#valeriesarkive

Where was my dignity? I don’t know, people made sure to take it from me violently. 

I notice by the reflection of the mirror the naked silhouette of that man who lay calmly on the bed. I felt repudiated, as well as with every man who passed through those same sheets. 

  "Are you going to sit there all night, doll?"

I shake my head, avoiding any kind of eye contact with him. I knew from his growl that he was also watching my reflection.

  “Come closer then.”

  “Yes, daddy.” I try to say it seductively. 

And without hesitation, I got up from the seat just to get closer to the obese man, who was already waiting for me sitting on the edge of the bed with a noticeable erection. I remain static in front of his figure and with my head bowed and my hands crossed behind my back, I wait for it to start. He runs his chubby hands over every corner of my body.

When his fingers invade my intimacy, I feign excitement and pleasure, while I exaggerate the sounds that come out of my throat, knowing how hard that put him on.

  “Good girl. Now lie down with your ass high for me, okay?”

I instantly positioned myself on the bed as he requested. I clench my fists on the sheets. My legs tremble visibly from exhaustion, yet it could easily be camouflaged with other type of reaction due to the moment. I close my eyes, ignoring the reflection of our bodies on the mirror that was on the side of the bed, set exclusively for some clients.

  “Do not close your eyes, baby.” He says in a growl as he thrusts inside of me.

My gaze is fixed again on the mirror, since I could not allow myself to disobey his requests. My face, accompanied by bright fine lines that ran down my cheeks, asking in muted screams for this torture to end.

Three more thrusts were enough for his heavy body to fall exhausted beside me. I collapse on the bed after faking a loud scream. 

❊

    "Nina, would you do it for me?" I ask my friend once again.

    “Hm, I don't know. Don't you think it's too risky?” She asks back.

I put on some more lip stick, before straightening the delicate fabric that adorns my burgundy hat. I turned around to see my friend's face, who’s sitting on the bed. I could notice the worry on her face ‘cause of the favor I was asking.

I let out a breath before kneeling in front of her, placing my hands on top of hers.

  “Please. It’ll be only for this afternoon, okay?”

  “No.” 

  "Nina, please! The boss is not here right now, he won’t notice that I’m gone for a little while.”

 "I don't care, ___! Even if he's not around, we're still being watched.” Even though the anger was visible on her face, she still called me by my nickname. “Besides, I don't understand your outburst of wanting to go out now!” Nina shakes her head, crossing her arms to reject my idea.

 "Because I don't want to wait another month to do so! I can do it today!" The first tears began to pool around the corner of my eyes.

 "And what is it that can't wait? How important is it to take this risk, ___?” 

 "Anything is much more important than this shitty place we're in."

 “But, ___... you know very well that it's your life that would be in danger.”

 "Nina, please! I already told you how wonderful it is! That place is everything I could dream of. The music was beautiful and people sang from their seats with a calmness that I envy. There was also a woman singing on the stage. A woman, Nina!”

The first drops trace a wet path down my cheeks. I knew that if I was caught escaping from this place, they wouldn’t doubt a second  to pierce my skull with one of his precious bullets.

 “Okay, but only for today” My friend pointed a finger at me as a warning.

  “Thanks girl!” I jump to give her a warm hug. “I promise I'll be as discreet as possible.”

  “You better.”

I give her one last smile before grabbing my coat to head out of the door, being totally careful of the noise my high heels might make against the wooden floor. I look both ways before taking my first steps out of the small shared room.

I had a big advantage on my side: the brothel was too big, so the guards wouldn't notice everything. They already have a lot to take responsibility for when the boss isn't around. They had to be careful with the customers who try to get away without paying or the ones who start a fight over a girl. Clearly, a cheap whore trying to get away was the least worries of all of their occupations.

I walk down the long and dark corridor, while hearing the murmurs from the floor above disappearing as I continue walking. My hands shake a little once I reach for the doorknob that I was looking for, the one that led me  to an external exit. When I open it and finally feel the cool afternoon air against my red face, my body finally relaxes.

No matter how far I got from the neighborhood, I still felt they were watching every step I took. Don’t get me wrong, I was really relieved to go away for a little while from that place, but the feeling of being followed couldn’t let me breath. 

I cover my arms with a thin cloth no matter how hot it is outside. The fear of not only being found out, but also being recognized by someone was something that didn't leave me in peace every time I went out.

The lights of the bars were already on, reflecting on the walls and on the stone floor. I could hear people chatting from the open balconies with an incredible view of the sunset. And, the music that I have been looking for, sounded closer and closer to me.

