#vegasboy

Its been awhile, but for me its been a minute. I have been constantly thinking as you already know. We talked. Its funny how I write here yet I can’t dare myself to tell you this. I said everything I had to tell you at that moment yesterday, but this is something apart. Its a lovely memory I carry around that helps me smile throughout a crappy day. It uplifts me. You uplift me Without you even knowing how much of an impact your smile, your laughter, and your breath has on me currently. I fear it will never go away. Seems, and feels to powerful to let go. 

Here is my sweet memory. 

You always make nervous when I am around you. I can’t explain how gut wrenching it is. In a good way of course. Where I don’t throw up. You involuntarily make me smile and feel happiness inside and out. I can not, for the life of you, help it. I can’t fake this shit. When I make a serious face, It’s a sad face. Because I am not yours. I fear that I will never be yours. And yeah, it makes me sick that I care this much for you , knowing who you’ve been with and knowing the fact they have mistreated you. And I mean mistreated as in weren’t loyal to you in the relationship. 

Remember when we first cuddled? At my friends house one night. The four of us decided to watch a movie together. They both were on one couch and we were on our small couch. Which I still find random since we were the “taller couple”. Anyways....haha. Uhm, it forced us to be close. Have our bodies touch and feel warmth between one another. I was nervous, shaking. Not because it was cold in the basement, but because I was excited to be protected by you. You looked so adorable. So cute. And smelled incredible. I couldn’t resist you. I wanted so badly to kiss you and hold you. Heck, even nap on your chest as the movie played. aha. The movie sucked so bad that it made me uncomfortable since it was Borat. We were so new, so young. I was so young....such a pup. hehe. I didn’t know how to show affection or even kiss a guy that I truly fell for. It felt like my first time being so close to someone. And it actually was. 

You held my hand in the movie theaters when we watched another movie. We watched Precious. Super random! But I loved that you were down for a dramatic film instead of the cheesy love-dovey chick flicks. You were so cool about it. Made me want to kiss you..but I didn’t. You didn’t either. We were so awkward. Yet i love that about us. I remember we sat on the top section to the right side. You sat on my right side. You looked to cute. When you reached for my hand, It was cold. Sweaty. Sorry but I was super nervous! I couldn’t contain my joy. You held it and it felt right. I felt calmer. Safe. I wanted you so badly to kiss me. But I guess the movie wasn’t one oft hose, so I totally get it. haha.