#vanta22exual

He knew it was awful of him to keep it a secret and just pretend that everything was fine, especially when Karkat would certainly find out sooner or later. But he just couldn’t make himself have that conversation, say those words, watch his matesprit cry. He just couldn’t do it, even though he knew it was the right thing.

So they celebrated how perfectly Karkat’s disguise worked, how he’d easily be able to pass as a rustblood and avoid culling. They hung out with the others, chatting about how they hoped they’d all be placed on the same ship so they could see each other often. And Sollux pretended that when he got his conscription letter, it had said ship programmer, or hacker, or intelligence agent. Karkat believed every word of it.

He got to see him happy and dreaming of something better up until the day before they were to report to the ships. It was the last big group party, all of them giddy with hope, believing that none of them would be culled (probably true), and that none of them would be made into helmsmen (almost certainly false). 

He’d told Eridan the very day they’d gotten their letters. He just made the most sense to tell. Aside from their odd pseudo-friendship, someone who would be high-ranking from the beginning was just the best choice to tell. Now that they’d received confirmation that they’d been assigned to the same ship, their plan would work.

“You have all the files I sent you, right?” He glanced around, sure that they were alone.

“Yes, Sol, I have ‘em, don’t worry. I memorized some, even. I know the plan.”

“I know, I just…I’m kind of scared,” Sollux admitted, chewing at his lower lip. “I know it won’t be for long, but it’s still really fucking scary.”

Eridan nodded sympathetically, giving him a quick, tight hug, like he thought alarms would go off if he held it too long.

“One perigee. Sooner if I can. I know the science behind it, I’ll have access to the helmsblock…I’ll bust you out easily. Just one perigee.”

“I haven’t told him,” he said, ashamed to admit it. “Everyone else, it’s a little different, but I know I should’ve told him.”

“Well, yeah, you should’ve, but you’re goin’ into surgery for helmsman biotech implants tomorrow, so it’s kinda understandable that you wouldn’t wanna talk about it.”