I sigh slowly, wanting to keep every space of that place inside me. After all, it was what kept me sane in the midst of so much darkness.

The memory of the melancholic melody of the saxophone accompanied by the piano, the hardness with which its musicians touch the strings of the guitar and bass... and that voice; every time I heard her sing, I was transported to an imaginary world in which I occupied that part of the stage and not her.

In those dreams that I see as impossible, I am the center of attention, where the focus of the lights and the interest of the people sitting there who were enjoying those ballads were on me. 

They looked at her with a romantic gaze, almost as if they were praising her in silence and they also knew and appreciated her talent beyond her body. I would love to live in that reality in which I sell myself for who I truly am and not my body.

My body stops moving when my eyes meet with the woman that’s on stage. I was amazed at her beauty and talent. She was the woman who I wanted to be. 

The bar was crowded with elegant people, but I could barely see their faces because of the dim lighting. I stand by the door, not expecting to stay for too long, yet… 

  "Miss?" A man whispers in my ear. 

The panic runs through my body as I feel how my doubts are flooding my thoughts once again. I hug myself tightly and inhale repeatedly, clearly ignoring the man's voice calling me.

Was he one of my clients? Did he recognize me?

 “Yes?” My voice trembles.

  “Would you like to sit down?” He asks once again.

I finally look at him and my breath fails me when our gazes collide. 

I look at his brown eyes, as well as his marked Asian features. His eyes are sharp, and his eyelids are uneven. I was speechless at how handsome he is.Even small things like that mole on the tip of his nose made him rarely beautiful. His posture radiates confidence as well as calmness. He’s taller than me, which surprisingly doesn't make me feel intimidated at all. 

 “Sorry?”

  “I was asking you if you wanted to sit down.” He sat down while pointing to the empty seat beside him. “I wouldn't mind a little company for this evening. Surely, as long as you want to.”

Suddenly, my shoes looked prettier than the gorgeous man beside me. Not letting him wait longer for a response, I returned my gaze to him.

"Y-yes…" I whisper as I brush a strand of hair off my face. “Thank you.”

"There's nothing to be thankful for," he kindly answers, and then takes the glass of whisky to his lips and takes a short sip before speaking again. “Is it the first time you come to the bar? I don't remember ever seeing you.”

“N-no, I mean, kind of. It was only once a long time ago.”

"Hm, I understand.”

He murmurs in a low tone while closing his eyes, delighted at the music. That was how we spent the rest of the evening. The woman on the stage had a beautiful red dress accompanied by a fur scarf. She sways her hips provocatively while her voice expresses melancholy. I look sideways at the man next to me. We enjoyed each other's silent company, along with music as the protagonist.

My eyes sparkled under the soft lights, knowing that I was about to cry. I subtly wipe my tears before ruining my makeup.

"Are you alright, miss?"

 "Y-yes, don't you worry ‘bout me." I say while giving him a smile, although forced. “It's just that music makes me sentimental.”

 “I understand… I also tend to get sentimental, especially when I'm there playing my saxophone.”

 "Wait, are you part of that band?" I ask, obviously surprised, seeing a lively sparkle in his eyes.

 "Not this one exactly. Let's say we take turns to play at the bar,” he gives me a friendly smile. “You should come to see us sometime. We play every Thursday.”

 “I'd love to…”

But before I can even continue speaking, I stand abruptly from the chair, seeing the time on my little wristwatch. I take a few steps back apologizing for the unexpected interruption and turn on my heels to leave the bar, but a hand gently grabbing my hand stops me from stepping outside.

 “You mind telling me your name?”

 "Please, excuse me." My voice breaks in the middle of the sentence. “I’m running late. Sorry, but I've to go now…”

By the tone of my voice, he could notice how desperate I was. He let go of my arm, while I apologize once again and run away from the bar. My tears fall freely, smearing the mascara on my face. I was just hoping that my boss hadn't arrived yet and noticed my absence. I don’t want any consequences for my stupid decision to run away.

I enter through the external door of the brothel again, being careful along the noise it could make. I stepped inside when I couldn’t see a soul in the corridors. I release all the air retained in my lungs and go into my room, dressing "properly" for the night.

As I was finishing retouching my makeup, the door opened abruptly.

"Where the hell have you been all this time, huh?!" My only friend asks me, closing the door behind her.

Her voice and face dripped with anger, as well as concern. I understood her, she would be just as angry if I had to cover for any of the girls.

“I already told you, at the bar.”

