silly.” You offered a reassuring smile.

Hansol looked at you like you'd grown a 2nd head. It was so hard to be normal around you. He was trying so hard. But his mind was having thoughts without his permission. “I think I need to go to bed.” He pushed himself up as he began sliding the edge of the mattress.

“You crashin?” You tilted your head to the side

“No, but I'm starting to think crazy.” His eyes met yours. You see a lot dancing around. You weren't really sure what any of it was, but you were hoping to find out.

“What do you mean?” You pushed further.

“I shouldn't say.” He scrunched his nose. Then he was up and slipping all of his stuff into his bag.

“What? We're having a moment, bro.” You scoffed, a laugh slipping from your lips to keep it lighthearted. “You can say whatever. I promise I won't judge.”

Several things went through the rockstars mind. All of which he was sure was a bad idea to go through with. But once again, something was compelling him to be honest with you.

Ocean lowered himself back onto the bed and leaned over you. His face was incredibly close to yours, his lips hovering close to your ear. “An insanely beautiful woman just said she'd take care of me, and that it's okay to express my needs. What do you think is on my mind?”

Your breath caught in your throat at the realization. You didn't think he saw you that way. But as he looked you in the eyes, his own swirling with something carnal, you think you might just be blind. He moved to pull away but you grabbed his arm. Perhaps what you were doing was dumb, but it sure as hell felt right in the moment.

“Well?” Hansol only raised a brow at your coaxing. “Express them then.” You say it like it was so obvious.

“You're serious?” He couldn't help but be skeptic. Almost everything in his body was screaming at him to walk away.

“Are you?” You asked a bit more confidently than you should've.

“I'm so fucking serious, ____.” Was this desperation? He's felt it a lot in the past. But not like this. It's not just sex he's losing it over, but the ideas you had put in his mind. The fantasies you were selling him. It was the hope that he could trust you. That he could be vulnerable with you, and you wouldn't stab him in the back.

“You have your answer then.” Your hand moves along his tatted arm, your thumb tracing the various designs.

Hansol scans your face for anything that may even suggest you didn't want this. But he couldn't find anything. He thinks you got tired of waiting for him because it wasn't long before you were grabbing his face and pulling him just close enough for your lips to not touch. You were leaving it up to him, and he'd have to be a fucking idiot not to accept your offer.

His lips were on yours, the cool metal of his snake bites contrasting how warm they were. Then his tongue was slipping between your lips. You sighed as you fell back onto the bed, allowing him to position himself above you. He kissed along your jaw, then down your neck, his teeth ever so lightly pinching your skin. Your skin felt like it was on fire when his hand slipped up your shirt. You wanted him. You wanted him everywhere. On you, around you, in you. He could do anything he wanted.

But then your own words rang in your mind. You did say you'd take care of him. You hook your leg around him to give you some leverage. Then you successfully flipped him on his back, landing you right on top of him. You run your hands over his clothed torso, those beautiful brown eyes looking at you in awe. You lean down, your face just an inch from his.

“Let me take care of you, Hansol.”

He had no objections.

Simple

“I just don't think that's smart.”

“But it's free if I eat it all.”

“It's five pounds of ice cream, you are not eating all of that.”

You were walking around with Ruby and Ocean as they went about their schedule for the day. They just finished an interview and they were ready to chow down.

“I totally could- oh wait, this place looks good.” Ocean stopped in front of a hole in the wall ramen shop. Naturally, you agreed. Ruby didn't have any complaints either.

You got a table and ordered, and it was easily some of the best food you've ever had. It was run by an old couple and their grandchildren so you already knew it was about to go down.

“I'm going to fucking explode.” You held your stomach. You ate so much before you even knew it.

Ocean’s eyes narrowed at your untouched side of rice. “So you're not gonna eat that?”

You glanced at the bowl, then back at him. “Go ahead.” You sighed.

The brunette wasted no time reaching across and snatching the rice. Ruby just watched silently from beside him. You were surprised by how quiet the blonde was being. He hadn't argued with you since the morning, only talking to his partner here and there. You think maybe his social battery was low, it was a busy day. You were told that he's a massive introvert which was bizarre to you seeing as he had zero qualms when it came to belittling you day one. But you suppose disdain is a strong emotion.

“You're like a vacuum.” You chuckle watching Ocean scoff down the rice as if he hadn't just eaten plenty.

“I hate to see food go to waste.” He shrugged. You knew this to be true. Your very first meal with the man, he cleared whatever you had leftover on your plate for you.

It was about time to go, the guys still had a stage rehearsal to attend. You fished your wallet from your purse, pulling out the company card. “Take this.” You place the card on the table. “I gotta go to the bathroom.”

You think you were in the bathroom for less than five minutes, but when you returned there was a person talking to the duo. It wasn't one of the restaurant staff, not anyone you would know either. Maybe a fan then? You approached a bit slower to get a better grasp of the situation, but the closer you got, the more alarms were being set off in your head. The guys looked wildly uncomfortable. You were already set to march over and shut it down, but then the person took a seat where you were originally sitting. Absolutely not.

“Excuse me?” You arrived at the table, making your presence known. “Can I help you?”

The person looked at you offended. “We're having a conversation.” They sneered.

“Well we were actually just leaving.” You motioned for the guys to get up. “Sorry about that.” You tried to muster some politeness in your tone.

“Well you can wait a minute, can't you?”

“We actually can't, busy schedule.” Ruby was up first, basically bolting to the door. Ocean got up as well, but he didn't seem eager to leave you alone in this encounter. “Go ahead, the car’s outside.” You waved him off.

It wasn't a lie either, you had the foresight to call for it before you got it up. You weren't eager about this guy getting a look at it though. You weren't sure if he was the stalker type, but it was better safe than sorry.

“We should all go.” Ocean put a hand on your shoulder.

“Go to the car.” You left no room for argument. “I'll Uber there, kay?” He gave you a look, but ultimately he listened.

You blatantly stared the man down, giving it a few minutes before stepping outside yourself. He seemed rather pissed but you wouldn't let that deter you. As you had hoped, the car with Polarized was long gone.

Jihoon hates this. He hates this so fucking much. He loves his job, he loves his fans, but people like…that will always be around to ruin it. When the car pulled up to the venue he was quick to get out. He needs space. He needs to fucking breathe. He ended up finding an empty room that he could decompress in. It's okay. Deep breaths. A slow breath in through his nose, and out through his lips. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Until his mind is no longer racing. Until his heart finds a steady beat. Then there's a knock on the door.

“Hoon? You in there?”

Oh. Jihoon moved to open the door revealing his partner. Hansol gave him a soft smile.

“You okay?” The younger was already stepping into the room, closing the door behind him.

“I'm fine.” By all means he is. Just a little frazzled. He's used to this by now… sort of. “Just, you know.” He shook his hand, a vague gesture to the static in his brain.

Jihoon looked around instinctually despite them being the only people in the room. Once he was satisfied, he grabbed hold of Hansol's arm, pulling him close and wrapping his arms around him. “You okay?”

