#v-shape

I have a bf of 6 months and were great together. About 2 months ago I started dating my long term friend, who I also clicked with. Only problem is they don’t seem interested in meeting and I was hoping they would because I want all of us to get along. The new bf has expressed that he’d be ok with it, but the other bf isn't. They are both more experienced in poly. Is it normal for metas to meet each other? Or should I leave it alone and keep the relationships separate?

It’s okay for you to want all your partners to get along, but you’re not necessarily guaranteed or entitled to get everything you want. If your boyfriend isn’t comfortable meeting his metamour, he’s free to decline. The question of whether it’s ‘normal’ isn’t very relevant to an individual situation. It’s ‘normal’ for people to eat peanuts, but for some individuals, eating peanuts can kill them (or at the very least ruin their day)! Even if the vast majority of poly people do something a certain way, if your partner says that doesn’t work for him, he doesn’t have to do it.

So it seems really uncommon to have a polyamorous relationship with two or more males with one woman. Am I just looking in the wrong places (just in terms of seeing how others handle this dynamic, not looking as in seeking). I am not really interested in other women. But i feel like it’s not realistic to want a relationship with two straight men who would want to both be with me, more than sexually. Do you have any thoughts on this?

Up until very recently, that was exactly the situation I was in - I identified as a straight woman and dated mostly straight men. For most of my dating life I have been in “V-shaped” relationships that looked like: me, a straight woman, dating Scorpio, a straight man, and Leo, a straight man, and maybe also Orion, a straight man. (Sometimes the men I dated were not straight; I don’t want to erase anyone’s identities, but mostly, they have been.) Often the men I dated got along well, but they were not romantically or sexually involved with each other. And typically they were dating other women as well.

This is, in my experience, actually a very common polyamorous configuration! Straight men are socialized in such a way that they are a population very well represented in polyam circles. If what you’re hoping for is a triad, where both straight men are involved romantically or sexually with each other, well, that’s not usually how straight men work - but it sounds like you’re looking for the opportunity to have multiple straight male partners who are okay with you having other male partners. That is very, very possible!