#vegascon2017

The room is crowded – even more so than usual, it would seem – and the girls are extremely loud, tonight. It’s difficult to understand what Jensen is saying, but it doesn’t matter. Jared is partially hidden at the back of the room, surrounded by bodyguards, and he feels lucky because ne one seems to have seen him. For once, he gets to just be one face in the crowd, enjoying the show. He hears the girls scream, all of them freaking out at the view of Jensen’s tight jeans that wrap his long legs and the leather jacket that fits perfectly his broad shoulders, partly covering the V-neck shirt underneath that highlights the muscles of his torso: Jared’s not even aware that he’s noticed all this, because it’s not the point, he doesn’t care, unlike all those girls around him. He’s watching Jensen with the distant awe of the visitor in a museum: distant, in fact, amazed by the aesthetic but in search of the hidden meaning, of the inner essence of a work of art – and he knows Jensen’s inner essence, he’s one of the few people that really do and he’s incredibly grateful for that. This is the way Jared is looking at Jensen right now: like a little brother looking up at his big bro in admiration. At some point, a sentence of Jensen’s speech stands out among the shouts of the crowd and catches his attention. “We are gonna try something a little new here… that we just thought was an appropriate song, given the basis of our show.” Jared frowns, curious. So, a new song, apparently. One that he’s never sang before. What’s it gonna be? The music starts and Jared shifts the weight on his feet. The first notes wake up a warmth in his chest, something familiar and cozy. The beginning of the song feels like coming home after a stressful day of work and slipping into one’s pajamas, the TV remote in one hand and a warm cup of tea in the other. Not that Jared is a great fan of tea. He actually prefers junk food and coke, that’s a fact. But you get the meaning. This is how Jared is feeling, and the song has barely even started. He’s sure he heard it before, he clearly remembers being with Jensen and listening to that song, he just can’t remember anything else. And then Jensen starts singing – and something clicks inside Jared’s head. Or rather, inside Jared’s heart. “Ramblers in the wilderness, we can’t find what we need / Get a little restless from the searching, get a little worn down in between…” Now he remembers. They were on set, tired after shooting an emotional scene for an upcoming episode, and some guys of the crew approached them: they wanted to post a video on the internet for the SPN Family Love campaign, and they wanted Jared and Jensen’s opinion about the background music. “It’s a song that’s very popular among the fans”, they told them, so they gathered together to watch the video. Jared remembers the footage about the campaign: it was already emotional per se, but that moment had stuck with him especially for the song. That song. He had never heard it before, but as soon as he started understanding the lyrics he knew it was right. It was right for the video, it was right for the campaign, but most of all it was right for the show, it was right for the Winchesters… and it was right for them. As in, Jared and Jensen. He remembers looking away from the screen to meet Jensen’s eyes, that were already on him: they looked at each other, said nothing, and that was it. They didn’t even have to nod, or make any other gesture. They just looked at each other and it was set. The crew around them understood what that look meant, because they had already seen it – on camera and off camera: it was the Winchester brothers look that could express everything without a spoken word, it was the silent look that now, after twelve years, belonged to Jared and Jensen too. Jared snaps back to reality, his attention now fully focused on his best friend again. He’s not even capable of thinking, he’s just watching as Jensen moves on stage like the rockstar that he is and listening to those words they both know so well by now. “Like a bull chasing the matador is the man left to his own schemes / Everybody needs someone beside ‘em shining like a lighthouse from the sea.” Then, the chorus explodes from the amplifiers like a storm, and Jared can feel his heart swell, almost smothering him. “Brother, let me be your shelter / Never leave you all alone / I can be the one you call / When you’re low…” Suddenly the lights on the ceiling are too bright, the cheers from the crowd are deafening, his legs are weak: it’s overwhelming, and all he can do is stare at Jensen, mouth slightly open, trying to catch his breath. “Brother, let me be your fortress / When the night winds are driving on / Be the one to light the way / Bring you home.” Jensen is singing with his eyes closed, and when he gets to the middle of the chorus he raises a hand and places it on his heart. Jared kind of misses all the second verse trying to calm himself down. He sees Jensen addressing the crowd when he sings about coming home, but he know he’s actually talking about him. Maybe he doesn’t know that Jared’s here in this room, but