Before going into work today I have been sitting around picking stuff up, putting it back down, returning it to its home, cleaning it and mainly just being bored. But as I go through these paces as each of us does everyday, my mind starts to wonder. Off to far away places and right here in my home. I think about what others are up to, where they’re going what they’re are thinking, why there are glasses in the sink and not cleaned, why I can stop eating pistachios. Time and time though I always circle back to what is going on here? Why am I going into work today? I know I am going to have a bad day. I know I like my job but I also know the people I work with will ruin my day, or try to. Now people will tell you to just let it roll off you shoulder, don’t let it get to you (Let me remind you I was in the Navy when I wrote this). There is a lot more they can say and do to you. So then what am I really doing? I have said a few times that I know these next few years will be a loss to my life. A life I wish I were leading is still far away. But what kind of thinking is that? Am I really so down that I am just going to let these next two years pass by, that I see no light at the end of the tunnel? Can I quite smoking? I don’t know. I haven’t smoked in two days. Can I enjoy next weekend? I don’t know I might have to work. Am I going to enjoy Europe again? I’m not to sure. I’m going to be working two jobs this time and the work load is going to be hard to keep up with. I’m going to be so tired. So is that it? Am I just going to be so tired and run down for the next few years that I can’t seem to be happy? Will I really keep digging this ditch? Is there really anything I can do to change it?
I wrote this in 2013 before a detachment to Greece. Before I had bought the van. Before I knew I would be living a life of travel. Now fast forward a few years and I have been living on the road for almost two years. I have struggled with these questions for a long time. Passages I have written over the years show this. This will be a blog about not only my travels but also my struggles. My anxiety and the issues I have had over the years coping with it. How after separating from the Navy I have been able to transition to living solo on the road. How I have completely changed my view on life and how I no longer wish and dream change. This will be the story of my ever changing life.