Hansol returned the gesture, letting his arms fall over the blonde’s shoulders, careful to move his long hair out the way. “Yeah, I'm good.” He smiled at his partner who had pressed the side of his face into his chest. “I'm a little worried about ____.”

Jihoon nodded in understanding. He was surprised you stood your ground like that. Even going the extra mile to ensure they got out safe. He respected it. No matter how much he hated being followed around like he's a child, he could not deny that you were damn good at your job. And as much as it annoyed him that you had gotten so close to his partner, he couldn’t deny that Hansol’s comfort with you made him infinitely more comfortable. The conversation always felt natural, almost like you weren't being paid to keep tabs on them. Regardless, he wouldn't feel great if you were harmed because of one of their psycho fans.

“But she's probably fine. He was more of an overstepper than stalker.” Hansol sighed.

Jihoon thought so too. You'd be alright.

Ocean was relieved to see you walk through the practice room doors. He's never been one to worry, but that could've gone really poorly. And you took a hot minute to get there too. Just made him all anxious.

Ocean approached you and spoke in almost a whisper. “____, fuck man. Where were you?”

“Stuck in traffic.” Your features twisted, not super pleased with his long it took you to get to the venue.

“You should've come with us.”

“I'm not the rockstar here, I think I'll be fine.”

“Yeah but you pissed him off, these people act crazy.” Hansol didn't want to explain the several occasions where he and Jihoon didn't even feel comfortable leaving their home because of people like that, but he would if it helped you understand that they're not the only ones who can be put in harm's way.

“Well I'm standing here, aren't I?” You tilted your head, weighing the odds of something bad actually happening. You were fine. “My job is to make sure you guys get to and fro, so I'm gonna do that however need be.”

You glanced around the room, your brows furrowing. “Where's Ruby?”

“He's uh… letting off steam.”

You nodded. He seemed the most unhappy with what was happening, clearly these things bite at him the most. “Okay then. All's well.”

When Ruby came back to the practice room he stared at you for a moment before beelining it to Ocean.

“What happened?” He asked his partner, trying hard to be subtle.

“She's fine. Maybe toeing the line between stupidity and bravery, but fine.” Hansol sighed.

Jihoon didn't respond, just looked back at you as you scrolled through your phone, seemingly completely unfazed. A breeze of relief fanned his nerves, and a flutter in his chest knocked at his ribcage. He fought the urge to grip at the fabric over his heart. You had a lot of fucking balls. Such a fucking dumbass.

Chanel

You stood at the very front of the stage, right beyond the barricade. Hundreds of fans roared behind you while Ruby went nuts with a guitar solo. You'd be lying if you said you weren't cheering with them, it was always such a thrill watching them perform.

Jihoon pushed his hair out of his face as his fingers just left the strings of his guitar. He basked in the screams and cheers of his audience, stumbling to get up from where he had fallen to his knees. He felt so high. Hansol came into view, helping him up and wrapping his arms around his waist. Jihoon knows the look in his partner's eyes well. The way he pressed their bodies close together, looking at him like a piece of meat. The crowd somehow got louder, they knew what was coming too.

The logical part of Jihoon's brain said ‘no, not here,’ but Jihoon wasn't exactly in a logical state of mind. Not with adrenaline pumping through his veins, locking him into this moment and this moment alone. So when Hansol leaned down and pulled his face up to meet him in the middle, he let it happen. He let those soft lips that he knew all too well press against his, only to part them, allowing his partner's tongue to slip into his mouth. Jihoon's stomach turned with desire and anticipation.

You think the air fully left your lungs as you bared witness to the duo literally making out on stage. What the fuck? You looked around. The crowd was good feral, but the rest of the staff seemed unfazed. Was this a normal occurrence? Suddenly, a lot of things made sense to you. At the very least you can put together why Ruby is that possessive. These two are so obviously fucking, and you're honestly baffled you hadn't picked up on it before.

Then Ocean opened his eyes and looked at you, his heavy gaze making your stomach flip. He's making sure you're watching. He's laying everything out before you, being completely transparent in the most obvious way he possibly can. You heard him loud and clear. Your face went hot as you fought the urge to look away, feeling somewhat as if you were seeing something you weren't supposed to be seeing.

They eventually pried themselves away from one another, fully aware they still had a concert to finish. The energy after that was insane. You're surprised they didn't fuck on stage with all the sexual tension between them. It was actually impressive. You weren't even a little surprised to hear moans when you walked past their greenroom after the concert.

Your real problem came later that night when you found it hard to sleep, the image of the two insanely attractive men on that stage plaguing your mind. The way Hansol looked at you. You ultimately decided to run a cold shower, sleep will not continue to evade you. You have shit to do tomorrow.

-

You stared at Ocean as he made himself comfortable in your bed after you let him in. The two of you are far past pleasantries, the brunette pecking you on the lips before falling onto the mattress without a word. All of this was fine, and a very welcome new to your normal. But you had a question on your mind, one that you'd been trying to ask him all day, but had failed to get the courage to. You laid down next to him, trying to find the words, but it all just felt so embarrassing.

“Watchu thinking about?” Hansol threw an arm around your waist and tugged you a bit closer.

“Mmm.” Your face scrunched as you thought about your question and the can of worms it was probably going to open up. “I don't know.” Maybe you'll ask later.

Hansol's eyes narrowed. He knew what this was about. He expected this. He wanted this. “Do you wanna know about Jihoon and I?”

It killed you how he could be so to the point. “Well… yes.” Your face grew hot.

He smiled at you. “Ask away.”

“Okay.” You push yourself into an upright position. “You guys have always been like this?”

“Mhm, Hoon doesn't care for pda but I can usually persuade him during concerts.” Hansol sits up as well.

“Are you guys like… dating?” You think you know the answer to this, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

“No. It's casual.”

“Does he know that?”

Ocean snorted at the question. He supposed it was a valid one. “Yes. He's protective, but not because we're fucking or anything. We've just been through a lot together. I know it's kind of complicated, I've never really had to explain this or actually think about it because we've just always been this way.”

You nodded, taking in his explanation. "But I'm not home wrecking?”

“Not at all.” He was somewhat amused, though your concerns were extremely valid.

“Okay… This has been enlightening.”

“Are you cool with everything?”

“Mhm.” You nodded your head. “Glad you let me know. And uh… what a way to do it.” That damn image would forever be burned into your mind.

Ocean smirked at what he thinks is a confession. He scooted closer to you, wrapping his arms around your middle and pulling you into his lap. “You enjoyed the show?” He questioned, his voice low.

You wrap your arms around the rockstar's neck, leaning into him. “Whatever do you mean?” You play coy, a teasing smile on your lips.

“I mean when I shoved my tongue down Ruby’s throat in front of thousands of people.”

Every thought in your brain turned to static as the words left his lips. “Mm, I'm not sure…” you tapped a finger against your chin in faux thought. “Why don't you show me exactly what you did?” You suggested.

Hansol was happy to oblige, already leaning in to give you a thorough demonstration.

-

“Hey, Hottie!” The shrill voice made your skin crawl.

You turned to find the drummer of the opening act. The band was called Painstaked, and none them were great, but this fucking drummer man.

