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#uyay #its craazy looking back at. i dont think 'paranoid cycles' is the right word its more. anxiety-driven obsessive cycles.#if i can be real i do not. know what anxiety is. this probabaly is just exactly that. but im not diagnosed so im normal and do not suffer.#giggles. like that'll fool anyone okkk.#ANYYAY ok let me actually say what im talking about:#last friday i got an notification on my uni system that mentioned a certain grade was published. except. it wasnt. not for me.#god even thinking back to it now my heart starts beating faster. thats normal.#anyyay. send an email saturday. no response. send an email yesterday. and they responded and fixed it. its a fine grade uyay!!#but its so. like while youre in it you KNOW youre being irrational. that you need to chill tf out about it because worry makes it worse.#ig i just need better fucking coping strats. its just so irritating that despire having grown SO much things still are roughy.#since when that grade was supposed to be published ive spiralled over it every day.#and its terrifying to look back at how helpless such a thing makes me. how much worse my own brain makes things.#and im fine. i have been. its literally ok. but i know that many people wouldnt be like this. and that hurts. to know it can be easier #sillyposting #anyyay. passed a hard class. uyay. i am glad. ig im more glad about the fact that im free from my own spirals more so than anything.#id rather have retaken it than be stuck like this. its so suffocating.#hey do you think i should try some type of ssri med. id like to be a little normal.#i should try. proabably. =w= but like i literally had some fun today so. maybe i dont deserve them. i understnad.#ok enough talkies. im mainly just delaying working on a deadline. teehee.

Uy, Ay.

#uyay