#venusia

Serana took a seat on the nearest bench in the food court, placing the gift in her lap and distracting herself with some people watching while Arthur left to make his request. She found solace in the increasing population of the mall, people walking about, laughing with each other, adding some warmth to the place in ways she'd never dreamed of.

Then someone was on the sound stage, the microphone squealing at such a pitch that it made her teeth hurt. Another mall resident, someone she didn't recognize, was all smiles and blushes as she tapped on the mic to make sure everyone was listening.

"Uh, I don't know how to announce these things, but my friend and I made some Venusia cupcakes for everyone in the Round Table. Uh, come by and grab one, mingle, maybe even leave with someone on your arm. Or not! No judgment."

A cupcake didn't seem like a bad idea. They probably looked better than the dumpy gift sitting in her lap. But the fear that she would miss Amir's return rooted her to the spot, the anticipation wearing her nerves thin. He'd only been gone five minutes, and even that already felt too long.

She felt the sudden burst of wind before she saw him.

"Found him out near the zoo. I asked him if you were supposed to meet him out there but he didn't say anything. Just stared at me like I had another eyeball growing out of my forehead. Probably didn't help that there was a line of empty bottles in front of him."

"... target practice?"

"More like getting drunk?"

Serana dragged a hand down her face. Quincy only drank himself shit-faced when he was circling the drain. Always one to mope away from her, not wanting to inflict his moods on her when she was still recovering from her own bout of apathy and bad attitude.

Not today. Any day but today.

"Thanks, Amir."

***

As soon as Serana spotted his silhouette on the roof of the bird exhibit, she instantly froze. She could turn around and leave now, deal with this tomorrow, and pretend as if today hadn't happened. It would be easier to do a do-over when they were in a better place, right? Then why couldn't she make her feet move?

Her grip on the box faltered during her analysis paralysis. It hit the ground before skidding a few inches down the icy pathway. It wasn't loud, but it was definitely noticeable. Like a deer in headlights, she remained stockstill, hesitant to pick it up and give herself away. Maybe he hadn't heard it after all.

Glowing amber eyes found her in the shadows of the archway. A sight that would usually send a warm trickle down her spine. Instead, it felt like someone had shoved metal needles into her back and rigged them up to a Jenny. There was no hiding or escaping. So she plucked the gift off the ground and resigned herself to her fate.

"You sent Amir out here t'look for me?" he drawled once he felt her presence behind him. Quincy tipped back the rest of the bottle before chucking it over the edge. The long, pregnant pause filled the space before they eventually heard the splintering of glass on the ground. Then he popped the cap off another one and started downing that too.

"Technically, Arthur did." She gave him a half-hearted shrug, trying to make herself as small as possible. Not that she was afraid of him. She was more afraid of where this conversation was going to go. "You haven't been answering your KIM all day."

"For good reason."

"So... you wanted to be a selfish prick today? Today of all days?" His word drove hot spikes of pain through her chest. Stars Day was not supposed to go like this.

Quincy had no answer for that. His eyes only darkened as he continued to stare off into the horizon. Just as he brought the bottle to his lips once more, the bottom half of it shattered, sending beer everywhere. The only thing left in his hand was the neck and its jagged edge.

The Sirocco vanished from Serana's hand as quickly as it had appeared.

"You've had enough." She dug her thumb against the spot between her brows to stave off an encroaching headache. "Either you tell me what's up or I'm leaving."

When she glared up at him, fiddling with the box in her hands, Quincy knew she didn't mean "going back to the mall." She would go back to that future of hers, completely out of his reach, with no notice as to when she would be back.

He didn't know if he could stew in his mood for that long. Nor would he forgive himself for pushing her away when it was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Ya know how I kept sayin'..." He tried to ease himself to the ground, but the alcohol had completely stolen his balance. He fell on his ass with a grunt, his arms splayed out to save whatever pride was left.

"... ya know how I kept sayin' how much we changed each other?" He tried to shove his beret back in place, away from his face, but ended up smacking it off his head onto the ground instead. "For the better."

"Yeah?" As much as she wanted to stand there and watch him painfully fumble about, she sat beside him anyway.

"Thought that was it. Couldn't get better than that, right?" He wobbled for a bit before giving in to gravity and lying on his back. At least the world spun a little less that way.

"Then I started thinkin', what if this is the best it's ever gonna get? What if..."

"What if it's all downhill from here?" Serana dragged her thumb against a messy wrinkle in the brown paper, trying to smooth it out. "You're not the only person to think that, Quincy."

"Makes me think, sometimes, I wish I had never met you… cuz now I don’t know how to live without you."

Her gut reaction was anger. Angry that he would think such things, that he would think them about her. But her time being here had taught her that gut reactions weren't always the ones she should act on.

"Because you don't know what you'll do with yourself if I don't come back. If being afraid of losing people means you isolate yourself, then what kind of life is that? That's what you taught me. No one knows when any of us is going to go. Could be tonight, while I walk back to the mall. Does that mean I shouldn't have come out here looking for you? Or giving you this?" She placed the wrinkled gift on his chest, not really caring whether he opened it or not.

"You could stay out here and give Arthur a run for his money, being a moody little shit, or you could come back with me and at least spend the rest of Stars Day together with me."

"Venusia," he corrected.

"My point is, I didn't want to spend today wondering where you were or if you're pissed at me. I wanted today to be nice."

"Yeah... yeah, you're right. S'jus'... ain't never fallin' so deep before, you know?" Quincy slowly righted himself and leaned against the wall for balance. Amusement danced on his face at seeing her talent for wrapping. "What's this, then?"

Serana said nothing, her mood for the day already ruined. He took no precautions to spare the paper as he tore into it with drunken fervor. He examined the silvery device, no bigger than his hand. There was a black piece jutting out one side, and tiny holes on the other. There were several buttons that he recognized: play/pause, rewind, record...

"A digital recorder. I saw an ad for one of those the other day. Came with these little tapes. But I can't play those on the Liset. But those... mp3s?... Ordis can extract them for me and save them."

"Neat as that is..." Her point was still going over his head.

"For the times when I'm not here, you can, like, record yourself. Your thoughts or whatever, how your day went. Then I can listen to them so it doesn't feel like I've missed out on your life. I got one too. So you're not missing out on mine."

So simple, yet so effective. And if there came a time when she didn't come back, he'd have a whole library of her voice he could listen to forever.

"I'm a right piece of shit, I am." He continued turning it over and over in his hand. "I didn't even get you nothin'."

"Yeah. You are. Doesn't make me love you any less, though." Serana scooted a little closer and pulled his head onto her shoulder. As much as he thought he was staying upright, he'd been slowly sliding to one side.

"Sorry," he slurred. His eyes drifted shut and he curled one arm around her waist. "Don't deserve you."