“Not my name, Shooter.” You sighed. Such a dumb name. If he were American you might believe that he's held a gun, but he's not. You think he'd lose his hand from the recoil if he ever tried to fire one.

“You answered to it, didn't you?” he snickered. So fucking childish.

“Well your vocabulary is rather small so I decided to take pity on you. Now what do you want?” You placed a hand on your hip.

“I need a coffee.”

“Order one?”

“That's what I'm doing.”

Your brows furrowed. Not this shit again. “Not a barista. Not even your manager. So you might wanna try that again.”

“If you don't bring coffee, what do you do?” Shooter asked as if it were a genuine question.

“Manager shit. I'm a manager.” You think you’ve told him about ten times. He knows this, he just sucks.

“An assistant.”

“So close. Assistant manager. I do what the manager does, but for less money.” You explained it to him like you might a child.

“You're still an assistant.”

You closed your eyes and took a breath. You don’t have to deal with this. “Sure, whatever. I hope you work out that coffee thing.”

Running In Circles

You couldn't believe your ears. You checked them five times during the meeting to see if all the concerts finally broke them down. But no, they're fine. And you heard the labels CFO without a hitch in the call. Your eyes twitched as you made eye contact with Jieun who sat just across the table from you. You figured it was all insanely fucked when you clocked the devastation she attempted to hide with neutrality.

“They're being fucking serious?” You're stomach twisted as you asked your senior a question you already knew the answer to.

Jieun leaned against the walls on the outside of the venue as she attempted to stop her shakes with a cigarette. “Do we have reason to believe otherwise?” She deadpanned.

“Fuck.” You exhaled. “Fuck!”

“Get it out now.” Jieun encouraged whatever breakdown was building in your system. “Can’t act like this in front of them.” She exhaled slowly, loudly.

You couldn't even bear to think about how the guys were going to react to the news. It made you feel ill. And you had to go back in that fucking venue and tell them that they're fucked. They're fucked and there's nothing else to it.

“I just can't believe… that selfish prick.” Jieun’s voice shook with anger.

“What do you mean?” Your brows pinched together.

“Just last year they said the money was great. Especially for Polarized. As long as they kept growing, which they have! They'd be set for god knows how long!”

“So what happened to the money?”

“That fucking addict gambled it away!”

“Who?”

“Eren fucking Williams!” The CEO. Jieun said his name with so much disdain you would've thought he shot her puppy. “You know this isn't the first time he's done this? Before Polarized signed we were fucked beyond salvaging. At least that's what we thought. Our last ditch attempt at fixing it was signing this little rock duo that was starting to pick up motion in the scene. Like fucking magic, with just a little promotion, they took off. Everyone loved them. They saved us! And now I have to go tell them that they've been screwed over.”

“Oh my god.” It just kept getting worse the more you learned. That mother fucker really stabbed them in the back.

Jieun was much too heartbroken to deliver the news herself. That meant you had to step up, and be the bearer of bad news. A number of staff filed into the room when you called the meeting. Some knew. Some were still in the dark. And at the very center of it all, sat Ruby and Ocean. You could've vomited from the pressure of all the eyes on you. You completely understood why Jieun couldn't do this. Especially looking the duo in the eyes and confessing that she failed. Even if it isn't her fault, it must feel like a knife in her heart.

“Im not gonna sugar coat it.” You started once you were sure everyone was listening. “It is with a heavy heart that I must share the contents of this morning's meeting with the CFO. But the label is bankrupt.” You couldn't stop your voice from shaking. Eyes widened and gasps erupted around the room. You had half a mind to ignore two particular sets of eyes that were piercing through you, but you thought better of it.

“What does that mean exactly?” Someone in the back raised their hand.

“It means that there's no more money. It's all gone.”

“What does that mean for us?” Ocean’s voice made you want to book it as far away as possible.

Maybe you'd sugar coat just a bit. “Nothing is guaranteed until tour ends. After that… We'll just have to see.”

“What're the conditions?” He pressed.

“If you make enough money you might have just have enough to stabilize finances for Polarized to-”

“How much is enough? What's the bottom line?”

You think this is the most anxiety you've ever had. And with Ocean of all people pressing, you might just pass out. “You'd have to sell out every single show. Then maybe… maybe it'll work out.”

“So you're saying we're fucked.” Jihoon gritted out.

Your tongue poked at the inside of your cheek. No point in getting their hopes up. “Basically.”

Ruby was out in seconds, Ocean not far behind him. You addressed the staff in the room. “If you have any questions about your position in the company, I suggest you call Daniel. Otherwise, I hope you all have a good day.” Then it was your turn to walk out.

You roamed down the hallway to find an empty room you could decompress in. Too lost in your thoughts, you end up bumping into someone.

“Violet.” Ocean. He held your arms, steadying you.

You immediately jumped into defense mode. “I'm sorry, Ocean. I've told you everything I know. I-”

“What? No. ____.” His brows furrowed. “I'm trying to say sorry for how I spoke to you, it wasn't warranted.”

“What?” You stared at the man in front of you as if a third eye had grown on his face. He was apologizing for what? It was infinitely more shocking to you than the uncharacteristically sharp tone he took with you. That was understandable. This… this might just be madness. “You’re apologizing to me? Because you had a tone?” It was baffling. “Are you serious? You're upset. That's normal.”

“I-”

“For the love of God, Hansol.” You placed your hands on his shoulders. “You can be angry. You have every right to be. Let it out; be angry at me if you have to.”

“____, no. That's unfair. No one here deserves to be lashed out on, especially not you.” He was extremely sincere. Every word he said was laced with something you couldn't recognize. “And that's just not who I am. It's not who I want to be. Of course I'm upset, but being irrational is not gonna solve anything.”

The extent of the man's patience was nothing short of astonishing. You let your arms fully envelop him and he did the same in response.

“Did it hurt?” You began the cheesy pickup line painfully genuine.

“Did what hurt?”

“When you fell from heaven.”

Hansol turned his face as air shot from his nose. “What is wrong with you?” The laugh forced itself from his lungs.

“This is very serious, Ocean. I think you may be an actual angel.”

“I think an angel would be more sober than I am.” He raised a brow at you.

“Angels sin too. Especially if they're not aware of their angelic origins.” You tilted your head to the side in thought.

“You literally cannot be serious.” It was stupid, maybe even annoying. But it made Hansol smile just the same.

“I'll stop when you stop being an angel.” You reasoned.

“Damn… maybe I will crash out then.” He shrugged.

“Speaking of crash outs.” You remembered a very important factor in all of this. “On a scale of ‘he’ll thug it out,’ to ‘don’t even try talking to him,’ how mad is Ruby?”

Ocean sucked in air through his teeth. That really told you all you needed to know, but he elaborated anyway. “Please steer clear for a few days. He's a volcano just waiting to blow.” He fully understood why Jihoon was like this, but he wasn't going to sacrifice you to satiate his partner's rage.

“Noted.” You nodded.

“Come with me. I need a smoke.” Ocean pulled you towards the greenroom.

You didn't see Ruby anywhere, but Ocean didn't seem concerned which meant he was safe. After the brunette rolled his joint, he fell onto the couch, one leg propped up, the other hanging off the side, and pulled you right between them. You laid against his chest and began to mindlessly trace his tattoos.