“I fucking know! What I meant is why did you take so long! The boss has been looking for you all this time on the top floor. When he saw me, he asked ‘bout you, I mentioned that you were indisposed to go up.” In the midst of her nervousness, she looks through a small space the door towards the outside. “I told him that I would come down to check on you, so he won't be taking long to come down as well.” 

And just as Nina said it, seconds later they opened the only privacy barrier in this place. My boss enters the room accompanied by his bodyguards.

 "Mia, are you ready?" He calls me by my fake name. The boss crosses his arms as he looks me up and down, smirking after seeing me ready to leave.

A shiver crosses my spine when I hear him calling me by that name. The same name he gave me when I first put a foot in this place. 

 “Yes, Boss.”

"Okay, then go ahead. We don't want to make our customers wait any longer, right?”

"No, boss.”

 The bright sky was dimming with the entry of darkness, while the moon finally positioned itself in the middle of it. My body touches the cold sheets of my bed, approaching the warm torso of the boy who also inhabits it. His arms surround me almost as soon as our skins make contact and, sighing on the top of my head, he whispers a goodnight minutes before falling into a deep sleep. Seconds later, my eyelids slowly close because of the silence of the room.

My mind begins to wander through vague images without colors or backgrounds; one after the other before the twilight. A glowing face suddenly appears in my vision. He seemed so real. For a minute I thought that if I reached out to touch his features, it would feel as real as he looked. 

A heat flows through my body from top to the bottom and, beyond being uncomfortable, it was something as comforting as the sunlight and the breeze hitting my face after endless months of winter.

The warm wind hit my face while the rays of light embraced me equally as the boy behind my back. You could only hear the waves of the sea hitting the rocks, the birds chirping and some long distant conversations and laughs.

I would like to stay here, at this exact moment forever cuz I’ve never felt this peaceful in my entire life.

 "How about we stay here forever?" I asked, looking at him behind my shoulder.

 "You mean in this hotel room?" He answered after letting out a small laugh.

 "No, silly." I turned around to face him, without breaking the hug. “I mean living in front of the sea. What if-?” I said excitedly before stopping abruptly after averting my gaze from his.

I was afraid that what I was going to propose to him would be so crazy that he would decide to take a different path than mine. I see how his eyebrows furrow a little at my interruption. I knew he was taking his time to process my question. 

 “What if…? What were you going to say, Haewon?”

 "How about we quit our horrible jobs and come live on the beach?" I decided to finish my question after his insistence. “Imagine you and I walking on the sand while holding hands or cooking together with a view of the sea or…”

 "Yes," he cut me off before I could finish my crazy proposal.

 “What did you just say?” The surprise hit me, not fitting in my whole body, not believing his quick response, which didn't even take him a second to say yes.

 "I said yes," he laughs before planting a kiss on the top of my head.

I looked at his bunny-like teeth and his eyes shone. He had something that until today I could not fully interpret, however, with him I felt so safe and so happy that he managed to make all my misfortunes and sadness go away. They vanish just  seeing him smile. 

My eyes snap open, getting up from the bed on an impulse. It was already a routine waking up so suddenly with my heart racing like crazy and feeling shivers throughout my body, even if the blankets covered me from the wind from outside, long lines of sweat slowly ran down the sides of my face.

It felt strange to dream of him. I didn't know who he was or where I could've seen him. Maybe it was just my mind remembering ephemeral faces that I’ve seen endless times on the streets of Seoul.

I sat on the mattress, taking care not to wake up Taehyung who was already snoring. I slowly get out of bed and I walk barefoot under the usual darkness of the night of our home until I reach the secluded room that is located on the ground floor of the apartment. Tae and I specifically designated that room as our shared art studio which we could decorate to our liking.

In one click I turn up the light switch, dazzling my eyes that were already accustomed to the previous darkness. Its walls were full of poorly made strokes and brushstrokes of different colors. I let out a breathy laugh when I remembered the many times Taehyung scolded me for my careless art, which I always justify as “it’s my aesthetic.” 

I sit on the padded bench in front of the wooden table that Taehyung once helped me build. It was full of forgotten papers full of quick sketches, as well as small clay sculptures. 

I grab my sketchbook and with my left hand I draw nimbly on the white paper. The graphite of the pencil draws lines non-stop that at first were almost meaningless, but little by little they were building something that I had kept in my memories for so many nights in a row. Just minutes after finishing the hasty sketch, I noticed the detail of the diffuse face in my life.

