#vent af

I wanted to get wumiibo on my 3ds bc i can emulate amiibos w it but it doesnt work for the only game i wanted it for(teddy together) so i saw on reddit that a year or so ago, a way to maybe fix it is making some folders and moving some bin files but it didnt work. i even made a github account so i could ask the developer for help and even tho they were so nice and replied rite away i couldnt figure it out and im frustrated bc i think its my fault that i cant understand, i dont know why my hands and eyes and brain arent working correctly lately but i want to understand. I dont think im capable

Im trying not to cry too much but im in a rough mental state along with my newly developed physical ailments and i was off my mood stabilizer for a couple weeks(i have it again i been taking it past few days) and i cant get a delta 8 cart until the 5th cuz im broke rn and i am trying not to be reliant on weed but its hard to function without it genuinely.

normal person: stop 

me: ... IT’S A TOOL TO SPREAD DESPAIR AND DEPRESSION-

normal person: just stop!

me: ... IF YOU SUPPORT IT YOU’RE GLOYRIFYING EVIL-

normal person: omg would you please stop being such a bitch?

me: I-I-I am NOT?? WHY CAN’T YOU SEE IT? THIS EVIL TOOL DRESSED UP AS A CARTOON IS USED TO SPREAD WORTHSHIP OF EVIL-

normal person: geez you’re such a dramaqueen just sit down and enjoy this funny little cartoon 

but i hate feeling like a mom.

i hate that i am a trans man who gave birth to my son. i hate that i fulfill all of the 'mother' roles.

i stay at home. i do his doctor appointments. i keep track of his feedings and sleep schedule and diaper changes. i keep track of his solids schedule. i make sure he has clean bottles and that it hasnt been reused too many times. i make sure his straps are adjusted when he grows. i swap out his closet and notice when we need to size up. i keep track of what brands he cant use. im the one who researches car seats and sound machines and baby monitors.

im the one who says thats too expensive. im the one who says hes too small for that. im the one who says okay thats enough popsicle now. im the one who says thats too loud. im the one who says dont hold him like that. im the one who says he cant watch tv, dont show him your phone.

im the one who takes all the photos of him with everyone but myself. im the one who has to make plans, even if its not my people. IM the one who ends up holding him while eating. im the one that doesnt get to stop listening for even a second.