“Is it weird that I still have hope?” Hansol spoke up after a moment of silence.

“No. Like I said, there's still a chance.” You sighed. There was still so much tension in your body. It felt like invisible forces were pulling you apart limb from limb. “A really slim one, yeah. But a chance no less. And that chance doesn't exist unless you're willing to try.”

“Do you have hope?”

“I don't know.” You were honest. “But I'll do my best to find some.” There had to be something. Something to put your faith in. Even if it was just the rockstars themselves.

“Do you… know what happened?” Hansol felt bad for asking you so many questions, but you would know more than him.

“Jieun said Eren gambled it.” It truly felt like the worst thing you could've said. Unfortunately, it was the only thing to say.

“Again, huh?” He chuckled, a slight pain in his chest. After all this time. A giant ‘fuck you’ to everyone working with the label.

“Again.” You whispered.

Lessons

You listened when Ocean told you to steer clear of Ruby. You listened well. You tried to give it a few days, but he clearly needed longer, so you kept it cute whenever around him. Unfortunately, he got sick of waiting for you to take the bait.

“You're such a fucking bitch!” You couldn't even begin to recall what Jihoon was screaming at you about, you'd be surprised if he knew.

The rebuttal you had locked and loaded vanished from your lips. Your eye twitched. Deep breaths ____, deep breaths.

“That's uncalled for, man.” Hansol was doing his best to diffuse the situation. He seemed so tired and defeated, just pleading with Jihoon to leave it alone.

“You're a piece of shit, Jihoon.” You scoffed. It was time for this to end. Just walk away.

“Did I hurt your feelings? Is that where you draw the line?” The blonde mocked you. Jihoon was angry, livid even. His life was falling apart before his eyes and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. And you… why the fuck were you even here? Just to irk him? Take Hansol from him? Walking around all pretty and confident like you weren't actively ruining his life.

“Your fucked up little remarks don't mean shit to me, but if you insist on calling me names like a teenage boy, you need shut the fuck up and try that with someone else cause you will not speak to me that way!” Walk away, ____. You kept trying to tell yourself, but oh my god he was really pushing it today.

“Cry me a fucking river!” He spat.

“Jihoon, please leave her alone. We have shit to do.” Hansol placed a hand on the elders shoulder in an attempt to make him pay attention.

To your surprise, Jihoon did hear him. “She came crashing in here! Tell her!”

“I'm doing my fucking job you prick!” You gritted out.

“Your job is to bring Jieun her fuckin coffee! You have no reason to be here!” You stared into the rockstar’s eyes. You can't talk to this man; there's no reasoning with him.

“Hyung! Enough!” Hansol thinks his head might explode. He's way too tired, and way too sober to be dealing with this shit. Normally he'd let you and his partner scream it out, but he was so tired of the fighting. And Jihoon's gone from just being a jackass, to actively targeting you to let out his own frustrations. It was absurd.

“You should listen to him, Ruby.” You lowered your voice. This man is in distress, you have to be the reasonable one.

“I don't have to listen to shit!”

“Oh my fucking god! Like actually what the fuck!” Hansol screamed, clearly at his wits end. “We're going to lose the band! Does that not upset you!? Do you not care!?” His voice strained, tears pricking at his eyes. This was fucked. Everything was fucked, and the one person he could count on was more interested in making your day worse than the issue at hand.

“Han I-”

“I just don't understand how you could pick this time to argue over the dumbest shit! Tour ends in two months! ____ will still be here for you to scream at when it's over! I need you here, hyung!”

There was a heaviness in his voice. Desperation. Just for once, he needed Jihoon to listen.

“I…” Everything felt heavy. The words on his tongue, the feeling in his heart, it was weighing him down. “I need you. I need this. Please.” Hansol sat in a chair to try and steady himself, and buried his face in his hands.

Jihoon swore he heard his own heart shatter. He looked to you who was left speechless. This whole thing was a mess. What the fuck was he doing? Arguing over… what again? That's just nonsense. He was taking his stress out on you, too wrapped up in his own emotions to even think about how much it was affecting his partner. And he knows better. He's always known better.

“I'm sorry.”

You nearly got whiplash from how fast you turned to face the blonde. Were you hearing things? Did Lee Jihoon just-

“I'm so sorry.” He stepped closer to his partner. “I'm sorry, Han.” Then he was kneeling in front of the younger, gentle hands reaching for him.

Hansol lifted his head and it pained Jihoon to see his teary eyes. He had to blink away the tears threatening to escape his own.

“You're right. You're always right.” Jihoon held the younger's hand tight, as if he might drift away. “I do care. I care so much. I care about this band, I care about us, and I care about you so fucking much. More than anything.” He was starting to choke up, the words in his throat all fighting to be set free. Jihoon has never had trouble speaking in his entire life. His tongue was his sword, his words like knives cutting a path to his success. But here and now, no words seemed good enough, no sentence was strong enough. His sword had grown dull. At this rate it would be more useful as a spoon.

“We're gonna do this, okay? If it's that last thing I fucking do, I'm gonna save this.” Jihoon sniffled, taking his hand and wiping the stray tears from Hansol's face.

“Hyung…” Hansol’s voice was quiet and a bit strained. This was usually the part where Jihoon started demanding to know who did this. But this time, there was no one to blame but himself.

“I promised you fame, fortune, and anything else you could ever want. Remember? I said you'd have it all.” Hansol nodded. Jihoon stood, still holding onto Hansol's hands. “So let's go get it, yeah?”

The brunette looked up at the older. Jihoon was stupid a lot of the time. It was fitting that he was named after a rock because he's so fucking hardheaded. But it didn't take a lot to get him back on the right track. If he said he's in it, then he's in it.

Hansol stood, pulling Jihoon into a tight hug. “I'm sorry for yelling.” He sniffled away the last remnants of his breakdown.

“What I say about saying stupid shit?” The older comforted.

“Don't.”

“So don't.”

You think you probably shouldn't be here. This was too personal, too intimate. You felt like a fly on the wall. But when the two pulled away from each other, suddenly Hansol was heading straight towards you with open arms.

“I'm sorry about that, Violet.” You wouldn't think it from looking at him, but the man's apology hug was awful constricting.

“No no, I'm sorry for getting in the way.” You patted his back.

“You did nothing. Ruby's an ass.” He pulled away, giving your shoulders a squeeze.

Jihoon bit his tongue to keep from bickering. He shouldn't say anything for a good while.

“This is good.” Hansol stared at his bass on the floor. Everyone was taken care of, you could all focus on the matter at hand. “Now we just…” The very daunting matter at hand.

“We got this!” Jihoon suddenly shouted. “Can’t stop the Ocean once it's in motion!” The notoriously cheesy line seemed to lift Hansol's spirits a little. They didn't have a plan but they were going to throw everything they had at this fucking tour.