I hold with my wet hands a bit of clay that modifies with each touch. I mold the face that I portrayed on the paper and I start sculpting his cheeks, his round nose, his big doe eyes and his thin lips, creating the face I've only seen in dreams.

As the sculpture took shape, various feelings sank deep into my heart. I felt loneliness with a strange mixture of joy or maybe it was longing and melancholy, but how?

How could I miss a stranger?

. ✧ ☁︎ ° ☽ . ✦ ☁︎ ° ☾ .  ✧ ☁︎ ° ☽ . ✦ ☁︎ ° ☾ . ✦ ☁︎ ° ☾ ✦ ☁︎ ° ☾ . ✦ ☁︎ ° ☾ . 

Everything felt rare, it seemed that what I thought I was living was just a lucid dream.

Still sleepy, I move my hand over the empty space of my bed looking for Tae. I open my eyes when I don’t feel him by my side, then I cover my face with the pillow below my head and sigh. I didn't know if my exhaustion was because I was up till dawn or the accumulation of all the feelings I felt the past day drained the energy I had left. 

I get out of the comfort the bed offers me to look for Tae-Tae. I walk through the corridors of the upper floor (where only the master room could be found) and I go down the stairs that lead me to the first floor. When my boyfriend asked me to go and live with him in this huge apartment, I resided in a rented room so narrow that there was any space to walk.  

My legs led me towards the kitchen thinking that I could find him there, but I was wrong. I look around the apartment, feeling once again the void inside of me. I walk to the studio seeing him right away.  

His face was immersed in questions. As a naturally curious person, he would feel attracted to any new thing, including the head of clay of that stranger. I lean onto the door frame, glaring deeply at his reactions. His hands were holding a steaming cup of hot chocolate. Minutes passed and the man still hadn't noticed that I was looking at him. 

I've known Taehyung for seven years, we’ve been together for about five and engaged for three years. When I look back it feels like yesterday, yet at the sametime it feels like a lifetime. We met on our first day of college cuz we both studied Fine Arts at the Korea National University of Arts. When I met him, I was crushing hard on him, but never told him that until the day we got together cuz I couldn’t express my feelings properly. Naturally, he was the one who got closer to me. Since then, I always loved his passion about the things he does, as well as his enormous talent and his peculiar way of expressing when he’s around people, in such a leisurely and calm way. 

Nowadays he’s the one who inspires me to continue with my art when I want to surrender with this. He’s always been there for me. Thanks to him, I’ve had enough strength and courage to keep on doing what I love to do since I felt pressured not to fail because most of the time I found myself being forced to put aside everything I’ve done for others. 

  "What are you thinking about, Tae-Tae?" I break the silence once I approach him.

Tae is surprised to see me up at this hour, but his features quickly soften once we make eye contact.

  "Hey, I didn't see you there, honey," he gives me a warm smile as he pulls his body closer to mine to hug me. He puts one arm on my shoulder, still looking at the sculpture. 

 “Did you like it?” I glare at his expression, still immersed in questions. 

I approach the table where the finished sculpture is, looking for any imperfections due to the pressure Tae made me feel in that moment. I knew the level of detail of his work and how critical he is with the art he sees, I thought it could mean one thing. 

  "Hm?" He directs his gaze once more to my swollen face. “Nothing bad, I was thinking about how well the sculpture turned out. All the details are so meticulously done that it makes the face and expression look so real. Were you inspired by someone you saw? Because you really did a surprisingly realistic job.”

My eyes widen a little at his words. As I had already mentioned, I am a bit careless with my work so it made me feel astonished with his words. I embrace myself looking for warmth after the sudden feeling of a cold rush through my body. 

 "Do you really think so?" I ask looking at him, he says a muted yes with his head. “Well, it's actually kind of confusing, you know? Lately I’ve been dreaming with this very particular face, but I can swear that I don't know him or I’ve seen him anywhere. This was the only way to ‘catharsis’ with my dreams.”

 “You really took care of your strokes. Look,” he moves closer to the table, placing another sculpture almost the same size as the new one to one side. “The features of the new sculpture are more defined and clean, while the others are more rough and blunt, you managed to do something different from what you’re used to.”

I alternate my gaze between the sculpture and my boyfriend, obviously surprised by Tae's words because of him being such a critical person with the art he saw, I couldn't always enjoy good reviews from him. 

The man leaves the room after telling me he’s gonna prepare breakfast, following him seconds later after looking again at the sculpture of the boy of my dreams. 