it doesn’t matter: Jared remembers the way those green eyes looked at him when they were listening to that song that day on set, drinking every single word, absorbing the meaning into their own souls, together, far away from the people that were there with them. That’s why he knows he’s talking to him: no matter how many people there are in this world, the only two that really mean something are them. By the time the second chorus hits, Jared finds himself humming to the music, letting himself go, getting lost in the melody. Then, the bridge comes. “And when you call and need me near / Sayin’ where’d you go?, brother, I’m right here / And on those days when the sky begins to fall / You’re the blood of my blood, we can get through it all.” At that point he doesn’t even notice when some of their colleagues climb on stage to sing the acoustic chorus together. He just beats his foot on the floor, following the rhythm, and discreetly moves his lips to match the words Jensen is singing while clapping his hands above his head. At the end, he’s full-on singing, ignoring the heartache as best as he can. By the end of the song, he has to dry a tear with the back of his hand. The other actors are gone now, and Richard starts playing the intro of Whipping post on his bass – “yeah, I know the lyrics” says an irritated Jensen – but Jared doesn’t care anymore. He slips throught the door and finds himself in an empty corridor: one of his bodyguards follows him, but he shakes his head and asks to be left alone. The man nods and goes back inside, giving him the privacy he needs. Jared takes his black beanie from the pocket – he had taken it off when it was too hot to go around with that thing on his head – and puts it on. It’s his security blanket, after all. A tangible piece of his comfort zone, under which he feels irrationally safe. And messy-haired, of course. But especially safe. He takes a minute to just breathe and stare at the wall before him, without actually seeing it. He fidgets with his To Write Love On Her Arms bracelet, that Jensen gave him after a pretty hard crisis he’s had some time ago, but he doesn’t notice he’s doing it. Then, when his breath is more steady, he heads towards the other door at the end of the corridor. He opens it and he finds himself in the backstage. A guy of the security team stands beside the door and lets him in. He steps inside and closes the door behind himself. Briana waves at him, but he just smiles slightly, then carries on. On his left, Ruth is talking with Misha, just hanging out, joking, showing each other something on their phones. Jared doesn’t even see them. He moves around the backstage like a ghost, then hears the crowd cheering and clapping louder than before, and suddenly Jensen is coming down the few steps of the stage, on this side of the black curtain, into the backstage. He looks down, incoherently shy – a moment ago he was on stage, rocking the hell out of that song and overall being a badass, and now he won’t even meet the eyes of his friends who have surrounded him to pat him on the back and tell him how amazing he’s been. That’s why he’s such a wonderful human being, Jared thinks. He stares from a distance, incapable of moving. He’s just focused on Jensen, totally unaware of himself. After a minute, the group of people around Jensen starts to scatter, and he finally looks up at Jared. At that moment Jared realizes how weird he must look, staring at him like that, but he can’t look away. Jensen apologizes to the few that are still around him and goes towards Jared, patting him on the shoulder. “Hey, buddy.” Jared swallows some saliva. “Hey, man. Great performance, I’ve been told.” “Didn’t see it?”, he asks, with a skeptical smile. “Yeah, I did”, Jared confesses, and they both laugh a bit. “Just wanted to pretend I wasn’t aware of how corny you can be sometimes.” Jensen snorts. “Oh, come on…” “Just sayin’, Mister One-perfect-tear.” “You’re just gettin’ started, aren’t you?”, asks Jensen, pretending to be annoyed. “We agreed not to prank each other, at least let me tease you.” “Thought you would like the song.” Jared stops. Then says: “I did like the song.” “Good.” Jensen stares quietly at him, then pulls him in for a hug, grabbing a handful of Jared’s shirt with his fist while the other hand rests on the back of his head. They both stay silent, just leaning on each other, in a full-on season-finale, end-of-the-world Winchester hug. Then Jared breaks the silence. “There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you, you know that, right?” Jensen freezes, clearly embarassed. He pulls away from Jared and looks him deadly in the eyes. “Sissy.” Jared rolls his eyes: his face starts to look terribly similar to Sam Winchester’s bitchface, but Jensen is already behind him and doesn’t see it: he takes away Jared’s beanie, then throws it behind his back. Jared turns around just in time to grab it and watch Jensen go. “So”, says Jensen, walking away, “fancy a beer or you want some pop-corn, since you’re the corny one today, apparently?” Jared sighs, looking down and shaking his head with a smile on his face. Then he follows him.