“Oh!” You perked up when you remembered why you crashed into the greenroom in the first place. The duo turned to you, very interested in what just occurred to you. “There’s a show! It's a web show! It's like a talent show and they take whoever shows up! It's like a serious thing too, not a joke. And they get millions of viewers, and acts have gotten insane clout from just going on! If you guys show up when we're in New York it could be great for publicity!” You're not sure if what you said was completely coherent but you got it out.

The duo gawked at you. Did they not like it? “Or maybe it's a bad idea…” Well so much for that. “Just a thought-”

“Shut the fuck up.” Jihoon looked at you with wide eyes.

“Well I was just trying to help, I don't think that'-”

“That's incredible!” The blonde smiled. Like a real genuine smile. Over something you said no less.

“Oh my god, Violet, thank you.” Ocean pulled you into yet another hug. You guess it was a good idea after all.

Thoughts

Ruby's behavior has been… odd. He's much less confrontational, which you initially chalked up to him locking in and focusing on the entirely new setlist he had to rehearse for Throw Down, but now, it seems like a little more than that. He was also doing weird things like listening to, and taking your advice. It was so strange. But of course, he's still Ruby at the end of the day.

“Hey!” Ruby followed you down the hall of the concert venue.

“Why are you following me!?” You screeched at him as you marched down the hall. You have things to do, you don't have time for whatever this is.

“I'm trying to talk to you!”

“About what!?”

“Am I really doing that one interview by myself!?” Ruby sounded a little sad, but you didn't catch it.

“That's what it said!”

“Who the fuck did that!?”

“I don't know! I don't do that!” You were responsible for knowing the duo’s whereabouts, scheduling was far from your list of tasks.

“Then who did!?”

“I don't know!” You halted in your tracks, turning around to face the pale man. “Ask Jieun, I don't know anything about that.”

“But-”

“Hey uhh, what's your name.” Your head whips to the side, at the familiar voice. You stopped right in front of Painstaked's greenroom. The lead singer Crystal was snapping her fingers for your attention. Her eyes then darted to Ruby, her expression morphing into something a lot sweeter. “Hi, Ruby.”

In typical Ruby fashion, he ignored her. “____, I swear to god.”

“And I swear on my life that I have nothing to do with this. Now go back to the stage.” You fully turned to face Crystal. “Can I help you?”

She rolls her eyes as if she didn't speak to you first. “There's something broken in here, come look at it.”

“Ask your manager?”

“I don't know where he is. Just look.”

You narrowed your eyes and sighed. Away from the lion, and into the lion's den. You stepped into the greenroom, taking note of the band members lounging around. You hear the door click shut behind you, but when you looked back, Crystal wasn't there. Of course. She can't help herself. When you turn back, you see it. There was a massive hole in the wall. Your eyes went wide as you searched for how on earth this could've happened. “What is this!?”

“A hole.” Someone says in a duh tone.

“I know it's a hole. How the fuck did you guys put a hole in the wall?” You turn around to find that Crystal had returned, clearly dejected. That didn't take long.

“We didn't do anything. It just… fell in.” Shooter huffed.

“If one of you don't fess up, repairs will be cut from all of your checks, understand?” You literally cannot do this. You're going to have an aneurysm.

“Shooter did it. He hit it with a bat, it's behind the couch.” The bassist confessed.

“What the fuck, man!?” The drummer stood from his seat.

“I'm not taking a pay cut because of you, dumbass!” Truthfully, the cut would've been so small she would've hardly noticed it. But of course she isn't thinking about that when she hears she is going to lose money.

“Shooter, why the fuck did you hit the wall with a bat!?” You interjected.

“I don't know!” He throws his hands in the air.

“Great… no this is great. I'm calling Jinyoung.” You move to pull your phone from your pocket.

“Don't do that!” Shooter screeched.

“I literally have to.” You move your hand to your temple, massaging your growing headache. Maybe you'll call him later. He's going to see it eventually anyways.

“You're being a bitch!”

“Well that's enough of this.” You push past the disgruntled rockstars to the door.

“Get a grip!”

“So fucking lame!”

“Why did we tell the fucking assistant anyway!?”

They went on and on and on. You don't have time for this. You don't have energy for this.

Jihoon's ears might finally be giving out. They must be. Cause there's no way in hell those Painstaked fucks were talking to you that way. Who the fuck do they think they are? Lousy ass act. Plane ass motherfuckers. And they thought they could boss you around? You don't work for them.

Then you came out of the room and you looked considerably more tired than when you went in.

“What the fuck was that?” Jihoon's brows furrowed.

“What was what?” You ran your hands down your face.

“That!?” He gestured wildly at the room you had just emerged from.

“Ruby, I don't have time for this. You're supposed to be doing sound check right now.”

“We're taking five.”

“It's been well over five minutes.” You started walking in the direction of the stage. “Come on.”

“But-”

“Lee Jihoon.” You leveled him with a glare.

Jihoon gnawed on his lip before reluctantly following you back to the stage.

He pushed it to the back of his mind. It was probably fine. He knew all too well that you could handle yourself. But then a few days passed, and your mood seemed to have only gotten worse.

“Go fuck yourself, Ruby!”

“What is up your ass!?” Ruby scoffed as if he didn't provoke you. It was a genuine question though. Your patience was noticeably much thinner than usual.

“Your fucking attitude, man! I really can't right now!”

“My attitude has never stopped you from doing your fucking job. Genuinely, are you regressing or some shit?”

That was it. Some off handed comment about not doing your job correctly, from Ruby of all people. That broke the last of your resolve.

“Fuck you, Jihoon.” Your voice came out much quieter than you initially intended, but if you spoke any louder, it might break. “Seriously.”

“What has got you so fucked up that when you see someone having a bad day, you're response is to make it worse.” Tears pricked at your eyes.

Jihoon had to wonder how he's made two people cry within such a short amount of time, but he couldn't focus on that right now. “I didn't… fuck.” He whispered, sitting next to you. “Okay, what's wrong… other than me.”

“It's nothing. I'm just stressed.” You rubbed at your eyes, attempting to keep the water works at bay.

“No no. I stress you out.” Jihoon has seen you stressed, angry, disgruntled, and annoyed. And it was all due to him. This was different. “I've seen you stressed out of your fucking mind. This is something else.”

“Jihoon, please.” You hate feeling like this. You hate that you’re breaking down like this in front of him. “It's just normal manager shit. Shit with the opener. Stress. I'm stressed.”

Jihoon recalled the other day, what he heard. Was that bothering you this much? Did they always treat you that way? “The openers? You mean those corny losers got under your skin?”

“It's not like that-”

“It is. You're upset.” The nerve of those losers. And the fact that you're here crying about it instead of giving them a piece of your mind. Absolutely the fuck not. “Not the upset you get at me. Like your feelings are genuinely hurt.”

“Don't start.” You sighed.

“I didn't say anything.” Jihoon's brows furrowed.

“You can't fucking help yourself. Gonna tell me to grow some balls, or what?” You were baffled as to why he was so concerned about this, but you didn't have it in you to hear him start moaning about this.

Oh. Jihoon blinked then looked away from you. If that’s how you felt. “I don't fucking care what you do. Just don't take your problems out on me.”

“You're fucking ridiculous.” Your hands gripped at your pants. You needed this conversation to be over with.