. ✧ ☁︎ ° ☽ . ✦ ☁︎ ° ☾ .  ✧ ☁︎ ° ☽ . ✦ ☁︎ ° ☾ . ✦ ☁︎ ° ☾ . ✦ ☁︎ ° ☾ . ✦ ☁︎ ° ☾ .

My forehead sweats slightly at the sudden presence of Tae’s parents at our house. They were smiling innocently at us, while carrying a bottle of wine and some desserts made by his mother. Apparently, it seemed a good idea to come by surprise without any kind of short notice. 

Let’s say my reaction was not the best one and Taehyung noticed it, poking me discreetly with his elbow as a way of telling me to smile and greet them politely. He signals his parents to finally come into the house, closing the door afterwards.  

 "Honey, you haven't lost any weight, have you?" It's the first thing Tae's mother says to me when she sees me from head to toe.

 “Hello, Mrs. Kim. It is nice seeing you too,” I mutter, giving her my best smile. I bow my head as a way of greeting her before receiving the plate from her hands.

As you can see, my relationship with my mother-in-law has never been good or the one that I wished for cuz, unlike my father-in-law, she always insisted on ruining my non-existent emotional stability with her uncomfortable opinions. 

 "_____!" Unlike the lady, Mr. Kim greets me with a warm hug. “How have you been? We haven't seen you in a while," he says, patting me on the back.

 "I've been fine, what about you?" I say smiling.

 “Fine, _____, although we could be better. You know, we’re getting closer to the afterlife," he says, scratching the back of his neck.

I share a laugh with him, feeling now relaxed with his jokes. He made himself look like a very old man who can barely walk, but the truth is they both remained so young in their 60s even if some gray hairs were visible. 

 "Mother, I would have preferred if you called me informing us you were coming. We could’ve arranged something for you," Tae says, placing one of his hands on my waist.

I look at his profile, searching for a bit of peace that he offers me in moments like this. I knew Tae was just as surprised as I was, since they always let us know when they’re visiting us beforehand. I glance around, noticing that the house was not fully organized. A drop of sweat travels my tense back. 

 "Why, Taehyung? We are your parents after all. We are welcome here, right?” Mrs. Kim looks directly at me, making me understand that her last words were for me.

 “Of course you are, there is no doubt about that. Taehyung means that he would have preferred-” Tae's mom cuts me off before I can continue.

 "I, more than anyone, know what my son prefers," she says walking past me and further into the apartment. “I see you didn't have time to organize the house well, dear. Is this how they always live?” 

 "Mother," Tae warns, looking carefully at his mom. 

My insides boil while my throat hurts. I wish I could say something, but I knew that this would get me into trouble with Tae and his parents, so I rather swallow my words and continue pretending that nothing she's said so far has affected me at all.

Five years later and I still don't really understand why Tae's mom dislikes me. I had my assumptions, sure, but I would never be sure if it was just that. The first one was maybe she disliked the fact I’m older than Taehyung, something she’d already mentioned several times. Clearly making me feel uncomfortable.

Tae said nothing more than "mother" reluctantly. I knew he wouldn't dare saying anything else to stop her. I always wished for him to defend me because I felt so tired of this long term situation between us.  

 "Excuse me, I'll go fetch us some glasses for the wine," I express curtly before walking away from them.

When I reach the kitchen, I lean on the table to breathe and try to relax the tense muscles in my body. I breathe one, two, and three more times, swallowing back the tears that were about to overflow.

 “Honey, are you ok?” Tae asks behind my back.

I was so tired of pretending nothing's wrong, that his mother's words don't affect me in  any way. I was just sick of shutting up and pretending nothing ever happens.

 “You know what? I am not, Tae.” I turn around to look at him. “I'm so tired of your mom acting the same way for years, for stepping on me, for humiliating me every chance she gets. I'm exhausted from swallowing my words and carrying on as if nothing had happened. You don't know how much it hurts that you don't defend me with her, it's the least I deserve! Don't you think?” I try my best not to raise my voice and to cry, yet I failed to hold back the tears.

 “But she's still my mother, Haewon. I wouldn't be able to fight with her over something meaningless.”

 “Meaningless you say?! I'm still your fucking fiancé, Taehyung!” I cover my mouth with my hand in a failed attempt to stifle a sob.

I try to once again ignore the stinging in my throat, even if I cannot stop feeling my heart pounding hard inside my chest. I take three breaths before speaking again.

 “I'm not asking you to argue with your mom, I’m just asking you to have a little empathy with me to stop her whenever she makes me uncomfortable. You think it doesn't hurt? Of course it does and it annoys me a lot!” I ran my fingers through my hair, trying one again to calm down. 

 “_____… “ Tae tries to reach my hand, but I move it away as soon as possible.

 "Leave it, Tae," I say, walking past him. I quickly wipe the trail of tears down my cheeks.

I reach four glasses from the cupboard and, once with them in my hands I leave the kitchen walking past my boyfriend without saying anything else. I put on a small grin once I’m in the living room where my parents-in-law already settled. I take my time placing them on the coffee table while Taehyung tried opening the bottle with the corkscrew that he must’ve picked up before following me outside. I sit on one of the individual chairs when I’m done, seeing Tae pours the crimson liquid. 

I stayed silent, trying my best to hide my mixed emotions. It was evident that my body was still tense, while my attention was elsewhere beside the important conversation they were having. That was until it was drawn back by Mrs. Kim.

 “Is everything okay?” She questions, exchanging gazes with her husband and son.

 “Yes, everything’s okay,” Tae’s the only one capable of answering. 

Once her mother takes a good look at us, she gives up and opens up a new topic of conversation. I divert my attention from the discussion, not really interfering with it. The other three people in the room kept talking about how time has passed so quickly and how my boyfriend's sister's marriage is coming up.

 "When is the wedding of the two of you? Haven't set the date yet?” Tae's father asks suddenly.

My surroundings fell apart when I heard his question. The swallow I took of wine is thrown back down my throat, causing me to choke.

 “Yah, Taeyang!” His wife takes it upon herself to scold her husband. “Don't even think about bringing that topic up now…” She says, looking at Tae carefully. “It's still too early to talk about the marriage between the two of them.”

 "Early you say? They’ve been engaged for three, almost four years!” He replies while looking astonished at her. 

The silence afterwards swims between us. However, unlike them, I took it as an opportunity to breathe.

 “Okay, but…” Mrs. Kim speaks again.

 “But nothing! It's about time you’re even thinking about giving us grandsons,” Mr. Kim says, slamming his wine glass down on the middle table.

I finish my first glass of red wine and without hesitating twice, I pour myself a second. When did we go from talking about marriage to procreating children?

 "Have they talked about it yet?" Questions Mrs. Kim. Her expression distorts into one of terror as she finishes asking the question.

 “No, mother. But it's something that’ll come, isn't it, honey?” Tae turns his face to see my reaction, but I avoid his gaze.

 “I don't know, it's not something I've considered for now,” I let out my response in a weak whisper after finishing a third glass of wine.

 “What?” He questions back, feeling the hint of disappointment in his voice.

I stare at my boyfriend in a null attempt to challenge him. “No, Taehuyng, I haven't thought about having a child and I don't even know if I’d like to!” 

The four of us stayed in a silence that made me understand that no one, apart from Mrs. Kim, was expecting my answer. Having children has never been a topic that has crossed between us and I was satisfied with it because I have never been interested in procreating. However, now I see that Tae doesn't think the same as me.

 "It's getting late and I'm kinda tired. If you'll excuse me, I'll go to sleep,” I respond once I get up from the chair. I say a silent goodbye with a 90° bow before leaving the living room.

Once again, I feel my heart pounding inside my chest with the obvious trembling in my hands, so I try to focus on taking deep breaths all the way into the room. Once there, my body reaches the bed by inertia, the softness of the sheets caresses the skin of my now naked legs. I hug them so tight looking for a loophole of tranquility in that moment of so much self-intimacy.

I look at the window with its curtains that remained open, allowing me to see the infinity of street lights still on. How many people are outside their homes? Among them, how many people will it be him? In the comfort of the silence that my room offers me, I think of that boy who crosses now and then my dreams. I remember his features and his pretty eyes. I cherish the feeling of warmth that hug gave me to erase the stinging that still persisted in my throat. 

Burning, existing.

I cling to it, even knowing its null existence in my life. Who was he and why would I dream with that boy?

It hurt, in a certain way, to remember that dream because the feeling of emptiness I felt running through my veins in the morning was once again present. My heart burned.

I spend seconds, maybe minutes in complete silence reliving that dream over and over again, wanting more.

Wishing that I could see him again.

❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊✿ ❊

OMG! I finally finished Interlude. I'm so happy it's finally seeing the light hahaha. It took me longer than I thought but I'm a perfectionist, so it had to be perfect.

I hope you enjoy reading this and, as you can see at the beginning, it is the first part of this series.

Before I leave, I want to thank @noshametempo for helping me always to edit all of my writings. I don't know how would I do it without u, girl.