“I don't see anyone laughing.”

“I laugh at you often.”

“Well shit don't seem so funny right now, does it?” Jihoon scoffed.

You sighed. “Whatever.”

Jihoon watched you get up and leave the room without another word. He couldn't explain the rage simmering in his gut. He couldn't explain the sudden urge to rip every single member of that loser band apart for making you cry. They were just so fucking entitled, and with zero talent to back it up. A bunch of losers with a bunch of fuckin nerve.

When Jihoon saw Painstaked the next day, it was on sight.

“Crystal!” He shouted from across the stage as he approached her.

She looked up from her guitar at the call of her name. The lead singer was pleasantly surprised to find the illusive Ruby approaching her. At least until she saw the clearly pissed look on his face.

“Ruby?” She questioned.

“You and your boys barked up the wrong fucking tree!”

“What are you-”

“How the fuck a buncha nobodies like you get the fucking gall to speak to people all fucked up!?”

“We haven't spoken to anybody on your team!”

The nerve to fucking lie about it too. Gross. “Think harder then! The pretty girl you're so disgustingly jealous of!?”

“The assistant!?” Drummer boy piped up. Crystal did a slicing motion with her hand but he didn't care. “You're tripping over her!?”

Something ticked in Jihoon's brain. Him. He's the problem.

“Is she blowing you on the side or sum!?” He laughed.

“If I wanted someone to blow me I'd just get this whore to do it!” Referring to Crystal. “I could ignore her the next fucking day too, she'd still do it again!”

Crystal didn't have anything to say about that. Jihoon didn't think she would.

“Watch your fucking mouth!” Shooter had the nerve to be offended even with what he just blew out of his mouth.

“You don't like that, huh!? Think about that before you fuck with any of my people!”

“I'll fuck with who I want!” Shooter stood from his seat, snarling.

“Then you can get the fuck out!” The audacity to talk to him or any of his crew astounded Jihoon. Who does this guy think he is? “There's a fucking line of losers that would gladly take you place!”

“You can't do shit to me! There's something called a contract, dumbass!” He can't do anything? Was this guy serious? The drummer was so confidently wrong that it almost amused Jihoon. “So I'll do what I want! To who I want! And your gonna have to fucking deal with it!”

Jihoon's vision was going blurry. Everything was starting to blend together. Before he knew it he was grabbing the guy up by his collar. “Watch what happens then. Go on.”

You heard an abundance of shouting as you approached the stage. No shocker that Lee Jihoon was at the center of it all, absolutely ripping into the openers. Then he was grabbing up Shooter, and there was no more yelling. It was arguably more terrifying than the screaming. You rushed up the stairs hoping that at the very least Jihoon would redirect his anger towards you.

“What the fuck are you doing!?” Your brain could not even begin to piece together why this might be happening. What could they have possibly done to drive Jihoon to snap like this?

Jihoon turned his head to face you. Shooter seemed to think that would be his out, clawing at his hand to try and pry it open, but Jihoon didn't budge. “I'm putting this loser in his place.” He said it so calm a shiver went down your spine. Not unsettling at all.

“Put him down!”

“Why should I!?” Jihoon raised his voice once again. That was better.

“Because I said so!”

“I don't have to listen to you!”

“Lee Jihoon, I swear to God!”

Jihoon's eye twitched, and he just stood there for a moment. Then, reluctantly, he let the drummer go. Shooter fell to the ground with a thud. Jihoon took a deep breath before beginning to storm off stage.

“Yeah, go back to Mommy you fucking prick!” The drummer had the nerve to cough out as he was still on the floor.

Before you could even begin to tell Jihoon to leave it alone, BAM, he punched the shit out of him. Fuck.

“Jihoon!” You screeched. Oh my fucking god.

“Get off my fucking stage, bitch!” He quite literally spat on him.

And only then did Jihoon leave, walking past you without a word. You followed him back to try and get some kind of answer out of him. He didn't seem very interested in explaining.

“Lee Jihoon!”

“What!?” Jihoon spun around to face you.

“Why the fuck did you do that!?” Perhaps you shouldn't be yelling at him, but what the actual fuck.

“They crossed the fucking line!” His hand banged against the wall, the loud noise emphasizing his frustration.

“What does that mean? Why wouldn't you tell me about it?” You wanted to understand. You needed to understand why he just flew off the fucking rails.

“You don't need to worry about it! Not anymore.” He huffed out. The last part slipped from the blonde's lips before he could stop it.

“Wait.” Your eyes widened. “Wait wait wait. Is this about yesterday?”

Jihoon scoffed. “Don't be fucking arrogant.” Why would it be about you? Why would he care?

“Then what is it about? Please enlighten me on why you just went berserk out there?”

“I got sick of em.”

“That's not a reason. Tell me why. ”

“They’re arrogant, and annoying. That's why."

“They didn't do anything to you?” You kept pushing. You needed something. Something to explain this.

“They pissed me off! Don't look so fucking surprised that I got tired of them!”

“But you don't act like that.” You huffed out. “You don't lose it like that on just anybody. And you sure as hell don’t go around punching people.”

“Stop acting like you fucking know me! You're so sure of what I do, and things I'm gonna say! But you don't know anything!” You couldn't possibly tell him anything about himself. You couldn't possibly lie and tell him that he's more reasonable than that. “I’m angry, I'm violent, I'm inconsiderate, and self centered. That's what you know. Stick to that, and stay out of my fucking business.”

“Jihoon, I'm just trying to understand-”

“There’s nothing to understand. Just go do your fucking job.”

“This is my job. You punched somebody, Jihoon.” You fight the urge to bang your head against the wall. You could never get anywhere with this guy. “I'm gonna let Jieun talk to you, maybe you'll listen to her.”

“I'm not a fucking child.”

“Then don't act like one.” And with that, you left him. On your way back to the stage you see Hansol who looks extremely confused.

“What the fuck is this?” He asked. “Shooter looks like he got hit by a fucking car?”

“Jihoon punched him.”

His eyes went wide. “What? Why?”

“I didn't get a straight answer, but I think…” You sigh. The closest thing you got to an answer was the slip about not wanting you to worry. Could that really be it though? “Those guys have a terrible attitude towards staff.”

“Staff? Whatchu mean?” Ocean brows furrowed.

“Jihoon heard em giving me a hard time.” You admitted. You really could not believe it. Why would he react like that?

“Oh.” That made more sense. Ocean looked back to the stage where Jieun was talking to Painstaked’s manager.

“I didn't think he'd have that kind of reaction.” You leaned against the wall, still baffled. “That shit was bazaar.”

“He cares a lot, you know?” Ocean offered.

“He cares a lot about you.” You corrected.

“He didn't punch Shooter over me.”

You suppose he made a good point. Whatever the reason Jihoon lost his cool, this was still such a mess.

Jieun ended up not letting you anywhere near the situation, and crazy enough, Painstaked still performed. You weren't given many details, but apparently Jieun brought them and their team to their metaphorical knees. Used their fucked up attitudes as a bargaining chips (blackmail). They put makeup on Shooter, but stage lights are unforgiving, you could still see the shiner Jihoon gave him clear as day. Hopefully the people in the crowd couldn't tell. Then Polarized went on, and somehow, Jihoon's scream was angrier than ever. You felt it. You felt it a great deal. And it sat with you for the next few days.

Melancholy Hill

“We're both uhh… a bit codependent.” Ocean admitted as he plucked at random cords on his bass.

You stared at your laptop, fiddling with random settings that you’re hoping will add the pizazz you think your song needs. “Oh I know. Jihoon acts like I shot him if I stand too close to you.”

“He's working on that.” Ocean sighed.

“It's fine, I'm super used to whatever the hell is wrong with him by now.”

He watched you push several buttons, none of which doing what you wanted. “Well all we had was each other so he's really protective.”

Your brow quirked in curiosity. “Ooh, traumatic back story.”

“Don't say it like that.”

“Is that not what it is?” You finally looked up from the screen, far more interested in the duo’s origin story.

“It makes it sound silly.” Hansol chuckled. He thinks you’re adorable.

“Well I thought it sounded cool, but okay.” You agreed.

“It’s not that interesting.“ The brunette sighed. “My family doesn't care much for the rockstar thing, so they… left me to my own devices.” He thinks that’s a nice way to rephrase ‘I was disowned.’

Left him? As in kicked him out? The thought made your stomach twist. “Over… music?”

“It's pretty ridiculous when I say it out loud. But that's how they felt.” Ocean chuckled, scratching the back of his neck.

“Damn, man. That's rough.” You fiddled with your hands, not exactly sure what to say. You didn't want to be weird about it.

“It was. But I had Jihoon, we worked it out together.” Ocean nodded, a content smile on his face.

“I see.” You chuckle, running a hand down your face. “Well that explains why he acts like a guard dog.”

Ocean laughed with you. “That's not even half of it.”

“There's more?” The crack in your voice was part disbelief, part genuine concern.

“Yeah, but I can't tell you.”

“Oh.” It was about Ruby. Privy to his trauma or not, dots were starting to connect. “Understood.”

Hansol smiled at you. Damn he likes you a lot. Then a thought came to him. “You know, you two are so similar.”

“Oh no.” This could not possibly be good.

“Really!” The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. “Both so stubborn, and you both front so much.”

“I don't front!” You gasped, offended.

“You do though.” The rockstar tilted his head, thinking of the differences in your behaviors. “You act so different when it's just us. And it's not just business versus personal, you just present yourself differently around other people.”

“That’s because I have a crush on you.” You sighed, glancing back at your laptop. “This is fucking stupid.”

Ocean smiled hearing those words leave your lips. It was too good. “Let's take a break then.”

“Ocean, I wanna take an actual break.” You whine as he's already crawling over to you.

“This is an actual break. A stress reliever.” The brunette wraps his arms around your waist, pulling your body into his.

You relented embarrassingly quick, weak to the way his soft lips trailed down your neck. He was right, the stress was rolling off your shoulders.

Mood

Jihoon thought he was losing his mind. He felt bad. Terrible, actually. Not about Painstaked, no. Not even a little. But he stressed you out. He stressed you out so bad. You didn't even have anything more to say to him. Were you actually mad at him? Did he actually fuck up? The worst part was he couldn't figure out why he cared so much. He cared about your feelings. He cared so much that he punched Shooter, and he'd do it again, no questions asked. But now you're mad at him because of it and he doesn't know what to do.

Hansol, ever aware of Jihoon’s tendencies, knows something is wrong with the man. He also has a good guess as to what it is, but he knows better than to pry. He'll come to him when he's ready. Although, it's really hard not to say anything when his partner has been staring at you since you showed up at the venue. Maybe he could encourage him to speak up.

“You good, Hoon?” The brunette sat next to his partner on the stage whose eyes stayed glued to your form while you spoke to Jieun on the floor.

Jihoon blinked before lowering his head and glaring at the ground. “I'm fine. Why?”

“There's very clearly something on your mind.”

Jihoon's face grew hot. He's been caught. “She’s mad at me.” He basically whispered, embarrassed. There was no point in lying. Not to Hansol.

Hansol's brows furrowed. “Violet?” He tried not to sound too shocked. It was finally happening. “I don't think she's mad.”

Jihoon felt so embarrassed. Acting how he does and having the nerve to be upset with the consequences. “She's not talking to me, I think I really pissed her off.” His hands gripped the fabric of his shorts.

“She doesn't know how to speak to you.” Ocean sighed.

“That’s… that's fair.” Several months ago, this is exactly what Jihoon would've wanted. You out of his face and minding your own damn business. Now it feels like he's done something very wrong, and he doesn't know how to handle that. “Oh my god… this is so weird.” He wants to scream. At someone, something, anything. But that seemed counterproductive.

“It's called guilt.” Hansol wrapped an arm around his partner's waist.

Jihoon leaned into the younger, a pout wrinkling his features. “I know what it is, I just don't know why I feel this way.”

“Because she's done nothing to deserve your fiery wrath, and has made great efforts to understand where you're coming from but she keeps getting met with the brick wall you call your emotions.” Ocean nodded. That's about it.

“That was blunt.”

“But you know it's true. You feel bad because you care.”

“I don't know what to do.” Jihoon has never had this kind of room in his heart for anyone other than his partner, so he's beyond lost on what he should be doing.

“Listen to what your heart is saying.” The brunette suggested.

“My heart? Seriously?” it just sounded so… silly.

“I’m so serious.”

Jihoon sighed. He thinks wallowing in his guilt sounds a lot less complicated than what his heart is trying to tell him.

Rearrange My World

“That don't sound right.” Your eyes narrowed on your laptop screen. Something was wrong. You could only glare at the million different sound bites in an attempt to locate the noise that definitely doesn't belong on your track.

“What was that?” Ocean was leaning against the desk, his arms crossed over his chest as his features creased at the unpleasant noise.

“Hell if I know.” You stared at the screen for a moment longer before leaning back in your chair, the seat slightly rocking as you fell back. You blinked at the clock on the wall, grimacing at the ungodly hour presented on its face. You and Ocean have been working for quite a few hours now. It's probably time to call it a night. “I'll get a better look at it tomorrow.”

“You calling it?”

“Yes.” You sighed. “I have a lot of shit to do tomorrow.”

“Damn, can't relate.” Ocean gave you a mischievous smirk. Polarized have an off day tomorrow. Technically you do too, but of course, not actually. Ocean called himself rubbing it in. If you had it in you, you'd reach up and punch his pretty face.

“Well you can leave now.” You huffed.

“This is my hotel room.”

You blinked, looking around. “Shit it is.” You completely forgot. You had gotten insanely comfortable.

“But you don't have to go.”

“So kind of you.” You push yourself out of the chair before leaning over to save your music file, and shutting down your laptop.

“No really, you can hang out if you want.” Hansol watched as you shoved your laptop in your computer bag. He really wanted you to stay.

“I think I'll end up passing out.” You rubbed at your eyes. Can’t fuck if you’re asleep.

“That's fine too.” How does he tell you that he just wants to be around you? And is wanting to watch you sleep a little creepy?

“Doesn't Ruby come in here to chant protection spells over you or somethin?” You stood in front of him, a teasing smile on your face.

“He does not, don't tell people that.”

“People told me that.” You tilted your head to the side, biting back a laugh.

“Don't listen to rumors.” His eyes narrowed, a laugh of his slipping past his lips. It’s so fucking stupid.

“Then what should I listen to?”

“Me.”

“And what do you say?”

Hansol looked up, pretending to think. “I say… let's not talk about all that right now.” His hands reached for yours, pulling you close.

“Then what?” You felt yourself drawing closer to him. It was almost magnetic, the force that was pulling you together.

Ocean’s nose brushed against yours, you could feel his breath fan across your face. “Maybe…” He hummed as he closed the gap, his lips pressing to yours. Soft, refreshing, maybe a little salty.

You didn't have it in you to pull away, not that you wanted to. Your knees felt weak, your arms were fatigued. Your only support was Ocean's arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you flush against him. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, reciprocating the kiss. Maybe you could stay up a little longer. However, Hansol forgot something very important. Him and Ruby share everything. That includes room keys. So when the door clicked open, revealing Ruby who was clearly perturbed by what he just walked in on, he could only blame himself.

The two of you had pulled away, and you basically leaped across the room.

“Jihoon-”

Ruby held up his hand, cutting Ocean off. “No.” Then he left.

Ocean ran his hands down his face. “Oh shit…”

“Should you…” It was only a matter of time, you supposed. The duo have a lot to talk about, that's for sure.

“Yeah… I'm sorry.” Ocean pushed himself off the desk.

“No no, I understand.” You waved your hands, dismissing his apology.

He stood in front of you, holding your hands in his. “You're really so awesome, you know that?” He brought your hands to his lips, giving them a kiss. “I'll go talk to him.”

“Okay.”

-

Hansol used his key card to let himself into his partner's room. “Hoon?” He peeked around at the seemingly empty room. The balcony maybe? Lo and behold, Hansol found Jihoon sulking on the balcony, a cigarette in hand. That's not good.

“Hyung?”

“It's fine.” Jihoon was leaning against the railing, waving away the smoke drifting from his lips. “I don't need you to explain it to me like I'm a child.”

“I wasn't.” Hansol perched himself next to Jihoon, facing the blonde. “Just checking in.”

“I'm fine.”

“And I’m sober.” He responded with a lie of his own.

Jihoon pursed his lips to stop himself smiling at the joke. “I'll be fine.” He insisted.

“That’s not gonna help.” Hansol pointed the white stick between the blonde's fingers.

“Oh you're one to fucking talk.” Jihoon scoffed, a laugh slipping from his lips.

“Weed isn't gonna give me cancer.” Hansol rolled his eyes.

Jihoon hadn't picked up a cigarette in years. Everything that's happening really had his brain twisted. “It’s destroying your brain cells." He shot back at the younger.

“As long as I can still write a song I'm good.” Hansol shrugged. “But back to you.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“There's nothing to say.” Jihoon sighed. “I always knew you liked her, I can't change that, nor do I want to. She's really great, and she doesn't worry you all the time. She makes you happy and I want you to be happy.”

“You make it sound like we're separating.” The brunette furrowed his brows. He didn't like the sound of that. “You know I’d never leave you.”

“... I know.” Jihoon has been fighting the feeling like he might one day be abandoned again for as long as he's known his partner. And then add the presence of such a kind and pretty person, it felt like it was only a matter of time before Hansol realized he could do better. But he knows that's not true. He really does. But he wouldn't be the first. “I don't wanna go anywhere. At first I thought I wanted her gone but…”

“You like her.” Hansol nodded. He suspected that his partner had begun to grow fond of you in his own emotionally inept way. Really fond. Lee Jihoon doesn’t see red over just anyone’s wellbeing.

Jihoon could bang his head against the railing. He does, he really does. Ignoring it has only made his life more difficult, but he really doesn't want anything to do with it. There's no point in doing anything about it. “I feel like I’ve gone fucking crazy. I just don't know what to do with that. I really didn't think it would turn into this, like yeah she's pretty and all, but I didn't think she'd be so kind, and understanding, and just… wow.”

The crowd in Ocean’s head cheered. “Well crazy can only get you so far with a girl like that, so what do you plan on doing about it?”

“It got me far enough with you.” Jihoon snickered before taking in the rest of what his partner said. “Wait, ‘do!?’ Why would I do anything!?”

“Because you like her.”

“No! Well yes! But no!” What would he even do? Ask you out? As if you'd say yes. Delusions and dreams of grandeur run through Jihoon's mind all day, but he's not that fucking crazy. “That woman doesn't want anything to do with me! Plus, she likes you!”

“Okay… you also like me. What is your point?”

Jihoon opened his mouth, only to close it again. He hadn't thought about that. But even so, “That says nothing about her.” He dropped the cigarette bud to the ground before stomping it out.

“You’re right.” Hansol tapped his chin as he pretended to think. “You should ask her.” He suggested.

“I'm not doing shit.” He wants to take a nap. A really long one. And hopefully, when he wakes up, his mind will be right. “I don't have a dog in this race, I'm staying out of it.” And it was final.

Hansol took a deep breath. He thinks that they’ve lived like this for much too long. Even if Jihoon would rather not try to start over with you, he doesn’t want him to live in fear forever. “I know it’s terrifying getting to know someone and trusting them to not hurt you. I know it must be easier to try and hurt them first to keep them as far away as possible. But you’re being unfair to yourself. I’m afraid too, you know? I haven’t been with anyone but you. But our lives cannot, and should not, be dictated by fear. If we continue like this, everyone who’s ever hurt us wins. Because at the end of the day, we’re only hurting ourselves.”

Jihoon blinked away the tears pricking at his eyes. He’s right. Chwe Hansol is always right. But wow is it terrifying. Especially if it’s with you. You with whom he has done nothing but burn bridges. “But how?” It was all so confusing. Ocean had always been infinitely better at socializing, and being nice, and overall just much more likable. “Like what am I supposed to do?”

“I think you just need to show her the you I know. You can start small, a simple gesture maybe?” Hansol gave it genuine thought. You'd absolutely be willing to give him another chance if he put in genuine effort. “She knows you've got a heart behind all that anger, she just doesn't get to see it often.”

“When has she ever seen it?”

Hansol’s brows furrowed. Is he kidding? “You went nuts because the openers stressed her out so bad she started crying. I didn't see it but she told me she'd never seen you so pissed.” Jihoon hadn’t been that angry in a very long time.

Jihoon's face scrunched up. “Technically I'm the one who made her cry…”

“And you feel guilty?”

“Extremely.”

“Then apologize.”

An apology? Could he ever do enough to atone for how he's treated you? Would you even want to hear it? Hansol seems convinced that it's worth a shot, and he knows you a whole lot better. Even if you don't accept it, you do deserve an apology. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to show you that he's sorry either.

Jihoon closed his eyes tight before opening them again. “Okay.” He sighed.

And just like that, Ocean could see his goals coming to life.

(⁠*⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠)⁠/⁠～⁠♡

Pt.2